It’s been more than twenty years since I was in a Catholic church, but I was showing up today for services. I picked up a hymnal, skipped the holy water, and walked into the sanctuary. The church had been a poor one and didn’t remodel after Vatican II. They’d just set up a table altar. Now that the community around it had gentrified and new families had joined, it seemed a shame to change things. They’d done an overhaul to bring the sound system up to date, repair, and rehab, but for the most part the church looked at it would have looked in 1968. I sat in the center section, third pew from the back. Maybe he wouldn’t notice me. Hell, maybe the ceiling would fall in. I’ve been so many other religions since I self-excommunicated.
The organ began the strains of the opening hymn. I rose with everyone else and watched Michael follow behind the altar boys and a woman lector. The Mass began. I don’t think he saw me–until communion. While I don’t believe in Catholic teachings anymore, I respect them. I wouldn’t go up to receive communion. He looked out at the sparse crowd and our eyes met. He swallowed hard, and rushed the rest of the Mass. At least I think he rushed the rest of the Mass; I’m too far removed to be sure.
Instead of leaving I walked up to a small grotto. It was dedicated to Our Lady of Sorrows. I walked down the stone steps and knelt before the bier of candles. I understood her as the Catholics didn’t. She was the Goddess–simultaneously maiden and mother. “I’m surprised you came.” I turned. Michael still wore his vestments.
“I brought your bike back,” I said pitching him the keys.
“That’s it. You’re just here to return...”
“I owe you more than I gave you. I apologize.”
“I understand and accept your apology. This isn’t the time or place really.”
“I’m keeping you from the parishioners. I’ll go.”
“No, we’re the only ones here.”
“Then, Father, this is the time and the place. You’re even vested to hear my confessions.”
“I’m the one who needs to confess.”
“Well, I’m a Pagan not a priest.”
“Somehow, that’s more suitable to me. Anyway, I made a decision to leave the Church.” I looked at him inquisitively. “No it’s not because of you. It’s too restrictive. I’ve just not resigned. So I’m keeping up a pretense for a time. I do want to see you again. My vows are pretty shattered already.”
“All with me?”
“In word and deed. Thought’s been a little longer in the making.”
I walked over and hugged him deeply and without passion. His lips found mine with passion. When we’d finished, I pulled on my clothes while he watched. “Do you think She minds how we used Her grotto?”
“No Michael, but I think it means that in Her eyes, we’re married.”
“I can live with that.”
Our story is concluded.