My experience on Adam4Adam (so far) o_O

[IceColdLover]

So I decided to make an account on there the other day since I wanted to know what the fuss was about and since 2 of my best friends use/used it. I made it knowing full well what will or might happen, but wanted to test it out, so I went on there to look for guys to be friends with and/or have sex with, namely near me or a few cities in either direction.

Here I am, 24, a virgin and body conscious, but still getting hit on, namely by older guys with some odd fetishes that don't appeal to me, but I try not to judge. I give some of them my "sexual life story" or lack thereof, or I flirt hardcore with them and listen to their sexcapades. I have wanted to experiment with a man, like giving him a blowjob and/or rimjob, as I've had this urge to please a man and satisfy him, but I do have my doubts, mainly because older guys want me and I am not interested and can't get a younger guy or a guy I prefer to meet to hang out or even have sex with. I feel a bit degraded because I'm not one to use and devalue someone let alone myself, but I want to try it so bad. It's a conflict.

I am concerned with a few things. One of those concerns is their health. Are they clean or not? Another is if I am going to meet with someone and they're not who they said they were. I dread bringing someone home, as I share my house with my mom and would hate to invoke her wrath should she find out (mothers always find out), but I don't feel like leaving to go to their place or a public place, for fear of my safety and just being chronically ill overall. I don't mind making friends and hanging out, if their intentions are good, the whole sex thing just bothers yet fascinates me. I don't want to be like that cat who got killed because of its curiosity (ha ha). I may be a bit picky with men but there's nothing wrong with having a preference, it's just knowing how to get it is the hard part. The ongoing struggle in the lonely world of a gay man. *sigh*

 

[GreyUnderscore]

Well if you're meeting someone from these various apps then it's best to meet the guy in a public place for the first time. You get to see if the guy is exactly who he is and you get to decide whether or not you actually want to hook up with him in the future. Also you should always use a condom when having sex with strangers.

 

[JPGhost]

My experience with A2A= FLAKE CENTRALLL!!!
I wanna see how Im gonna be treated in a paid (expensive) dating site.

 

[cgymike]

Relic site from early 2000's inhabited by trolls, spam and identity thieves.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

So I decided to make an account on there the other day since I wanted to know what the fuss was about and since 2 of my best friends use/used it. I made it knowing full well what will or might happen, but wanted to test it out, so I went on there to look for guys to be friends with and/or have sex with, namely near me or a few cities in either direction.

Here I am, 24, a virgin and body conscious, but still getting hit on, namely by older guys with some odd fetishes that don't appeal to me, but I try not to judge. I give some of them my "sexual life story" or lack thereof, or I flirt hardcore with them and listen to their sexcapades. I have wanted to experiment with a man, like giving him a blowjob and/or rimjob, as I've had this urge to please a man and satisfy him, but I do have my doubts, mainly because older guys want me and I am not interested and can't get a younger guy or a guy I prefer to meet to hang out or even have sex with. I feel a bit degraded because I'm not one to use and devalue someone let alone myself, but I want to try it so bad. It's a conflict.

I am concerned with a few things. One of those concerns is their health. Are they clean or not? Another is if I am going to meet with someone and they're not who they said they were. I dread bringing someone home, as I share my house with my mom and would hate to invoke her wrath should she find out (mothers always find out), but I don't feel like leaving to go to their place or a public place, for fear of my safety and just being chronically ill overall. I don't mind making friends and hanging out, if their intentions are good, the whole sex thing just bothers yet fascinates me. I don't want to be like that cat who got killed because of its curiosity (ha ha). I may be a bit picky with men but there's nothing wrong with having a preference, it's just knowing how to get it is the hard part. The ongoing struggle in the lonely world of a gay man. *sigh*

UN lost in soup a owns membas doodoo
ans millions upgraded ta peoples a lands UN still goin wot harpanins?
ans planet ans a all life die a bit more a day by a day

so cheer up

_is ear sum lands invent internet 2 fa white noise figa were it cumin from _
ans lot a appys giv folk da POWER <where ma front door?_

anyway

sure a figa yaself out ans ifs dos let UN nose ans pass it round a many make ups calls apes padded cells decor-

thankyou

 

[phillo]

Relic site from early 2000's inhabited by trolls, spam and identity thieves.

i'm in the boston area and have always had good luck with adam4adam.

 

[IceColdLover]

I have lube and condoms, just hope they do too. Does seem pretty flaky for me so far. Even if I'm on there for friends, some say "not interested", like I'm solely there to suck their dick. Had a run-in with some shallow fag (I call shady gay men that) that got bitchy with me and I had to put him in his place. The young ones are always angry and bitchy. How can they complain? They're young, attractive, energetic and have a social life. If that's not ungrateful, I don't know what is.

Anyways, I may or may not hook up, just seeing what is out there. I don't care if I have sex or not, it's not the priority of my life like with some others I've met on there. I don't really see myself pleasuring another man, as much as I'd like to because men need some pleasure and love too, so it's fine if I get flaked on, I'll just find something else to occupy my time.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

...then why are you on a4a? We can all talk a good game about it being for anything, but at the core, it's a sex site. Everything else is secondary. Repeats come after. If you're not really sure what you want from it(reading the OP), why waste your own time?

 

[IceColdLover]

I know what I want, it's just getting it that is the challenge. Whether it be friendship or casual sex, I'm not one to obtain that. Never been that social and never been one to make love to another man, but I'm trying. My best friend told me he wants me to get out there and experience things while I'm still young, but to be safe about it, so I am doing just that.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

So get out there. Bars. The bookstores(if they're even a thing anymore) - the gayborhood. Pride. Meet actual people with actual brains and interests outside of their "supposedly 8-inch" dicks and "supposedly" tight assholes. Don't fall for the traps of a4a and grindr and jackd and whatever the new ones are(because i'm sure there are new ones) so soon. And don't go for the young guys just because they're young and I guess attractive - go for the ones that actually can look outside of a mirror. If you really want friends, befriend those that are friendly.

 

[IceColdLover]

Done that already. Bars aren't my scene and pride events are too crowded (been there, done that). I don't mind malls or stores, just need gays to hang out with. I live apart from everyone, so it's hard to socialize in public. No gay guys out where I live except for one I met that works at Subway but his bitchy, shady ass made the excuse that "his fiance didn't want him talking to me and being my friend". Pfft, I call bullshit on that.

 

[Muzart1]

IceColdLover: I can totally identify with your thoughts and experiences. I had an account on A4A, but eventually stopped checking it. I had a few nice conversations with the "regulars" on the site, but nothing came to fruition. Like you, I got hit on by some of the more shady people and ended up blocking more people than I friended. It seemed to be a waste of time.

As some people before me have advised, I would only meet people in a public setting. At least for the first couple of times. Meet for coffee or at a bar. Maybe go for lunch/dinner the next time you meet with them. This way you can get to know the person a little better. Listen and look for "red flags" that might be present. Does he seem truthful and are his actions in line with what he says? This isn't 100 percent perfect, but at least you might get a "feel" or "tip-off" if the dude is crazy...or just plain nasty.

I do not live with my parents, but I own family property with relatives living next door and down the road. I will not bring guys to my house initially as I do not want to arouse any suspicion, nor do I want to take the chance that a "potential criminal" knows where I live. I usually try to meet up and date a new friend for awhile before bringing them "to the country!" I have found that genuine people will extend the offer to invite me to their house first...unless something is "fishy" with their lifestyle. Luckily, I live in a rural setting, so driving to my home is a long haul. Most people do not want to deal with the drive so that helps in convincing the person to meet at their place.

As you may know, bars in Indiana are not that great. The cute dudes are bitchy and in cliques already. They look down on you if you try to "break the circle" and try to be nice. The men that may hit on you are often into some freaky stuff you may not want. There are so few bars that I would ever frequent in Indy, unless I knew some friends were already going to be there. Again, it just seemed like a waste of time. Still does.

If I were you, I would join groups and meet potential partners through them. I worked in theatre for awhile. I met many people on the crew and in the cast who were very interesting and open to all lifestyles. They knew many people and often went out for drinks regularly. Through those encounters, I met potential partners. It was less scary and I had a group of friends around to help me assess "safe personalities". Just some random thoughts from a fellow Hoosier.

 

[Vitamin]

So I decided to make an account on there the other day since I wanted to know what the fuss was about and since 2 of my best friends use/used it. I made it knowing full well what will or might happen, but wanted to test it out, so I went on there to look for guys to be friends with and/or have sex with, namely near me or a few cities in either direction.

Here I am, 24, a virgin and body conscious, but still getting hit on, namely by older guys with some odd fetishes that don't appeal to me, but I try not to judge. I give some of them my "sexual life story" or lack thereof, or I flirt hardcore with them and listen to their sexcapades. I have wanted to experiment with a man, like giving him a blowjob and/or rimjob, as I've had this urge to please a man and satisfy him, but I do have my doubts, mainly because older guys want me and I am not interested and can't get a younger guy or a guy I prefer to meet to hang out or even have sex with. I feel a bit degraded because I'm not one to use and devalue someone let alone myself, but I want to try it so bad. It's a conflict.

I am concerned with a few things. One of those concerns is their health. Are they clean or not? Another is if I am going to meet with someone and they're not who they said they were. I dread bringing someone home, as I share my house with my mom and would hate to invoke her wrath should she find out (mothers always find out), but I don't feel like leaving to go to their place or a public place, for fear of my safety and just being chronically ill overall. I don't mind making friends and hanging out, if their intentions are good, the whole sex thing just bothers yet fascinates me. I don't want to be like that cat who got killed because of its curiosity (ha ha). I may be a bit picky with men but there's nothing wrong with having a preference, it's just knowing how to get it is the hard part. The ongoing struggle in the lonely world of a gay man. *sigh*

If you haven't done so already, I would advise you to out this on your profile. Sometimes people don't read them, but at least then you can tell them you put all this in your profile so it's no longer awkward for you.

 

[IceColdLover]

IceColdLover: I can totally identify with your thoughts and experiences. I had an account on A4A, but eventually stopped checking it. I had a few nice conversations with the "regulars" on the site, but nothing came to fruition. Like you, I got hit on by some of the more shady people and ended up blocking more people than I friended. It seemed to be a waste of time.

As some people before me have advised, I would only meet people in a public setting. At least for the first couple of times. Meet for coffee or at a bar. Maybe go for lunch/dinner the next time you meet with them. This way you can get to know the person a little better. Listen and look for "red flags" that might be present. Does he seem truthful and are his actions in line with what he says? This isn't 100 percent perfect, but at least you might get a "feel" or "tip-off" if the dude is crazy...or just plain nasty.

I do not live with my parents, but I own family property with relatives living next door and down the road. I will not bring guys to my house initially as I do not want to arouse any suspicion, nor do I want to take the chance that a "potential criminal" knows where I live. I usually try to meet up and date a new friend for awhile before bringing them "to the country!" I have found that genuine people will extend the offer to invite me to their house first...unless something is "fishy" with their lifestyle. Luckily, I live in a rural setting, so driving to my home is a long haul. Most people do not want to deal with the drive so that helps in convincing the person to meet at their place.

As you may know, bars in Indiana are not that great. The cute dudes are bitchy and in cliques already. They look down on you if you try to "break the circle" and try to be nice. The men that may hit on you are often into some freaky stuff you may not want. There are so few bars that I would ever frequent in Indy, unless I knew some friends were already going to be there. Again, it just seemed like a waste of time. Still does.

If I were you, I would join groups and meet potential partners through them. I worked in theatre for awhile. I met many people on the crew and in the cast who were very interesting and open to all lifestyles. They knew many people and often went out for drinks regularly. Through those encounters, I met potential partners. It was less scary and I had a group of friends around to help me assess "safe personalities". Just some random thoughts from a fellow Hoosier.

I appreciate your input. That is one reason why I don't go to bars or any group meetings, they think I'm not one of them and disown me if I'm not their vision of hot, cool and popular. My best friend even says they're bitchy yet he still frequents bars. I don't get to see or hang out with him often but he's the only one I actually hang out with because he is nice and accepts me like no one else. Some of his friends are ok but some I don't like because they are reckless with drinking/sex and some feed off of hate and have "haters". Not a good influence on my friend or anyone. I don't care to hang out with them, just my friend. I have a few other gay friends but they live in different states but I hope to meet the one in Michigan soon, and maybe the best friend in Louisiana. I have been asking my best friend to get me out more since he knows a lot of things better than I do and to have my back in case a guy tries to creep on me or is bad news.

I don't have a job so that is a void in my social life. I try to meet with gay men from here or other cities, just to hang out, but it's always something that comes up or I have to do something for them so they can visit me. Ugh. Tired of shady gays. One day, everyone will be an asshole and I'll be the only rational person alive. That is my fear.

 

[IceColdLover]

If you haven't done so already, I would advise you to out this on your profile. Sometimes people don't read them, but at least then you can tell them you put all this in your profile so it's no longer awkward for you.

I have this on my profile

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I already see why you get hit up for strange fetishes.

Ah well, sadly, it's like any other profile on a4a - say one thing while saying a hell of a lot of other things.

 

[IceColdLover]

I already see why you get hit up for strange fetishes.

Ah well, sadly, it's like any other profile on a4a - say one thing while saying a hell of a lot of other things.

That's not how I am. When I want something, I really mean it, truthfully and to the point. My fetishes are rational too, I'm sure there are other men that have the same ones too.

 

[MrRochesterNY]

Much of the fear is exaggerated, especially about potentially meeting a psycho. Just like on JUB, the vast vast majority are just fine, with only four or five who could be fully psychotic. But even then there are signs like uber-high post counts.

Interesting idea! I've always thought that über-high posting counts indicated a lack of any real life, but yes, it could indicate a mental unbalance verging onto psychosis.

 

[backagain]

I have this on my profile

I'd pass you by. Your profile wants pictures but you only have one up.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Your expectations are too high. Your a4a profile sounds too specific and dehumanizing like you're ordering a pizza. Who could fit all your criteria?

It's also conflicted. Are you looking for friends, or a hookup?

You're a good looking guy, but you're not selling yourself right. You come across as an unapproachable douche with baggage and insecurities.