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my boyfriend's mother is dying

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Karen_Walker said:
even if it was only a day we'd been together i haven't lost so much of my humanity as to be nonchalant about the death of a critical figure in his life :?
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Thank you for that. You said it better than I could ever have.
 
G-Lexington said:
KB's right. Just being there (and not piling on if at all possible) is the best thing to do. Hang tight, my little fashion plate. You got this.

Lex
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ermmmm.... well see there was about 2 days where we just couldn't get along, i knew he was on edge because of all this so i tried to be patient but my temperament got the best of me and i dug in a lil bit, but we're back on track now.
 
G-Lexington said:
It happens. Glad things seem to be back on an even keel.

Lex
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me too, i felt endlessly guilty for us to be arguing with his mom being in the shape she's in. don't worry he's gettin extra blowjobs, handjobs and when he's at work videos of me fresh out the shower, dressing or undressing. who would've guessed that a guilty conscience would be such an aphrodisiac? :gogirl:
 
Karen_Walker said:
and the newness of our relationship is obscuring my role. i'm already clumsy with words and unsure what to say, we've only been together roughly a month, i haven't even met his mother yet, we were waiting til we had been together a little longer to do the parents thing. well last night we had a huge argument and he said some terrible things and after much prodding to figure out the problem (he's Mr Chill so a mild argument let alone a blow-up like we had is laregely uncharacteristic) he told me his mother is succumbing to lupus and under extraordinarily lucky circumstances she may live another two months.

not really sure what to think or say, not looking for advice, just kinda venting. for my part, other than letting him know i'm available to talk i'm staying out of it and letting him deal with his family, i don't think it's my place yet to get all in that mix.
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As my grandmother used to say, all you can do is: be there. Follow his lead, listen and be present. Nothing different from what you've already said, basically.
 
she's slipped into a coma, i just got this text from him. i'm waiting to reply cuz i don't wanna say something stupid. so far all i've come up with is "i don't know what to say." ](*,)
 
ronboy said:
Just go and be there with him, Karen.
No more need be said...
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i'm giving his family space at the moment, this relationship is fresh out the oven i haven't even been introduced to his family yet. i'm gonna let him come to me when he's ready but i don't think this is a good time for me to be introduced. damnit. ](*,)
 
Don't do the 'I don't know what to say' thing. Say only, "You know where I am when you need me."
 
gsdx said:
Don't say 'IF you need me." He WILL need you. It's just a matter of 'when'. Until then, it's wise to give him his space.
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not to make this all about me but i'm saddened that i'm going to miss out on meeting his mother, until he told me what was going on i had been looking forward to it and getting the "is she gonna approve of me" jitters. that's a huge part of his life i'm never gonna get to experience. i know that's probably the least important thing right now, just venting.
 
gsdx said:
I permit you to do so, as often as necessary.
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here's the icky part i've been dreading, haven't heard from him in nearly an hour. i'm pretty sure that means things are going downhill. thank god for youtube cuz i need some feel-good music in my life right about now. i had half a mind to pop up at the hospital but i know that's THE worst possible idea right now. "oh hey everybody i'm david's boyfriend sorry your loved one is dying." you know the universe sure does like to give us the middle finger sometimes.
 
Rickrock said:
Just want to add that we are here for you too.
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you guys are so sweet. i'm gonna meet up w/ him tomorrow, we spoke briefly on the phone he was actually joking and sounded like his regular self. i dunno if that's denial or acceptance, then again this isn't unexpected so maybe he's had enough time to process everything that's goin on. it almost seems like he's taking this better than i am. i've been listening to "nothing compares to you" on repeat for like an hour. :cry:
 
I was there, where you were Karen, except it was 2002, my mother dying, and it was my boyfriend Dave who was not sure what to do.

Dave did exactly what you are doing. he gave me space. It was one of those things that I had blocked out of my memories when I gave you the initial advice. It was a painful time for me. Neil is right. Just let him know that you'll be there when he needs you. After my mother died, Dave comforted me by just being there. I needed his hand to hold, and to feel his arms around me as I accepted the reality of the situation.

We're here for you too. Keep us updated.
 
ronboy said:
I was there, where you were Karen, except it was 2002, my mother dying, and it was my boyfriend Dave who was not sure what to do.

Dave did exactly what you are doing. he gave me space. It was one of those things that I had blocked out of my memories when I gave you the initial advice. It was a painful time for me. Neil is right. Just let him know that you'll be there when he needs you. After my mother died, Dave comforted me by just being there. I needed his hand to hold, and to feel his arms around me as I accepted the reality of the situation.

We're here for you too. Keep us updated.
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Thanks buddy. You guys are really awesome for letting me bitch about my lil problems. *hugs* i wish our relationship were more established so my role in all this could be more easily defined, in a normal relationship this is where i show up all sweet and supportive to help his family but it happened waaaaay early on (i think this week might make our first month together) so i guess i'm relegated to the sideline to let his family handle it in-house. david has been in good spirits today, i haven't worked up the nerve to ask him for an update although i'm curious, if he hasn't said anything by tomorrow i'm gonna put on my big girl panties and ask, if nothing else so he knows i'm concerned. i've gotta say, the way he's carrying on this is either the calm before the storm or else he's taking things very well, better than i probably would, i'd be an insufferable bitch if this was my mother.
 
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