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Moving out: pros and cons

*sigh*

What I'm saying is that from *my* perspective, they're *not* excuses, and therefore *can't* be ignored. No matter how much the rest of you think they can.

I knew you wouldn't get it.
 
I'm gonna tell it how it is:

A) You're THIRTY YEARS OLD. THIRTY. YEARS. OLD. Unless you have just recently lost your job, have a medical condition in which you cannot live alone or your parents need to be taken care of, you need to move out of the damn house. You're an adult. You've been an adult of decade now.

B) You sound like you have severe social phobia. Which is very common in those who frequent message boards. You need to find a way to overcome it either via therapy, medication or self-improvement. You need to get out into the world and stop wasting your life away by not interacting with the world. Life is short and you've got another decade of raw youth left.

C) It's not fair to your parents. Whether they admit or not, it must be embarrassing to them to have a grown man in their home still living with them. How do you think they feel when they have a neighbor talk about their child having their own house, family and friends?

D) You need your own life. When you live with your parents, your life isn't on your terms. It's on theirs. Every major decision you make while you choose to live under their house must be approved by them.

So enough of the excuses.

You're a grown-ass man. You need to step up and get your own life, own apartment and spread your wings.

I mean, Jesus Christ, THIRTY? How long do you plan to stay there? Till you're forty? Fifty? Sixty?
 
I'd rather live on my parent's terms than risk another complete breakdown, thankyou very much. I will NOT go through that again.

And for the record, they are in 100% agreement with me on that
 
winterknight said:
I'd rather live on my parent's terms than risk another complete breakdown, thankyou very much. I will NOT go through that again.

And for the record, they are in 100% agreement with me on that
Click to expand...

If there is a concern about a breakdown, should you not speak with a professional about that? Surely there must be something to be done to mitigate this.

Notwithstanding what anyone else says, I do not think being 30 and living at home is anything bad. I only moved out this year. I am not quite 30, but close enough. The reason: I had no reason to move out. We had a reasonably large place at home. I paid rent as I would a landlord, and I covered my own expenditure. My family is pretty reserved, so we largely kept to ourselves. So, why go through the expense of unnecessarily renting a place.

Having said that, when I did move (for work purposes), I found it a great transition. I learned to do things I'd never done before - cooking, being one.

I had concerns about my social circles too, as I moved to a completely different state. I joined clubs at interested me, made new friends at work, met their friends... it all works out in the end.

You've pointed out the pros and cons for yourself already, no point rehashing them, though on the issue concerning the gym - don't most apartment blocks where you live have gyms?

Seems to me the biggest barrier for you is this concern of another breakdown. Valid, but it's not going to go away if you don't do anything about it. Like I said, I would speak to a professional about it and get their views on how best to manage it.
 
winterknight said:
I'd rather live on my parent's terms than risk another complete breakdown, thankyou very much. I will NOT go through that again.

And for the record, they are in 100% agreement with me on that
Click to expand...

That's another excuse.

I have no idea what this breakdown involves nor what happened but unless you turned into an axe murderer and only your parents can quell your rage for safety of others than the "I'll have a breakdown if I leave the safety of my parent's house!" is just another excuse.

As the poster above said, seek psychological help.

You can't cower in fear in your parent's basement forever and be a hermit for the rest of your lfie....
 
What Mikami said is exactly the reason I no longer even attempt to give advice in Winterknight's threads, It would be a waste of effort.
 
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If you try living in your own place, it may actually work out very well and be another important step for you. You have already taken many others, such as the driving lessons you mentioned.

It also sounds like, in the event things didn't work out in your own place, that your parents would allow you to move back with them. So it's not like you would be without any safety net in that respect.

You mentioned in the past that it was impossible to have a conversation with your mother where she was at less than 150 decibels or something similar. I found my relationship with my mother improved a lot when I moved out and it may be the same for you.
 
Eventually everyone has to move out.

But for younger guys I think the freedom and responsibility you grow up in to out weighs the cons.
 
If I were in your shoes I would be worried about missing out on my life tucked away in the embalming cocoon of my family's protection. It's not just the successes and achievements that shape us and give us essential human experience but also the failures, fears, blocks and even the breakdowns. To become an old man you must weather some harsh shit. Now, you seem very much a boy to me. Will you simply choose to eventually die as a boy? Take courage, step out the door and face the prospect that you will encounter misery and hardship as you go along.

It will take work. If you don't want to make the effort, every goddamn day, then you may as well grow fat on Burger King, swell up and shun the sun in the sky. Every goddamn day you will have to do something to face your fears and move forward. You will have to make efforts to deal with the things that make you breakdown, think about them, put them in context and very possibly fail in the attempt.

Here's the thing, if you look deep enough inside yourself, you're probably going to find the idea of moving out quite exciting. All the shitty stuff too, but quite exciting.

Best of luck.
 
I moved out,when I was 19. Impossible to be there,when there is one Adult too much.(me) ...I love them both dearly,of course.... If you are 30,and still in your parents house....it could be more difficult...You have get used to be there too long.... :)

It's my favorite nightmare BTW...that I am still at home..waking up screaming...:D don't take personally.
 
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