Mixed, bittersweet feelings

[1David1]

I had a pretty "interesting" club experience that left me with a weird feeling.

First of all I'm not a party guy. Not into it. I came there extremely fed up with how I put so much thought into every single thing I do, to make sure it's logical, calculated and harmless. Saves some mistakes but doesn't make you feel exactly complete. It's depressing.

I went there with a friend I've known for a while (it seemed months ago that he wanted to date, I cooled it off, he has a boyfriend now) and somehow nothing worked. I like to sit, he likes to dance.

Anyway, I got off my seat and made out with 2 guys in one hour. One at a time and both times he "caught" us in the bathroom (we weren't having sex). He seemed distanced and pretty disappointed the whole time. I bet he was shocked cause that is very unlike me at all. I was just thinking... let's do something tonight. I'm glad I did although I could've done some things differently.

I'm left with a really bittersweet feeling. I'm glad I finally opened up, did some stuff and proved myself wrong about my fears (thoughts like "I won't be hard") but I'm also disappointed that he's disappointed/hurt. He's a great guy. I'm also pretty upset (and I think I shouldn't be?) that he must have changed his mind about me, I went from too classy to pretty trashy. Or maybe he thinks I'm easy, not that different as he thought, desperate, I don't know. I'm not happy with that feeling. Maybe I feel a little shame too because my parents detest the thought of me being gay.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? I want to put some order in this mess.

 

[spencer]

if he's into the scene he's not really in the position to judge, heck no one is in the position to. he's off limits anyway.

 

[rareboy]

Who cares if he's disappointed.

If he had you on some kind of pedestal, tough on him.

He had his chance.

Have your own fun because it doesn't seem as though he's a barrel of laughs.

 

[KingofFaeries]

I think that it goes a little something like this. He asked you out you said no. He went and got a boyfriend. Then you invite him to go out for a little friend time and end up making out with 2 guys that your guy probably thinks are beneath you. Not only that but he probably was comparing himself to the other two guys you made out with, and wondering what they did or have that he didn't. That's my take on the situation.

I would talk to him about it, find out what his feelings about the situation are and share your own.

Either way technically speaking you didn't do anything wrong. So meh.

 

[cardshark]

The issues in your post seem complex and intertwined. Still, I have to say this. A lot of people here will say there is nothing wrong with making out with complete strangers in the mens room. However, there are consequences to your actions. Your friend's opinion of you has changed from classy to trashy? Guess what, its justified. What you did is down right trashy. Do it some more and it will become your reputation. The consequences of that can be pretty bad, friends and family will lose respect for you, good guys may choose not to give you a chance, you could even face career limitations (like if you were aspiring to be in politics or even a teacher.) It's not a question of morality, we all make up our own morals and standards to live by, its more of a question of what kind of image you want to have, and what kind of image you need to achieve the things you want to achieve in life.

 

[cardshark]

Meh. Worrying about one's "image" would mean we would have all stayed in the closet, and acted "str8", married a woman, had 2.2 kids, moved to the suburbs and bought a house with a white picket fence.

To the OP: so what? You cut loose? BFD.

NO - there is a difference between a proud, openly gay man (which the OP should be) and being known as the town whore (which the OP should not be). When the OP went to the club and made out with 2 complete strangers in the mens room, he was behaving like the town whore, an image he probably doesn't want to have for the reasons I mentioned.

 

[cardshark]

You're the one casting your morals onto someone else. So he was kissing two guys in one night..... ewwwww! town slut! Not.

I don't want to get into morality with you. Like I said in my original post, we draw our own morals and standards. My point was, that yes, most people will see making out with two complete strangers in the mens room as trashy. That's the image he needs to decide if he wants attached to him.

 

[On The Edge]

the thing is did u feel u were pretty trashy..& didn't like what u did?..if u fine with it..I don't see much of a problem..

& if u worried about how he felt & can't get that off ur mind..ask him ..

 

[KyleWells]

I totally can understand about the feeling bad because your parents hate the idea of homosexuality.

I used to feel like that for the longest time, almost like they knew I was making out with a dude right then and there, but after awhile I came to the conclusion of "I used to rebel from my parents and not feel bad, now I'm not rebelling because this is me, I havn't done anything that should make me ashamed."