My boyfriend's little incident - what a bottom should do in this situation

[gayboy204]

my boyfriend is a very studly man. We are together for four or more years now. He never had any problem getting hard or inserting his cock inside me. Even if he is semi errect sometimes he would just slap his cock a few times on my hole and it gets hard or i suck him a little or just touching works fine too. He is strictly top and i am a very submissive bottom.

a week or so ago, we were having sex as usual everything was fine he took his position i opened and lifted my legs up. but then he got soft. It was kind of semi erect but he couldnt get in neither he could get it hard by slapping it on my hole. so I sucked him he got a little hard not his usual hard on but enough to penetrate me. but then he got soft again when inserting and then he got frustrated and I jerked him off.

but after that he was upset next morning was very rude to me. He left for gym spent whole day with friends came home and then he took me to bed and fucked me. This time his cock was ok but he was very rough and kind of violent and came much quicker than usual then he slept. His mood got better rightaway.

I think i handled his little incident badly but I have no experience i have never slept with another man so i had never faced such thing before. What a bottom should do in this situation i think he felt that i am disappointed or something. I think i should have said something but i was afraid he will not like it and i didnt know what i should do to arouse him or what. our sex life is back to normal but i am worried.

So any experienced bottoms who had been with many men can you guys tell how to deal with this thing? How not to hurt the top's ego and make him feel comfortable and ok.

* Talking to him about this is not an option.

 

[meatpackage]

Bad mood is obviously becuase he felt he let you down... Well less you and probably emasculated himself by not getting hard. You can't help people with that, especially if you or they aren't willing to talk about it.

As long as he doesn't go temporarily impotent again, I wouldn't worry about it. If he does, if you've been together four years, it's probably time you guys skipped over that idea of ego and just had a chat about it.

 

[gayboy204]

No talking is not an option. Can't I just do something during sex. I wish sex was the solution to all the worlds problems.

 

[shaneripley81]

I wouldn't dwell on it too much. There are many things that could've caused him to be not as hard, and I'm sure he was frustrated and embarressed that he wan't able to perform. I'd just let it go.
If he continues to act out of character (rude, forceful), I'd definately have a talk with him.

 

[midnight81]

If you can't talk to your boyfriend of four years about this stuff, your relationship is doomed to fail. If he can't handle open communication and honesty, then you deserve better.

 

[BlumpkinBoy]

It probably won't happen again, but if it does, here's what you should do. Reassure him that you're fine with just sucking him. If I were in that situation, I'd be so turned on if my boyfriend said something like "that's okay. I'm worn out from being fucked by such a big cock so often anyways." Act really slutty and make sure he knows you're willing to please him in any way you can, and who knows: he might get it up again

 

[gayboy204]

shaneripley: He is very caring I think he just wanted to do it hard to feel better about previous night.

midnight81: we can have the talk I guess but I don't want to.

Blumpkinboy: thats what i wanted to say but i didnt and if it ever happens again i dont think i will be bold enough to say this.

I guess in the end if this ever happens again I will have to talk no matter how uncomfortable this makes me or him feel.

 

[palemale]

shaneripley: He is very caring I think he just wanted to do it hard to feel better about previous night.

midnight81: we can have the talk I guess but I don't want to.

Blumpkinboy: thats what i wanted to say but i didnt and if it ever happens again i dont think i will be bold enough to say this.

I guess in the end if this ever happens again I will have to talk no matter how uncomfortable this makes me or him feel.

If it happens again, just say to him, "Why are you upset? You can't be Superman all the time. Once in a while, you'll be Clark Kent, and that's fine."

 

[jmadaf]

I would suck his cock, and I would beg too suck, sometimes that gives him his power back, when you beg bitch!!! Works for me. Good Luck.

 

[paulad39uk]

These things can happen at any age for any amount of stupid reasons. Chalk it up to experience, it doesn't mean he's been cheating as a certain person said, everyone has an off day from time to time. If you don't mind the rough make up sex it's all well and good.

 

[gayboy204]

palemale: yes i guess i can say this.

aagold76: he is 28 and no he can't cheat on me for lots of reasons but mainly because we love eachother.

paulad39uk: I dont mind rough makeup sex. but i didn't like his rudeness. I am not very good in english but let me try to explain this. his rudeness made me feel that he thinks that getting fucked is very important for me and as my lover he should keep me satisfied. Or he thought that may be i will feel unhappy. It was like he thinks i am shallow.

the incident didnt occur again and he is doing me like normal and he is satisfied and happy.

 

[paulad39uk]

If you didn't like how rude he was to you if he's rude to you again kick his ass! You don't deserve that.

 

[otto13goesbare]

From a top's view, I've been there, too. As I got soft and the old repertoire couldn't work, I became rude and tried anyway to get in my partner again to finish all that routine. Afterward, I felt sad and bad, wondering whether I'd got old or there'd be something wrong between us. And this became a spot in there. When next time it came softer again, the bad feeling reinforced itself and it soon got completely soft.

Then we found some way to deal with it. First, I tried to convince myself getting soft is normal and my body just wants to rest for a while. Not my fault. So I lay back. Then, we tried to boost the high feeling again. Kissing and cuddling and saying something sexy and dirty with my lover can call the intimacy back, and it gets hard again. I don't think we have talked about this issue, since it was solved tacitly. At these moments, all the bottom can do is to show your desire and love and patience still there. That can help maintain the chemistry there. So I really thank my partner's deed. However, this is not purely the bottom's responsibility.

If he still loves you and wants this relationship, probably he is someone like me having part of idealist personality: too idealist to see myself fail. It's not totally about failing filling your desire, but also some part like feeling bad about ruining the beautiful and perfect moment; and this bad feeling makes me not ideal. Like a tango dancer who takes a wrong step and makes the pair fall onto the floor. That kind of bad feeling. So, the reason to be rude is that I want to do the hardest to bring that great moment back. I don't want to talk, because I should be perfect and I believe I can fix it. [I guess that's why you don't want to talk to him directly because you already know this personality in him.] The problem is that, this is not true. I am just a human. And I should focus on the person (i.e. my partner), rather than on the thing (i.e. the sex or the dance) or on myself's embarrassment, if I still want the relationship with my partner.

I would say, ultimately, intimacy comes from the openness to one's self and to each other. The first level, the openness of each other's private body parts makes intimacy. But you will be used to it and needs a next level. I believe you both have been together for a long while and you must have been through many things, and each of these things opened you two each other a little more. So now his willy is just calling you guys to open the next level.

It's not necessary to explicitly "talk", but a mutual understanding should be there. If the mutual understanding doesn't grow as soon as you expect, you could let him know how his rudeness affects you, but surely not discussing this during sex or after his being soft. You should talk about this during something like watching TV or sharing the post-dinner dessert. The purpose is to remind him that a failed dance is just a failed dance. A good dancer can always dance another beautiful dance, but what he needs is to focus on the partner and himself and the next dance. At the mean time, show your affection and your desire and expectation to dance with him again and anytime, and let him know his "dancing skill", either soft or hard, is always wonderful to you. Tops, especially tops with stupid idealism, need that kind of vanity and flattery, you know.

Not sure whether you has known the Enneagram, that is a system of personality traits. I saw it on a television program in Taiwan (in Mandarin), which helped me grow up a lot. Probably you guys can also refer to some similar spiritual or psychological techniques, and explore your relationship to yourselves and each other. That's really bringing bliss! Best wishes.

 

[killraven]

Just shut up and take it bitch. Embarressed he couldn't get it up. He does that next time, is worried he will lose it so he fucks rougher to make sure he has the sensation needed to cum.

 

[Markom]

This happens to me a lot. I am hard and when I try to put it in because he is so tight sometime I get soft before I can get it in. What we do is lay back down and work on getting me hard. Once I told him I was sorry and he said no big deal it give us a chance to cuddle more. So we kiss, cuddle, talk dirty. One thing that get me hard again is to suck on his tongue. Another thing I love to do is to lick his hole. To be down there and smell and taste him get me going. Just thinking about it now gets me going. In fact I better go have something I have to take care of. Hope this helps.

 

[gayboy204]

otto13: this was a very nice response and thank you for sharing this. My boyfriend did not have this problem again. yes he is an idealist and he is always very good at anything he does including sex. I have never had sex with anyother man but him, so actually i have never faced this situation when a top looses errection while entering. Since I always had sex with him so I am used to him being hard and enter me effortlessly. I would say that I am also responsible for this because it was unexpected and I had no idea what I am supposed to do.

@killraven: I love taking his dick, I feel so complete when he is inside me. I dont liked the angry thing. I don't mind hard fucking, actually I think my boyfriend is quite an agressive fucker. but there is difference between aggressive fucking and fucking angrily. Like it was my fault, like he was saying "ok you cock greedy bitch here is what you didnt get yesterday take it". I felt ashamed after sex instead of happy. He on the other hand felt happy and got his confidence back, I guess. I felt empty, disgraced and unloved.

 

[decs420]

hate to say but he might have cheated on you. this happened to me when i cheated.....