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My BF IS BORED WITH SEX

looseliam

looseliam

aww I wanted to explode
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Are you two using protection and enough lubrication? I've found some men have pain when the foreskin get pulled too much.

As for the arousal problems, I think there might be something going on upstairs. I can't speculate as to what, but it may be he has to work through some things.

You're 6 months into the relationship. If you want to jump ship, now's the time.

BTW, welcome to JUB! :wave:
 
Now, now. Don't jump to conclusions. Not everyone is compatible sexually with one another. Its great that he came out honestly to you about his feelings regarding sex. Most couples actually have some kind of discussion regarding sex in one form or another. He is uncut and you probably have little experience with dealing with that. He has a sensitive penis and told you it has been rare for another guy to pleasure him just right. He wants to work with you, teach you, how to do so. I don't think you should jump ship. Try new things out, listen to his needs. Let the both of you work out this problem before making any decisions about breaking up.
 
Only he knows, what's wrong with him. You did your part by both asking and listening to him.

Over the years, I have come across, VGL, young guys, who were pretty disinterested in sex as such. I mean, they did it, like coz they were supposed to do it, but the whole experience did not do really anything to them. Some of them were nice dudes to hang out with, the others less so. Sometimes, medication was involved, and sometimes it was just the way these dudes were...

Give your BF a chance and support him as much as you can. But do not take it upon yourself 'to spice it up for him, coz you are older'. If he needs spice, he should come up with some. You ought to show reasonable flexibility and help him overcome his inhibitions. However, it always takes 2 to tango and he is the one, who is coming up with a 'problem' of a sort. So, tell him, yeah, it is his call and you'll support him.

Dumping a dude is always the easiest way out. There is no great merit in that. You want to give it a serious, good, honest try. If it still does not work, then you did your best and it was the time for you to move on.

You have to live in peace with yourself. And you have to have your feeling of self-respect unscathed. So, you go and do the right thing. That's what matters most.

SC..|
 
6 months is an eternity for a relationship with a 21 year old to last. People get bored of their partners. so maybe he does want to move on. he should be honest about it, though.

is there a siginifcant discrepancy in your ages?
 
It's odd that he says he has a problem, and then asks you to define what the problem is, and how to solve it. What are you? Customer service at Sexual Wal Mart?

At least he was candid enough to (sort of) tell you there's a problem. That's half of it. Now he needs to work with you to identify how to arouse him and what he likes. You can't guess here--he needs to figure out how to articulate it to you. In the process, there are vids on almost everything and renting a few of them can be an interesting way for the two of you to explore some new technique and rut-breaking experiments.

But, he needs to work with you. It's just not fair to you for him to say "It's not working for me--fix it."

Good luck! I hope the two of you can stir up some steamy sex soon. I mean, bored after 6 months? It should take at least 6 years to get bored (alright, J/K).
 
noof13 said:
He also doesn't like to be touched, by anyone. He also thinks kissing can be gross. I've never met anyone like this!!
Click to expand...

I had a boyfriend like that once -- his intimacy issues came from the fact he was an ACOA (an adult child of an alcoholic).

Is there any chance of that being in his background? Daddy issues?
 
My last bf was uncut, first time I'd ever really been with one, and he had to show me what to do. "You're pulling it too hard," he'd say when I was jerking him off. And I learned to be real gentle with my tongue when I was blowing him and get all the way down inside the foreskin. He loved that.

So take your time, be patient, and listen to what your bf is telling you. How about having a long session on a Sunday morning, when you're not in a hurry, with no pressure to have an orgasm, just a lot of exploration. Try it.
 
no 21 year old gets bored with sex in any circumstance. sure he's not cheating?
 
see, to me it sounds like he's got intimacy issues.

My first warning bell was that he's a 21 year old man dating a 35 year old man.

That's always a sign of SOME issue.. ususally with both men.

Second is the "Kissing is gross".

Finally "Sex is boring and it hurts".

It sounds to me like he's not looking for a boyfriend but a father figure.

He needs to sort this out, and I'm not sure you can help him do it.
 
Soilwork said:
see, to me it sounds like he's got intimacy issues.

My first warning bell was that he's a 21 year old man dating a 35 year old man.

That's always a sign of SOME issue.. ususally with both men.

Second is the "Kissing is gross".

Finally "Sex is boring and it hurts".

It sounds to me like he's not looking for a boyfriend but a father figure.

He needs to sort this out, and I'm not sure you can help him do it.
Click to expand...
All of the above, the 14 year old boy and that he has trouble getting aroused with you (if I read it right).

Never mind warning bell, I'm hearing a Glockenspiel.
 
Hey, I don't want to read into a situation that I know nothing about, other than what you've written. But one possibility that crosses my mind is that this guy has a history of sexual abuse. Don't just ditch him--you need to probe into things very gingerly and find out what's really going on. Being abused sexually can lead to people having an aversion to sex, and also distort people's experience of eroticism and sexuality in other ways. I'm projecting something that I have a bit of experience with onto a totally unfamiliar scenario, but it's something to think about. Assuming the real reason isn't that he's cheating or has some other hidden agenda, he could just be in need of your support and a lot of patience.
 
"Kissing is gross?" Man, he does have some issues. I think kissing is the best part of being intimate.
 
Kissing is really essential to me, I mean sex is great and all but nothing beats a good long kiss and a cuddle.Thats just me anyway.
 
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