My friend came out to me.....and he doesn't know I'm gay

[justndav]

I have a somewhat similar story in that my best friend from HS was raised in Catholic schools until HS when he went to the same public HS as I did. He had major issues, as it would turn out later on, with his sexuality. We became the best of friends in HS- people actually thought we were brothers... we were so close. Always hung out together, stayed over at each others house, vacations/trips together, dinner together, etc etc etc. Our senior year of HS I told him that I was gay but it couldn't go anywhere and he kept the secret no problem. So fast forward to college... him at SIU and me at NIU (Illinois finished at an SEC school). I go to visit him on break our Freshmen year and while I always suspected he was gay he never really said... well I went to see him and he told me that he had something to tell me. Well he came out to me, but told me to not tell his family until he was ready to and I respected his decision of course. He actually confessed to me during that discussion that he wanted to kiss me so many times in HS but thought it was a phase and would pass. I told him that I had actually felt the same about him and we had this quick fling over a period of like 6mos. which was mostly a summer break. He then confessed to me (and I was about to tell him the same thing at the same time) that he thought of me as a brother to much to have a relationship with me. We loved each other as brothers/family so our relationship stayed that way, always there for one another, always talking, always spending time with one another. It continued this way until he suddenly died of a heart attack in his early 30s. I was absolutely heartbroken and just felt lost. My heart ached for weeks and weeks, then months. I had lost my best friend in the whole wide world and someone I thought of as a brother- those friendships just can never be replaced. Just keep your friend close and treat each other well, I hope all goes well for the both of you!!!

 

[csf915]

Just to add my two cents here -- I really, REALLY dislike combining religion and college education.

I've taught courses at a local Boston college for the past 5 years (so, 10 semesters) and have found it incredibly gratifying to be able to guide and mold my students.

On a number of occasions I've had students approach me to talk about personal issues, and it has made me realize (and remember) what a tumultuous time college can be...

It's a genuine adventure for so many of us -- the first time we're more or less on our own, making informed decisions without our parents looking over our shoulder, the first true feelings of independence.

It just bothers me so much when religion invades that experience, especially because I find that those who go to extremely religious schools often graduate from them totally unprepared for the world outside their dorm rooms, and not just in terms of sexuality.

So, withoutface123, I guess it just upsets me that you're in this amazing time of your life where you should be able to discover yourself and explore the many aspects of the world without fearing repercussions from your peers and your school. And your religion.

Regardless, I'm really impressed with your grasp on life in general and hope that you find everything you're hoping for...

 

[MystikWizard]

Hi all! I've been a longtime lurker to this awesome forum that's helped me out on many a lonely night =) I've always thought about getting an account but for some reason never did. But today something happened that got me so....I dunno, excited? That seems too strong. And I felt like I just had to write about it somewhere so....I don't even know if I'm expecting replies or anything, I just really wanna type.

I honestly don't even know what I picked this particular sub-forum. Maybe because to the world outside this computer I'm straight? But I love cock? And abs? And bubble-butts? But I wanna have a wife and kids someday? I dunno.

Anyway, I'm a 20 y/o guy and I've always gone to Christian schools, raised Christian in every which way, etc etc. My particular denomination has quite a "turn-a-blind-eye" attitude toward gay, so this was alwasy something of me that I kept quiet. This friend of mine, we went to high school and then the same college for the Freshmen year, and we've always been very good friends. He went away for a year to study abroad, and I hadn't really talked to him in a while, but I semi-kept up with him on FB and so on. So today someone posted on his FB that they had heard a rumor about him and then a whole comment war erupted back and forth between him and this other person regarding sexuality, and I chimed it with a jokey "I think I know what the rumor is too ahahaha" and immediately he texts me "Who is spreading rumors about me? What do you know? And even if I was gay what would be the big deal?" He kept saying he was coming back to my same college and he didn't want to have this rumor hanging over his head and be so-and-so the "gay" kid (because my university is quite conservative. Like, we don't have pepper and mustard because they're spicy. We randomly have tabasco sauce though.)

So he calls me and we talk about how he's doing and religion and life and etc etc and I guess I had demonstrated that I wasn't a bigot or something and he said to me "Look, I'm telling you this because I trust you and I don't want it to be a big thing when I get back, but yes I'm gay, I've had a boyfriend for 7 months and I just, I love it, I love being gay". And I......tried so hard to contain my excitement. My excitement that, finally, I had a gay friend whom I could one day potentially talk to about my own feelings, with whom I could relate to about struggling between who I am and who the church says I should be. He's already come out to friends where he lives and I think I'm the first from our college to know.

And now I can't wait for school to start! lol But I have no clue how I'm going to act. A part of me just wants to follow him everywhere and be total bffs with him and yet I also feel that if other people know about him and see me then they'll start to think I am as well? Apparently he's only staying for a semester then leaving, so I feel like I'm on a ticking clock as to when's the right moment to tell him about me (if I ever do). And I know someday I'm going to have to face this issue head-on, I just....I am still so excited. I know I probably sound retarded to all you out there but this particular Christian denomination I'm in, it's so much more than just a religion, it really is a lifestyle, almost like its own ethnicity, with the way people are interconnected and we have our own traditions, culture, etc.

Thanks for listening to my giddy little schoolgirl rant.

(And, person, if you happen to be reading this....hi. This isn't exactly the way I wanted you to find out, but there it is lol give me a call...)

So someone has the guts to spill their heart and come out to you, but you could not return the favor and come out to them?

 

[withoutface123]

MystikWizard: Well, I don't think it was a particularly hard thing for him to do, since he lives in NYC and is clearly out to everyone there, and I guess to me it wasn't so much a coming out as it was a "bring a close friend into the loop" type thing. On my end, it would have been a full-on coming out for the first time thing, and on the spur of the moment I just wasn't ready for that night yet. And I also didn't want to do it over the phone.

csf915: Yeah, it kinda sucks, especially since everyone is so like-minded here and quite a few people know me that I would definitely see a visible impact in my day-to-day I think.

Justndave: Thank you for that. I am so sorry about your friend, but I'm glad that to his last moments he had such a great friend in you.

Anyway, since I've told him, I think we really are better friends. I try not to be the annoying little gay friend to him, but it feels great to comment on a guy or blast Bad Romance in the car lol He has a couple of faghags that are his daily best friends who know, and I think they know I know about him since I'm friends with his bf on facebook, and I just realize this sentence is sounding like that one episode of Friends...

But, I dunno, I'm definitely starting to get a hazy picture of a world in which I'm out. The other night one of my best friends popped up on chat asking me to look at some hot chick in his class, and in that moment I realized that I am just so tired of feigning interest like that.

But then I always come back to thinking about my religious, Hispanic mom. I mean, she fought with my sister for like 2 years for dating someone of the "wrong" race. I can only imagine what would happen if I dated someone of the "wrong" sex.

(Sidebar: I just realized the other day that there is actually a Coming Out forum. Would this be better suited there? Mods?)

 

[HunterM]

Glad to have read your story here, withoutface123 I'm out to 2 people that don't live in town (Canada and Czech). At this pace, I think I'll be out with people close to me when I retire Admire your courage