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My BF being taken advantage of

mexidude85

mexidude85

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Nov 2, 2009
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Location
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Whats up guys. Well im from chicago and i have recently been involved in a month long relationship. I know it isnt long but I have strong feelings for him. Okay so recently he has told me that a guy at his job has been wanting to get with him but that he has refused and him and the guy are just friends. So one night me and my BF head to his one of his friends house who we will call manny. He tells me and manny that a guy is coming over. Turns out it is the guy who likes him. We all start drinking. The whole time me and my boyfriend are joking he is sneaking in some crotch grabs while his friends turn away. We begin passing notes through my iphone back and forth using the white board app. I play with his feet blah blah. My BF starts getting drunk and gets emotional and starts to cry. His friend the one that likes him gets close and starts rubbing his head palying around saying aww poor baby whats wrong. I start doing the same i know his game plan. I also saw him place his foot on my BF's foot ealier, nothing big no playing footsie just had his foot on his. Anyways as the night draws to a close we all leave my BF has to give his friend a ride home. I am spending the night at my bf's so i sit in the back while he takes his friend home. My BF was way to drunk to drive but wouldnt listen and insisted on driving. Before we leave we are just sitting in the car and my BF'S head is down he is still too drunk. So im just watching and his friend draws close and starts ti KISS my BF!!! WTF!!! Fuck it so i didnt say anything cause my BF is not out and the guy works with him so i didnt wanna make a scene. Once we get to his friends house his friend tells me come to front seat as i get out of the back seat i go around and through the back window i see the guy Kiss my boyfriend again like a quick kiss on the lips and by the time i get to the car door he is coming out. My Boyfriend was clearly wasted and was taken advantage of. I feel like fucking this guy up. I wanna beat his fucking face in for even putting a finger on my BF. I keep telling my BF that i was gonna beat his ass and he just said to calm down and that he loved me and that he didnt want me to do anything cause thats who he worked with and he isnt out and stuff so i let it go but that shit pissed me off. I told my BF that i didnt want him even hanging out with him as friends. he said okay and that he promised me he wouldnt see him outside of work. Would just like your input/thoughts.
 
Sounds like someone is still in high school..

someone is insecure, jealous, no trust, likes drama, needs to put on there big boy pants. Just to name a few.
 
Let this guy have your drunk-driving no-self-control (soon to be ex) boyfriend.
 
bankside said:
Let this guy have your drunk-driving no-self-control (soon to be ex) boyfriend.
Click to expand...

Quoted for truth!

Your boyfriend had no business driving, and clearly your jealous personality overtook any sense of common decency and safety for you, your bf, this guy, and every driver out on the road.
 
Okay just to clear things up I can't drive and you are all right in the fac the my Bf shouldn't have been drivng. I should have kept insistng for his friend to drive. I do take fault for that and I know by not dong so put many at risk. I do trust my BF I just felt really pissed at his friend for doing what he did. Him and that guy are not that close just know eachother through work. So I rather him not get involved with some one who clearly wants to get in his pants. I'm just not comfortable with that I guess I am a lil jelous can't help it when all I picture is that guy kissing my guy. Don't know what's wrong with me but I'm usually notthe jelous type. Anywho I guess I should have more trust in my BF
 
No, no you shouldn't have more trust in someone who makes out with anyone other than you.

Here are the options:
You are his boyfriend and he kisses you - no jealousy.
He kisses other people and he is not your boyfriend - no jealousy.
 
Those white boys are drunk driving fools sometimes!!
 
You might want to ask yourself if someone who breaks down while drunk (you said you know his game plan, which probably means it's not the first time its happened), blatantly disrespects you (by kissing another man in front of you without having discussed it with you first), AND driving drunk like an idiot is someone you want to continue seeing.

I don't buy for a fucking second that he was taken advantage of.
 
As in game plan i meant his friends and how his friend placed his foot on my bf and how the whole night i sense that he was into my bf. From what i saw my bf was taken advantage of. But i respect all of your opinions. Im really into him and we got something going. He is just as jelouse with me. so i guess we both just eed to relax.
 
Seriously?

Jeezuz.

There are SO many things wrong here...

A month? LOVE? No. Not buying that one. Infatuation. Ok.

You allowed someone you "love" to drive drunk and then willingly got into a car with him? Irresponsible. I feel like beating YOUR ass for allowing such a thing when other innocent people could have been hurt or killed. I'm not willing to let you off the hook on this one. Love is what love DOES!

Taken advantage of? Probably not. I'm sure you'd like to see it that way but it isn't so. You don't want to think that this oh so fantastic guy you're "dating" is a scoundrel.

Why on earth you're so "into him" I won't get and because of the jealously and insecurity issues that are present I can only assume you two won't be together very long. The immaturity here is breathtaking.
 
If anything its his friend who should have tried harder to drive. I cant drive dont have a liscense. His friend was the most sober. And as far as a month i mean a month of being serious like having the label of BF but we have been seeing each other longer. I could only try so hard to get him to not drive i was also drunk. So his friend not only let him drive putting us at risk but took advantage of my BF being that drunk and leaned in for a kiss. To me this whole situation is all on his friend. My BF asked me to trust him and that I was his only. Im gona put that trust in him. I just got back from hangning with him and some other friends of his. It was cool we got drunk again but this time we spent the night i wasnt gonna let him drive drunk again. I love him and he loves me so guess thats ll that matters trust is important if things are to last.
 
I totally don't get that your bf isn't out at work, when his friend is kissing him? What's up with that? I don't think his straight act is working. :)

Secondly, it's simple: If your bf continues to hang out with this guy, it's over. He's not that into you.
 
I would have punched the friend, hidden the keys for the (ex)bf, and caught a cab home.
 
What you've got here is a mess. You both abuse alcohol. If one suffers negative consequences and still drinks to get drunk afterwards, that's abuse. Your boyfriend cries at parties when drunk, drives and LETS people kiss him when his boyfriend is sitting in the back seat. The fact that you would both turn around and get drunk again so soon after such a disaster shows that neither of you can really be trusted with your own well-being, much less that of another person.

How about having a sober relationship with him and seeing if that works?
 
Oh come on people. Kids binge drink we all know it. We probably all did it.

Not to excuse you for DRIVING. Do you have a death wish? Do you want him to kill OTHER people?

You can party and still be safe. Work it out.


OK, on to the friend. I'm not really clear, was your BF reciprocating or was he too out of it.

Any way you look at that, it's pretty much molestation UNLESS, your BF gave this guy permission before he got wasted. So yeah, the friend is kinda userish and creepy. If your BF wants to put up with that there's not much you can do about it.

How is it that none of you are out and yet you all end up wasted at parties making out in cars?

When I was 20, I'd probably have dumped the friend's ass on the street, and popped him one the moment the car stopped, and then driven my BF home license or no.

But that was then, and I can't say that would really help. How long have you known your BF, what do you really know about him, I can't see that he did anything to discourage the molester guy. Do you know their history?

Don't sleep over at molester's house, ever.
 
To clear some things up we spent the night this past saturday at his close friends house but that isnt the "molester's" house. I already told him that if im with him i dont wanna see that guy ever. And
 
TX-Beau said:
Oh come on people. Kids binge drink we all know it. We probably all did it.

Not to excuse you for DRIVING. Do you have a death wish? Do you want him to kill OTHER people?

You can party and still be safe. Work it out.


OK, on to the friend. I'm not really clear, was your BF reciprocating or was he too out of it.

Any way you look at that, it's pretty much molestation UNLESS, your BF gave this guy permission before he got wasted. So yeah, the friend is kinda userish and creepy. If your BF wants to put up with that there's not much you can do about it.

How is it that none of you are out and yet you all end up wasted at parties making out in cars?

When I was 20, I'd probably have dumped the friend's ass on the street, and popped him one the moment the car stopped, and then driven my BF home license or no.

But that was then, and I can't say that would really help. How long have you known your BF, what do you really know about him, I can't see that he did anything to discourage the molester guy. Do you know their history?

Don't sleep over at molester's house, ever.
Click to expand...

To clear some things up we spent the night this past saturday at his close friends house the one where we drank at before but that isnt the "molester's" house. I already told him that if im with him i dont wanna see that guy ever. And I couldnt tell whether my boyfriend was reciprocating but it looked as if he wasnt, his head was down and he was just sorta limp and stuff. And im not sure how it is the guy knows he is into dudes. I havent really figured that out. And no i dont know their history besides the fact that they are just friends through work. He told me that he has already turned the guy down. But I guess that guy doesnt get a clue. We were also with a bunch of other freinds that work or have worked with him and they have no clue about him. What i do know about him and his past is that he is bisexual and that he was in love with a girl that broke his heart earlier this year. He doesnt give off a gay vibe.
 
I'm not going to lie, I skimmed through everyone else's response because they all pretty much educated you on the drunk driving thing, please avoid that...it's dangerous for more than just you and him.

But on the guy taking advantage of your boyfriend, you should have called him out. I don't believe anyone should blame a drunk guy wholeheartedly for allowing someone to kiss him. I've been there, I've seen other guy s there. It sounds like the pervert guy saw an opportunity and took it, not knowing you two were an item.

Even if your bf was only a friend, I wouldn't let anyone try to make out with them if I knew they weren't in the right state of mind. It may sound highschool, but I would have politely called the guy to the side and told him to back off. If he would have got an attitude, then yes I would have possibly thrown a punch or two. Then again, I'm the jealous/protective type of both friends&lovers.

If someone would have tried to take advantage of me while I was intoxicated, I would really hope a friend would intervene one my behalf, afterall that's why they are there. You get drunk around friends because it's safer than with practical strangers.

Anyway, keep an eye on that guy and if he tries to act up a second then be sure to handle it on the spot. No need to be rowdy, but I'd be prepared to do so.

[P.S. about how old is everyone, because age makes a difference. people may say it doesn't, but it does. ]

[p.p.s. my advice may be a bit extreme for some, but the basic message is don't be a push over and speak up. the drunk-driving and molesting guy are two major times to start vocalizing.]
 
Yeah if the guy does make a move I won't know unless my BF tells me cause I already told him if we are together with his friends I don't want him inviting that guy. He said he would respect that. Plus the guy had a lil fem vibe going and my BF has clearly stated he doesn't go for or date guys like that. So I know he ain't into him and has told me that he has turned the guy down. If I do see the guy though I told my BF. I'd give him a piece of my mind with my fist lol. I'm sorry I guess I am jelous and over protective and u if u wanna call that having a highs school mentality then so be it but if i see another dude touching or kissing my guy he is dead so to speak :) and if I really wanted to get all highschool on his ass I would have punched him right then and there and in that respect i guess i was more adult about it and I stayed quiet and I just let shit happen. Now the driving drunk I have said before not a smart idea and as aneal_lingus said time go speak up and stop being a push over.
 
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