my bestfriend.

[ChrisRodz15]

A few days ago, My friend all of sudden started asking me for pictures of some of the guys ive been talking to and also some girls. I told him to delete them when he got them just in case of anything,

BUT I "hacked" into my bestfriends email to see if he had deleted some of the pictures. WELL when i found it, it turns out he had forwarded to someone else. I freaked because he wasnt supposed to send it to anyone. I soon realized that it could be a decoy email to save emails he doesnt want other people to see. So knowing his other pw, i opened the decoy.

In the email address I found the emails with the pics i had sent, a subscription to ADAM4ADAM and a back and forth with some guy. I freaked out cause i thought my friend was "STRAIGHT". So I went to Adam4Adam and he had setup a fake profile just to talk to guys. calling guys "cute", talking about there dicks with "damn".

I didnt know what to do. I confronted him and he wasnt mad. He told me he wasnt sure what this all was that it was crazy. That this was all new and recent. He told me he knows he likes girls that he isnt gay but he doesnt think hes bi. He doesnt see himself doing anything with a guy. He says he gets horny or bored he goes on adam to see guys pics. I told him STR8 guys dont do that.

Im not sure what to tell him. He told me he doesnt want to talk about it anymore because its not him and he knows who he is. BUT im confused, because i know what curioisty is and what liking something is. I think he's liked it for a while now.

Could someone tell me some questions i should ask him, what i should do or say ?
thanks!

 

[CHUCK905]

Can we take a baby step backwards. Could you define "friend?" Because in my world, "friends" don't hack into "friends'" email accounts. They also don't send pictures (not sure what kinds of pics we're talking about here, but I can guess) of other "friends" that you suspect won't be deleted. OK got that off my chest.

What is it that you want/need to know from this "friend" and why?

 

[kevin23]

You don't hack a friends email. You also don't give out pics of other friends without their consent.

" You confronted him, " either a poor choice of words or you are an arrogrant, pushy person. You are trying to force him to talk about something he is not comfortable talking about. Back off, maybe look up the defination of "friend" and start over. MHO

 

[2untru]

judging by the fact that you got into 3 of his online accounts and admitted it to him and he wasn't mad, I'll assume you two have the type of friendship where that isn't a problem.

but i'd look more into him having a fake account using fake photos. thats not cool. you know he is into guys, he just hasn't admitted it yet. no need to force him too. eventually your conversations will come to sex and you'll get all the details.

 

[arpeggi]

As far as the hacking, I'm a bit impressed and disturbed.

However, you're right: straight guys don't go to gay hookup sites unless they're curious. It could be he's trying to satisfy a voyeuristic need. I would say he's just not sure how to deal with possibly being gay.
I went on Manhunt and watched gay porn for a year before admitting to anyone, or myself, about being gay.
Your having figured this is humiliating to him. You didn't know because he wasn't ready to tell you.

 

[KaraBulut]

Your friend is presumably an adult. He's free to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants and, unless someone you know if being hurt or deceived, it's not any of your concern.

However, sending pictures of people to him and hacking into his email account are wrong.

In short, be concerned about your own sexuality and your own life and don't get involved in your friend's games or other personal business.

 

[ChrisRodz15]

Ok. Well lol i feel a little attacked. But w.e...In all honesty i didnt "hack"...i guessed his pw...

In all honesty, i didnt go in there looking for what i found. It just happened that i followed it through. I agree its none of my buisness cause we are both 25 and adults.

But i know what it was like to be confused about being bi and liking guys and eventually telling someone else. I did it alone, and it was lonely as hell. I dont want that for him. I want him to be able to have me as a crutch for anythin he needs.

I just want someone thats been in my position to give me advice in how to help him. What questions i should ask without offedning him or what things to talk about without offending him.

 

[silosybin]

i havent been in a similar position but i suppose i can share what i think i would do.

first don't try to tell him what you think his sexuality is, because nobody wants to be told who they are and you really don't know for sure anyway. straight guys can go through curiosity phases. just try to let him know that if he ever changes his mind and wants to talk about it you'd be more than happy to do it and that you will keep his secret. and then don't talk about it again unless he brings it up. the tough thing will be trying to say it in a way that makes it clear you're not judging his sexuality, just you want to help him figure it out. but he has to make the decision whether he wants to talk about it with you.

does anyone think that's reasonable? i think it's either that or just not say anything more at all. pestering him about it would probably be a bad idea.

 

[jaysizzles]

I just want someone thats been in my position to give me advice in how to help him. What questions i should ask without offedning him or what things to talk about without offending him.

I wouldn't do anything unless he asks you to...he knows you're bi/gay and he also knows you know what he did...so if he wants your advice, he knows where to find you, right!? He told you he's straight...maybe he is. Even if he's covering something up or lying to you, lying to himself, it's not your place to out him or force him into confronting this until he's ready. Just be his friend.

 

[texan_slant]

Oh... the drama.

Let it go, let it be, and move on. If your friend really gay or bi, he's not ready to address it;

I would never have disrupted the security of any friend's email account, and if you don't want anything emailed or shared, then it's best not to have shared them with your friend in the first place.

You basically reap what you sow, and if you were my friend, you no longer would be.

 

[Rooster]

It's none of your business. If you "friend" wanted it to be your business he would have told you about it, you wouldn't have had to find out by invading his privacy.