Mr. Lonely

[Muscles4daze]

Okay, so I just go out of this weird relationship with this headcase (three months ago). Overall I would say the relationship was a big headache due to the fact that this guy had so many issues (family, sexuality and etc.). I was really hurt at first about the break up especially since I was the one who got dumped, but I now realize that he did me a favor because this guy was really bringing me down. At this point in time I am filled with feelings of loneliness, because I refuse to jump on anything with a pulse. I have never been the type to pursue guys romantically, I usually build freindships that end up turning in to relationships.

I go out and I get stares from guys, but it's obvious that they are just looking for a screw and that's never been me. It's funny but the gym has become a serious social scene, I asked this guy a quick question today about his workout and he answered it and then introduced himself, and once I walked away he came back and continued to talk to me until he left, I thought he was gorgeous and had an awesome personality, but I really didn't think to much of it. I definitely believe in faith and I feel everything happens for a reason, so I'm not out in the clubs every weekend looking for the love of my life ,but I must admit the loneliness is killing me.

 

[Coffee]

I usually build freindships that end up turning in to relationships.

I wish I could do that

I thought he was gorgeous and had an awesome personality, but I really didn't think to much of it.

Where is he? where is he?

I definitely believe in faith and I feel everything happens for a reason, so I'm not out in the clubs every weekend looking for the love of my life ,but I must admit the loneliness is killing me.

Try something new... change the flow instead of go with it... You don't have to find love everywhere, you don't have to get love when you go out. Just enjoy yourself without love for a while. I did dip myself in stress and loneliness for a while, then I came to an English course at night (I'm not native speaker btw). I find a lot of friends there, now I'm addicted to it, though there's no hot guy in my class

 

[Telstra]

"I must admit the loneliness is killing me"


there are alot of people on here tho, unless you want some touching.

 

[KaraBulut]

I have never been the type to pursue guys romantically, I usually build freindships that end up turning in to relationships.

That is perfectly fine and it is a good way to have healthy relationships.

There's a missing piece to all of this, though.

You've been out of a relationship for 3 months. You're feeling lonely. But you admit that you prefer to get to know someone and form a friendship with them before you get romantically involved. It seems that the companionship/friendship of a relationship is what appeals to you the most.

If this is the case, why aren't you spending time with your friends and why are you out making new friends?

I definitely believe in faith and I feel everything happens for a reason, so I'm not out in the clubs every weekend looking for the love of my life ,but I must admit the loneliness is killing me.

That is a good attitude to have but there's one dependency- you have to put yourself out there and make new friends. The clubs aren't necessarily the place to do that but there are other places where you can meet people. You should learn from the guy at the gym- he took the risk, introduced himself, had a conversation with you and he made an impression on you... maybe that's what you should be doing?

Instead of waiting for things to happen, make it happen.

 

[Muscles4daze]

That is perfectly fine and it is a good way to have healthy relationships.

There's a missing piece to all of this, though.

You've been out of a relationship for 3 months. You're feeling lonely. But you admit that you prefer to get to know someone and form a friendship with them before you get romantically involved. It seems that the companionship/friendship of a relationship is what appeals to you the most.

If this is the case, why aren't you spending time with your friends and why are you out making new friends?




That is a good attitude to have but there's one dependency- you have to put yourself out there and make new friends. The clubs aren't necessarily the place to do that but there are other places where you can meet people. You should learn from the guy at the gym- he took the risk, introduced himself, had a conversation with you and he made an impression on you... maybe that's what you should be doing?

Instead of waiting for things to happen, make it happen.

All of you guys just gave me great advice, and I will definitely utilize it. I really think I should have continued the conversation with the guy at the gym, but I guess I kind of chickened out. I didn't know if he was gay or not and I don't do the whole "whole I'm in love with a straight guy" nonsense because I feel it ends up being a lot of drama in the long run. Hopefully I will see him again and this time I will strike up a conversation.

 

[thewiz]

You are obviously a dedicated and committed person...it shows in your gallery pics. I was thinking of doing laundry as I saw those abs! Talk about washboard! Wow!

*Puts cool water on face*

Now for your question. I remember when I broke up with my first boyfriend; I did so for many of the same reasons you listed except I broke up with him instead of the other way around. I also did so having just come out six months before and I was scared as hell about finding someone else.

I did the club scene and found lots of opportunity for hook-ups but few deep relationships. I then started playing in a gay football league and met a lot of great guys. I also did some substitute play on a gay kickball team and met a lot more guys.

I have had several other relationships but nothing on a deep level. I have, though, made many friendships which eliminate the loneliness. I am getting more involved in other activities since changing jobs and hopefully will find that deeper and all encompassing relationship.

I'd suggest getting involved in activities...it might help with the loneliness until Mr. Right comes along!

 

[Muscles4daze]

You are obviously a dedicated and committed person...it shows in your gallery pics. I was thinking of doing laundry as I saw those abs! Talk about washboard! Wow!

*Puts cool water on face*

Now for your question. I remember when I broke up with my first boyfriend; I did so for many of the same reasons you listed except I broke up with him instead of the other way around. I also did so having just come out six months before and I was scared as hell about finding someone else.

I did the club scene and found lots of opportunity for hook-ups but few deep relationships. I then started playing in a gay football league and met a lot of great guys. I also did some substitute play on a gay kickball team and met a lot more guys.

I have had several other relationships but nothing on a deep level. I have, though, made many friendships which eliminate the loneliness. I am getting more involved in other activities since changing jobs and hopefully will find that deeper and all encompassing relationship.

I'd suggest getting involved in activities...it might help with the loneliness until Mr. Right comes along!

thanx Wiz, the gym is definitely a way for me to relieve stress!!!

 

[hanshansen]

I don't know what the situation is in other places, but over here we have an online dating website which pretty much everyone uses.

If you put a profile up it's a way of putting yourself out there as a single gay guy while letting other people make the next move. They can either approach you if they see you around town or they can message you on the website.

These websites have a bad reputation but you can filter out all kinds of people (75 year olds, bi guys, people 'looking for sex') and if you write your profile in the right way - positive, but giving very clear signals about what matters to you in life and other people - there's a high chance there will be something good about anyone who is willing to respond. Also you can make it clear that you're just willing to meet them for a drink and take it from there.

At least where I live, a whole lot of people have profiles on the site who you WON'T tend to see in the gay bars, or in the gay gardening groups, or whatever. It's not that they are closet cases, it's just not their thing.

FWIW, I put up a profile not that long ago and I'm not feeling lonely .