NedNickerson
JUB Addict
Miss Piggy, actress and star of television, stage, and screen, has become the first celebrity victim of the Swine Flu Epidemic. The 39 year old actress passed away at Hollywood Hills Hospital surrounded by family, friends, and a representative from Peyton's Meat Packing Plant.
Miss Piggy is survived by her late husband, Kermit the Frog. She was preceeded in death by her mother, who was a Cure 81 ham served for Thanksgiving dinner in Chicago in 1982, and her father, most famous for playing for his role as the bacon in a Burger King Bacon Double Cheeseburger commercial. Her brother, Leo, is currently a retired football that scored a touchdown in a Superbowl and is on the shelf of Emmitt Smith.
Her cousin, Porky Pig, will offer the eulogy at her funeral on Thursday. From the hospital media center, he offered the following statement: "P-P-P-Piggy was a really sweet g-g-g-g- lady. I hope that wherever she goes, her k-k-k-karate chops will be remembered as much as her p-p-p-p-pork chops."
Just two weeks ago, Miss Piggy was been refused reentry into the United States as she attempted to return from a two week tour of nightclubs in Mexico City and Guadalajara. Following a deadly outbreak of swine flu in Mexico, border officers were under strict orders to turn away any boars or hogs coming over from the South without exception.
According to some reports, border agents allowed her husband, a green bug-eyed frog, to cross into the United States, leaving Piggy abandoned at the roadside checkpoint as the lanky amphibian rode off on a remarkably realistic-looking bicycle. The incident, she says, is her most humiliating experience since losing the "best actress" Oscar to Sally Field in 1979.
Just last week, Sam the Eagle, a regular contributor to Fox News, tore into his former co-worker on the Sean Hannity program. When asked to comment on Piggy's confinement, Eagle doubted Piggy's patriotism, openly wondering what was she doing in Mexico in the first place when there are perfectly good nightclub venues right here in the U S of A. He went on to argue that, with more than a dozen assault charges on her record resulting from her notorious temper, Piggy should not be allowed to return even after she is medically cleared to do so.
"First they took our jobs," huffed Eagle. "Now with the help of lefty pinkos like Miss Piggy, they're exporting our diseases to Mexico, too! And Obama's CDC is just standing aside and letting it happen!"
Piggy's husband, Kermit the Frog, is in seclusion and could not be reached for comment.
It should also be noted that Miss Piggy captained a NASA mission that became known as Pigs in Space. NASA will commemorate her service to the program with a space shuttle flyover and by cancelling the scheduled Pork Roast lunch in their cafeteria the day of the funeral.
Funeral arrangements are being handled by Oscar Meyer.
. Anyway, that was really funny.
...well,if she were still with us.