My first sexual experience and issues with it

[cassandram]

So, I'm 24 and I've been "saving" myself for someone I actually wanted to have sex with. I was doing a play and I met this guy. He wasn't my type. I didn't find him repulsive, but I never burned with lust when I saw him either. He's very shy and quiet, but when he gets talking we have a lot in common.

Anyway, he asked me out and I'd never been on a date before in my life. I figured he was sweet and I was just flattered that someone actually asked me out. After the date, we went back to his place and eventually started making out. While a bit awkward at first, it ended up being rather nice.

After a while, we went into the bedroom, got naked, and did a few thing. He blew me, I blew him, and then he jerked me off. I noticed at the time that I wasn't really feeling the blow job that well. I'd expected it to feel better than it did. When he started jerking me off, it was slightly better, but I still had a really hard time cumming, but I finally did.

We met again yesterday and tried doing the same stuff, but this time I tried to rim him, but he smelt too bad down there - not like shit, but like a mix of sweat and b.o. He rimmed me for a second and it felt ok, but it wasn't the "experience" everyone's been telling me about. I went flaccid mid way through his hand job. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just not like sex or is he just really bad at it? I'm really confused. I don't know what to do about this. Maybe I'm just not attracted to him, but you'd think, if he was any good at the sex stuff, I'd still feel something pleasurable while he was doing his thing.

 

[TX-Beau]

Only straight people think gay men are attracted to anyone with a penis.

You're just not that into him.

 

[cassandram]

Y'think that's what it is?

 

[sixthson]

It could very well be that you are just not that attracted to him, it could be that your dick is too used to your own hand, it could be that your expectations of sex were unrealistic. You were expecting the earth to move and it didn't.

Many of us actually need an emotional connection to fully enjoy the experience. I do, maybe you do, too. Casual sex isn't for everyone.

 

[KaraBulut]

If you find yourself thinking too much during sex, it's usually a sign that there's no "magic" and you're just going through the motions. Some guys can just have sex without any emotional investment. Perhaps you're just one of those guys that needs to have an attraction and interest in the person you get naked with.

And, now that you've done the deed, you know...

 

[cassandram]

Thanks, guys. I really like this guy as a person, but once the clothes come off the sex stuff starts, it's more boring than anything. I really don't wanna hurt his feelings.

 

[TX-Beau]

Y'think that's what it is?

Yes I think that's what this is.

 

[TX-Beau]

Thanks, guys. I really like this guy as a person, but once the clothes come off the sex stuff starts, it's more boring than anything. I really don't wanna hurt his feelings.

I knew a guy once who could get me throbbin' hard just by proximity. He didn't even have to touch me. That's pretty rare, I also knew a guy who should have flipped my switch and just didn't. Chemistry, you can't argue with it. Most guys are somewhere in between, and it's rarer by far to be a guy who absolutely has to have some kind of feelings to get a boner, than it is for a guy to be able to have casual sex. You found a guy who's nice but has no spark, out there are guys you'll love to fuck but would never date, somewhere there is a subset of both categories and that is what you're looking for.

I really like all my gay friends, not attracted to a single one of them.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh yeah, stop having sex with this guy and end the possibility of relationship NOW, it's nicer to let him know this isn't going anywhere but friendship - than let him have time (or give him reason) to start building castles in the clouds.

 

[eastofeden]

Your expectations could have been a factor?

 

[peeonme]

With sex, be it gay or str8, the first time can be awkward. Top this with the hype we all heard about how great the first time should be and we are heading for a let down.
As for losing your erection, this occurred after trying to rim him and it not being a pleasant experience, I might attribute it to that.

There is no hand book about what to do and when to do it, do what comes naturally to you and don't let this discourage you.

 

[cassandram]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate all the feedback. This has really helped. I'm still so new to all of this, so all your advice really means a lot

 

[Seasoned]

I think it's a combination of not being attracted to him and your mental monitoring of what's going on sexually as it's happening, and, perhaps, even judging yourself for not waiting for the "perfect" guy.

I think many people have what they perceive to be a romantic notion of waiting when, in fact, they're simply scared of being sexually active.

At age 68, I advise everyone to be cautious, safe, sane and sober, but, not to wait, as long as the other person is non-controlling, of legal age and respectful. While sex can create a bond, it's also supposed to be fun. It's only after you experience it that you're able to gage how you ought to treat it and what to look for in a partner. Self-judgement and self-critiquing during sex leads to soft dicks.

 

[bruce379]

Thanks, guys. I really like this guy as a person, but once the clothes come off the sex stuff starts, it's more boring than anything. I really don't wanna hurt his feelings.

People with bad hygiene turns me off too. And aside from that, it is obvious that you are not into him. So I suggest you stop the pretense and move on with other guys. For both your sakes.