My 4 Year Problem

[Lone-Wolf]

Hi all, I just wanted to get advice from you guys.
I don't know what I should do next...
It's pretty long so I'll have a cliff notes version at the end for ppl who don't like long topics(lol)

When I got into high school, I met this guy, his name is Michael, same as me.
We were in 6th period together and he was a grade higher. We sat together b/c we had the same names.

At first I thought he would be a typical jock, then I got to know him and he was a cool person. We became friends and then I felt differently for him. Back then, I didn't think much of it.
The feelings grew as time went by and then I knew I liked him. I freaked out at first b/c I had feelings for a guy.

Starting from the summer before I entered 11th grade, I had erotic dreams involving him. I had several through out 11th grade. I think this made it me like him more too ^^;
My heart jumped and I lost my breathe, everytime I saw him.

Since I thought about him everyday, I wanted to tell him but was afraid he would get angry and wish he never met me. He was a senior at this time too so I didn't want to let him leave, thinking that way about me. Another factor is because he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to cause unneeded drama.

One night, I literally prayed to God and to send him this message.
In the message, I said things like how I like him. I also said that if he knows and is alright with it, to say hi to me tomorrow.
So I saw him during lunch(the time I always saw him), he didn't say hi. But I went to use the restroom during 5th period, that's when I unexpectantly saw him, he said Hi to me.
So I was like o.o did that really happen!?
It could have been coincidental but I was still happy.

Whenever we saw eachother, we usually ask eachother how everything is and then he nicknamed me David, because he thought that was my name at first. I gave him the nickname Miko, and we would call eachother that. There were times when he wouldn't say hi to me or when I wouldn't and I didn't understand why.

So, I ended up not telling him before he left.
In 12th grade, I told my closest friends that I liked a guy and they supported me. I then told a few other friends and they were completely ok with it too.
I haven't told my family yet.

I've been upset for a while since I couldn't find him and regretted not telling him the previous year.
Whenever I dreamnt about him, I would wake up feeling really happy.

I got advice from my friends and then decided that I wanted to tell him. I've been asking around for his email or anything and always came up blank. One of my friends found him on facebook(about 6 months later), so I got one and added him.

I msged him and didn't get a reply. I msged him twice if he wanted pictures of himself, that I took. He replied to those. I sent him another and he never replied. I then got the courage to msg him that I had something to tell him and made it sound really important, but didn't reveal anything. I didn't get a reply for that either.

I've seen him on facebook several times but I never got a reply.
I just got angry that he would ignore me like that and saw him to be a douche headed jerk.
I have been moving on from him but it's really hard since I've liked him for 4 years.
I've really gotten into Jensen Ackles so he helped me move on to the point where I didn't think about him everyday.

But he went away for 6 weeks and is returning this friday. Deep down, I always think that maybe he will reply and he didn't before b/c he had to get ready for his training at a military school.

I just get mad at myself because I keep looking back at him and keep wondering and hoping.
I get mad at him for being a jerk and whenever I see him on facebook and not replying.

So I don't know what I should do.
I am trying to move on but I still have feelings for him(which I've been trying to bury deep inside of me).
I could msg him again but that seems pointless.

I'm just at the point where I really don't know what I want anymore.
So I guess this is just a rant topic(?)
Still, I would like to read what you guys have to say.

I'm not sure if I'll see him next year since the college he is attending is being replaced by the college I'm going and don't know if the students of that college is going to be there with the students from my college. - if that made sense @.@

Thanks for reading my really really long topic ^^;

*Cliff notes version:

-Met this guy in 9th grade, started liking him
-11th grade - feelings grew
-11th grade - wanted to tell him but never found the courage to do so
-12th grade - told my closest friends that I like a guy and they supported me and gave me advice
-then I decided that I wanted to tell him and let him know
-found him on facebook - messaged him several times, only got 2 replies(and those were -concerning his pictures >>)
-Messaged him that I had something to tell him - never got reply
-Never got any replies from him
-Been mad at him
-trying to move on but still have feelings for him so I'm really frustrated
-don't know what I should do, if I should just keep trying to move on or message him again.

He is the only one I've really felt this strongly for
I have NO experience in confessing my feelings to anyone and never dated or had any relationships
[was trying to hold off on relationships/love until I met him >>]

 

[screwnutty]

wow....Can I get back to you on this....I'm going to need sometime to digest this and to come up with some sound advice. I'm just posting so that you know somebody has read it and well get back to you soon!

 

[thermodynamics]

You're going to have to move on. I know it's tough, but that's the only option. You've sent him messages, so the ball's in his court. And he isn't hitting back.

I'm not the best at recommending specific things to do, but since you'll be attending college this fall, find yourself a GLBT group or any student organization. It's a start, at the very least.

 

[Stoopid]

Just move on. I don't really see anything good coming out of this. Every gay person has their straight guy crushes, and from my own experience, I don't feel it's necessary to tell him that you have a crush on him. Once your in college, you'll find other guys (specifically gay ones) and your mind won't be so fixated on him anymore. Typically, its usual for some guys to be lazy with replying to messages and comments (I'm guilty of it as well). I wish for the best for you!

 

[WYSIWYG]

The first 'love' is always the hardest, especially when it is one sided, and the other does not know. Been there done that! BUT, I do feel you need to move on, especially if he is ignoring you online or not responding to your messages!

Your young, and you will experience many joys and heartaches mate. As you grow older you will learn when to stand fast and go after what you want or take a step back, take a deep breath and more on!

There is someone out there for you and you will find him! Trust me!

 

[Horschallen]

Move on. Do not torture yourself with something that may never happen.

 

[fiorio]

it's gonna take a long long time to get over him, still he will always stay in ur heart at a very special place.
MOVE ON!

 

[123kid]

my honest and best advice my friend is to move on. why would you want to hold yourself back from so many other guys?

 

[Lone-Wolf]

Whoa 6 replies already =]

Thx for the advice

I guess I'm on the right road right now by trying to move on
It's just hard to ignore whatever he does ^^;

Thx again!
If anyone else has anything to add, please do, I'm all ears =]

 

[spreadeagle]

I read this through with interest untill I reached the part about 'miltary school' - even without any of the back-story this immediately suggests that there is very little to be gained by entertaining any thoughts of of developing or re-visiting a relationship with him.

The military is one of the most homophobic environments imaginable. If he's gay there'll be huge pressure to remain closeted and this would make the possibility of any male sexual contact beyond drunken male-bonding fumblings zilch.

If he's not gay the same homophobia will prevent him maintaining relationships with gay friends because of the doubts that would create among his brothers-in-arms about his masculinity and the fall-out that would ensue.

 

[rareboy]

I vote with the move on crowd as well.

You've got it out of your system (hopefully) by posting here and in the cold harsh light of day, you've got to admit it looks pretty hopeless if you just re-read the sequence of events you've described. He's a good fantasy, but from the sounds of things, not very good friend material.

 

[Lone-Wolf]

Thx everyone

It kinda hurts knowing that it's hopeless
but it's for the best

and as spreadeagle has mentioned, yes he did go to an officer candidate school.
I also thought it wouldn't work out since he is really into his religion(Christian) and would probably see me as being sinful or something

 

[luminum]

He's just one fish in the sea...and there's now ay the two of you could have ever worked. You're only hounding him now.

So just find your school's LGBT office or organization and meet some other guys. You've got your whole life ahead of you. One guy you liked in HS isn't going to be the last.

 

[Lone-Wolf]

^
ppl always say that to me
lol

Thank you everyone
I'll let you know how I do as far as moving on and if I find someone

=]