Money Situation

[backpacker]

You seem to be skipping over the bigger point. This really isn't about the money. He feels like keeping your assets separate shows a lack of commitment, while you think you are just being smart. The reality is that people often have different view points on the same issue. Both your views are valid and you probably need an independent counselor to help both of you work through this. Unless you guys work through this issue, your relationship is doomed.

 

[CoolBlue71]

Ok, so I know I'm new here but I really need some advice. I have a boyfriend that is three years older than me and we've been dating for a little over 4 years. We live together, have four dogs, and both have well paying jobs. So my boyfriend has begun insisting that we get a joint bank account where all of our money be put together. He basically says that he wants to be like a married couple that share everything and I feel the same to a point. I am fine with mixing our salaries (the money we make each month) however over the past 3 years I have saved up alot of money and put it aside in savings. He is insisting that I put the money in savings in our joint bank account but I am very much against it. It has got to the point where he has told me that if I do not put the money from the savings into the joint bank account he doesn't want to be with me any longer because he feels as though I don't trust him. I am wondering what you all think of my situation. Is it wrong of me to want to keep my savings? Should I just go balls to the wall and put all my money that I have to my name into the account? I love this guy alot but unfortunately our relationship has never been entirely stable (we've had our ups and downs) and I just don't want to make a huge mistake. Any advice, positive or negative, will be greatly appreciated.

How much money does this guy have? Telling us he also has a well-paying job doesn't answer, because there are people with good income who spend way too big a percent of what they take in -- or go ahead and just badly mismanage their money.

If you don't know, find out.

I think separate accounts -- like with credit cards -- is the answer for both of you. And a joint account can be set up where you both contribute a fair share -- based on income -- to go toward living expenses in maintaining residence, taxes, and so forth, essentially managed with a sense of equality.

Before doing any of this, I'd suggest you do some insisting of your own: Make a point of both you pulling your own credit reports from all three credit reporting bureaus: Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion. It's a good idea for both of you to review each other's credit. And I mean Fico score, for one thing, plus whether there's outstanding debt that is of issue.

I think it's good to make sure you both are financially on the up and up.

If this guy is the type of person, though, who persists in insisting that you have some sort of trust issue with him -- you may want to turn that around and start inquiring into what's up with him and his expressed concern with "trust." You two have become established with dating for four years and are already living together (with a house setup with dogs to boot!).

 

[CoolBlue71]

I posted the above without reading others' responses -- and Bandit44's follow-up.

What I said holds for the original posting; but considering all other things, it looks like neither of you, Bandit44, are on the up and up with each other. He's not saying what needs to be said; neither are you.