My first post here. Hola ;)

[ace077]

This is my first post. I tried to find a message board specifically for people wanting/trying to "come out", and this is as close as i could get.

I'm 32, never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I kind of "dated" this girl for a few weeks back in 2000, I think. Never had sex with her. We made out, fondled and all that. Anyway, none of that is important.


I'm going to be all over the place here, so maybe i should start from the beginning.


I grew up on Long Island. Spent 30 years of my life there. My next door neighbor Brian was my best friend. Don't know how old I was, but we were kids, and we were curious. Not sure how it came about (possibly getting changed in front of each other after getting out of the pool) but somewhere along the line, we started to go into my closet and "explore". We'd touch ourselves. Evidently, we both enjoyed it (insert "boing" sound here). That's all it really amounted to. Exploration.

Brian and I eventually grew apart. He's actually married now and just had a daughter I believe. Me? i'm in my 30's and i'm a virgin. Confused with my sexuality. I say i'm confused because i've never felt "normal" I guess. I feel like there's another side of me that's been hidden so long, that it can't come out.

The one time i tried to "come out" to my mother and father (back in 1999, I believe), it felt weird. I felt happy, but kind of unhappy at the same time, like I wasn't sure. Maybe my brain's so fucked for trying to act straight for so long, that even coming out doesn't feel right. You know? So I've gone back to acting straight for another 10 years. But something's got to give.

I'm living in the south now A red state. Oh it's wonderful.

 

[3nipples]

I can relate to that; I suspended my sexuality for many years. I just concentrated on work and sports and was for the most part very happy. I was 32 when I finally decided that I needed to live my sexuality.

Before you worry about coming out to others, you need to become comfortable with yourself. I can't really comment on the "red state" thing, but I'm sure there are some gay venues around if you look for them.

 

[TX-Beau]

Welcome to JUB.

You got it pegged, about the coming out. Ultimately it's a huge relief, but it's not a walk in the park getting there.

So, a few questions. Are you gay? Bi? Can you answer that question?

If you know you're attracted to men, but don't want to act on it, that would explain the virgin thing. You look pretty attractive in your pic, so I assume this isn't from lack of opportunity.

Are you looking for support - which we'd be happy to provide, or are you needing advice - which we all love to give in here.

When you say "something's gotta give," what do you mean exactly?

 

[crowboy]

Welcome to JUB ace.

I can relate to some of what you have posted. I lurked here for a long time before finally realising who I was and deciding to do something about that - only a few weeks back. Hang around. Read the threads. Keep posting. You'll see that you are not the only one. I have spent the last 20 years ignoring who I am, and as such being lonely and letting life pass me by. Something had to give and it did for me. I gave in. And I'm glad I did. It's going to be hard but the support I have received here on JUB is helping me through it. I hope that if you want it, you get that too.

You said you "tried to come out". Perhaps you could elaborate to us.

I wish you well.

This is my first post. I tried to find a message board specifically for people wanting/trying to "come out", and this is as close as i could get.

I'm 32, never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I kind of "dated" this girl for a few weeks back in 2000, I think. Never had sex with her. We made out, fondled and all that. Anyway, none of that is important.


I'm going to be all over the place here, so maybe i should start from the beginning.


I grew up on Long Island. Spent 30 years of my life there. My next door neighbor Brian was my best friend. Don't know how old I was, but we were kids, and we were curious. Not sure how it came about (possibly getting changed in front of each other after getting out of the pool) but somewhere along the line, we started to go into my closet and "explore". We'd touch ourselves. Evidently, we both enjoyed it (insert "boing" sound here). That's all it really amounted to. Exploration.

Brian and I eventually grew apart. He's actually married now and just had a daughter I believe. Me? i'm in my 30's and i'm a virgin. Confused with my sexuality. I say i'm confused because i've never felt "normal" I guess. I feel like there's another side of me that's been hidden so long, that it can't come out.

The one time i tried to "come out" to my mother and father (back in 1999, I believe), it felt weird. I felt happy, but kind of unhappy at the same time, like I wasn't sure. Maybe my brain's so fucked for trying to act straight for so long, that even coming out doesn't feel right. You know? So I've gone back to acting straight for another 10 years. But something's got to give.

I'm living in the south now A red state. Oh it's wonderful.

 

[ace077]

Welcome to JUB.

You got it pegged, about the coming out. Ultimately it's a huge relief, but it's not a walk in the park getting there.

So, a few questions. Are you gay? Bi? Can you answer that question?

If you know you're attracted to men, but don't want to act on it, that would explain the virgin thing. You look pretty attractive in your pic, so I assume this isn't from lack of opportunity.

Are you looking for support - which we'd be happy to provide, or are you needing advice - which we all love to give in here.

When you say "something's gotta give," what do you mean exactly?

I don't think i'm bi. Thanks for the compliment too

Of course i'm looking for support! I mean, society raises us to believe that being gay is evil. That's what I grew up believing.

One of my earliest memory's of homophobia in action was back in the early to mid 80's when i was in frikkin elementary school. I remember having a Michael Jackson spiral notebook. And i remember a boy in my class saying:

"I pledge allegiance to the flag, Michael Jackson is a fag"'

I shouldn't have cared what people said, but instead i erased Michael's face with my eraser and drew shit all over him. I guess in an effort to make it look like i didn't like Michael.

I'm rambling..lol..but thanks for the kind words..

Welcome to JUB ace.

I can relate to some of what you have posted. I lurked here for a long time before finally realising who I was and deciding to do something about that - only a few weeks back. Hang around. Read the threads. Keep posting. You'll see that you are not the only one. I have spent the last 20 years ignoring who I am, and as such being lonely and letting life pass me by. Something had to give and it did for me. I gave in. And I'm glad I did. It's going to be hard but the support I have received here on JUB is helping me through it. I hope that if you want it, you get that too.

You said you "tried to come out". Perhaps you could elaborate to us.

I wish you well.

Thanks for the welcome Crowboy

I didn't lurk here. I jumped right in. It's good to see people who've been in the same situation as me. It's comforting. I feel like i'm on the right path. It's just going to take a long time to come out of this shell. It's easier to do it online though, you know?

So on to the "tried to come out" stuff.

I sat my mother down and told her "I think i'm gay" and i remember grinning and smiling as I was saying it. Like it felt good. She was kinda shocked. But i think she took it well. I knew it was going to be weird for my father. I don't think i actually sat him down. I think my mother told him. And i remember him saying something like "So you want to fuck guys in the ass, huh?" or something like that. It kind of made me feel ugly. You know? I mean my father wasn't a bad dude. It could've been alot worse. And i'm sure people have had it worse than that. I had a relationship with my dad. Not as close as i would've like it to be. But we had a relationship. He passed away last year. I have an eagle tattoo'd on my arm for him. He liked eagles and was a patriotic dude.

But anyway...It was like i "came out" but then it was never spoke of again. And i pretty much went back into hiding again.

 

[KaraBulut]

Welcome to JUB. Congrats on your first post.

Well, let's back up a little bit.

Chldren are curious. Most of them experiment. Young boys experiment together but it doesn't mean they're homosexual- it just means they're curious about sex.

The question really is whether this is about being gay or social awkwardness. Do you have a group of friends? Are any of your friends gay? Do you date at all?

Red state, schmed state. There's just as many gay people in a red state as there are in a blue state. That's the thing with rainbows- they have every color... including red.

 

[ace077]

My group of friends are my co-workers. I don't go out much. Problem is, everyone likes to go out and drink. I don't drink. I used to. A lot.

I'm 32 and I live at home. It's just me and my mother. My father died last year (cancer).

I think i'd feel soooo much more comfortable in a place where homosexuality was widely accepted. You know?

 

[KaraBulut]

My group of friends are my co-workers. I don't go out much. Problem is, everyone likes to go out and drink. I don't drink. I used to. A lot.

I'm 32 and I live at home. It's just me and my mother. My father died last year (cancer).

The first step for you is to expand your group of friends. There are friends who you hang out with and then there are friends that you can be yourself with. It's difficult to be yourself with people that you work with.

I think i'd feel soooo much more comfortable in a place where homosexuality was widely accepted. You know?

Wouldn't we all feel more comfortable? But I'm not sure where that place is. When you find it, let me know, too.

OK- well, there is JUB. But it's a virtual place, not a real place.

Here's the deal. You have to build that comfortable place. It means getting a group of friends with whom you can be yourself and who are looking for that same comfortable place that you are.

 

[TX-Beau]

I think i'd feel soooo much more comfortable in a place where homosexuality was widely accepted. You know?

I grew up in the backwoods in Texas. I understand the whole alienation thing. I’ve also lived in West Hollywood, which is about as gay as it gets. You can be out and happy in either place. It’s easier of course to find hook ups somewhere like WEHO, but that doesn’t meant it’s easier to find friends there.

In order to feel comfortable, you have to feel comfortable about yourself, if you live in the gay ghetto and have a lot of issues, you’re probably not going to be very comfortable there. Guys who are very out and have no hang ups about being gay are pretty much comfortable wherever they are. Unless if course it’s like Iran or something.

There are places in the south that freak out even me, but they’re few and far between. I left Texas and moved to L.A. because I wanted to see what life in a predominantly gay space was like. Aside from little conveniences, like having a lot more predominantly gay establishments to choose from, it wasn’t much different at all.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Yeah, feel free to hang out here a bit, chat some, get to know us. I think the more of "us" you get to know, the better you'll feel about yourself. And then you can start deciding what your next step(s) will be.

>>>Wouldn't we all feel more comfortable? But I'm not sure where that place is. When you find it, let me know, too.

Denver.

Lex

 

[LonelyFace]

My group of friends are my co-workers. I don't go out much. Problem is, everyone likes to go out and drink. I don't drink. I used to. A lot.

I'm 32 and I live at home. It's just me and my mother. My father died last year (cancer).

I think i'd feel soooo much more comfortable in a place where homosexuality was widely accepted. You know?

Hello.

I know how that feels, having your coworkers be your only group of friends. All my other friends left for college, so I guess it's not exactly the same, but still...

If you don't mind me asking, do you live at home because of your father's death?
Did you drink because you wanted to forget?

As for an LGBT-friendly city, there's always Portland, Oregon. They even have a gay mayor!

 

[nautiboyjeff]

If your mom already kind of knows, why can't you find some friends. Are you in a really small town? Is there any chance you can find other gay guys as friends. People like to introduce other people and ya look kind of cute.

You just have to get out and circulate. I don't think you will have problems finding guys, just have to go where they are and there are other places besides bars.

Online dating is an option for small towns. Put in your profile you want friends.

 

[hvk1989]

Hi fellow big gay boat passenger

I can only reiterate what KaraBulu and Tx-Beau and perhaps a few others have mentioned regarding yourself. In my admittedly brief journey, I think I've discovered there's coming out to yourself and coming out to others (at least I think those are the correct terms--I keep looking for the compendium of gay phraseology but have been unable to find it ). I'd be hesitant coming out to others before coming out to yourself. For me, it was one thing to know I was gay but quite another to openly admit it or look myself in the mirror and say you're gay. If you don't yet truly know down deep who/what you are (gay/bi/other), I would think coming out to others would be near impossible.

Keep us posted!