my bf asked me if i love him????

[iwant10inches]

ok lads hows things?? i'm a bi 22 yr old andd i've just recently come out as in like last week to my m8s!! ive started seeing this guy for about a month now he's my 1st bf! and right frm the strt things hve been pretty intense like fast moving and stuff!! he is constantly on my mind 24/7 and when im not wth him i miss him so so much!! anyway last night i said to him in a txt that i 'think i love u' but i dont like using the word love as it such a HUGE word to be saying and if not used properly we could both get hurt ye understand?

anyway today he txt me asking if wht i said lst nite was true cause he hoped it was!! and to be honest i dont know if i love him i mean i dont know wht love is i dont think ive ever been in love!! so anyway i was honest and i told him and here is exactly wht i said to him see wht u think?? oh yeah and he said he hoped i did mean it cause his last bf said it and he ended up gettin hurt so now hes dodgy about it anyway heres wht i said

"yeah i got hurt from that word to in the past!! thts why i said to u lst nite that its such a HUGE word to be saying but i don;t know wht i'm feeling all i know is that i'm thinking about u 24/7, missing u the whole time even when i've just left u and even more after just talking to u on the phone!! and babes ur why i came home and ur why i told my m8's that i'm bi and babes i wouldn't do tht if i didn't feel something strong!!! wht about u??"​

so i sent that then after i sent;

"and i've never felt so strong 4 some one before as i do for u and i haven't been in love before and if what i've said 2 u is how love feels then im in love!!! and i'm likeing it very much but i'm also scared cause i know it can get me hurt!! or u hurt!! and i don't want that 2 happen! and i would never do anything 2 hurt u!​

so since those txts i've heard nothing from him i wnt to know wht he thinks of tht!!

anyway guys what do u think of that does it sound like im in love or do u think it was the wrong answer to give him let me know please cheers

 

[holycrap]

tell him you love him please.

 

[blooeyz]

go tell him you love him, don't text him, go in person then tell us tomorrow about it.

 

[Dave]

go tell him you love him, don't text him, go in person then tell us tomorrow about it.

couldnt agree more. enough said really.

 

[sublimeinfinity]

"Love" is one of those words that is best said in person. It is not something you can truly define unless you have actually experienced it, and rarely do you recognize it as such from the getgo. Make sure to be honest. You have both experienced pain at the use of that word. If it helps, try being specific: tell him that you think about him all the time, that you smile whenever you see his face (not necessarily these things in particular, but you get the idea). Sometimes you need to build up to saying those three simple words. Trying to express your feelings to someone else can actually help you gain a better understanding of what, exactly, you are feeling.

As for the lack of response, think of it this way: he may be wrestling with the same issues, he may be distracted by something else, or perhaps he was put off. You have no way of knowing for certain, so instead of trying to figure out what he is doing, use the time to work through your own feelings.

 

[teh_nathan]

"he is constantly on my mind 24/7 and when im not wth him i miss him so so much!!"

I may not be an expert, considering the amount of failed relationships I've been in, but I'd call that love.

All you have to do is say how you feel. It shouldn't even be this complicated.

Life is full of grey areas but in this case, either you do or you don't.

 

[teh_nathan]

There is of course another point of view, which a friend of mine said to me:

"he is constantly on my mind 24/7 and when im not wth him i miss him so so much!!"

Honestly, that sounds like infatuation to me. Not to say that it can't also be / change into love, but having someone (or anything) on your mind "24/7" generally means they are/it is either just unknown or new.

Like, take Harry Potter 7. As it draws near, alot of fans will start to think/guess about it "24/7" up til the book release (unknown area, pre/early-dating), read it and discuss it (new area, dating), and then mostly forget about it (or at least put it back in the balance of "normal" book-interest) for the rest of their lives. If, after the hype dies down, you continue to pull it out and read it more often than other books, that's love (marriage/long term relationship).

And of course it has to go both ways. Just because you're thinking about/missing the other person all the time doesn't mean they're doing the same for you. And a one-sided relationship is sort of pointless. Sure you can like features of/idolize/whatever the person, but think about it, do you really want a relationship with someone that ignores/rejects/hates you?

 

[eftergivende]

Emmy Lou Harris & Buddy Miller have a song, "Love Hurts." It's worth listening to, because sometimes that is so. Most of the time love is joyful, and sometimes it is profound. It is rarely, if ever, instant. It's worth a wait.

 

[scfu]

ah, it's the eternal question, isn't it?
I'm no expert, by any means....
however, I think teh_nathan's second post makes a lot of sense. The analogy, while obviously simplifying things considerably, really does get to the essence of the matter.

I don't think anything/anyone can nor should remain on your mind 24/7 in the long-term. Time tends to ultimately balance things out. Balance in all aspects of life is so important, and that includes love.
I think that being in love, among other things ! means that person is never far from your mind 24/7, but certainly not all consuming at the expense of every other thought! If that's the case long-term, it's not healthy and there's a problem.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with that all consuming passion/infatuation for a while!! It can be quite something!! But I don't know if i'd necessarily call it 'love'....would you?

....just my thoughts

 

[skysurfer]

i 100% agree. i think too many people rush into the "L" word when in reality it's just lust filled with a strong liking for a person.

only you can know what you're feeling though. nobody can tell you what love feels like. i like to give it time though to really see how your feelings evolve or change over time. my first bf took about 6 months before i felt so strongly to use the L word. when you're in love, you'd still be with that person no matter what. you wouldn't care if they were horribly disfigured in a car crash because looks don't matter at that point. can you say the same right now?

 

[maturemenfan69]

Man you are IN LOVE with him, to love someone takes longer

 

[Vizjerei]

I wud probably agree that u r IN LOVE with him, like maturemenfan69 has sed, but i know exactly how u feel, if u would allow, i have a similar sort of situation.

I met this guy from gayday in august, was just a one off quick shag, but i sed i wanted a fuckbuddy, whihc i did. he was the 2nd guy ive been with and it was alot better than the first. we got txting alot after that first meet and arranged another meet, then another, and also went out for a couple of drinks and got to know each other.

sounds all good now, and it was, it was amazing.

however, at the beginning of september i had to return to university, which is about 2 hours drive from where we both live. We said we would stay in touch alot, and that we wud keep this goign, him coming to see me or me going to see him at weekends. sadly when he was due to come up to me, he turned around and sed he cudnt do the long distance thing and wanted to call it offf.
by this time i was so upset i came home unannoucned and despite him initially not wanting me to, we met, talked and...

it was all good again, we sed we were gonna try and keep it light, fuckbuddies again, but it was hard, coz neither of us felt like we wanted to see other ppl while we were away,and i was paranoid that he was gonan meet someone else.

i went down again 2 weeks later and we spent an amazing night together, watching a film, cuddling sex, all really couply like. then when i left it was gutwrenching. i constantly thnk about him to the point of distraction and its so hard not being there with him. we phoned a few days later and he sed he doesnt really know what he wants, he is the kinda guy who before just had sex with randoms, but theres somethign different about me, and he really likes me but knows he cant be with me properly coz of uni and the distance. howebver we will remain friends and hopefully still have the occasional bit of fun.

the point is, it has all gone so fast. flirty txts and phonecalls, and passionate nights (and days) have made thigns fly far too fast. he admits that we dont really know that much about each other, and i had to agree.

i think its important to wait a long time to get to know someoen properly and slow down so that u can really say ur in love.

if im honest i dnt think im quite in love with this guy yet, but i want to get to know him better, and when i return from uni to live near him again, who knows what cud happen.

I know how you feel. missing them as soon as you go away, thinking aboutt hem all the time, etc, it is a real torture. I would discourage trying to talk about love via txt, it just doesnt have the same effect and can come out very wrong. Be sure of yourself before u say those 3 words.

to quote snow patrol "those 3 words, said too much, but not enough" at least thats the impression i got from the song. The word love is thrown about far too often and its a really really scary word, I wudnt use it unless u were absolutely sure, as it has the power to destroy what was a perfect budding relationship..



anyway, ive rambled enough, hope that helps, and if anyone has any advice for me either (not trying to steal ur topic, i think u highlight an important msg!) i would be grateful too.


good luck!