My best friend just became a fat bitch

[godson112]

I'd been best friends with this girl for about 3 years now. We live next door to eachother, went to the same college and worked together so we were obviously very close. We'd chill together everyday and always go out for drinks together and things were generally fine until recently.

She started throwing up her food, and long story short, the doctor diagnosed her with bulimia. I have a bit of a problem with this because as much as I understand it is a mental illness, in my eyes, she should just snap out of it. She kept moaning about her bulimia and after I while I just snapped and told her exactly what I thought which is next time she felt like throwing up, even if the urge to do so was driving her crazy, just DONT DO IT! I couldn't, and still can't understand how its that difficult to keep your fingers out your throat.

After discussing it we decided the real reason shes become this way was because she started seeing a guy who messed her about too much, cancelling plans, wrapping her round his finger and killing her self esteem, so I told her to stop seeing him, but she refused. To get over it, we went out for drinks the other night. What a disaster.

We went out, and the club we went to was dead, it was just us and about 6 other people. There were 2 guys at the bar and she wanted to invite them over. I reminded her that despite the fact we are drinking alcohol, I'm not getting hammered because I always get myself in trouble, and neither is she, and if she does I'm taking her home and I'm not looking after her, because she similarly always drinks too much and does stupid things, so I reminded her that I'm not puttin up with her being a drunken mess anymore.

So she invited the two guys over, one was a miserable guy who didn't say a word and the other was quite talkative. She was flirting with him and I said to her it's cool if she wants to flirt, but if she starts getting too intimate, I'm going home because we came out just the two of us, and I'm not going to sit here playing third wheel while you chat up some stranger. So she said she'd be good and she'd not ignore me all night. Did she? Did she fuck. Everytime I went to toilet I'd come back and lose her, and find her 5 minutes later in a different corner kissing the face off this guy. And knowing she was only doing it because she's upset the guy she's seeing messes her about too much and her bulimia issue, I gave her a couple of chances.

The straw that broke the camels back was when I asked her to come to the bar with me to get a drink and she said she'd come (I was paying for her drinks all night too because she left her money at home.) I walked to the bar, turned around and she was just straddling this guy eating his face.around, and she hadn't moved from her seat. So I walked over, told her I was going home.

I text her when I got back saying how she'd been a shit friend by acting like a slut and neglecting me, and she sent me several messages back saying much more horrible stuff and accusing ME of being the bad friend which I found absurd.

So I said to her lets call it a day, you give me the money you owe me, and we just won't speak anymore because I can't handle your inability to handle your alcohol, your lack of empathy for leaving me on my own all night and the fact you let some stupid guy who she's only met up with two or three times from ruling her life and driving her to bulimia.

She replied that she would never return my money and this sent me over the edge. Now I don't know what to do because I'm not rich and I spent about £20 on her which is a lot to me at the moment. I don't want to reconcile our friendship because I have just realised she is a cow. She threatened to tell my mum all the bad things I've ever done if I tell her mum she has bulimia (which I wouldn't do anyway), but I don't trust her to not tell my mum about these things I've done. If my mum found out what I'd done she would seriously disown me as a child. It is something I regret but everyone makes mistakes and there's nothing I can do now but it isn't something my mum needs to know about. All I want is a guarantee she'll keep her mouth shut and my money back. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[texan_slant]

Really. Is keeping someone's mouth shut worth keeping this friendship? I wouldn't think so.

You either have to suck it up, or cut it off.

***********************************.

 

[seven2go]

I don't want to reconcile our friendship because I have just realised she is a cow. She threatened to tell my mum all the bad things I've ever done if I tell her mum she has bulimia (which I wouldn't do anyway), but I don't trust her to not tell my mum about these things I've done. If my mum found out what I'd done she would seriously disown me as a child.

So.......your Mom is a daft as your former friend?.......

 

[andysayshi]

I thought this forum didn't allow under-18s to join?

 

[pat grimshaw]

… I have a bit of a problem with this because as much as I understand it is a mental illness, in my eyes, she should just snap out of it…

No, once it's labelled as mental illness it's your job to stand by her and praise her for her special interests

 

[Rand]

gods on,

Your feelings got hurt. You were offering her comfort and understanding and she'd rather make out with a stranger. That can be tough on the self-esteem. I think you were trying to be a friend and felt like your friendship wasn't enough. If you want her in your life as a friend or such, forget the money and offer moral support.

If her friendship isn't that important to you, kiss the money good-bye as a going-a-way party and move on. Consider the money gone. Sorry mate, but some of life's lessons cost and this might be cheap. If you cool things and move on, I doubt that she will tell on you, but if she does, tell your mom to consider the source of the information and if you did do some of those things, it was long ago and you've grown up.

Now grow up and prove me correct.

Celebrate your life,
Rand

 

[jaysizzles]

She's a shitty friend and a user....and really all you ever get from her now is grief...right? I don't blame you for not wanting someone like that in your life any longer, especially one that will threaten you with revealing your secrets...that's blackmail. She's not a rational person. I honestly believe the best thing for you is to cut her out of your life (at least for a while.)

She needs some serious help, especially with the bulimia. Her mental/emotional problems (depression, insecurities, low self esteem, etc...) are subconsciously causing her to do that as well as it's causing her to alienate you. Bulimia can be the result of one's need to gain control in their life...because everything else is out of their control. They can control what goes in and out of their bodies. It can be life threatening...so you need to decide which is more important...her life or your secret. It's a tough choice I'm sure because as much as you can't stand her right now for how she's treated you, you probably still love her deep inside and I'm sure you'd like her to overcome this addiction and mental problems before it gets severe and life threatening. I can't tell you what you should do, nor would I blame you if you did nothing at all...you are not responsible for her. You are responsible for your own actions though...and often times there are consequences and repercussions for the decisions we made/make in life.

I do think you should forget about the money she owes you though. You won't see it, so spare yourself the aggravation right now and chalk it up to a life lesson...which is, never lend money that you can't afford to lose.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

If this is how you treat your friends I would hate to be your enemy.. Now it definitely sounds like she is a head case and didnt react well at the end but seriously I would not want to be friends with someone who tells me I am not getting drunk and acts all high and mighty. Then pesters me all night... now it is rude to neglect the people you went with.. but it happens.. you shrug it off or leave.

 

[Seasoned]

Unfortunately there is a lot wrong with this picture. A friend is never a fat pig. A friend may do something hurtful that has the potential of being healed. Bulimia isn't caused by a shitty boyfriend. The shit may hit the fan after being mistreated, but all the symptoms are already in play. No one can force someone into addiction just as no one can stop another's addiction.

Bulimia is an addiction and you can set boundaries. I need to leave if you... I can loan you x amount of money which I will give you at the beginning of the evening and then when it's done it's done. When you are out of it and pick up guys it's not my responsibility to start a fight with you or the guy to keep you safe.

I apologize for threatening to tell your mother that your bulimic. That was a mistake on my part but I am not willing to have the sole burden of watching you potentially kill yourself.

Friendships have the potential for drama, but when drama outweighs the fun and the good times it seems that the relationship needs some reassment. Maybe we hang at home. I want to be a friend, not a parent or big brother.

 

[MindBlast]

Just a side note, apart from the other issues.

If 20 pounds is a lot of money to you, what are you doing going out and drinking? Seriously man, get your priorities straight.

 

[justsimon]

You both sound extremely immature.

 

[KaraBulut]

This girl needs more help than you can give her. She's toxic and no one should have toxic people in their life.

My best friend just became a fat bitch

And given statements like this, maybe it's time to face the mirror and give some thought to what kind of friend you want to be.

 

[G-Lexington]

Judging solely from this one post, I'd say you were totally meant to be BFFs.

Lex

 

[godson112]

The time limit for editing my message expired...

I thought this forum didn't allow under-18s to join?

I'm 20 years old.

Does your mum know you are gay?

If she does, and she accepts it, you can be pretty confident that she is not going to disown you for whatever 'bad things' you've done (not withstanding serious criminal offences).

Yes my mum knows, and it's never been a problem. It's never been a problem in our relationship and she's always been supportive. And it's not a criminal offence either.

She's a shitty friend and a user....and really all you ever get from her now is grief...right? I don't blame you for not wanting someone like that in your life any longer, especially one that will threaten you with revealing your secrets...that's blackmail. She's not a rational person. I honestly believe the best thing for you is to cut her out of your life (at least for a while.)

She needs some serious help, especially with the bulimia. Her mental/emotional problems (depression, insecurities, low self esteem, etc...) are subconsciously causing her to do that as well as it's causing her to alienate you. Bulimia can be the result of one's need to gain control in their life...because everything else is out of their control. They can control what goes in and out of their bodies. It can be life threatening...so you need to decide which is more important...her life or your secret. It's a tough choice I'm sure because as much as you can't stand her right now for how she's treated you, you probably still love her deep inside and I'm sure you'd like her to overcome this addiction and mental problems before it gets severe and life threatening. I can't tell you what you should do, nor would I blame you if you did nothing at all...you are not responsible for her. You are responsible for your own actions though...and often times there are consequences and repercussions for the decisions we made/make in life.

I do think you should forget about the money she owes you though. You won't see it, so spare yourself the aggravation right now and chalk it up to a life lesson...which is, never lend money that you can't afford to lose.

I have researched bulimia and I did read it's a way of regaining control, or at least trying to. And she knows this too. But I just have some kind of block in my head. Maybe it's naivity or something but I just can't find any sympathy for her. She won't be receiving any support from me. She's been a constant source of drama for the three years I've known her and I've put up with a lot. I've put up with her crying down the phone after she's drunkenly called guys she's only met once and then made them take her to a hotel to sleep with them, I've put up with her feeling bad for herself after she's slept with 50 year old men because they bought her a drink, I've put up with her when she's had family problems, been kicked out, had fights etc. I'm not saying she hasnt stayed by me but I'm very low maintenence. I don't have many (if any) issues and the things I have done for her... She has no reason to ever call me a bad friend thats for sure.

If this is how you treat your friends I would hate to be your enemy.. Now it definitely sounds like she is a head case and didnt react well at the end but seriously I would not want to be friends with someone who tells me I am not getting drunk and acts all high and mighty. Then pesters me all night... now it is rude to neglect the people you went with.. but it happens.. you shrug it off or leave.

With most enemies of mine I just ignore them. But if people mess me about, I won't let them get away with it. And I don't tell her what to. Like I've said (or implied), she can't handle her drink, she causes drama when she's drunk by performing sexual acts on guys in clubs, causing fights etc. One time we went out, she started shouting at some guys in a car after they shouted abuse at her. Rather than leave it and walk on like I told her to, she retaliated used my phone to call the police. The guys asked to speak to the police so she unbelievably handed them my phone and they ran off with it. I had to chase them up the road and tackle the guy with my phone to the ground and ended up getting kicked in the nose as I picked it up. My nose was broken. I've put up with a hell of a lot of shit because of this girl it's unreal.

You both sound extremely immature.

Thanks for the input. I will have to say I disagree. I don't have a lot of friends and I am very choosey with who I allow to become close to me. So when someone betrays me, it's a big shock to the system. Don't assume the language I usesmakes me immature.

Just a side note, apart from the other issues.

If 20 pounds is a lot of money to you, what are you doing going out and drinking? Seriously man, get your priorities straight.

Well mainly, I'm young, I've just been made redundant, I don't have anything to do at the moment and going out and having a laugh is the only thing there is to do in the boring town I live in. And I obviously lent her the money with the agreement that she would repay me. So at the time, £20 was nothing. I didn't think I wouldn't get it back.

 

[godson112]

Jesus fucking Christ. I didn't even get two paragraphs in before I became so inflamed that I had to respond.

An eating disorder isn't something you can just "snap out of". I've suffered from anorexia nervosa for the last year and a half; I've lost over 70 pounds, making me roughly 20 pounds underweight, and my health (both mental and physical) has deteriorated to a state where, if I didn't have the people I do in my life, I'd either be dead or in hospital right now. If you really cared about your "best friend" (I put quotes around that, because if you're that cavalier about a mental disorder that could kill her, obviously you're not that close), you'd advise her to seek help, and listen to her when she talks to you and not just brush her off. It may get irritating to hear the same things over and over, but you need to force her to break the cycle (eating disorders are no different from any other addiction) and seek counselling.

EDIT: I just skimmed the rest of the post. I know someone who's been in an abusive relationship for over two years, and it's not just something you can quit. She's tried so hard to break away, but abusive boyfriends tend to also be extremely manipulative and know exactly which buttons to push to draw them back, time and time again.

Also, your strategy for helping a depressed person with an eating disorder cheer up is to make them drink alcohol? That's certainly a new one.

One, going out was her idea, and two, you obviously didn't read the part where I told her to not drink too much. I wouldn't be surprised if she was an alcoholic. She doesn't always drink but once she starts there's no stopping her. Which is why I said to her before we went out to make sure she doesn't drink too much because I've looked after her too many times on nights out and experienced enough drama (such as having my nose broken due to her stupidity).

He's not an abusive boyfriend. They met online, have met up about three times, she gave him a blowjob on the beach and since then she's been infatuated with him. Everybody, including her family, has been telling her to just stop texting him but she doesn't listen. I've been supporting her through all the issues that led to bulimia and beyond, until the night out she became a bad friend by leaving me and sending me abusive text messages. It seems people on this forum just love to have a go. I'm struggling to see what angle you or anyone else is looking at that makes me seem like a villain.

Like I said, she's had issues for the 3 or 4 years I've known her. I've always supported her, given her a shoulder to cry on, until I snapped. It is one issue after another with her and she never takes my advice or does anything to make things better for herself and her turning to bulimia was proof of that to me. She first made herself sick on Christmas day and I was with her when she did it persuading her not to. She doesn't listen and she won't change and I can't support her anymore.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

The reason you became a villain in this thread is because of your tone.... If you had came in here asking for advice saying your bestfriend has bulimia, is a borderline alcoholic who depends too heavily on you and you can not take it anymore everyone would try to help and sympathize.. but you do not call her a fat bitch when she is clearly unstable..

 

[StlKj]

The reason you became a villain in this thread is because of your tone.... If you had came in here asking for advice saying your bestfriend has bulimia, is a borderline alcoholic who depends too heavily on you and you can not take it anymore everyone would try to help and sympathize.. but you do not call her a fat bitch when she is clearly unstable..

Bingo. Your friend is a wreck, granted, but you come off in this thread like some kind of high-strung harpy. I'd be very interested in hearing what her side of all this would be. I think it would be a challenge to be your friend, as you seem to keep a running tally of what you feel is owed you for your co-dependent "support" of this person.

Suggestions? Cut your losses here, and hang out with people who you don't have to save or demean for your own self-worth.

 

[rareboy]

You may be 20, but you sound like you're 16.

You had a friend.

You've lost a friend.

Move on and start behaving like a grown up man. Instead of a neurotic and needy teenage girl.

 

[evanrick]

lol