Missing Out and Playing Catch Up

[erobert]

I'm not sure if I should post this here but it deals with my recent coming out. I have a feeling this is something a lot of newcomers/ guys who have recently moved away from their parents face but being recently out adds a whole other layer. Or maybe not.

I'm trying to make sense of recently being out and living in New York, one of the biggest gay mecca's in the world. But I'm viewing everything from the sidelines; I think it might have to do with lingering closet issues holding me back.

I want to have a group of gay friends and have been meeting people slowly but nothing lasting so far. It's nice exploring the city, it would be nicer to have some people to join me. I notice I'm avoiding going to "hip" areas of the city on Friday and Saturday night because I'm insecure about being seen in those areas (it's seems like everyone is with someone) alone so I'm head home with the commuters.

It would also be nice to have a date on Valentines Day, that's coming up. I set a goal last year not to be alone on Valentines Day. Hopefully I won't be.

And then I need to move out of my uncle and aunts place, but that's requires money and searching for roommates and that's for another thread.

I feel even though I've finally moved to New York and I've grown a bit I missing out on experiences and meeting new people. To be a bit more personal porn is nice, but the real thing is nicer. And that has yet to happen.

I don't want to make a foolish move or do something stupid trying to play catchup.
I have been thinking about joining some sort of group composed of like minded guys, but don't they cost money to join.

Anyone going through/ gone through something similar?

 

[SilverWolf]

Basically I'm in the same boat.

I'm trying to make sense of recently being out and living in New York, one of the biggest gay mecca's in the world. But I'm viewing everything from the sidelines; I think it might have to do with lingering closet issues holding me back.

Same here. In my case, it has less to do with closest issues and more to do with self-esteem.

I want to have a group of gay friends and have been meeting people slowly but nothing lasting so far. It's nice exploring the city, it would be nicer to have some people to join me. I notice I'm avoiding going to "hip" areas of the city on Friday and Saturday night because I'm insecure about being seen in those areas (it's seems like everyone is with someone) alone so I'm head home with the commuters.

I just avoid going out period.

It would also be nice to have a date on Valentines Day, that's coming up. I set a goal last year not to be alone on Valentines Day. Hopefully I won't be.

I just ignore that day.

And then I need to move out of my uncle and aunts place, but that's requires money and searching for roommates and that's for another thread.

Would be nice for me, but there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[swerve]

I'm actually ASTOUNDED with your predicament...

A friend an I went to NYC for 1/2 day (literally only 12 hours) and had a BLAST!!!

He (a fellow Jubber) actually even got laid!!! I have a partner so I wasn't looking for that -- but we met a LOT of GREAT people and my BIGGEST regret was that I didn't LIVE THERE...

Have you tried making friends with other Jubbers that live in NYC???

Send them a PM and see if they want to go out and do something...

Be INTERESTED in OTHER people -- thats the BEST way to make a connection...

Oh -- and REMEMBER to SMILE!!! Smiles are FREE!!!

I understand that some find it difficult to go out by themselves -- but, honestly, you're OVER-THINKING it...

Let me know if you drink, and I'll call my friend and ask him the name of a REALLY COOL neighborhood pub we went to -- you'll meet a BUNCH of people there -- but beware of the bartender and her "natural remedies"!!!

What are your interests -- I'm SURE that they have a gay bicycling group, gay hiking/camping group, gay reading group, gay theatre group, etc, etc, etc -- and those would be free to nominal to join...

You live in one of the GREATEST cities in the WORLD -- there is NO EXCUSE for this thread...

 

[Shygui]

The internet is a very useful tool for meeting people! And you're browsing a site full of gays...

Just announce you wanna go out in NYC, and see if anyone here would want to meet you!

 

[erobert]

I'm actually ASTOUNDED with your predicament...

You live in one of the GREATEST cities in the WORLD -- there is NO EXCUSE for this thread...

I know I'm blowing it- bigtime

NYC and all it's opportunities and great, interesting like minded guys beckon to me (not literally)on the weekend but I need to get over being shy. I'm pretty sure I'd be the same if I was straight as nobody cares if you're gay in NYC. I'm a pretty decent looking guy who's well rounded and had no trouble attracting a lot of cute guys as friends in Chicago so I shouldn't be so shy. It'll take some practice to get over it though.

I went out with one JUBer here, a nice guy. Never heard back from him though. I'm contemplating adding guys who live in NYC as friends here. I think I need to stop thinking about it and just do it and out myself out there. Same thing goes for the other site I'm on

I'm actually ASTOUNDED with your predicament...

Let me know if you drink, and I'll call my friend and ask him the name of a REALLY COOL neighborhood pub we went to -- you'll meet a BUNCH of people there -- but beware of the bartender and her "natural remedies"!!!

I'm not a big drinker but I will drink causally, do you remember the neighborhood? Sending you a PM now.

 

[chance1]

I recently moved from Long Island to NYC - in Astoria now

easier to hang in the city w/o worries about returning late at night, etc.

my take from your posts is .................

you need to relax - don't be hard on yourself - and don't be in a rush

seems like you're on the shy side - which is not a problem

not sure if you're going to the right places

if you like sports, Boxers is a great relatively new sports bar - preppier, not effem guys hang there

Gym Bar is similar, not as new, perhaps an older crowd than Boxers

Bars I would go to if I were you:
Barrage, Barracuda - regular, down to earth

Phoenix - on the LES

I like Urge, another LES

Plenty more but just a few to mention

For Dancing you have Splash (messy but fun), Club 57 (Sat nights)

If you just want to roam on a weekend - am or aft - chelsea, hells kitchen, soho, village

the city is sooooooooo gay friendly

relax - you will do great

feel free to pm me with any questions

actually heading to barrage with my bf and a friend in a few minutes

take care

 

[erobert]

take a leap, coordinate a JUB meet

I'm thinking about that actually. I need to figure out a time when everyone's free and were not getting slammed by snow storms.

 

[Aratron]

I'm contemplating adding guys who live in NYC as friends here. I think I need to stop thinking about it and just do it and out myself out there. Same thing goes for the other site I'm on

There's guys from NJ as well haha

 

[erobert]

Well, now my uncle knows I'm gay and told me there's lot's of people in NYC that hate gays. I understand Staten Island but it's NYC- not Alabama.

Living temporarily at his place he assumes almost every time I went/ go into the city on a weekend I'm hooking up with guys or "prostituting" myself to get money- right... every unemployed gay guy is an escort. And since he's on the phone with my father almost everyday he gives him "updates about me" and my supposed "adventures" in the city and asks where I'm going whenever I leave the house. Almost like living back home with my parents

I need to get a job and move into my own place where I won't be hounded by people. Not really a good idea stay in this situation as I'm a bit old to be asked when I'll be back home.

On top of that he assumes every new acquaintance or contact I make online is a potential psychopathic killer. I'm very careful about who I make contact with online but he seems to not want me to meet new people online or off. He's pretty untrustworthy of people in general actually.

Sorry for the rant but I had to get this off my chest, I'm starting to get frustrated and worry I'll be in the same position I was back in Chicago living with my parents.

 

[HunterM]

I'll be frustrated if I'm in your situation as well. Your uncle thinks he's fulfilling his duty in looking after his "little nephew". His paranoia about gays in the city is compounding the problem.

Yes, moving out and into your own space is ideal. Until then...accept reality and manage your uncle's expectations proactively. Tell him what time you'll be home when you go out. Beat him to the punch. Let him meet some of your other presentable friends, gay or not. So he knows you have a good judge of character and you're not a loner.

Hang in there

 

[hanzosword]

I totally hear you on this one but I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and I just think you have to focus more often on the things you do want to happen as if they are already happening. Like instead of thinking about everything that is going wrong during the day think about what is going right so far and think of how your future will be once things are going the way you want.

I was the same way until recently, in my parent's house after college and I thought all day long about all the things that I didn't like about my life. Once I started focusing on having more money, gay friends and even a lover most of the time more opportunities started coming up. I have an account on adam4adam and I could never seem to find any good looking guys around my small town, but out of nowhere I'm getting emails from cute guys now who want to be friends and some who want to hook up lol.

Just keep your head up and spend as much time as you can thinking of the things you want to happen for you and they will start happening .

 

[erobert]

I totally hear you on this one but I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and I just think you have to focus more often on the things you do want to happen as if they are already happening. Like instead of thinking about everything that is going wrong during the day think about what is going right so far and think of how your future will be once things are going the way you want.

I was the same way until recently, in my parent's house after college and I thought all day long about all the things that I didn't like about my life. Once I started focusing on having more money, gay friends and even a lover most of the time more opportunities started coming up. I have an account on adam4adam and I could never seem to find any good looking guys around my small town, but out of nowhere I'm getting emails from cute guys now who want to be friends and some who want to hook up lol.

Just keep your head up and spend as much time as you can thinking of the things you want to happen for you and they will start happening .

Good to see another LOA believer here.

I'm also a firm believer in the law of attraction, but there's also the law of action. No action= no results. You have to meet things halfway IMO. I spend a lot of time before I go to bed visualizing the kind of life I want to have but again the right course of action is needed.

I don't spend all my time thinking of what's wrong with my life, my life is alright considering what's not alright. I was in a really crappy mood yesterday and I took that lonely frustration as a wake up call. In general, I think my life is alright; at least I moved to out of my parents and to NY- I've always wanted to live here. That's a milestone for me even though I'm semi-independent.

It just would be nice to have my own place, a steady job and a BF or at least a good group of friends here. I'm trying not to break my promise to myself not to be alone on Valentine's Day (V-Day in NYC, how romantic) Baby steps.

 

[chance1]

Two new good places

Vig 27 - park and 27th - went to my bf's roomie bday party - nice place

Industry - 52nd 8/9 ave - sorta new - higher end - heard happy hour there is good - was there Friday night - met some friends there and the crowd was real good

U taking notes?

 

[erobert]

*Takes notes*

I pass Vig 27 all the time, didn't know it was a gay bar. It looks like a nice place but is kind of dress. I don't mind that but something more casual seems better for me for something like that.

Maybe it would be better for me to go to a gay bar with someone (know anyone?), someone to show me the ropes... I'm new to all of this.

 

[BronzeBoyturnedBronzeMan]

i feel your pain bro.. im from ny to.. currently in long island and iwish i was back in queens to be honest.. the friends ive made ive regretted.. im kinda tuff on my self too but fuck it man.. im trying to build a dream, in this city! But sometime its overwhelming its like where do i start.. i think taking that initial step outside the box is hard but hey man! gotta start somewhere.. shit i was so much happier in the city.. now i dont talk to people.. idk im my own worst enemy.. but i def feel ur pain man.. WEE GOTTA HANG IN THERE

 

[chance1]

*Takes notes*

I pass Vig 27 all the time, didn't know it was a gay bar. It looks like a nice place but is kind of dress. I don't mind that but something more casual seems better for me for something like that.

Maybe it would be better for me to go to a gay bar with someone (know anyone?), someone to show me the ropes... I'm new to all of this.

i didn't know either - have been to 2 parties there the last two weekends - one going away, one bday - nice place - i agree - it's a little high end but not much - u can dress up but don't have to - there's a really neat back room - it's LONG

there are plenty of divey or less dressy places - no shortage

phoenix comes to mind
urge
barrage is less dressy

hear u about going with someone - im traveling for a bit and just started a new job so in a couple weeks we can hang for sure

feel free to pm me or use my aim