My boyfriend wants me to sleep wit his nephew.

[GangnamPrince]

So this is a really weird situation. I'll give a little bit of my background and our (very short) relationship history. I'm 23 and I'm dating a guy who is 53. We've been together for about 4 months and we have been through a lot. I was with him when his mother died, when his daughter gave birth, and the holidays(which are very important to him). I've met all of his family and they like me(I think). We both feel like things are going in the direction of a more serious commitment. Sex is great, I've never had a better sexual connection with anyone. He is successful and he does buy me nice things but I'm not after money. I come from a good family myself and I rarely get any help from my parents. I work full time and I'm a full time student!!

We have just recently gotten through some problems and I thought we came out even closer than before. Until I met his " straight nephew". His nephew is 21 and he's actually his ex wife's real nephew, so it's not an incest type thing. He is still close to his ex wife and his "nephew". He helps him out with money and kind of mentors him since he grew up without a father. I have always been really uncomfortable with their relationship and one of our recent problem was due to this. So he told me to just hang out with him and get to know him so I can see there is nothing going on. So we started hanging out and he's actually a nice guy. My boyfriend gives me money so we can go shopping and go to the gym and stuff. I am starting to feel close to his nephew, in a brotherly/friendly way. He's been opening up to me and he is kind of curious about being with guys. I'm starting to get the vibe that he likes me.

His nephew told me that my boyfriend has been trying to bribe him with money to sleep with me. He sends him pictures of me that I didn't know he took, gives him all of the details of our relationship, and he tells him about his fantasies of us hooking up behind his back. This has been going on since we met. I was mortified and disgusted. I felt like I'm just a play toy or something he can pass around. His nephew reassured me that he really loves me and has never cheated, he only talks about these fantasies. Now my biggest problem, is my insecurity. I feel like my trust has been violated and he LIED to me. He said he is not attracted to his nephew at all and he said he would never cross the line with him. As far my face goes, I'm younger looking and more attractive than the nephew. I'm Asian and his nephew is Hispanic, we both have dark hair, light skin, same height. Nephew is in better shape and has the whole clueless straight boy thing going for him. I'm elegant, smart, ambitious, I speak multiple languages, good background, I'm a model, and I'm NOT a gold digger. Cute jock vs sophisticated model. Honestly he's not on my level. I fit perfectly into his life, yet I still feel inferior. I feel like I'm just second choice because he doesn't want backlash from his family about dating his nephew.

So.....I'm almost done...... What should I do? My original plan was to just take advantage of him to the fullest until I got tired of him and just move on. But lately he's been extremely wonderful, more affectionate, sex has been better, he's been giving me money randomly, and he has even talked about getting engaged. I was going to just ignore his little fantasy since he only talks about it to his nephew and has never brought it up to me. But it's been consuming me, I can't look at him the same anymore. I am very conservative so threesomes, open relationships, and cheating are all deal breakers for me. It goes against my values and makes me feel even more insecure. I hate unsavory and scandalous situations. But I would consider sleeping with his nephew ONCE if it would get it out of his system. I'm just afraid he will want more and want to keep it going and then take it further and pass me around to all of his friends or something weird. Also I don't know how to bring it up to him. I can't tell him his nephew is telling me everything, because then he won't open up to his nephew anymore and it might ruin their relationship. I plan on remaining friends with his nephew no matter what. I know he cares about me a lot and he has never cheated but I'm really hurt by this situation and I don't know what to do. Sorry about the short novel and all of the grammatical errors, I've been up for a few days studying and working.

 

[tarallucci]

Hi, welcome to JUBs

Personally, I would not accept what he did. Regardless of all the events you've been through, 4 months is not much time to think of knowing a person well.
Honestly, I see this as a lack of respect towards you, he could have at least asked you, or told you about his "fantasy". I will even generalize and say that mature men tend to take advantage of young men like you and me, and I don't want to judge but this seems to be the case. The money aspect might be controversial, I don't know how often it happens that he gives you money, but I wouldn't take it, considering you have a full time job.

You basically answered yourself:

I am very conservative so threesomes, open relationships, and cheating are all deal breakers for me. It goes against my values and makes me feel even more insecure. I hate unsavory and scandalous situations. But I would consider sleeping with his nephew ONCE if it would get it out of his system. I'm just afraid he will want more and want to keep it going and then take it further and pass me around to all of his friends or something weird.

I would tell him politely and leave.

 

[KaraBulut]

You've only got 4 months invested in this.

You have a choice to make:

1. Are you willing to continue in a relationship where there's some pretty questionable things going on for the sake of money.
2. Are your values more important to you than the money and this relationship?

 

[eastofeden]

I think you answered your own question already....

I am very conservative so threesomes, open relationships, and cheating are all deal breakers for me. It goes against my values

 

[TX-Beau]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................................

So if this is playing out as you say it is, you have this skeevy older guy offering family members monetary rewards for your "model" ass, and keeping you as his boy in the meantime.

Your plan was (yes, this is the term) gold-digging until the gravy train ran dry, but suddenly it's wuv twoo wuv, and now you have crashed into angst mountain?

You're too "conservative" to be ass for nephew, but not too "conservative" to be ass for profit, you don't like "scandalous" situations, but are apparently fine with deciding on that gold-digger thingy.

So, ass marketing, gold-digging, pervy old men with nephew fetishes, wuv twoo wuv, angst mountain, and what oh what shall I do?

Leave, then write a screenplay.

 

[Seasoned]

I'd run not walk from the whole damn family and not look back.

 

[rmfnb24]

I would ran and fast and as far away from this situation as possible

 

[rareboy]

I'd fuck the nephew.

 

[checkinthingsout]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................................

So if this is playing out as you say it is, you have this skeevy older guy offering family members monetary rewards for your "model" ass, and keeping you as his boy in the meantime.

Your plan was (yes, this is the term) gold-digging until the gravy train ran dry, but suddenly it's wuv twoo wuv, and now you have crashed into angst mountain?

You're too "conservative" to be ass for nephew, but not too "conservative" to be ass for profit, you don't like "scandalous" situations, but are apparently fine with deciding on that gold-digger thingy.

So, ass marketing, gold-digging, pervy old men with nephew fetishes, wuv twoo wuv, angst mountain, and what oh what shall I do?

Leave, then write a screenplay.

Seriously Gangnam Prince, you can tell yourself you're not a gold digger and he is not buying your time, but from what you described that is exactly what is happening. Why are you so surprised he is treating you like property when you have clearly allowed yourself to be bought?

Your situation is also why I am not a huge fan of +15 years age gaps, as the younger guy can find himself in situations like these because you guys are not at the same stage in life financially or developmentally.

My suggestion is to do it, but maybe for a car or a paid semester in school, not trips to the mall. At least get something out of it with future expected returns.

Also, not in any scenario do I see the two of you getting married. Can we see pics of the newphew? He sounds hot

 

[kallipolis]

Another budding author of fiction....boring....

 

[Harker]

Do not walk, run. Every one's situation is different, but I have been in a 35 year age gap relationship for 10 years. Skeevy things happened early on in our relationship, but I forgave him (or tried to) and moved on because I thought that's what you did for love and commitment. I am now essentially trapped in a relationship where I will never be in love with my partner again, and have grown to resent him, but stay with him because now he is family to me and we've been together so long I feel a screwed up sense of duty that I have to be there to take care of him as he ages (with his health problems) because he has no one else to.

I know my situation is it's own screwed up, but I think you answered your question when you mentioned your deal breakers. Leave, and you can find fun times, friends and maybe even love elsewhere.

 

[bankside]

Summary:
I'm not a gold digger but I think I should become one as a way of punishing him for his irretrievable self-evident fucked-up-edness, and also so I can prolong this insane clusterfuck.

Advice:
No.

 

[Luxurious]

Exactly what i read haha, it sounds like total hypocrisy to me.

 

[Ninja108]

I'd be running like hell away from this family.

 

[inputpower1]

I'd fuck the nephew.

Ha! Me, too.

 

[whatever88]

fuck the nephew.

 

[fourozfree]

His nephew told me that my boyfriend has been trying to bribe him with money to sleep with me. He sends him pictures of me that I didn't know he took, gives him all of the details of our relationship, and he tells him about his fantasies of us hooking up behind his back. This has been going on since we met.

Because this alternative hasn't been mentioned: has he shown you the pictures? Are you sure the nephew isn't lying or trying to separate you for some ulterior reason?

It seems plausible to me especially since I think most people would find it alarming to hear that their s.o. was trying to bribe a family member to have sex with them. The nephew must have known this would be alarming for you to hear as well and still decided to tell you, and it doesn't even sound like he tried to play it down or make the situation seem less serious than it is either.

 

[mcbrion]

4 MONTHS!?! You're completely new to each other. You're in the getting-to-know-you stage. Maybe you're going too fast, and you need to discuss your value systems: his is clearly at opposites with yours. Enough said, ALMOST.

Are you IN love with him, and/or is he IN love with you, or is this just "caring" which is nice, but is not "IN LOVE".Before commitments, people are either in love - or in an arrangement. Which ARE you two?

 

[KaraBulut]

4 MONTHS!?!

Well, since this thread was started 8-Feb-2015, it's either been 22 months, or it's all long over...

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, since this thread was started 8-Feb-2015, it's either been 22 months, or it's all long over...

It would have been fun to have had a nice dramatic conclusion though. Something involving a shadowy figure and a vamping diva perhaps.

...Dahlink, my Nephew vants your derriere, ve haff vays of making you obey...