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My boyfriend best friend hates me

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bleedlikeme

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My boyfriends best friend - very close friend - a girl hates me.

We've been seeing each other for 6 months and I've never met her.
They hang out a couple times a week and are basically each others only real friends.

The other night in the car he said that he thinks she hates me. I was like "oh okay...."
He said if she ever gets a bf (which she never has) then he would hate him.....

I'm not sure how to handle the situation - just go on pretending like she doesn't exist?

I kinda harbor a bit of animosity towards her
 
I think you should meet her, and get to know her. If she still wants to be a bitch just say "If you want to hate on me, go keep on hating" and just ignore her. So long as your BF doesnt listen to her, then your fine.
 
I had a somewhat similar situation with my ex and have to admit it strained our relationship a little.
 
Tell your bf that you want to meet her.

I think you're all acting like high school kids.

If you're important to him and she's important to him then he should be able to have you in the same room together.

He's just playing infantile games.

But who knows.

Maybe she's just a cunt.

If she is, she's going to win. You're going to lose. And you're better off without either of them in your life.
 
Well, you've never met her, which means she's never met you, so have you asked why she hates you? Do you even know is she hates you at all, and if she does, it's certainly not about you.

What is he saying to her about you? What is she actually saying about you?

You don't know. You can't know. Ask, but don't be confrontational, be conversational.

start with something like:

"... I find it odd that she dislikes someone she's never met, why do you think that is?..."

I guarantee you that it's because on some level, she wants him, and on some level, he encourages that.

That's not healthy, but it's a fag hag story as old as time.
 
A big red flag to me is that you haven't met his best friend in six months of dating. Something seems very odd about that. My guess is that he doesn't want the two of you to get along. He probably plays you two against each other for the attention. I say it's high time you meet her and you should insist on it no matter what he says. Tell him his comment about her hating you is really bothering you. You want her to meet you in person so that she can see that you aren't a bad person. When you do meet her, try your absolute best to like her. Keep in mind that you only know what he has told you about her and she only knows what he has told her about you. He may spend his time with her bitching about little things you do. Don't allow the meeting to be some quick how do you do. Make sure that it's a dinner with time to talk afterwards. Maybe you can invite them over for dinner, drinks and a movie at your house. Be sure whatever movie you pick is something light hearted.

If for some reason he absolutely refuses to let you meet her, run for the hills. Something is going on with the two of them that he doesn't want you to know. Maybe they are dating and she thinks you are his best friend. If he's not going to open up to you after six months about something of this nature, then there isn't much hope for the relationship. I say move on. Good luck!
 
It is why I said they all sound unbelievably immature.

And way too precious by half.

Both the bf and gf should grow the fuck up and the OP should be looking long and hard at his response to their nonsense as well.
 
altlover85 said:
I'm surprised nobody has commented about this. WTF? I would move on, why would he automatically hate her bf?
Click to expand...

Honestly, my gut reaction was that the BF is at the bottom of this, whatever she knows about the OP comes from him, so what is he saying to her to make her dislike the OP?

Then again, it's also possible, and god knows we've all seen it over and over again, the girl who falls for her gay friend, and the gay friend who likes the worship.

Could be either, one thing is for sure, this isn't about the OP, he's just the spare cock in this scenario.

Frankly, if it was me, I'd probably be waving the red flags in my head. The last thing I would want is some girl in the relationship with me and him - and if he didn't deal with the situation, I'd definitely walk.

Rareboy is right, it's pretty immature to drop stuff like that, without context, without immediately trying to mitigate the situation, or even just keeping your mouth shut.

Why would he tell the OP in the first place? What's the motivation for that?
 
bleedlikeme said:
The other night in the car he said that he thinks she hates me. I was like "oh okay...."
He said if she ever gets a bf (which she never has) then he would hate him.....
Click to expand...

Both your bf and his best friend are troubled people. Notice what I bold-faced? He's the same as her. Find a new bf. Why do you need drama with a couple of psychos, one of whom you have yet to meet.?
 
Okay I forgot to add some stuff during that conversation we had.

He said he's a different person around her and "not as gay" as when he is with me or his gay mates.

She also has him whipped. He would drop everything at an instant for her if she wanted him to, but she wouldn't do the same.

Did i mention that she has no other friends apart from him so I feel as if she is threatened by the fact he won't be spending as much time with him.

She recently got back from a 2 week trip overseas. He was telling me that "it's going to be interesting to see what happens when she gets back because if she wants to hang out with me and i'm busy with you what her reaction will be"
And then he said something about assigning a night for hanging out with her.

The first 5 months of our relationship was tough as he would ALWAYS hang out with her every friday and saturday night and this put a lot of strain on our relationship. Now that we're official I expect him to place a lot more a priority on me.
 
bleedlikeme said:
Okay I forgot to add some stuff during that conversation we had.

He said he's a different person around her and "not as gay" as when he is with me or his gay mates.

She also has him whipped. He would drop everything at an instant for her if she wanted him to, but she wouldn't do the same.

Did i mention that she has no other friends apart from him so I feel as if she is threatened by the fact he won't be spending as much time with him.

She recently got back from a 2 week trip overseas. He was telling me that "it's going to be interesting to see what happens when she gets back because if she wants to hang out with me and i'm busy with you what her reaction will be"
And then he said something about assigning a night for hanging out with her.

The first 5 months of our relationship was tough as he would ALWAYS hang out with her every friday and saturday night and this put a lot of strain on our relationship. Now that we're official I expect him to place a lot more a priority on me.
Click to expand...


Frankly your bf sounds like he's more than a bit of a manipulative asshat, or about 14 years old. He's expecting and even encouraging conflict. I don't think he cares who wins or loses, he is just validating himself through other peopl's jealousy.

Don't count on him not playing the two of you against each other until one or both of you just realize what a fucked up individual he is and dump him for someone better.

But all I can say is, don't say you haven't been warned.

And if you find yourself just sucked up into this drahmah, ask yourself why you think you have this time to waste.
 
If my boyfriend told me Friday and Saturday nights were his best friend's and not mine, I would be pissed. Unless you two have had a conversation about what is going to change now that you are more serious (he does know that things are more serious, right?) you shouldn't be surprised if not much changes.
 
So, you're dating Will, and Grace is threatened ... sounds like it's time for her to get drunk with Karen.
 
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