My experience on Adam4Adam (so far) o_O

[luckynumbah7]

I already see why you get hit up for strange fetishes.

Ah well, sadly, it's like any other profile on a4a - say one thing while saying a hell of a lot of other things.

Yeah, your profile needs work. I'm kinda shocked you actually put virgin on there, that's a bad idea no matter who you're looking for.You bring that up after you meet someone for drinks, not before. It's like a call sign saying "I'm inexperienced so you can take advantage". Your interests are generic and don't really say anything. What card games, what video games, what kind of music? It's a profile - personalize the damn thing already. It says "Looking for friendship" but half your profile is devoted to sex, it doesn't jive. You're looking for Daddies, but that's a fetish along with being a general description of some older gay men - and that fetish includes hair. I suggest doing some research - you're advertizing for things you're saying you don't want.

There's also that you say you're looking for friendships but limit friendships to only conventionally attractive, thin white people with big dicks and asses. What you're looking for, as described, is your basic in-your-twenties porn model. But you don't say what you have to offer back.

In other words, your profile screams Probably Shifty Relationship at best because you don't know, as of yet, how to communicate. What you don't say is at least as important as what you do.

What you're saying is, "I want friends with benefits, but no black/asian/indian/insert-here guys, no-one with extra poundage, no-one with hair, and ya'll must have a long, thick dick with a beachball ass. And by the way, why are none of you replying to my non-description of myself?

Because you didn't describe yourself. At all.

Edited, my bad, you did mention forensics. So aside from forensics, you did a bad job at description. Keep the forensics bit, it's the only thing in there worth saving.

 

[luckynumbah7]

My fetishes are rational too, I'm sure there are other men that have the same ones too.

First, fetishes have little to do with rationality; they're wants and desires. If you have them as fetishes I'd suggest saying they're fetishes, not preferences. A preference is not a fetish, natch, so keep that in mind when writin'. What you've written that you're looking for might as well be titled Gay Model. And while that can be a fetish, for most people thin, white and nearly hairless these days is a societal encouragement.

It's also a turn-off when you say your fetishes are rational (which I'm assuming in your case means socially lauded) because it implies others fetishes are no good. There's this thing (used within reason) that goes, well, here. Never liked long acronyms. Link

There might also have been an unclarity up there. You said shaven pits and then used a string of commas. Grammatically correct, but when combined with your other preferences it sounds like you like 'em hairless, particularly when including the twink and stud bits. If that's not what you're looking for I'd reword that.

 

[IceColdLover]

I edited out ALL of the sexual stuff. I only have so much room they give me to add more about myself there. I, as everyone else, have preferences. It's not that I am closed off to everything else (with the exception of piss, skat, blood, bondage, etc., won't touch none of that), I just prefer certain aspects of people's personalities, bodies and/or sexual desires. Didn't think that was a problem.

 

[luckynumbah7]

I edited out ALL of the sexual stuff. I only have so much room they give me to add more about myself there. I, as everyone else, have preferences. It's not that I am closed off to everything else (with the exception of piss, skat, blood, bondage, etc., won't touch none of that), I just prefer certain aspects of people's personalities, bodies and/or sexual desires. Didn't think that was a problem.

If they had an emoticon for sighing it would be right here. I was just explaining that preferences are not fetishes. In any way, shape or form. By your own admission right up there you don't seem to have any fetishes because that 'ect' covers acres of ground. Who replies to your profile depends on what you put on your profile. If you write it like a fetish list and it sounds like a fetish list, you're going to get people who have fetishes about the preferences you put - and that can include, for example, a lot of things related to, say, shaved underarms. None of which it seems you'd enjoy, so. If I were you, I'd word it that you have an attraction to x qualities instead of saying "I'm into k, j, x with a tweak and z.". Because that's how fetishes are generally listed in ads.

Or, you know, you can just describe what you're looking for physically and say you're vanilla, see how that goes. It just makes little sense to complain about the people you're attracting when it's your own wording that's making you miserable.

 

[IceColdLover]

If they had an emoticon for sighing it would be right here. I was just explaining that preferences are not fetishes. In any way, shape or form. By your own admission right up there you don't seem to have any fetishes because that 'ect' covers acres of ground. Who replies to your profile depends on what you put on your profile. If you write it like a fetish list and it sounds like a fetish list, you're going to get people who have fetishes about the preferences you put - and that can include, for example, a lot of things related to, say, shaved underarms. None of which it seems you'd enjoy, so. If I were you, I'd word it that you have an attraction to x qualities instead of saying "I'm into k, j, x with a tweak and z.". Because that's how fetishes are generally listed in ads.

Or, you know, you can just describe what you're looking for physically and say you're vanilla, see how that goes. It just makes little sense to complain about the people you're attracting when it's your own wording that's making you miserable.

Um, didn't I just list that previously on my profile??? I have fetishes, things I have a liking for, but if people wanted to know, they can ask me. People seem to have an issue with asking people, or lack thereof, anymore. Why would you say I wouldn't enjoy "shaved armpits"? I like the look of shaven pits and am turned on sexually by them. Do I have to type out longhand and in detail as to what each little interest is/means? Seems kind of pointless, as I think I made myself clear but people see black and white.

 

[luckynumbah7]

I think you might need to research the definition of fetish a bit more. You say shaved underarms, but that doesn't say a damned thing about what you like to do with them. Which is why you're getting people with actual fetishes messaging your ass. While you go "No no, I'm not into that weird shit."

And no, you didn't make yourself clear. Which was the whole point. Listing a body part says nothing about what your fetish with that body part is. When you keep it singular, like 'shaved armpits', that leaves it open for everything to do with them.

There's verbs and adjectives and even other nouns that go with fetishes - do some research, learn them, and if you have an actual fetish, put it on your ad. As I stated earlier, they're very different from preferences.

-and yes, I'm vaguely irritated as y'seem to keep missing the point.

...and for the record, if you want an accessible profile, don't copy/paste an image. They don't tend to enlarge well. Take five minutes out of your no doubt busy day and type the damn thing out.

 

[IceColdLover]

I think you might need to research the definition of fetish a bit more. You say shaved underarms, but that doesn't say a damned thing about what you like to do with them. Which is why you're getting people with actual fetishes messaging your ass. While you go "No no, I'm not into that weird shit."

And no, you didn't make yourself clear. Which was the whole point. Listing a body part says nothing about what your fetish with that body part is. When you keep it singular, like 'shaved armpits', that leaves it open for everything to do with them.

There's verbs and adjectives and even other nouns that go with fetishes - do some research, learn them, and if you have an actual fetish, put it on your ad. As I stated earlier, they're very different from preferences.

-and yes, I'm vaguely irritated as y'seem to keep missing the point.

...and for the record, if you want an accessible profile, don't copy/paste an image. They don't tend to enlarge well. Take five minutes out of your no doubt busy day and type the damn thing out.

It has a 500 character limit. How do you expect me to exceed that? I know what a fetish is. I am not going to type out everything I like to do. They can message me if they want to know, and there's no character limit there. I edited my profile there but it takes awhile for it to be moderated.

 

[luckynumbah7]

I don't expect you to exceed a 500 character limit. I expect you to reword what you have so it makes sense. If it made sense you wouldn't get quite so many false positive messages. If you don't want to take the extra time or can't do that, ask someone for help. That's the thing is though, they're not going to message you for clarity. People don't generally do that when the only thing on your profile for what you're expecting is a fetish list of nouns. If you can't list fetishes with a handful of verbs, you'll get everyone and their kissing cousin messaging you with fetishes you don't like but listed anyway, at least by omission.

 

[luckynumbah7]

And if you're going to ask anyone for help you do need to think for a bit, because listing 'nipples' as a fetish is.... a bit too broad when there's no context to surround it. You're going to have to list what about nipples is the fetish about. Even if it's 'merely' nipples, I know damn well there's adjectives attached that you didn't list. Which is why you're getting everyone you don't want messaging you. Large, small, dark, big, hairy, pierced, inverted, lactating, uneven, tattooed, one missing (you'd be surprised), and that's not even counting actions to do with nipples. And that list is long and possibly disturbing for others indeed. Ect and so forth. Add an adjective or two and it'll exclude other things that you're not after and your messages will be more in-tune with what you're looking for.

And if you delete the word virgin, there's an extra six characters you can play with while the lack of the word helps weed out the handful of really fucking creepy people you'll want to avoid. Nothing says "Fuck me over, I'm naive" like listing virgin on a hookup site.

 

[IceColdLover]

No point in anything now, I deleted my Adam4Adam account. One flake after another. One excuse after another. Can't even be friends with anyone on there and meet up to just hang out without there being some ulterior motive. Tired of giving gay men chances to be friends when all they do is make excuses to not be your friend and act all self-centered because you're not their vision of "sexy", "fun", "cool", "interesting" and "popular" and aren't good enough to be their friend. Bullshit to the highest degree. I should just go asexual and eliminate all feelings for anyone.

Anyways, this thread can be locked or deleted, since my account on there is gone.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Ah, newness. Threads don't generally get locked or deleted, let alone because someone deleted an account on another website. In that vein, since you say you're looking for friendship but still focus on sex in your profile, have you tried craigslist? No character limit there.

 

[Latimer]

5-11, 190, 26w?
These numbers don't make sense to me, nor do they at all correspond to your picture.
You don't look as if you could weigh 190 lbs, nor can I imagine how a person who weighs that much could have a 26" waist.
Maybe guys aren't responding because the profile is so improbable.

 

[cgymike]

Don't mean to sound harsh...but what else would you expect from a site like Adam4Adam? That place is probably right after Grindr for spotlighting the superficial.

All those sites are garbage. Better off going to a sauna if sex is what you want.

 

[IceColdLover]

Don't mean to sound harsh...but what else would you expect from a site like Adam4Adam? That place is probably right after Grindr for spotlighting the superficial.

I wasn't just talking about that site, I meant every social site and the world in general. Whether I know/knew someone personally or not, sometimes I just found it a waste to give them a chance, then a second chance, then a third chance, because they would pull shit, apologize, and then do it all over again. Sorry just doesn't cut it with me anymore if one has to constantly screw up and mess something up. I can only be so forgiving until I'm at my wit's end. I think I am just too good for/to people and they take that for granted.

5-11, 190, 26w?
These numbers don't make sense to me, nor do they at all correspond to your picture.
You don't look as if you could weigh 190 lbs, nor can I imagine how a person who weighs that much could have a 26" waist.
Maybe guys aren't responding because the profile is so improbable.

That picture is from 2012, when I weighed 140-150 lbs. I am 190 now. I even explained that to some of the guys on there. I just put 26" waist on there because I don't know my waist size and it was required to have that filled out. It's not like I go pants shopping or anything.

 

[Gentleheart]

Honestly, to me...it just sounds like you have the misfortune of being in a very shitty location.

Your profile was fine (in my opinion). No different than the ones I used to run across back in my day.

You DO need to relax regarding meeting new guys, worrying about disease x, y, z...etc. Be safe, use discretion, etc. etc. Don't let your hangups and baggage keep you from ever meeting a nice guy and getting what you want.

I also think you are probably a lot pickier than you're letting on in this thread. I'm betting THAT is a lot of the problem. You can't expect to land ONLY 9s and 10s when you yourself are a mere 7 (objectively speaking).

But again...based on my experiences, and what you've presented here--your location isn't working for you.

If I saw your profile as it was, I would hit you up. Oops...but you'd ignore me...I'm not white or smooth.

 

[JPGhost]

No point in anything now, I deleted my Adam4Adam account. One flake after another. One excuse after another. Can't even be friends with anyone on there and meet up to just hang out without there being some ulterior motive. Tired of giving gay men chances to be friends when all they do is make excuses to not be your friend and act all self-centered because you're not their vision of "sexy", "fun", "cool", "interesting" and "popular" and aren't good enough to be their friend. Bullshit to the highest degree. I should just go asexual and eliminate all feelings for anyone.

Anyways, this thread can be locked or deleted, since my account on there is gone.

I agreed alot of us are shitty (Im no better) but A2A had been my hook up hero from the past few years eversince I came out to the scene, it might gave me series of triumph before inundating me with flakes, so i hv the other way around.
Try to search at different location if you experience low quality local gay guys. Gay guys are easy for casual sex when we're not having recurring flakiness

meanwhile- I can just auto simulate myself or waiting for a perfect butler sex-bot since human husband is totally unattainable for me/ out of reach. ^^

 

[JPGhost]

but wait..I think you did it wrong.

Never put your order with DO NOT- this and that, yada yada...
that's a deal breaker since most people will reluctant to knocking at your door when they read that.

 

[dereperez]

I wasn't just talking about that site, I meant every social site and the world in general. Whether I know/knew someone personally or not, sometimes I just found it a waste to give them a chance, then a second chance, then a third chance, because they would pull shit, apologize, and then do it all over again. Sorry just doesn't cut it with me anymore if one has to constantly screw up and mess something up. I can only be so forgiving until I'm at my wit's end. I think I am just too good for/to people and they take that for granted.

There's the problem. You can't go in expecting something good from a website. "Friending" (code: hook-up) sites are much like restaurants and buffets...you pick and choose what you want and leave the rest alone. How can you fault others when you yourself have a laundry list of sorts for your own preferences and do's and don'ts. Dating anywhere is a numbers game. Have some patience...and with no expectations. If you don't like the stats, try in-person dating. Sometimes the traditional way is the best way: bars, clubs, societies, other social events.

That picture is from 2012, when I weighed 140-150 lbs. I am 190 now. I even explained that to some of the guys on there. I just put 26" waist on there because I don't know my waist size and it was required to have that filled out. It's not like I go pants shopping or anything.

I wouldn't just put any number down if you didn't know it. For those that do know and read your profile, it would either seem like an obvious lie (the usual first guess) or the person didn't know what he was talking about and didn't bother enough to care.

 

[Scealle]

There's the problem. You can't go in expecting something good from a website. "Friending" (code: hook-up) sites are much like restaurants and buffets...you pick and choose what you want and leave the rest alone. How can you fault others when you yourself have a laundry list of sorts for your own preferences and do's and don'ts. Dating anywhere is a numbers game. Have some patience...and with no expectations. If you don't like the stats, try in-person dating. Sometimes the traditional way is the best way: bars, clubs, societies, other social events.

LOL. That's a bit harsh. I have had online friends and even housemate's friends who we have both met in person (none gay) whether from online friends or school formed interest groups for a very long time (few years). We had even invited them over to our apartment for dinner. Nothing really that shady, psychopathic or "cat fishing". Besides they are definitely some of the nicest people we have met and to this day we are still good friends.

I think it's a bit harsh to lump all online people into potential scammers or psychopathic stalkers. I mean for example here at JUB although being primary sponsored by a gay porn site which is itself a huge red flag, the community here is generally friendly and helpful. Plus there are a few Jubbers here who are probably some of the most coolest, kindest and most amazing people that I have come love and adore very dearly. You guys know who you are

As for socializing in normal events I think everyone has done it. I go to social events all the time and I have to say this - not everyone likes being in crowds and I definitely don't. Besides isn't pick pocketing always some sort of common phenomenon in large crowds. Or people just somehow always lose their expensive stuff - purse, wallet or smartphone or whatever. Also getting drunk and magically ending up at some random person's bed naked is somehow much more acceptable now? You know what I am talking about here


To the OP :

I think you should be patient and of course don't let the fact that you are getting slow responses from dating profiles stop you from going out to social events. As social events have much more potential for you to interact, meet men and or potential dates. As much as I do believe in online friendship etc. it's a bit unrealistic to expect your future boyfriend or husband to magically respond to you the second you created a gay dating profile. Both takes an incredible amount of work (for online he has got to meet you in person to process any further).

I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you will find what you are looking for whether in real life or online Will be rooting for you

 

[luckynumbah7]

I also think you are probably a lot pickier than you're letting on in this thread. I'm betting THAT is a lot of the problem. You can't expect to land ONLY 9s and 10s when you yourself are a mere 7 (objectively speaking).

Yesterday's sevens are today's fives. If he wants a nine or a ten as a boyfriend he needs a witty, stunning personality (which, yes, varies due to the individual hooking up with him), the ability to listen and a trait that he's got that few others have. In other words, he's not going to find a nine or a ten because he's completely lost the ability to listen tho he's quite retained the ability to argue. Which might be why his dates seem 'flaky'. If every person he meets is the same, the common denominator is him. He's got some things to work on before he finds someone, I'd think.