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Moral Dilemma: I'm the "Other Guy"

C

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Following my hookup with this very hot guy on Wednesday, I sent him a little "had fun, keep in touch" email. The next day he sent me an email asking me if I want to keep out little "fun" as a regular thing.

I'm up for it, except he does have a committed boyfriend (with a ring and such), and I would be the "other guy."

I have to admit that I do appreciate even the short period of time to kiss, hug, and make out with another guy, but I'm hesitant because of his partner.

Right now I don't have a boyfriend, and following my long-winded nightmare with Rob, meeting up with this guy has taken my mind off those past tragic events substantially - I hardly think about it much.

What do I do? I do think I need this to go on so I can heal and liberate myself from bad memories of the recent past.
 
1. Your past events weren't tragic.

2. You'll be able to find someone to take your mind of them who doesn't have a partner.

3. Seeing this guy will be bad for your self-esteem because you will be the male version of a mistress to someone who cheats on people.
 
Would you want a committed partner to cheat on you? How would you feel when you learned about it? If he had lied and you didn't know, that is one situation. Sonce you know, you are as big of a liar and cheat as he is. What type pf relationship can you build in the future when others learn about your cheating? There are a lot of great guys out there who would love to be with you and they won't cheat.
 
Points to ponder:

1. Does "committed partner" know about you? He doesn't necessarily have to, but it would eliminate the "sneaking around" portion of this relationship. (And if he doesn't, I question the word "committed" in this context.)

2. Whether CP knows or not, you are going to be second fiddle to him. CP is going to take priority, and you're going to get the scraps of time and sex drive that are left over. Chances are exceedingly great that this will not change.

3. Even if some minor miracle occurs, and he decides to ditch CP for you, you've now entered a relationship with a guy with a history of sleeping with guys outside the relationship, and dumping the CP in favor of them.

4. And this is the big one. You can do better.

Lex
 
InnovativeBoxx said:
I think I may have already.
Click to expand...

If you hooked up with him just three days prior and think you are already falling for him, then you're basically transferring your obsession for one guy to another. Here you are again, imprinting strongly on a man you can't have fully to yourself. You had enough trouble separating yourself from a man where no sexual relationship existed--do you want to try again with a man who you now have physical intimacy with but whose heart you can never really have?

If you were the "fuck em and leave em" kind of man who moved on easily, then great, you have a new fuck buddy. Enjoy. But you know you're not that kind of person, and this "relationship" has desperation, codependency, drama and heartbreak written all over it.

The moral issue is distraction here--your own issues are the ones you need to be cautious of.
 
Killjoke said:
If you hooked up with him just three days prior and think you are already falling for him, then you're basically transferring your obsession for one guy to another. Here you are again, imprinting strongly on a man you can't have fully to yourself.
Click to expand...

I understand what you mean. But, I've promised myself not to obsess over any other guy again, especially after that tragic and chaotic Rob ordeal.

Secondly, I'm not all that interested in the sex part of our 'arrangement' but I like the hugging, kissing, and cuddling part substantially more. I don't have anyone close to feel and touch as this guy, and I really don't want to give that up.

It's not easy being alone with no one to talk to or touch, you know.
 
No matter how lonely you get or how badly you need someone to touch, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

As everyone else has said you need to consider the morality of sneaking around with someone who's already in a relationship. You can do better, and if you can have the strength to wait until you can find another single guy to hook up with, that relationship would have a greater opportunity to blossom into something deeper.
 
Hugging, kissing and cuddling is the dangerous stuff. If you wanted a fuck buddy and did not care if he went back to his own man, then whatever. But you want the intimate stuff that a boyfriend would provide. Good luck on having that stuff and not falling in love with him.

Disaster written all over it.
 
Three comments:

1. damn man, you're really cute!!!
2. Don't do it.
3. How would you feel if this was happening to you?

oh, and repeat comment 1!!! :)
 
Well guys, you were right. We hooked up again on Thursday and while it was fun, I felt bad afterwards because (a) we're both cheating and (b) I'm only receiving the 'leftovers' from this guy's relationship. While were in bed together, he told me that I was the first black guy he had ever been with and so on.

I think I should just break this off and be lonely again. Maybe he won't even call me again.
 
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