My Father is missing...

[954dude]

My parents broke up when I was 4 and my father returned to England. He's settled there ever since and I've visited him every 2-4 years. We kept in touch over the phone and e-mail.

He's gotten into trouble with police because of his temper and when my grandmother died in 2005, he became an alcoholic. Last time I saw him was July 2006 after a month long visit to England.

In April, he sent me a LONG e-mail. He's been suffering from depression for 25 years (coincidentally, I went through it for 2 years) and apologised for not being there. While it was great that he kept in touch, it was unusual, something told me he's not okay. That was the last time anyone heard from him.

I got a call this morning from my aunt and she has been at the police station constantly. His family in England were seeing him more often (daughter, three brothers, sister and all their children) and then he just disappeared.

What do I do?

 

[InspireGAY]

OMG..how can your father dissapeared?
i dunno what to do too..
but hope your father is safe and alive...
wish you all the best...

 

[dodo2761]

Contact the Salvation Army- they have a service for looking for missing persons

 

[954dude]

Thanks. Yes, he's resided in Birmingham, England for most of his life. Everyone has called, e-mailed, visited his flat and searched in places he frequents (pubs, restaurants, shops) and no one has gotten a response. Phone's off as well.

The neighbour told my Aunt about two months ago, they heard banging noises coming from his apartment. Nothing else. The e-mail was our last method of contact. I haven't spoken to him on the phone since 2006.

 

[G-Lexington]

There's not much you can do at this point, unless you have information that you think might be helpful in tracking him down. He presumably isn't in the States. Trust the police there to do their job, and hope for the best.



Lex

 

[dodo2761]

As an adult he can go 'missing' whenever he wants- the police will only look for him if he is vulnerable or if they think a crime has been committed. They would also need someone in England to report it.
The police would check hospitals, doctors etc. If he is on benefits they might be able to find out if he has been signing on for work. He has to do this to qualify for his benefit if unemployed.
As I previously said the Salvation Army would probably help if you made contact with them.
http://www1.salvationarmy.org.uk/familytracing

 

[954dude]

Thanks once again. I used to hold a grudge against him, but even though he's a deadbeat, I love him with all my heart. He gave up on his career and us, but I'll never give up on him.

Last time I was with him, he was unemployed for years. His means for survival was through betting and blackjack. He lived in a one bedroom, one bathroom flat in Handsworth. Wasn't speaking to his father or brothers, just his sister.

There's many possibilities. For one, I'm 100% sure he's in the UK. He could be in a mental clinic, jail, vacation, or god forbid, dead. I'll keep myself buried in optimistic thoughts. He wanted better and attempted to be happier, so that comforts me.

 

[954dude]

The police went to his apartment and they finally found him. I can relax. My family is considering taking him to a mental ward or something.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

OMG i'm glad they found him. that was frightening for you i'm sure. I can't imagine how i'd feel if my mom went missing.

 

[954dude]

Thank you so much Marley. My name's Kishi by the way.

I'm not bitter. Sure, my father was absent for most of my life. It was tough, but I'm not alone, millions of kids grow up in a single home. We're all human and we learn to forgive, forget, and move on.

His health and happiness is my concern. This scared me completely. Here in Florida, I have an aunt dying from spreading cancer and two aunts in chemotherapy. So this shook me even more. At least it's fine for now.

I buried all my resentment for him once I saw him unable to speak at Grandma's funeral. Once I rushed up to the podium and stood beside him, he finished his speech. We're father and son, friends, and we're attached for life.

 

[InspireGAY]

so happy for you kishi...
that your father is safe and alive

 

[G-Lexington]

Glad to hear.

Lex

 

[954dude]

Once again, I thank all of you. I'm glad the members here have empathised with me. To the masses, I share with you...the ingredients of my strength and spirit!

Pain, obstacles, and faith have made me strong over the years. If I didn't go through the tough times, it wouldn't have built the character I have today. It's not all serious and sad in my life, I'm a happy person!

My mother said that he'll be calling me tomorrow. I deserve it, the last phone conversation we had was in 2005. I've made several efforts to communicate with him and he's hardly reciprocated. This is a complicated situation, but it's nothing that I can't handle.

 

[954dude]

Wow, that's amazing. The problems with your father seems to be extremely difficult to have dealt with. Psychological problems can be hurtful, but it causes emotional pain for the entire family. Those behaviors aren't tolerated, but once you see an improvement in him, it's easy to forgive him, once he shows remorse.

My dad grew up with 6 other siblings. My grandparents migrated from Jamaica to England in the 1950s and remained there ever since. The marriage between my grandparents was toxic. My granddad was abusive, had kids in an extramarital affair, and my father witness much of the abuse. In turn, this affected my father.

He participated in soccer and then he and his neighbourhood friends created a reggae group called Steel Pulse, the most popular and widely known British Jamaican band in the world. My father was even friends with Bob Marley.

For no particular reason, he left the group in 1991. Then he left us in 1992 and returned to nothing. Just recently, I discovered that my half-brother (lives 20 minutes away) was born while my father was cheating on my mother. I haven't seen my half-brother in 7 years because the mother think it's too painful for us to be together.

The problem I have with him is...he's aware of the damage, but he avoids bridging the gap. In his own words, because he hasn't been in our lives (me, my sister, and younger half-brother), he wants to separate himself from us for being a terrible Dad. Why would anyone inflict such hatred in themselves?

Bottom line, he needs help. The fact that he was depressed before my birth disturbs me. I turned myself in to a mental health clinic after 2 years of emotional distress, suicide attempts, panic and anxiety attacks. Can't imagine the toll of a 25 year sadness.

 

[954dude]

I haven't heard from Dad yet, but my Aunt Gwen that lives here died today.

About making a mental condition an excuse, that seems to be the case with some people I know. They'll totally milk it to their advantage and give their family hell!

He talks very little about Bob Marley. Only said that he was deeply involved with his music and my father spent a lot of time with his children.

I think mental health needs to become a priority in all countries. Mind controls body!