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My (ex) boyfriend problem

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My ex is 35 (I am 30), but his parents still run most of his life and finances as if he were a 15 year old. (He makes six figures.)

Everything we ever did was based on his parent’s approval. I was sick of being treated like a second class citizen whenever they were around. His parents know of him being gay, but refused to acknowledge me as his partner.

The funny thing is that I am a great, wonderful guy. Everyone who knows me loves me. I am in awesome shape, have a great face, come from a supportive (and well connected) family, and love what I do for a living. Yet, my ex’s family always acted as if I were not good enough for their son or for them.

Last week my ex told confirmed was having a two year fling with one of his father's employees because his parents knew of that, but did not approve of me. (I had always suspected something.)He told me that I could either accept his fling/ affair while still being faithful to him or leave. I felt horrible and sick to my stomach. I left his house and came back to my own.

Through the grapevine, my ex discovered that I had hosted a surprise party at my house for a friend two nights ago and spent the previous day working with a community organization. (He on the other hand, had spent his time in a nice hotel with his new guy.) My ex called me in the middle of the night and yelled me for an hour for not cancelling my social life due to our break-up. He told me that I was always too independent for my own good, while his fling and his family make him feel needed. (They are very manipulative.) He hung up on me when I asked him, “Why did you leave me for someone who isn’t nearly as attractive, popular, smart or hot as me,” because I was “insulting” his “innocent” new boyfriend. (More on that guy’s “innocence” below.)

What does he want? He'll do everything for his family (even if it means treating me like crap) and refuses to stop seeing this new guy (who is taking him for all his financial worth, while I never got a dime or asked for any gifts)! Yet, he wants me to stay at home alone waiting for him to call or come back.

I am pretty masculine and a guy’s guy (most people refuse to believe I am gay) and my ex’s fling is a clingy, dramatic, flaming queen. Yet, he keeps telling me that I am THE embarrassment to his family. His fling has a well-known criminal record and is loved by them. I am a highly educated and respected member of the community…but still not good enough.

We were together for over 10 years. I love him. We had good times when his family and fling were not around (that says alot). However, I can’t go back because to do so would be nuts. I am heart-broken, but not in pieces. (My family has been wonderful.)

What should I do? What should I say? I was the PERFECT boyfriend, but was still cast aside for a real loser. However, I had to leave him for my own sake and self-esteem. (I took a lot of blows to my ego because of him.)
 
is this really about us further telling you what kind of a great guy you are and how much better you deserve or is that ex-story more than just a cover-up :confused:
 
Look dude, if he was so horrible, and you are such a catch...

why worry?

you'll find a new guy and forget about him


Hopefully you learned your lesson from that guy and get yourself a better guy.

If you repeat the same mistake, then those ten years were truly a waste of time. And a decade is a lot of time to waste
 
is this really about us further telling you what kind of a great guy you are and how much better you deserve or is that ex-story more than just a cover-up :confused:

It's just about me being confused. We just broke-up last week after 10 years.
What do you mean with the cover-up? :confused:
 
You sound a little full of yourself, but if you really are all the things you say you are, then I would surround myself with friends and family and try to slowly pick up the pieces and move on.

I'm sorry he did that too you, but I think in the long run you'll be okay.

Some people don't appreciate what they have.
 
i think you should just settle down with your ego............
 
i think you should just settle down with your ego............

Just because I am self-assured, not broken and successful means I deserved to be dump for a former felon?!?
I don't mean to come off as being an egomaniac- but I am feeling hurt. I wish I could be angry, but I am just confused.
Being self-confident must be my newfound defense mechanism.
 
What should I do? What should I say? I was the PERFECT boyfriend, but was still cast aside for a real loser. However, I had to leave him for my own sake and self-esteem. (I took a lot of blows to my ego because of him.)

I would first stop worrying about what other people think.
It sounds like its his loss.
Move on.
 
Well there you go.

It doesn't sound like any great loss.

As others have said, if you're everything you say you are, then you should have no problem getting your next guy and forgetting about him, his trashy new boyfriend and his horrible family.
 
why worry what other people think, its their loss according to you. And you are such a catch, according to you, you'll have no problem finding someone else.
Don't go back.
 
I am sure there is more to it, but it sounds like a harsh way to end a 10 year relationship. But men are dicks and some are just cold hearted.
 
You have the wrong idea about why somebody should be faithful.

A true man is faithful to his partner because they love each other, and because they are committed, not because he hasn't found anybody better yet to upgrade to.

Your ex is not a true man.

And who knows why his family didn't approve. If you are so masculine maybe in their primitive minds they were worried that it was their son getting fucked, but if they see him with a feminine guy they can assume he is the "man" in the relationship. Some people really are that stupid. Some gay people are that stupid, so it wouldn't surprise me if stupid homophobic parents were that stupid.

Your ex used you for two years. Two years ago he could have broken up with you. He could have said "I'm not in love like I thought I was. I want you to be free, and go with a full heart."

Or he could have said "I never told you this before and I am afraid to tell you now but the truth is I want to have an open relationship."

Or he could have said "My parents don't like you and I have decided to take their side because I'm always just going to please them - that's the way it is."

But instead he proves that he has no balls...and just fucks around behind your back.

You may be feeling the loss of 10 years in the making. But be thankful that he did not steal more of your time.
 
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