My boyfriend treats me like a 10 year old.

[Tookies]

Its really starting to get to me recently, even some of my friends have noticed. Since we moved in together he acts like a father figure to me, which is ok in a protective way but his taken it to the extreme.

I will give you an example.

The other night me, him and some friends went out for a drink everyone started getting drunk except my boyfriend who wasnt drinking coz he was driving home, well everyone got very drunk but after most things i was saying he nudged me or said im making a fool of myself and in the end i generally tripped over someones chair when i got up and he thought it was because i was drunk he grabbed me said to our friends 'Sorry dans making a fool out of himself i will take him home' then dragged me to the car and took me home.
I was fuming that he did this so we had a massive arguement when we got in and i went to storm off and he pushed me onto the stairs and demaned me to go to bed ?????
Like i was a child.
Anyway i went to bed and he althought i was appantly drunk he still wanted to have sex and as soon as he finished he went to sleep.

That is just an example of one night but he treats me constantly this way and its really starting to get too much for me. Other nights his reduced me to tears because i stayed at work late and didnt let him know. Screamed at me because i didnt do the washing up and so on.

I've spoken to him about it but as soon as i mention it he gets all loved up and tells me theres nothing to worry about and then it eventually leads to sex yet again, i swear thats all he wants even when i don't want it he always seems to end up getting it.

I just can't handleit anymore its becoming embrassing because i cant do or go anywhere without him knowing about it or coming with me then making a fool of me.

I don't want to leave him i really don't i love him but its getting too much i don't know how to approach it and sort it all out???

 

[Yeehaw]

sounds like a nutcase, how old is your bf?

 

[Tookies]

His 28 and im 20, 21 next month.

 

[Yeehaw]

hmm hes not that much older why does he act like a sugar daddy? you said you dont really love him, then why are you staying with him?... sounds like you should cut him out pronto.

 

[Tookies]

NOOOO
i mistyped haha

that was meant to say.

I dont want to leave him i really don't, I Love him

I really do he used to be so good to me and i don't know whether this is just a ruff patch or what.
He might have somthing on his mind but his one who doesnt like talking and that.

But i just cant handle the control over my life he has

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

You need to let go of what he "used to be/do" and deal with what he's doing NOW.

Sometimes that good person you see in the beginning is a facade, crazy people don't come out and tell you "I'm controlling!" or "I'm neurotic", they lure you in by being exceptionally nice/caring/etc...

These are his true colors. If anything, talk to him and let him know how you feel and find out if something's wrong with him.

But if it were me I would leave, I'm not anyone's toddler and I don't have time for people's hang-ups. Tell him he better call Oprah.

 

[Tookies]

I have told him, but he just turns all nice for the rest of that night then the next day back to usual.

But i can't leave i do love him and all but im i have 2 months left of university and i live with him in a flat i cant leave him coz i will be homeless im kind of stuck although i earn half the amount for rent the money alone wont get me anywhere .

 

[G-Lexington]

Put up with it for another two months.

Lex

 

[Deandbn]

Sounds to me like an abusive relationship developing between the two of you, get out while you can.

Yeah I agree, either abusive or control freak. I think you need to show him where to get off. In other words set some limits and stand up for your self. He's not your Dad, doesnt own you, and needs to show you a little respect.

 

[racer2438]

? is

do you sometimes act like a child to give him the reason to do this??

You may and not know it, not saying you are, just asking. as we all play around here and there and act goofy some times jokingly and he takes it another way...

but this does not sound healthy for you. Life is to short to put up with crap like this.

So just flat out tell him in a calm peacefull talk with him and lay it out.

plain and simple, if he does not stop then it may be time to move on..

good luck..

 

[Petalswilt]

don't have sex with him if you don't want to either. tell him to rack off.

 

[Richardodessa]

Yes there isn't much doubt in my mind that you are in an abusive relationship. Run, don't just walk out of it. The lovey dovey attitude when you question his controlling behaviour is too classic. It would be different if he realized what he was doing when you talked to him about your concerns and changed his behaviour immediately and permanently, but he just wins you back, screws you and the commits the same behaviour. It will only get worse as time goes on. That's my 2 cents worth.

 

[giorgiobaby]

sounds like he has control issues

 

[garion]

I think the point is the OP doesn't want to be looked after in this way and, while some of the behaviour may seem brotherly, some of it definitely isn't.

Granted we only have one side of the story here, but I don't think there would be any benefit in the OP misrepresenting his issue to a bunch of strangers with no vested interest in the situation.

Dan, no one can tell you what to do, because only you can make that decision. However, I can tell you what I would do in that situation. I would make sure I had very honest conversation with my bf and not be distracted from saying what I had to say - even if he becomes all lovey dovey. I would tell him that I can't handle his behaviour any more and that if he can't - or won't - change, then the relationship doesn't have a future.

I know it all seems scary, especially because your living together, so splitting up would potentially cause housing problems etc.

But if you really feel as bad as you're saying you do, then you have to change this situation one way or another, otherwise you're just going to be miserable all the time.

Just my 10c.

 

[backpacker]

You have already tried talking to him in private, therefore when he does something that makes you look like a child, turn the tables on him. In a firm voice say "I'm not your child and I won't be treated like one." That should put him in his place. A few times of that should do the trick.

 

[Smitho]

get the fuck out of that relationship, NOW! you are too young to waste your life on such an asshole.

I quite agree, the advise is plain and simple.
Can you move in with a friend for a couple of months?

 

[saymyname]

Not being an asshole, but I feel we need to know your boyfriend's side of the story before I make any judgments.

Part of me feels that he isn't treating you like a 10 year old, but more like a little brother whom he feels that he has to look after.

It was good of him to not drink so that he could drive you home. Maybe he screamed at you for staying late at work without telling him because he was worried that you were mugged or something? He yelled at you because you didn't clean up? Well listen to him. It's good to clean up after yourself.

You're only 20. I just turned 22 and I'm still reckless. At our young ages, we try to experience new things way too quickly without stopping and thinking about what our priorities are.

If your boyfriend was your age instead of 28, he might have gotten drunk with you that night and you guys might have gotten in a bad accident.

My roommate is 24 and he looks after me the same way sometimes. He's straight and we're not dating or anything. We've been living together since I was 19 and at first I was pretty annoyed by it, but then I started understanding that although he's only 2 years older than I am, he's a bit more mature than I am and that he was looking after me.

You boyfriend is just being mature. He's 28 and he's looking after you.

That's what I think at least...

I agree with you. The story sounds really one sided. Maybe he's constantly looking after you if you are constantly getting drunk and acting like an idiot. If you got in a fight with him and he told you go to bed, I don't see how that's "acting like my father" so much as telling your drunkass boyfriend to go to sleep. I also find it really hard to believe that "i swear thats all he wants even when i don't want it he always seems to end up getting it" in regards to sex. So even when you don't "want it", he just SOMEHOW gets his mouth around your hard dick, up your ass or you into him? Yeah right dude. You make yourself sound like such a victim, when really it just sounds like, by the examples you gave, he was taking care of you on a night you got too drunk and were falling over.

The stuff about not calling when you stay late at work is a problem a lot of people have in relationships. What makes it fatherly of him to expect a call? Everyone wants that kind of call. It's courtesy.

 

[Tookies]

Don't want to be rude or anything but a lot of you are making me seem like something im not.
In regards to me going out i never can do but when i can i liek to enjoy myself, im not some drunken alcoholic university student.
Im at university studying to becoma a nurse and my course consists of many work placments and on most of them i work the lte or overnight shift so therefore when it comes to the weekend im too tired to go out so i just stay in.
So hats y i want to have a fun night out when i actually do get the chance to go out.
Just to clear that up
And theres plenty more to this story that i cant put on here because i dont feel confident enough to but please dont turn it all around on me i know it takes two to tango and yes i know ive done things to piss him off but you dont know half the stuff his done to me.
I know i love him and he loves me and i do hope he is just trying to protect me but at the moment everything his doing is just making me feel worthless so i thought i would tell you guys to maybe boost my confidence and make it stop.

I think im going to sit down with him proberly and talk about it all and when he starts turning all nice im gona tell him to stop it and take this conversation seriously.

I apperiate a lot of your posts.
Thank you
and I will keep you posted.

 

[spencer]

As someone who is controlling, the best way to get me to back down is to be a constant reminder and communicator of me being controlling as I'm doing it.

You need to put your foot down (gently) and give gentle reminders of how he treats you.

John I get that you love me and are trying to take care of me. Don't you think I need to learn some of this stuff for myself. You can take care of me all the time, especially if its going to put a wedge between us.

Then when he acts like everything is okay you say, no. I know that when I say stuff, you act like nothing is there and then you turn around and it happens again. We cannot continue to have this pattern cause in the end, I will end up resenting you and both you and I don't want this.

You either have to compromise with me and meet in the middle (take care of me sometimes but not all the times) or this isn't gonna work.

You especially should not, and I repeat should not, embarrass me in front of other people by explaining to other people that I am embarrasing myself. You are in fact embarrasing the both of us by doing so and you are putting our friends in an awkward position. How do you think they feel when they see that?


If you meet his control issues with facts and examples and tell him in coherent consistent and calm conversations. At some point he's not going to be able to deny his control issues with reguard to you. You have to be really careful and do it in a constructive but firm and non insulting or offensive way. talk about how you feel and how his actions make you feel.

He's not going to consider compromising until you communicate with him correctly on why he needs to.

Good luck

 

[hotatlboi]

I think im going to sit down with him proberly and talk about it all and when he starts turning all nice im gona tell him to stop it and take this conversation seriously.

I think this is the best suggestion anyone has come up with in this thread. It sounds like you've tried to talk to him about it, but he just brushed it off like it wasn't serious. It's never going to change until you make him take it seriously.