My first relationship (not yet)

[TinyToeOut]

There is this 50 year-old man that I really really like and recently (while he returned back to US for christmas) I sent a text message over that I like him, he told me that we will talk about it when he return from the US. I just came back from his house (I made dinner for him as he wasn't feeling well) and we had the talk.

We were lying on his bed and snuggling together and he told me that he thinks that I am cute and all but he doesn't want be involve with me sexually because I am too young (I'm 19) and he feels like he would be taking advantage of me.

I was a little disappointed (I'd be lying if I said I wasn't) but I told him that it is okay and I'll always be a good friend to him.

I was stumped when he asked me what do I want out of a relationship with a 50 year old (I was too hyped up to give an answer) but what I really want is companionship and affection. Snuggling together in his bed is some of the best feelings I've felt in a while. Albeit the slight disappointment, I felt that I found a really good man.

 

[Soilwork]

So why not just have him as a snuggle friend?

I've had a few of those. Friends who weren't boyfriends but who were very close that I'd spend a lot of time with, even snuggling.

And yeah... it's probably best that you maybe look for someone closer to your own age, but if you really do want a relationship with this man, think of reasons why and tell him.

Hey.. stranger things have happened.

 

[RicanDAB]

You're 19 years old ... and although I do feel that you could have legitimate feelings for this older man .. I feel as if you're jumping the gun a bit getting involved with someone his age. Are you perhaps looking for a father figure that you never had a chance to develop?

Your friend was right in telling you what he did. I think he feels that you have not explored your options enough and he does not want to deny you opportunities in life that most of us should have at your age. I would be happy to know that he's still your friend and keep it at that. All of us who are older than you know how difficult and sexually turbulent it was to be 19 and now we have better perspective on life ... you still have your whole life ahead of you ... don't be so quick to rush into permanency just yet.

 

[Riverrick]

It sounds like you're lonely. We all crave companionship and intimacy.

I think he was being very honest. He sounds like a pretty together guy.

 

[hermanding]

there can be common ground - and love can do a lot - but there also are generation issues - which are just there in the age difference. i have two friends who have been together for 12 years - they are now 75 and 34 years. it continues to work, but there are some real gulfs between them - just the way they think is only one. this guy with you is willing to offer you that snuggling, and that's not bad. who can say? he is definitely thinking along the lines i've mentioned above
ding

 

[FREDDIE187]

I think relationships between older and younger men can be very sucessfull. The best relationships i have seen in my time was like that.

Having said that, 31 years is a lot................maybe to much.

I know of a couple which are 63 and 38 years old. They have been together in a happy relationship for 19 years.

So, follow your heart!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Keep in mind that it always takes two to tango.

Whereas you might be into him for all of your good reasons, he might be seeing his own future going on at a very different pace and into a very different direction than yours.

Indeed, many guys in their 50s would be more than thrilled and flattered to be starting a relationship with someone, who is 30 years their junior, but 'many' is certainly not binding for anyone, least for your friend.

You might be really looking for a father figure. And he might not be inclined to take that role. And trust me, this is not for everybody. Overcoming a generation gap od some thirty odd years is no walk in the sunshine, no matter how experienced and well-meaning the gay at hand may be.

So, yeah, be friends and enjoy each other's company as much as you can.

And move on.

SC

 

[TinyToeOut]

And yeah... it's probably best that you maybe look for someone closer to your own age, but if you really do want a relationship with this man, think of reasons why and tell him.

Hey.. stranger things have happened.

Thanks for all your advice, I am going to tell him why I want to be in a relationship with him, that's what I am going to do. If he declines, that's fine, I am more than satisfied to be a friend who enjoys snuggling together with him.

I'll still be me (as in my attitude towards him), not some jealous bitch. Yea, I can take it like a man... boy... whatever...

And maybe it's true, maybe I am looking for a father figure, someone who could mentor me, perhaps.

Anyway, I want to add that physical age may not reflect in totality how grown up someone is and hopefully, through my interaction with him, he'll see that I am something more than a 19 year old emotionally.

 

[Soilwork]

yeah, and I've met some 35 year olds who don't seem to realize that they're over 14.

Age isn't THAT important but it can be... as long as you both go in with your eyes open, I say go for it.

 

[Just_Believe18]

I'm a strong proponent of age-difference relationships, however, I see what your friend is saying. He's 50, you're 19. By the time he's 70, you'll just be reaching middle-age. The sad reality of large age-gap relationships is the man you love isn't going to be with you all your life. After twenty years of a wonderful relationship, and if he dies, what will you have left? How can you restart your life with another man? You will still have at least 40 more years needing companionship and love. Your friend recognizes this. And I truly believe he does not want you to be lonely and missing him for the last half of your life.

I can't believe I wrote this but I think this is what he is meaning to say.

 

[TinyToeOut]

I messaged him just now and told him why I wanted to be with him. He told me that there are many issues why he don't think we should be together. Now, I just want us to be good friends and even though I still like him very very much, but I do also think that it is perhaps better for us to stay as close platonic friend. I really don't want to wreck a friendship because we can't be together as boyfriends.

But I still have to face the possibility that he will find a boyfriend and we can't be as close as now.

Side note: I came out to the third person in my life today.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I'm a strong proponent of age-difference relationships, however, I see what your friend is saying. He's 50, you're 19. By the time he's 70, you'll just be reaching middle-age. The sad reality of large age-gap relationships is the man you love isn't going to be with you all your life. After twenty years of a wonderful relationship, and if he dies, what will you have left? How can you restart your life with another man? You will still have at least 40 more years needing companionship and love. Your friend recognizes this. And I truly believe he does not want you to be lonely and missing him for the last half of your life.

I can't believe I wrote this but I think this is what he is meaning to say.

I see quite a bit of math logic here, too.

Yet, no one has really ever made any contract with God, Destiny or any of the higher entities.

If you are building a relationship, you are taking a risk that your partner may perish at any point of time and that you might be left alone to face the world on your own. That comes with 'being in a relationship'.

If we accepted your scenario, yeah, he might be left alone when reaching his middle age? Most likely the stats are on that side, too. What's there to stop him from starting all over again?

See, he is now 19, and he has been hoping to be BFs with a guy, who is in his 50s. Who is telling us that he would not be in his 40's one day, and that a 20 year old kid might not be desiring to have him as his bf and mentor?

Being in love does not mean possessing anyone and holding blindly onto him. Being in love means much more letting go, and accepting what is inevitable.

I'd think that point over, if I were you.

SC

 

[TinyToeOut]

>Being in love does not mean possessing anyone and holding blindly onto him. Being in love means much more letting go, and accepting what is inevitable.

Thank you. That's how I am trying to describe my feelings right now.