Must there be physical attraction?

[etgenman]

In a relationship where everyone gets along, no fights, great personalities etc... how important is it to find your partner "hot"?

My bf is obsessed with me, but I don't really find him amazingly attractive. He's not at all my type, but we get along so well. Is this relationship doomed?

The sex ranges from amazing to okay: but I have a ridiculously low sex drive, so we don't do it very often.

 

[altlover85]

In a relationship where everyone gets along, no fights, great personalities etc... how important is it to find your partner "hot"?

My bf is obsessed with me, but I don't really find him amazingly attractive. He's not at all my type, but we get along so well. Is this relationship doomed?

The sex ranges from amazing to okay: but I have a ridiculously low sex drive, so we don't do it very often.

Are you unsatisfied with the relationship as a whole? Obsessed seems like a strong word and seems creepy. I'm assuming you didn't mean it that way.

 

[wooffy]

All that matters is that your are both happy. Are you?

 

[hylas]

its important to me, but if it isnt to you, then... well, then i guess it just isnt... wait, what was the question here again?

*rereads*

ah... no, your relationship isnt doomed.

 

[slnattak]

Yeah. There must.

 

[Echoes]

it's up to you really. It's something important to me because otherwise we would be just friends or in a rare case fuck buddies. However, if it's something that is not quite important for you I'd say it's fine as long as you're happy about it.

 

[LoveIsNow]

If the sex ranges from amazing to okay, it sounds like your doing great and he's attractive enough.

But then, why would you bother to ask the question? The issue must be making itself manifest in some way you aren't telling us. People don't ask such questions when everything is going well.

 

[Eagle653]

Every one is different on this question. For me, personally, I cannot to get into someone to whom I'm not attracted. It's not a trait I'm particularly proud of, but I know myself well enough to know it's the way I tick.

Anyway, some are different and can form a great relationship with someone who is not their "type." And, research tells us that if someone has your type of personality, you tend to find them physically attractive too--especially longer term if not immediately.

Go with your instincts on this. If he turns you on, personality-wise, then enjoy the good person you have. If the physical side is too much of a barrier, be honest with yourself and him and make adjustments in what's going on.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.

 

[asu1117]

For me it's a must. If i'm not attracted to someone why would I want to have sex with them? And sex is a pretty important part of a relationship.

But maybe it's not as important to you. Though I have a feeling if that were the case this post wouldn't exist.

 

[hotatlboi]

yes it is a must.

He's not at all my type, but we get along so well.

What you described here is a friend (or even best friend), but not a boyfriend.

 

[shainski]

In a relationship where everyone gets along, no fights, great personalities etc... how important is it to find your partner "hot"?

My bf is obsessed with me, but I don't really find him amazingly attractive. He's not at all my type, but we get along so well. Is this relationship doomed?

The sex ranges from amazing to okay: but I have a ridiculously low sex drive, so we don't do it very often.

When you say "hot", you mean totally physically. But over time, aspects of personality and intelligence can make someone attractive. Those things don't show across the bar.

We are all going to lose our youthful looks. But we can become more attractive as we age because of all those other attributes.

I used to wonder why other people's spouses always seemed to attractive to me - and how lucky they were to get them. Eventually i realized that they really weren't that physically attractive, but the whole package was. I've been far happier in my own relationships when i realized that.

 

[KaraBulut]

The mystery is, "What else do you want here?".

You used the term 'partner'. Not sure in what context you're talking about- is this a serious, long-term relationship? Or is this just someone that you're dating?

 

[Deandbn]

You seem to be doing just fine to me.
You say the sex can be amazing, so there is physical attraction which is another word for lust.
So you have lust which is important, and hopefully you will fall out of lust and into love in a year or three. So hang in there mister.
You also say you guys get on well together, and that is also important.
So overall i think you have a pretty good relationship.

What more were you wanting, if anything?

ps: heaven comes much, much later!

 

[NineOfClubs]

So much relationship stuff is about intangibles.

Astrological stuff, past life connections...

Many of the deepest relationships aren't based on sex.

 

[Telstra]

So much relationship stuff is about intangibles.

Astrological stuff, past life connections...

Many of the deepest relationships aren't based on sex.

no wonder some arranged marriage works so well.

 

[altlover85]

no wonder some arranged marriage works so well.

I thought about mentioning arranged marriages, but decided not to mention it because we're talking about gay relationships here and I've never heard of a gay arranged marriage.

 

[Telstra]

I thought about mentioning arranged marriages, but decided not to mention it because we're talking about gay relationships here and I've never heard of a gay arranged marriage.

true, but i thought gays are human too ...