The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

My boyfriend's straight best friend is Scaring me

^ You are still a man, and every man has a right to assert their position in any setting of relationship, profession, and citizenship.
 
@just believe I dont think it is necessary in a relationship. We have a right to make choices and I choose not to make them.
 
Yeah. Just don't know what to say about that.

WHY don't you want to be in control of your own life. Because you're not educated? Because you're weak? Because you're lazy?

What is it?
 
Congratulations on speaking openly with your boyfriend about this. It must be comforting to know that you are both in a similar situation with X, and that you've both noticed his behaviour. I would suggest that you both try to back off a little from X and spend a bit less time with him. And when you do spend time with him, try to make sure you are both there and not alone with him. X needs to work out his sexuality for himself - there 's not much you can do for him in this regard. He probably does value your friendship and support though, so I wouldn't cut him off completely. Also, I don't think it's a good idea to anger or upset him as he may try to cause trouble for you - just try to keep a bit more distance from him if you can. I hope it all works out well.
 
gayboy204, funny how you've made such willful, intelligent and courageous decisions given your 'practical sense of weakness.' ..| You may keep up the idea if you like, but I'm not buying it for a minute.
 
@future retro: thanks, i am happy to keep distance from him but he is a friend and my boyfriend is very close to him so we are worried about him. I can leave him alone but my boyfriend can not. My boyfriend is the kind of man who could not wait for someone to ask for help. if he someone is in misery or need help he would go out of his way to help. It is still a troublesome situation, my fear is that my boyfriend would push X to marry a girl and X, if he is gay would not be happy. i am also afraid that x would do something stupid which could hurt us or him or everyone.

Updates on the issue are that he himself is avoiding us when my boyfriend caught him at his place he did not look good and was not very happy to see my boyfriend there who invited him to come and watch Pakistan VS Bangladesh match Asia Cup Final at our place. It was an important cricket event and my boyfriend loves to invite friends to watch matches in our house. X downright refused to come and said he has some work to do. It was like in the United States a sports fan refusing to attend the super bowl party with his friends.

Any way we had the party and Pakistan won but X did not come. Everyone asked me and my boyfriend that why X is not here. (I have just cleaned the after party mess and there is so much to do in the morning).

@zoltanspaw: it is all right :) you can buy me a soda.
 
Keep doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe. I'm glad your boyfriend knows what is going on. X may be gay, bi or just horny. Do you think you are in danger of being raped? Are you and your bf afraid that if X gets angry he could make things difficult for you in your country?

Tell your bf about every visit from X and every time he makes you uncomfortable.

As an aside, is there any possibility for you to acquire an employable skill in case, one day, you need to support yourself?
 
@Seasoned thank you for your advice. yes I thought he might get bolder by me not doing anything and i feared that he might do something. Things are changed a bit since I found out that he is being awkward with my bf too. Now that X knows that we both know that he is being weird, he is avoiding us. This is making us worried. My boyfriend thinks he is having second thoughts about wedding and I think he is gay and he does not know what to do so he thought he should sleep with either one of us or may be both Or I dont know what he was thinking.

I am waiting for my boyfriend to help him but if he fails then I will have to do something or he will loose X and he will be sad.

About the employable skills, actually I have learned to write in English and there are some websites, newspapers and blogs that have offered me money to write for them. I have written a few articles in local newspapers about life of street children (I was one of them). I got job offers too which I had to decline because my boyfriend does not want me to work. And I don't want to work at the cost of ruining the peace of my house.

He is very supportive of me learning any skills, I volunteer at Edhi Children's Village I hope one day they will let me adopt a baby but even if they don't, I like working for them. My boyfriend regularly donates money to Edhi village and I make sure that all money is well spent. This is a lot of work as those shelters lack resources and each day they are getting full of children.

I get a little offended when my Western Gay friends think my boyfriend is controlling and abusive. When I was new to the internet some even called my boyfriend a rapist, an opportunist and what not. But he is a great guy and we love each other.
 
Why did they call him a rapist?

And yes, he IS controlling. It's not a judgment, it's a fact, regardless of whether you are ok with it or not. He has put you in a submissive position of a wife, and you are not his equal in this relationship. Again - not a judgment, but an observation.

I am very disturbed by the fact that he doesn't allow you to work. Basically, you are allowed "hobbies", but nothing that would make you an equal part of this family that would then be able to pull its own weight.

This is controlling, and it is slightly abusive. You've just been conditioned to like it.
 
@Rolyo85: In the country where we live we dont have many gay friends, we do know a lesbian couple but our social circle is mostly straight friends and family. So my first educated discussion with another gay person apart from my boyfriend happened on the internet.

Actually we were living together for sometime and were having oral sex, but I was young and I was afraid of moving a step forward. That step was necessary for my boyfriend. He wanted to do it. Sometimes I would agree and he would prepare me for penetration but then I would get scared and he had to back off. then one night he just did it I tried to stop him but he is more muscular and taller than me and stronger (I was even thinner back then, malnourished as i was a homeless orphan) so he made entry and it hurt me. when he was done he felt regret and guilt and apologized and promised he will never do this until i am ready. but he did it again...this time i let him do it and then i started enjoying it so much that i would want him to be inside me as soon as he would come home.

So basically my western friends think this is rape. I think he did what was right and if he hadn't done it we might not have become partners. I was chatting with this one friend from San Francisco, and I said that I was so stupid and didn't know that I wanted this so he had to make the decision for both of us. That friend got so angry hearing this that he stopped talking to me for a while.

you think not allowing me to work is controlling?

He has another controlling part which is our sex life. He has to be always on top of me if I were to sit on him he looses erection and cant perform then he gets distressed. He always want me to cum first sometimes i cant and he looses control and cums before me then he would keep trying to make me happier. Sometimes I feel that me reaching end is the most fun part in sex for him. He feels that he needs to keep me happy, if we fight sometimes he would surrender if he says something bad to me then he would keep feeling guilt until he makes me happy again. I think its his mother, she has screwed with his mind so badly. I never thought that women specially mothers can destroy their boys. but this mother did it.

She is never happy with my boyfriend, throughout his life she has criticized him, he works extremely hard at whatever he does whether its his work, relationships, or anything. Then she found out that he is living with a boy in his house. she made our lives miserable. She hates me so much that I was shocked initially how could a mother be so full of hate. He really tries very hard to make her happy too. I feel that he thinks of me as his mother and I really cant understand why he does that i am nothing like his mother.

He is a very loving person very romantic and charming. So I do not like it when people think that he is controlling or abusive. He cares so much about me and as a gay orphan child who had to grow up in a hostile environment, having a partner like him is the greatest thing that ever happened.
 
I'm not quite certain if it's the accusation that your boyfriend treated you forcefully that is bothering you, or if you think there might be some unpleasant truth to the accusation?

If it's exclusively the former, you have no good reason to listen to people online. But if it's in some way the latter, there are people here who have an ear to lend, with perhaps some thoughts to share, too.
 
I don't really want to push this any further. I agree that he raped you. Repeatedly. That he ALSO cares about you is probably true, but the fact is he did rape you. Repeatedly. You learned to love it, but to my mind there is a psychologically unhealthy element in your relationship.

However, I don't see the point in continuing this conversation, unless you are actively interested in hearing what I'd have to say. If this relationship works for you, then it does. But regardless of what you think, and regardless of what he says, make moves to ensure that you can have a good life without him. It may never come to that, but you cannot live as if being dependent on him is the only way to live. You have gotten far from the orphan you were, and you owe it to that little orphan to ensure you will always have a fighting chance.

Hope that you will never need to fend for yourself, but make sure you can, that's all I will say.
 
@zoltanspawn: I just can not understand the accusation and that my Western friends would think of my boyfriend as some kind of evil person. For the reasons below:

@Rolyo85: I do not think that he raped me. I think people who rape want to hurt other people. My boyfriend never wanted to hurt me. He just wanted to do it because we lived together, we slept together, I have told him I love him more than anything in the world, I have agreed to him that I will let him do that. If he wanted to rape me he could have done that before. It just became difficult for him to backoff each night and find other ways to end sex which satisfied me but not him.

It is not like I didn't want him, I wanted to do it too, but I was scared that he is tall and muscular, that he would be too powerful and might break me, i was scared that his size is too big for my virgin ___, how it will go, what if I fail to take it, what if he dislike me if i am unable to give him the pleasure he needed.

He tried his best to calm me down, to prepare me, He would try to relax me by his tongue down there, by lubricating by fingering and I loved all of that. he repeatedly assured me that he will be nice and will try his best not to hurt me. Ultimately he got too filled up and he did it.

About working part. I have skills and i am more confident than before. If I have to survive without him I can easily do that. I have job offers, he bought me the house where my parents once lived so I will have a place to live too. Also the rent of that house goes to a separate bank account on my name so I will have quite enough money to live for months without even working. I am more relaxed about who I am and where I am coming from. In fact, if it wasn't for him I didn't even know how to speak or write in English language and I wouldn't be here talking to you.

Technically if something happens to me or my boyfriend we will not inherit anything from each other because we are not even recognized as a couple. If my boyfriend writes things in his will to me his parents and brothers can claim that in court and take it too. So after the accident my boyfriend has made arrangements that if God forbid something happens to him, I get plenty of money. Though it is an altogether different thing that I would probably not want to live without him.

It works out very well for both of us. I don't mind hearing what you have to say. I am open to change and improvement. but I love him so it puts me in a defensive position if people think of him as evil.
 
Well, I don't think of him as evil. I just think your culture is different from ours, and he has put you in a role that you should not have to fill. Gender stereotypes where there should not be any. If that works for you, then I can't say it's wrong just because it's not my culture. I just hope you are right and you can live without his support.

And rape is a sexual act with an unwilling participant. Whatever the reasons, he should have waited for you to let him do it, not force you.
 
gayboy204 said:
@Seasoned thank you for your advice. yes I thought he might get bolder by me not doing anything and i feared that he might do something. Things are changed a bit since I found out that he is being awkward with my bf too. Now that X knows that we both know that he is being weird, he is avoiding us. This is making us worried. My boyfriend thinks he is having second thoughts about wedding and I think he is gay and he does not know what to do so he thought he should sleep with either one of us or may be both Or I dont know what he was thinking.

I am waiting for my boyfriend to help him but if he fails then I will have to do something or he will loose X and he will be sad.

About the employable skills, actually I have learned to write in English and there are some websites, newspapers and blogs that have offered me money to write for them. I have written a few articles in local newspapers about life of street children (I was one of them). I got job offers too which I had to decline because my boyfriend does not want me to work. And I don't want to work at the cost of ruining the peace of my house.

He is very supportive of me learning any skills, I volunteer at Edhi Children's Village I hope one day they will let me adopt a baby but even if they don't, I like working for them. My boyfriend regularly donates money to Edhi village and I make sure that all money is well spent. This is a lot of work as those shelters lack resources and each day they are getting full of children.

I get a little offended when my Western Gay friends think my boyfriend is controlling and abusive. When I was new to the internet some even called my boyfriend a rapist, an opportunist and what not. But he is a great guy and we love each other.
Click to expand...
hello gayboy204

I have been fallowing ur post for a few days and I must say that I find u to be a wonderful guy. There is one thing that u must understand about ur western friends. In the western world men are fighting to prove that they are dominant. gay men particularly because have to prove that they are still men. they are always fighting to keep the little masculine characteristic they have . so that is why many gay relationship crumble because of power struggle. Both men want to be the dominant one. they forgot about humility and submission ( except in bed with handcuff). I live i the us and won't mind if my boyfriend wants watch over me and make certain decision about finance etc...

You are a well grounded person. you know ur strength and ur weakness. Some of those people are insensitive because they don't know how hard it is to have and maintain a relationship in the kind of country where u live in. don't listen to them start arguing with ur boyfriend. they themselves are living along and loveless one night stands.

And for mister X , please send him my way. I have a few tricks for him. I can't wait for ur next post.
 
Print out this thread and give it to everyone who is friendly to you.
 
Rolyo85 said:
Oh wow. People who tell him he should not let someone completely take over his life live in loveless one night stands? Talk about stereotyping...
Click to expand...

Cultural misunderstanding is a two way street. :lol:
 
@Rolyo85 Thanks you are very kind and I really appreciate your concern. I also understand what you are trying to say and I really appreciate your advice.

@justnineinches: Thanks, I admire gay people in the West, particularly in the United States for their struggle of equal rights. I don't know about power politics and I found out about dominance and submission on the internet. Me and my boyfriend, we don't think about it as domination or submission. Its just that sometimes when you love someone you want to do things for them. True that nagging kills a relationship no one wants to come home to have another battle after a tiring day at work.

about X, I should not speak to him about this because my boyfriend does not think he is gay so he wants to handle it his way. Also if I spoke to X I am afraid he will take it wrong. But if my boyfriend fails then I will have to try and help X.
 
Or, here's a thought - don't. He hasn't been a friend to you, and struggling with sexuality is often something you can only do on your own. Some people foreclose on it and can NEVER come out, regardless of how much it burns. They'll go through life "messing around" with guys, cheating on their wives and will die with the firm "knowledge" that they are absolutely straight.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top