My Ex

[panic1]

So me and my boyfriend broke up in February, for about 4 weeks I didn’t tell any of my friends because I was just too ashamed to admit it.

Once I started telling people it slowly hit me that it was real and that I wanted to get back with him. For about 3 weeks after we broke up we used to text every day without fail so it didn’t seem like we had broken up. My ex is the kind of person who always texts when he’s on a night out and he did even when we broke up until one Friday night. I knew he was going out and I didn’t get a text or drunken phone call – it terrified me because it hit me that he could potentially be going out and getting with someone else. I instantly fell sick and since that day I’ve been trying to get him back.

We are now at the end of September and its been a rough ride. I’ve had melt downs and the works. I’ve tried talking to him about getting back together but he insists that he does not want a relationship and he’s too busy for one (he's a teacher)

Recently I’ve just been trying to cut him out of my life as I can’t keep going on like this missing him and him not caring - it hurts so much.
So iv deleted him number and all the text messages and pictures. My ex deleted me on Facebook around March because he couldn’t ‘bare to see my happy’. So iv blocked him on Facebook as we have many mutual friends and every time I see that he’s liked or commented on something my heart stops. Iv blocked him on twitter so he can’t read my tweets. Im trying to get over him but he’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed.

Until recently it was always me that used to make the effort to keep in contact but he would do his best to limit conversation and not show any emotion towards me even if I was pouring my heart out, he would say its "awkward". Recently it’s him that is making all the effort and texting me. Im trying to keep conversation to a minimum as I don’t want to get too attached.
Its small things such as asking me if im applying for jobs in an area close to him which makes me wonder if he does still loves me, I have applied for one and he did say his fingers were crossed for me. We used to watch a TV program together on a Sunday with a glass of wine and this program recently started on TV again and after 2 weeks of not talking i got a text saying he was watching TV with a glass of wine like the old days. He also said the other day that he no one will be able to match up to me.


The question is – What do I do? Am I to continue loving this person who might love me but doesn’t want to show it. Or do I move on and just cut all contact for good.

The main reason we broke up was after a fight we had after a night out, it was not pretty and it should not have happened. But the pain from that night has gone and I just miss him so much. We are both equally stubborn and will argue over the smallest things.

Input would be appreciated

Thanks.

 

[hollywooder18]

I've been through relatively the same scenario once. It was actually strange reading your post because I can feel where you're coming from, and for that I am sorry. I know how it feels to stay attached to someone after things are "over". The difference is, my ex and I faded out, as did the emotions and any "effort" to keep anything alive. That isn't the case with you and your ex, so my advice is to try again. Talk to him, see where it goes. Ask his opinion and views on things and if he wants to try again, why not?

I have had fights in relationships that haven't been pretty either, and my significant other and I have worked through them, and it is possible to put something in the past and get over it. You obviously still care very deeply about him and it definitely seems like he cares about you a lot still too. All I have to say, communicate with him, meet with him, talk things out, have a goal of trying again. I know it may seem like that's a blunt and basic answer, but why not?

 

[justanothershyguy]

Panic1: I'm going to say now that I don't know how to respond to most of this in this, but I do know a way to help you a little bit. (It's not that I don't want to help, I just don't have the same experience to be able to help you with. Hope you understand)


Anyway, here's what I think.

The main reason we broke up was after a fight we had after a night out, it was not pretty and it should not have happened. But the pain from that night has gone and I just miss him so much. We are both equally stubborn and will argue over the smallest things.

First of all I want to say that being stubborn is not a bad thing. It is merely hard to deal with. What I do want to say that is you should never let it get in the way of any relationship (whether that's a friendship or romantic or anything else). I understand exactly how you feel, too. I am very stubborn and I know how hard it can be to admit you're wrong (Not saying you are or not here). One of the best decisions I've made in my life (recently) stemmed around me admitting I was wrong and asking for forgiveness.

What I would suggest, now that that's said, is that you should weigh the positives and the negatives of your relationship with him. If the happy times are that much better than the sad and you can forgive each other (AND if he wants a relationship with you), then I say go for it. I don't know how he feels just from what you've said and I don't even want to guess, but it's painfully obvious that you still care for him. I mean no offense by this, but if you care so much for him, don't be so afraid to admit you're wrong with something.

Another thing I might consider doing is talking to mutual friends. They might be able to help you with how he feels. If you find out he doesn't feel anything like before, then you have to move on for your own sake.

So, don't be afraid to admit your mistakes and maybe he won't be afraid to do the same. But make sure that if you do this, please continue to do it in the future so other fights don't have the same impact.

I hope this all makes sense, but if it doesn't, I will try to reiterate my point.

Good luck!
Matt

 

[Georgiadude]

I think you are prolonging the pain and agony of the break up on the hopes that someday he's going to decide he wants to start seeing you again. I think he's made it clear that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but he still likes the comfort of knowing your around. Your basically his fall back guy. Whether intentional or not, he's stringing you along. I've been through a terrible break up. He was the person I loved the most, EVER. But I had to cut him out of my life. It hurts and it sucks and it's painful but it's the best thing to do. Right now your life is on hold. How long are you going to wait for him to come back to you? I think he's made it clear that he's not going to. For your own sanity you need to end it. Completely, totally, 100 percent done. No more text's, no more emails. Tell him you need to move on with your life. It's going to hurt and your going to second guess what you did but once you've gone through the process you will realize you did the right thing.

Steven

 

[loveguys72]

Steven's right. When a relationship is over, it's over. No use in hanging on when there's nothing there to hang on to. You'll hurt for a while, there's no getting around it. But eventually, you'll have to make the decision to move on with your life and close out this chapter. Good luck.

 

[Seasoned]

Whether you're apart or together I'm going to suggest you work on yourself. It's normal to hurt and feel sad and empty when a relationship ends. What you are describing seems to go beyond that. You've described panic and desperation. It is possible to be dependent on and even addicted to another person or to love itself. It's alright to check things out with him but at the same time visit this website to see if you might have issues which need attention, http://www.slaafws.org/slaaforme.

If you only feel complete and happy when you're together and being reassured and get scared when he's away or when being friendly to other guys, you have issues which ought to be addressed.

If I've read more into what you wrote it's because I had to work on some of these issues nearly thirty years ago. Forgive me if I've projected some of my stuff onto you.

 

[panic1]

Well since i posted this me and my ex continued to talk for a little while. We started texting everyday for around a week after my gran died, but since then conversation has dropped again mostly from my side.

Im not completely cutting him out of my life but im keeping conversation to a bare minimum and iv started ignoring a few texts. I feel happier I just have my 'what ifs' every now and then.

But all in all i just want to thank the people who gave me advice - it was much appreciated and the detail as to which some users gave was brilliant. Thanks everyone!