Unforgotten
Slut
He's obviously INVITING you to do these things, stop being so afraid and take the initiative. Just DO IT.
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My Beautiful Best Frend, whom I love.
- Thread starter geishagaysha
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He's obviously INVITING you to do these things, stop being so afraid and take the initiative. Just DO IT.
I would kill myself with the guy I loved forever did any of that to me. He jokingly hugs me and put his arms around me and whatnot and I just die. He kissed me lighly on my cheek once and I floated into heaven.
JackFTwist
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some guys just joke like that because they are so secure in their straightness as he might be convinced of yours so he feels safe
he's doing this stuff in front of others so I suspect he is really Mr Straight - and he thinks you are too - and he's just being funny, not mean, not trying to cause you problems - my gut feeling he is a good guy who really enjoys being comfortable with your friendship
and that is a lot in this worl
he's doing this stuff in front of others so I suspect he is really Mr Straight - and he thinks you are too - and he's just being funny, not mean, not trying to cause you problems - my gut feeling he is a good guy who really enjoys being comfortable with your friendship
and that is a lot in this worl
Thats what I think it is too.
Unforgotten
Slut
I would think this too if it weren't for the fact he aslo does this while they're alone.
waitandsee1688
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To the threadmaker... I feel for you lol. I identify a lot with your story and I have a similar situation that I still can't figure out. I'm going to share with you all my experience and perhaps we can ALL get some advice haha.Ok, so I have been "best friends" with my best friend for as long as I can remember. I've lived a pretty rough life and he's the only person who has really remained a constant. He's always been there and he looks out for me unlike any person I've ever known. I'm used to taking care of everyone else, and I still take care of him, but he does the same for me. As a result, he is incredibly special to me. We share everything, we talk about everything (except this lol) and we do everything together. We know each other inside and out.Over the past couple years, I have begun having some increasing feelings that I may be bisexual. I guess I would have to label myself as bi-curious because I have yet to experiment with a man. I absolutely love women emotionally and physically, and I only truly see myself with a woman in a relationship. I am pretty much only attracted physically to men. However, if I ever could have a relationship with a man, it would only be with my best friend.My best friend is straight (as I used to consider myself), however I believe he is bi-curious as well as myself. We joke around a lot, but we also end up flirting all the time. He calls me sweetie, and I call him names back. We talk about having sex all the time lol. The other day I was discussing moving out of my parents home and he said to me, "Well if you do, I wanna move in with you. It'll be fun. We'll live it up man... fuck bitches, get money. Fuck each other, spend money." And I laughed about it and he laughed. And then we were talking about relationships and I told him that sometimes I feel as though I'll end up being single and not ever get married. And he said with no trace of humor, "well, you'll always have me man." He jokes with me that he's gonna change my name, and he calls me my name with his last name attached. We often joke about having sex with each other and doing things. Like we'll talk about blowing each other, and having sex with each other, and we'll laugh after it, but there's always just a seriousness to it all. Also, one day in one of our usual jokes, we were talking about going out and getting drunk that night, and I said... "Good, that'll make it all the easier to fuck you." And he said... "haha, you're gay" as a joke back to me. And I said... "Well if I'm gay, then why are you my best friend?" And he responded... "well that's because I'm horny... that and I'm bi-curious"... and we laughed again. We've seen each other naked before, and he happened to see my endowment lol, and he was like... "Dude, that thing is gonna hurt when you fuck me. I won't be able to sit down for a week" lol.All in all, he's the most amazing, and caring person I've ever met. He's always been 100% supportive of me, as I have always been of him. I believe that he has similar feelings that I have, however I don't know what to do about that. I am too afraid to ask him what the deal is because he's the one constant I've had in my life and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost him. Truth be told... I don't think I ever could lose him, but regardless, I fear it. As a result, I just can't come out to him and tell him what I feel inside about myself. We always remind each other often how special we are to each other. Right now we're separated because of college, but we talk everyday. And the other day we were talking about the movie Superbad, and he said... "man, that part at the end of the movie made me think about you." And it was the part when the two best friends are together and one of them says to the other, "I love you man. Sometimes I just wanna go up on the roof and shout it to the world. Why can't we say this more often?"I love him as my best friend, and I'm not even looking at it in the sense of wanting a relationship. As I said, I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a man anyway... because I only really like women in that way emotionally. But I swear, if there were ever a man I could... it would be him. I genuinly love him, and I know he loves me... just not sure if its exactly in the same way. His ex girlfriend is one of my good friends, and she always tells me how protective my best friend is of me, and how much he cares about me and worries about me all the time because of some of the things I have had to deal with in my life. I want to at least reveal my bi-curious thoughts to him because its an important part of who I am right now. I'm just afraid. How could I go about doing this, and is telling him the right thing to do?
waitandsee1688
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Also... for the record, I don't have really much advice since I am in such a similar predicament haha. But I would like to say that it sounds as though he has some kind of interest or curiousity because of the fact that it involves the touching and the general closeness that comes from touch.
I can't call it though. However, I truly hope things work out for you!
I can't call it though. However, I truly hope things work out for you!
geishagaysha
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im back.. pls pls read this, even though its soo long ...
sigh.. wow i guess i haven't visited this place since the 1st of september... yikes. well let me just recap on the past few months... 4 to be exact. So much has gone on since I left this thread, and it just seems like the person i was then was years ago... gosh, you guys, i've been through so much pain, and so much sadness is these past few months.. i cannot explain it... even when i try to type it i feel the pain.
Last year - Sept. to December -
Well i guess i should continue and try to say it all.. since i spoke the last time, i went through a whole, pure mental breakdown.. I went through sheer utter, bitter depression, had to get an easier course for high school, and am on probation from the headmaster for having some low grades, meaning i can't do any activities, like i did before, like swimming, tennis, volleyballm or rugby, or even drama, which is my life! i've been put on a pill but that has made me put on soo much weight... its so hard to believe, but i've put on roughly 20 kgs... and making it very hard to wear my clothes.. i felt that i had lost my personality, i felt so ugly and rejected.. i spaced myself from everyone around me.. this was not on purpose, but because i was soo low, i did not realise it.. i felt left out of everything by my closest other friends..
All because of this one guy.. I cannot study.. Everything that i do relates to him.. if it doesn't i don't bother doing it... i obsess about it...
January -
We are friends now, but not as close as I was to him before.. Not at all.. He's become friends with this other guy, and always hangs out and laughs with him.. they have all these inside jokes, and i get soooo soo fucking depressed when i hear them laugh because i know that we used to be like that... they are the class clowns now.. and no one seems to have noticed that he and i aren't close anymore... that friend has been such a negative influence on him... i've only really started talking to him after new years, and when we talk its all laughs and everything, but he seems to keep his distance, like he doesnt seem to want to hang out with me too much.. for example.. when i sms him or speak to him online he never replies... and he never apologizes for it.. its like he never recieves them.. its so frustrating.. the most messd up thing is.. that i only have good days when i have a good day with him.. if not.. i cannt do my homework, and im lying in bed, with intense pain, and a headache.
I have gotten help from psychologists, but i just refuse to tell them my main problem, which is him... i just won't how much my mind says too..
I'm only some days dangerously veering between life and death, because ALL I WANT TO DO IS KILL MYSELF.. and then my parents come into the thought, and they have been through so much for me.. they pay so much for me to go to one of the best schools in the country... and i just want to kill myself?? i feel so torn apart, cos i want to kill myself, but i am an only child, and cannot imagine what a fucktard i am for even thinking of hurting my parents...
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
sigh.. wow i guess i haven't visited this place since the 1st of september... yikes. well let me just recap on the past few months... 4 to be exact. So much has gone on since I left this thread, and it just seems like the person i was then was years ago... gosh, you guys, i've been through so much pain, and so much sadness is these past few months.. i cannot explain it... even when i try to type it i feel the pain.
Last year - Sept. to December -
Well i guess i should continue and try to say it all.. since i spoke the last time, i went through a whole, pure mental breakdown.. I went through sheer utter, bitter depression, had to get an easier course for high school, and am on probation from the headmaster for having some low grades, meaning i can't do any activities, like i did before, like swimming, tennis, volleyballm or rugby, or even drama, which is my life! i've been put on a pill but that has made me put on soo much weight... its so hard to believe, but i've put on roughly 20 kgs... and making it very hard to wear my clothes.. i felt that i had lost my personality, i felt so ugly and rejected.. i spaced myself from everyone around me.. this was not on purpose, but because i was soo low, i did not realise it.. i felt left out of everything by my closest other friends..
All because of this one guy.. I cannot study.. Everything that i do relates to him.. if it doesn't i don't bother doing it... i obsess about it...
January -
We are friends now, but not as close as I was to him before.. Not at all.. He's become friends with this other guy, and always hangs out and laughs with him.. they have all these inside jokes, and i get soooo soo fucking depressed when i hear them laugh because i know that we used to be like that... they are the class clowns now.. and no one seems to have noticed that he and i aren't close anymore... that friend has been such a negative influence on him... i've only really started talking to him after new years, and when we talk its all laughs and everything, but he seems to keep his distance, like he doesnt seem to want to hang out with me too much.. for example.. when i sms him or speak to him online he never replies... and he never apologizes for it.. its like he never recieves them.. its so frustrating.. the most messd up thing is.. that i only have good days when i have a good day with him.. if not.. i cannt do my homework, and im lying in bed, with intense pain, and a headache.
I have gotten help from psychologists, but i just refuse to tell them my main problem, which is him... i just won't how much my mind says too..
I'm only some days dangerously veering between life and death, because ALL I WANT TO DO IS KILL MYSELF.. and then my parents come into the thought, and they have been through so much for me.. they pay so much for me to go to one of the best schools in the country... and i just want to kill myself?? i feel so torn apart, cos i want to kill myself, but i am an only child, and cannot imagine what a fucktard i am for even thinking of hurting my parents...
im back.. pls pls read this, even though its soo long ...
sigh.. wow i guess i haven't visited this place since the 1st of september... yikes. well let me just recap on the past few months... 4 to be exact. So much has gone on since I left this thread, and it just seems like the person i was then was years ago... gosh, you guys, i've been through so much pain, and so much sadness is these past few months.. i cannot explain it... even when i try to type it i feel the pain.
Last year - Sept. to December -
Well i guess i should continue and try to say it all.. since i spoke the last time, i went through a whole, pure mental breakdown.. I went through sheer utter, bitter depression, had to get an easier course for high school, and am on probation from the headmaster for having some low grades,
This is not good.
All because of this one guy.. I cannot study.. Everything that i do relates to him.. if it doesn't i don't bother doing it... i obsess about it.
You need to stop this. He's not Bi or Gay. He's a screwed up str8 guy. Possibly bi-Polar not Bi-sexual.
i cannt do my homework, and im lying in bed, with intense pain, and a headache.
I have gotten help from psychologists, but i just refuse to tell them my main problem, which is him... i just won't how much my mind says too..
You need to tell them everything,and Now.
I'm only some days dangerously veering between life and death, because ALL I WANT TO DO IS KILL MYSELF.. and then my parents come into the thought, and they have been through so much for me.. they pay so much for me to go to one of the best schools in the country... and i just want to kill myself?? i feel so torn apart, cos i want to kill myself, but i am an only child, and cannot imagine what a fucktard i am for even thinking of hurting my parents...
No,Guy or gal is worth killing yourself for. Now,Stop that. Your emotions and hormones are totally out a wack.
I think you,need a break from all this,poss. you need to change schools. This is not right,You need to find other friends and associates,poss. other interest.
You are not the first Guy to fall hard for some jerk of a Str8 Boy.And you will not be the last. It has happened to all of us at one time or another.
Sorry,But I think you need some tough love ,from somewhere.I guess this what,I'm trying to do via the net.
texan_slant
Sex God
Take a step back and put it all in perspective. You've spent all of this time, energy, and emotional pain for someone who prob doesn't even realize or understand the impact that he had on you.
This is also someone who had a girlfriend previously but liked to tease you. What an attention whore! I'd never assume that someone is gay or is comfortable with their sexuality unless they say so.
The fact that he is better friends with someone else goes to show that he is definitely not worth the friendship, time, or energy now. Please try to talk to someone - anyone professional or family member who will listen - about your feelings.
Your life and your happiness depended on someone else - when in fact, you have to look within for your happiness. The danger of this is that you might be prone to depression again might you suffer disappointment like this in the future.
This is also someone who had a girlfriend previously but liked to tease you. What an attention whore! I'd never assume that someone is gay or is comfortable with their sexuality unless they say so.
The fact that he is better friends with someone else goes to show that he is definitely not worth the friendship, time, or energy now. Please try to talk to someone - anyone professional or family member who will listen - about your feelings.
Your life and your happiness depended on someone else - when in fact, you have to look within for your happiness. The danger of this is that you might be prone to depression again might you suffer disappointment like this in the future.
Diodorus
Sex God
Hi Geisha I hope when you read this you are feeling better. Since you are getting professional help you should help them to do their job and open up to them. You need to release this from your psyche. In my feeling it is one reason for the imbalance you are feeling. Also you may want to mention to your health care professionals about the effect the meds are having on you. Sometimes it takes a little experimenting ( by your doctors, not you. 
)to get what works for your individual physical chemistry
)to get what works for your individual physical chemistrygeishagaysha
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Hey peeps,
wow thank you so much for all the input! you guys have been my friends, since i have not told anyone in my life the whole dilemma...
the thing is.. i just don't want to tell anyone that i might be bi-sexual... i am just not ready.. and i don't think i need to.. i don't want ppl looking at me weirdly.. blive me ppl at my school have been pretty nasty to gays before..
i just refuse to tell anyone.. isnt there any other way i can find release of all the sadness?
i just... feel so empty.. without him.. i feel that even all my friends around me mean nothing.. he was my best friend.. who i always used to talk to.. i just miss how much we talk online, or sms and horse around...
also, guys i have another problem... this is all getting so complicated..
he is really good looking, and he is an all rounder, as well as being very down to earth and open minded when he talks to everyone, and everyone likes him. but lately i have been getting these horrible HORRIBLE feelings of jealousy when i see girls flirting with him. its not the jealousy of being able to flirt with HIM.. its the jealousy of being so good looking, all the girls are crazy over you.. i spend most of my spare time, subconsciously thinking of all these things..
i just am DESPERATE to be as good looking as him.. im just not at all good looking, like seriously.. i think thats why i fell in love with him so quickly.. because he treated me as someone SPECIAL...and i had never felt that before...
AND i feel so sad when im with him sometimes alone.. and that sparkle that used to be in our friendship isnt there.. its because he says everything he needs to say to his new best friend... and it hurts me so much... and i just wish.. that i could discreetly tell him how much i miss him, without him being all WTF on me... cos im not sure whether i said it before, but when i confronted him about it directly, he said everything was going fine...
AHHH
just stop this pain.. just stop it...
wow thank you so much for all the input! you guys have been my friends, since i have not told anyone in my life the whole dilemma...
the thing is.. i just don't want to tell anyone that i might be bi-sexual... i am just not ready.. and i don't think i need to.. i don't want ppl looking at me weirdly.. blive me ppl at my school have been pretty nasty to gays before..
i just refuse to tell anyone.. isnt there any other way i can find release of all the sadness?
i just... feel so empty.. without him.. i feel that even all my friends around me mean nothing.. he was my best friend.. who i always used to talk to.. i just miss how much we talk online, or sms and horse around...
also, guys i have another problem... this is all getting so complicated..
he is really good looking, and he is an all rounder, as well as being very down to earth and open minded when he talks to everyone, and everyone likes him. but lately i have been getting these horrible HORRIBLE feelings of jealousy when i see girls flirting with him. its not the jealousy of being able to flirt with HIM.. its the jealousy of being so good looking, all the girls are crazy over you.. i spend most of my spare time, subconsciously thinking of all these things..
i just am DESPERATE to be as good looking as him.. im just not at all good looking, like seriously.. i think thats why i fell in love with him so quickly.. because he treated me as someone SPECIAL...and i had never felt that before...
AND i feel so sad when im with him sometimes alone.. and that sparkle that used to be in our friendship isnt there.. its because he says everything he needs to say to his new best friend... and it hurts me so much... and i just wish.. that i could discreetly tell him how much i miss him, without him being all WTF on me... cos im not sure whether i said it before, but when i confronted him about it directly, he said everything was going fine...
AHHH
just stop this pain.. just stop it...
I think you need to look into going to a new school in the fall. The sooner the better. You need to leave this school and stop obsessing over him. You lost yourself in him and You need to get yourself back. The only way that is going to happen is to leave him and this school and go to another school next year. Stop beating yourself up over him.
texan_slant
Sex God
I know it's hard. I've been through something similar, but instead of hanging on to <him/it/your friendship>, you'll need to make the conscious choice to let it go, when the time is right, in order to move forward.
It doesn't seem very healthy to be hanging on for dear life, to something that he can't contribute to in return. Your life is much more valuable than that.
Hopefully, you can channel the attention and energy (that you give to him) onto yourself instead. Don't underestimate the value of you as a person. Everybody has their own strengths - as well as shortcomings.
It doesn't seem very healthy to be hanging on for dear life, to something that he can't contribute to in return. Your life is much more valuable than that.
Hopefully, you can channel the attention and energy (that you give to him) onto yourself instead. Don't underestimate the value of you as a person. Everybody has their own strengths - as well as shortcomings.
WilsonPhillips4Ever
On the Prowl
Aw, sweetie. 
In the beginning I was really rooting for you to hook up with him... but this is getting too far. It's driving you crazy - literally.
First of all, you need to tell your therapist that HE is what's driving your depression. If you can't be honest with even your therapist, and you're keeping it all inside? You're going to really hurt yourself.
JUB is a good supportive group of Gay/Bi guys, but we can't compare to the help you'd get face to face with a therapist who knows you for you.
You're struggling with your image and that needs to be addressed in therapy too.
You obviously love this guy... but you have to find the strength to love yourself more.
In the beginning I was really rooting for you to hook up with him... but this is getting too far. It's driving you crazy - literally.
First of all, you need to tell your therapist that HE is what's driving your depression. If you can't be honest with even your therapist, and you're keeping it all inside? You're going to really hurt yourself.
JUB is a good supportive group of Gay/Bi guys, but we can't compare to the help you'd get face to face with a therapist who knows you for you.
You're struggling with your image and that needs to be addressed in therapy too.
You obviously love this guy... but you have to find the strength to love yourself more.
geishagaysha
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Hey guys...
I am not trying to get sympathy, but this is where I can only let out my feelings.. and let me just say.. that i pray everyday to God to take me.. to bring up to where he is.. cos i dont want to live here.. i know even if i move, i will obsess about what he is doing, and everything and that will drive me more insane... im so lost...
AHHH I HATE BEING AN ONLY CHILD
IF I WASNT AN ONLY CHILD.. I WOULD BE FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT.. AND LEAVE THIS DAMN PLACE. i just can't do this to my parents.... im being eaten up... i hate everything about myself... i just can't seem to be part of anything anymore.. all my friends seem to be so far away now.. its not like before... he was my world... i just can't...
I WANT TO FUCKING DIE... SOMEONE just kill me...
I am not trying to get sympathy, but this is where I can only let out my feelings.. and let me just say.. that i pray everyday to God to take me.. to bring up to where he is.. cos i dont want to live here.. i know even if i move, i will obsess about what he is doing, and everything and that will drive me more insane... im so lost...
AHHH I HATE BEING AN ONLY CHILD
IF I WASNT AN ONLY CHILD.. I WOULD BE FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT.. AND LEAVE THIS DAMN PLACE. i just can't do this to my parents.... im being eaten up... i hate everything about myself... i just can't seem to be part of anything anymore.. all my friends seem to be so far away now.. its not like before... he was my world... i just can't...
I WANT TO FUCKING DIE... SOMEONE just kill me...
Now Stop that crazy talk right now.Get a grip will you man. Your an only child,big deal. I'm sure you have cousins to carry on the name. IT is time to grow-up,be a man and live your life for you. NOT YOUR PARENTS,NOT YOUR SO CALLED BEST FRIEND LOVE OBSESSION,BUT FOR YOU!
Time to move on and tell the professional help your getting everything and the truth, no making his name janet or whatever. MOST EVERYONE THAT IS BI OR GAY HAS GONE THROUGH THIS TYPE OF SITUATION AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER.
SO YOUR NOT ALONE IN THIS.
But your recent post appear your about to go off the DEEP END INTO THE ABYSS that Very Few return from.
If,I knew,where you are I'd say an intervention is over due.
I also feel your clinically depressed and in need of at least 200mg of Zoloft daily,at this point.
Sorry,but your giving all the signs of a person that should be on suicide watch and placed in a mental ward for 72 hours of observation.
OK,Daddy's Rant is over. Go get HELP,NOW!!!!
Time to get better so you can soar with the best.
geishagaysha
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hey guys, i once again thank everyone for all the help you have given me.. i feel that only you guys know this deep, depressed part of me. pls read this, even though its about a year long.. i really need this, i'm hanging here with no point to life, cos i just love him, and i havent seen in my life someone so perfect and wholesome in so many areas like him.. i love himm so much, and the worst part is the physical attraction i still feel.
ahh i don't know how slow life has been.. its just been dragging on for... ages.. we don't talk anymore. he's really really happy.. life goes on for him. he has this best friend and they always are laughing, have inside jokes and shit, and it just can't stop reminding me of him. Yesterday, an overwhelming feeling came, when i suddenly, just randomly had a flashback of him hugging me.. and i thought that it was the best thing in the world. and that one phase that we had when he held my hand. i'm pretty sure that he is not gay, he just needed me badly at that time cos we were so close, he had broken up with a girl a few months ago, and another girl that he really liked was going out with some other guy.. ahh i miss those times..
these days, things are different.. i miss him and think about him ALL THE TIME... can you imagine a life where you think about someone every minute, and every decision you make, you always think... "what would have he done" i've found myself lately TRYING to be like him, and i have felt a stroong jealousy against him, cos he has become even more popular in our grade, and since we stopped talking, he has made many many many more friends. it's like he has forgotten me.. the problem is.. our grade is reaalyy really small, and we have TOO many mutual friends, and of course, when i'm with them, and he comes around.. anything he says, is the discussion of the group.. he has become like some overly social person and i feel so angry, because i have lost my sense of humour and just the positiv side of life. its because i realised as i said before the last three years of me coming out of my shell and being hyper and funny is because of him, its his influence.. and now i feel like i'm back to the same old person. what annoys me the most about myself is that i feel sooo jealous of him, i'm always trying to be better and fail miserably. he has a better body, better face, he is damn good at sports, he's even smarter than me in studies, he's always soo funny and leads alot of discussion in the midst of ppl.
i dunno why i feel so jealous of him, and also why i miss him so much.. i want him to need me... i really need that.. just no one in our grade is as well rounded as him.. he gets on with everyone, and he's always the center of attraction.. life feels so empty, i rarely get smses on my fone, cos before he used to sms me all the time.. and what really annoys me is that, i don't feel any attraction to other guys.. at all.. i think my main problem is i have such a STRONG sexual attraction for him, it's soo wrong... i want him soo badly, and i hate him too.. im obsessed.
Another thing that has annoyed the SHIT out of me is now, he and his best friend have organized this poker thing, where he gets alot of friends and they all play poker.. he is obsessed with it, but i am not.. i was invited by his best friend, but i said i wasn't interested. Now i feel even more jealous cos he is starting a trend in our grade slowly with this poker thing... i just feel soo unwanted right now.. and sooo screwed up...
also another thing is that ahh sometimes when no one is around, and he just wants to break tension, i think he says hi, but then the next moments when he sees his other friends, he goes and hangs onto them and laughs and totally forgets about me.. the thing is i can mae friends but my mind is blank.. i only can think about him..
is there anything i can do or say, which i can tell him to just leave me alone, if he doesnt want to be friends with me.. or shud i do this..??
SOMEONE PLS REPLY AND GIVE YOUR THOUGHTS... I NEEEDD HELPP PLEASSSSEEE
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
thanks :|
ahh i don't know how slow life has been.. its just been dragging on for... ages.. we don't talk anymore. he's really really happy.. life goes on for him. he has this best friend and they always are laughing, have inside jokes and shit, and it just can't stop reminding me of him. Yesterday, an overwhelming feeling came, when i suddenly, just randomly had a flashback of him hugging me.. and i thought that it was the best thing in the world. and that one phase that we had when he held my hand. i'm pretty sure that he is not gay, he just needed me badly at that time cos we were so close, he had broken up with a girl a few months ago, and another girl that he really liked was going out with some other guy.. ahh i miss those times..
these days, things are different.. i miss him and think about him ALL THE TIME... can you imagine a life where you think about someone every minute, and every decision you make, you always think... "what would have he done" i've found myself lately TRYING to be like him, and i have felt a stroong jealousy against him, cos he has become even more popular in our grade, and since we stopped talking, he has made many many many more friends. it's like he has forgotten me.. the problem is.. our grade is reaalyy really small, and we have TOO many mutual friends, and of course, when i'm with them, and he comes around.. anything he says, is the discussion of the group.. he has become like some overly social person and i feel so angry, because i have lost my sense of humour and just the positiv side of life. its because i realised as i said before the last three years of me coming out of my shell and being hyper and funny is because of him, its his influence.. and now i feel like i'm back to the same old person. what annoys me the most about myself is that i feel sooo jealous of him, i'm always trying to be better and fail miserably. he has a better body, better face, he is damn good at sports, he's even smarter than me in studies, he's always soo funny and leads alot of discussion in the midst of ppl.
i dunno why i feel so jealous of him, and also why i miss him so much.. i want him to need me... i really need that.. just no one in our grade is as well rounded as him.. he gets on with everyone, and he's always the center of attraction.. life feels so empty, i rarely get smses on my fone, cos before he used to sms me all the time.. and what really annoys me is that, i don't feel any attraction to other guys.. at all.. i think my main problem is i have such a STRONG sexual attraction for him, it's soo wrong... i want him soo badly, and i hate him too.. im obsessed.
Another thing that has annoyed the SHIT out of me is now, he and his best friend have organized this poker thing, where he gets alot of friends and they all play poker.. he is obsessed with it, but i am not.. i was invited by his best friend, but i said i wasn't interested. Now i feel even more jealous cos he is starting a trend in our grade slowly with this poker thing... i just feel soo unwanted right now.. and sooo screwed up...
also another thing is that ahh sometimes when no one is around, and he just wants to break tension, i think he says hi, but then the next moments when he sees his other friends, he goes and hangs onto them and laughs and totally forgets about me.. the thing is i can mae friends but my mind is blank.. i only can think about him..
is there anything i can do or say, which i can tell him to just leave me alone, if he doesnt want to be friends with me.. or shud i do this..??
SOMEONE PLS REPLY AND GIVE YOUR THOUGHTS... I NEEEDD HELPP PLEASSSSEEE
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
thanks :|