most efficient poison?

[castoono]

Your first move has been good, as long as you decided to tell your situation. That's good. Asking for help.

Then your second move has to be putting yourself in a right mood of letting others give you advice, as you are not satisfied about how life is treating you, let some other person help you succeeding. You don't know how, but they do.

The third move is: meanwhile, try to improve small things around you. Try to do things right from the very beginning. You know that asking for a good poison is not the right move. To understand that you are human and this is a low point in your life that you'll have to deal with is the right move.

The world itself is far from being perfect. We all came across situations which had us saying: I can't go any further, that's it. Then my advice is: freeze. Don't do a thing. Let others give you release. Ask for help. If you don't want to go to a doctor precisely now, look around you and tell somebody how you feel. Freeze or Fight. But don't give up. OK, dear? And come to tell us.

 

[jaysizzles]

My nephew attempted suicide a few years back...thankfully he wasn't successful. It was a very scary time for my family. We wanted to help...we felt helpless. What more could we do but let him know we loved and supported him...the rest was up to him.

He participated in group therapy...probably the best thing he could have done. He didn't relate to the first therapist/group at all...which turned him off from the notion of going back. My sister convinced him to try another group with people his own age and similar situations. What a difference. In this group, he found people that could relate and identify with each other...they didn't judge, pity, place expectations on him etc....just support and friendship. Friendships that have lasted still to this day. This process helped him figure out who he is, learn how to live the life he wants, how to cope with things/pressures out of his control. He now has a serious g/f, friends and steady job...his life is completely different from those dark days. He's happy.

You can be happy too if you take positive steps towards achieving it....as much as you may not want to, and what a PITA it is...there are moments in life where you'll say "this makes it worth putting up with all that other BS!"

 

[star-warrior]

I echo the other folks here, this is a temporary low that you can overcome. There are lots of resources available which you can contact in the UK. I urge you to please click here and get real people who can speak to you to help.

 

[Ram]

Hey Shy, Ram here. I want to get to know you better. I mean like what do you like to do? What are your interests?

I don't necessarily meet the people here often but there are many here I call friends. Not just internet friends, but real friends.

So please let us have a chance to discover and enjoy you.

 

[Ram]

Thank you for the PM. Let me introduce myself and hopefully the other JUbbers would follow suit.

Ram, from Singapore, Indian, fit/fat/skinny, two eyes, loves Dr. Who (thanks to GL), Sandman comics, animals, insects like ants, a lot more stuff I can't remember now, RuPaul's Drag Race, tea, I love reading and posting humorous stuff...

In terms of sex and life, I'm versatile and currently sexless. No boyfriend at the moment. No one in mind at the moment. Going a bout of depression which I am positive I can conquer it. It's seasonal.

I love JUB. Been here for like ages now. Definitely changed me as a person. I love the trolls and newbies here. I love giving and receiving comment. I hate replying PMs.

 

[csm123]

Shyone,if you are considering suicide you are pretty much at rock bottom,with a little effort things can only get better from here on.

You dont say where in the uk you are from but most places have support groups,lgbt meetings etc.You say you are curious at the moment,lgbt groups are accepting of curious,straight,gay,bi etc.They wont hold it against you whatever you end up being.Try googling for groups in your location,however scary it may sound if you get the balls to go and meet a few likeminded people you are on the way to making some proper caring friends.

We are very fortunate in the uk as we have the NHS(national health service).Make an appointment to see your gp,tell him what you told us,better still print your posts off and show him.If he prescribes antidepresants take them as directed as they do take a few weeks to have much effect but if you feel no better tell your gp so that he can change them/up the dose as required.If as you have,there are suicidal thoughts they will be able to put you in contact with a therapist to talk with about your problems.Please dont be afraid to go and open up to you gp or therapist as you have a medical condition which needs help,just because yours is a mental health problem rather than a physical health problem it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Always remember that nothing is as bad as it seems at the moment,if you get some help,go out and do whatever it takes to get talking to people and make a few new friends you will feel so much better than you do now.I know from expirience that you will read this and think that you can never go out and make friends and to be honest it is difficult,but if you dont over think it and go one step at a time you will get there.

Going to my local pub was so scary for me that it took three attempts for me to go in rather than going back home.However awkward it makes you feel,you really have to push your social boundaries to get out and then actually make yourself speak to others.I know all of this may sound idealistic at the moment but if you can manage to help yourself out of this depression the rewards are well worth it.Never worry what others may be thinking of you,just do your best for helping yourself to a better future.

suicide is NOT the answer you are looking for,you are still young and just need a little help to get your life back on track.In a few years time when all this is a distant memory i hope you can look back and be proud that you got over it and feel so much better with yourself.If you are feeling lonely try going and doing some sort of voluntary work as this is another way of getting out and interacting with others and can be quite rewarding aswell as taking your mind off of your current problems.

Best wishes to turning your life around.

 

[Anders123]

Hi ShyOne!

I'm Anders; following suit.

I'm a relatively new JUBer, I signed up late last year with the intention of using this account as a throw away; posting my issue(s), getting some possible solutions then bolting before the cheque came

Anyway; I'm glad that like me, you stumbled across JUB. Being new (and quite an awkward person), I haven't really gotten to know many people; but from lurking around I've applied a lot of the advice others have given to my own life, and laughed out loud at some of the comments people have made. Even in feeling a little bit like an outsider, I still find myself coming back every day. I hope you do, too. JUB is an amazing place

A little about me; My name is Andrew, I'm 20, from Melbourne, Australia. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and also bouts of Social Anxiety - Yes, I suck at meeting and getting to know new people, and due to the intermittent nature of my social anxiety, I tend to pull away from my friends for periods of time, dodging their calls and not agreeing to go out. It's frustrating as hell to feel like my friends are judging and laughing at me even though they're not. And due to my reclusive nature, I'm most often left out of social gatherings unless I make a conscious effort to reach out to them (easier said than done).

On a lighter note; I enjoy gaming (RTS, FPS, MMO, anything) --- it's the perfect hobby for an anti-social person --- reading, writing, poker, and listening to liquid drum and bass --- I'm obsessed with it. To me, liquid drum and bass is like....a soundtrack to everything that's beautiful in the world. You'll never find me without my headphones on, or around my neck. No matter what the situation, listening to liquid dnb just makes me feel safe, happy and at peace. I love putting on my headphones, driving out to a bush area and just walking in nature.

Anyway, reading posts like yours and others in this thread, honestly breaks my heart; because when my anxiety was at its worst, I wanted to end everything too. When I see other people thinking how I was, it brings back all of the hurt and misery I felt. That perpetual loneliness, like a black vacuum of shattered aspirations and despondency. It brings tears to my eyes to see other people feeling as worthless as I did. Even though I don't know these people, I care more than they'll ever know; I feel so connected to them because I can relate, and it pains me to see them speaking so little of themselves. I just want to reach out and make them understand how much I care, but I can never seem to find the words, it always sounds so cliche. I hope though, that you can understand, ShyOne, and I really hope to see you posting around here more often.

Andrew.

 

[asadoyayunta]

I echo the other folks here, this is a temporary low that you can overcome. There are lots of resources available which you can contact in the UK. I urge you to please click here and get real people who can speak to you to help.

Absolutely. First step: see your GP. In my experience UK GP's attitudes and knowledge of depression and its treatments have come on leaps and bounds in recent years. There are some very good anti-depressants available that will not "weird" you out.

Check out the links provided above. I can't immediately see a LGBT advice line for West Sussex, but the nearest is Brighton LGBT Switchboard which is one of the best and longest established in the country. Their website is www.switchboard.org.uk and telephone number (after 5pm every day) is 01273 204050.

 

[ShyOne89]

Anders, at least you have some friends that care about you. Also you are younger than me.

Thanks for support, but anyway im feeling worse each day. Im working on it, have a little plan in mind, but its really painful to be really alone Life has no sense

 

[Paws]

In the city I live, a guy with Tourette's syndrome started off with shitty underpaid jobs and was a millionaire few years later (still is).

Again: that guy has a visible disability and gets mocked, still he surpasses the majority of all healthy people. And now you crybaby think you have problems?

I recently met this guy and wondered what's wrong with me?

[Youtube video of a guy I used to be fan of in my teenage years]

Is it wise to link to a guy that sympathizes with Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson?

 

[LilBit]

^Perhaps. But I'm not sure that this is the best thread for such a thing.

 

[Callum]

ShyOne89, you're young (okay, older than me by a whole year), suicide is a silly idea! There are numerous interest groups in your area, surely!

We're an ocean apart, so I'll be your Internet friend.

Thank you for the PM. Let me introduce myself and hopefully the other JUbbers would follow suit.

Ram, from Singapore, Indian, fit/fat/skinny, two eyes, loves Dr. Who (thanks to GL), Sandman comics, animals, insects like ants, a lot more stuff I can't remember now, RuPaul's Drag Race, tea, I love reading and posting humorous stuff...

In terms of sex and life, I'm versatile and currently sexless. No boyfriend at the moment. No one in mind at the moment. Going a bout of depression which I am positive I can conquer it. It's seasonal.

I love JUB. Been here for like ages now. Definitely changed me as a person. I love the trolls and newbies here. I love giving and receiving comment. I hate replying PMs.

Two eyes? Scandalous!

 

[Anders123]

Anders, at least you have some friends that care about you. Also you are younger than me.

Thanks for support, but anyway im feeling worse each day. Im working on it, have a little plan in mind, but its really painful to be really alone Life has no sense

90% of the time, it doesn't feel like I do. I can't count the amount of times I've seen "John Doe is at x with Jane Doe and x other people" on Facebook, and realized they haven't even bothered to call me. Even though I'd drop everything in a heartbeat to help them if they needed it, it feels like they wont even bother to give me a courtesy call to hang out. Therein begins the shame spiral; they're talking about me, they're laughing at me, they're doing this on purpose to hurt me --- Followed by; this is my fault, if I was a more enjoyable person to be around they would call me more often.

When ever I call them, or on the rare occasion that they call me, and I ask why they never invite me out, they say "because you just say no all of the time, we kind of gave up". They have no idea what goes through my head when I get a call from them, and what I think that makes me decline their offers. I consider these people close friends, but they don't really know me. There's probably only 1-2 people that do, and I haven't even told them about my anxieties.

Please don't envy me. My situation is far from ideal, but I too am working on it. Please don't feel like you are totally alone, I know this sounds cliche, but I'm opening up to you (and I suppose everyone else that will read this ) right now. To you, I may just seem like a screen name, or a blank silhouette that lives miles away and means nothing, but there's a person behind that screen name, and I'm trying to reach out and connect with you because I care. People don't have to talk to each other face to face to be able to consider each other friends. You are NOT alone, of that I am sure.

Andrew

 

[Corny]

^Perhaps. But I'm not sure that this is the best thread for such a thing.

I agree - but neither is it the thread to take over with other useless banter. Therefore I moved this thread here and cleaned it up.

 

[Seasoned]

Please consider this: your concern and sadness regarding your situation has caused serious depression. Serious depression messes with brain chemicals which in turn closes the brain to thoughts that conteract the normal pros and cons of a situation. When it gets this serious it needs an intervention.

Depression feeds on itself. If you hear that this is temporary or that other's have it worse, your depression worsens and you may even get more hopeless because you see it as a sign rmthat others don't understand.

I would look you in the eye and tell you that I agree with your current assessment of your life and then try to explain how depression lies to a person by giving them tunnel vision.

You wish to escape that vision and I am here to tell you that there is more than one way to do it. I am happy you shared this here. I would like you to do the same with a mental health professional or a helpline.

Please pm me. I promise not to tell you that it will get better by itself or that others have it worse. I will keep saying that your brain is currently unheathy and needs treatment much the same way that a broken arm needs attention.

 

[EJMichaels]

There's some great advice in this thread. Please don't think of more reasons why it won't help you.

Regarding the problem of meeting people - I'm very shy in person, but when the topic turns to something I know a lot about, I find it so much easier to talk. I'm more than twice your age and I've been bad at small talk and making friends all of my life. I don't let it stop me from doing things. I get involved with specific groups with shared interests, something I know about or want to learn about. Sometimes I go a long time without saying anything. Eventually, I get to know a few people. It takes time when you're not naturally sociable.

First, you need to sort out your brain chemistry, like everyone here is saying. When you don't feel like crap, the other things will be easier.

 

[medic1]

Can i suggest that you call the London Gay and Lesbian switchboard
it is open 24hrs every day, not only can they tell you the nearest gay places to where you live they also deal with hundreds of calls every month from people
who find themselves feeling like you .
They are all volunteers they are all highly trained before they are allowed
to be on phone duty, they are tottaly confidential and they are all either gay,lesbian,bisexual or transgendered .
Give it a try shyone there databank is full of groups and befriending support
They are an amazing bunch of people .
My thoughts are with you as are everyone else who has posted here just for you
Please give them a call .

 

[yourally]

ShyOne89

At least you're here. You want someone to tell you "No, this is crazy",but you've got to believe it too.

Life doesn't get better overnight.Basically you have to have faith that things will get better even where's no reason to believe that at all.It's not even a religious faith, just a human faith...I mean if things are bad, they can only get worse or better right?

At some point,things have to get better and you might not notice it at first, because it's so small,but you have to look for small reasons to be happy.

Nobody wants to be told they need help, but if you don't have anybody in your life who will talk to you, then try going to a local school or university and asking to be directed to the school counselor. They wouldn't charge and would be glad to talk with you and get you the support you need.

 

[racer2438]

(I just dont want to wake up after 30 hours with damaged brain because it would only hurt my family and ill be stuck in vegetative state.)

So then it would hurt much less if you did it right the first time--that would be better --you think.Do you think they won't be hurt then either?

I sorry you feel this way but please seek help and take your time to heal the wounds you have. Your idea is not the answer and many will be hurt by it. If you don't want to hurt them, then don't hurt your self. seek help, seek your faith, take baby steps to get on right track. There is so much to life that you can still do, see and people to meet. I hope you find the help you need to come back to a healthy, smileing person again...

 

[yourally]

the hotline is also a great idea, somebody will stay with you on the phone as long as you need, and sometimes all we really needed was somebody to listen

Instead of saying how crappy your life is,because in all honesty life could ALWAYS be better...

TRY the options that have been given.

If people who are online care enough to help and DON'T even know you, there's hope for you yet,so SMILE.

We CARE.