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my friend slept with my ex-bf

C

CountryBiy86

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im going straight to the point...
my bf and i broke up after about 6 months of dating... that was 3 months ago. so i just spoke to my ex on the phone and learned that HIM and my "best gay friend" fooled around 3 weeks after we broke up. I was really hurt after the break up... my "best gay friend" knew i still had feelings for him.... and he still goes and sleeps with him. Not to mention i heard it from my ex! My ex also said my friend seduced him!
Isn't there a rule that you don't sleep with your friends' exes? Thats not even the point. He went behind my back pretending to be my friend for the longest time like nothing happened. This whole time i was so stupid to see through all his fakeness and shit. It was all a front. Thats what hurt me the most. I trusted him and opened up my heart to him and he goes and does this. I feel betrayed.
I don't know what to say to him. you guys understand right?
 
Sure... I understand. Seeing an ex with someone can be disturbing, but seeing an ex with your best friend is understandably upsetting. After you calm down, you can let your inconsiderate friend know how you feel or if wish, don't and move on.
 
Wow yea that is fucked up. I mean your ex boyfriend should be off limits. There are still emotions and feelings you two shared and your friend should respect that regardless if you were dating him at the time or not. If I were you I would let him know how you feel about it and depending on how he reacts I would ditch if him if hes not remorseful at all.
 
What I never understood is the whole ex as friend thing. How lesbian! If you are friends with your ex I'd say you need new friends. What was his agenda telling you this? Dump them both and move on. Seduced?!? They both knew exactly what they were doing.
 
soreknees said:
What I never understood is the whole ex as friend thing. How lesbian! If you are friends with your ex I'd say you need new friends.
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I wholeheartedly agree. I absolutely do not see myself being able to remain friends with someone who broke my heart, or vice versa.
 
Yes that is messed up especially if it was just a fling, or a one night thing...
Some of you may not like what i have to say and honestly I didnt always feel this way but here it goes.
I understand that a friend dating an ex may hurt but if the guy was not meant for you in the first place, who is to say that your friend isnt either. Maybe your friend and your ex are supposed to be together and make a happy life together.
Im not saying this is the case but I dont really believe in the rule where a friend is not supposed to date an ex.
 
CountryBiy86 said:
Isn't there a rule that you don't sleep with your friends' exes?
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No.

It's not your place to control who your friends sleep with. It's not your place to control who your ex sleeps with.

It would have been better if your friend talked to you about it before hiding the sausage with your ex, but what's done is done.

If they're both good people, then be happy for them. There's a limited number of gay guys out there to chose from so they both got lucky.

If they're both assholes, then they deserve each other. And honestly- if that's the case- why do you have two assholes like that in your life?
 
soreknees said:
What I never understood is the whole ex as friend thing. How lesbian! If you are friends with your ex I'd say you need new friends. What was his agenda telling you this? Dump them both and move on. Seduced?!? They both knew exactly what they were doing.
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agreed,
annoying people have too much time hence always gossiping about bf gf gf bf !!!

Ok this is no flame zone, i take back my rant. :)
 
There are no rules, just levels of friendship, scruples and consideration. Your "best gay friend" obviously decided to place all of the above aside to satisfy his desire for your ex. What you need to do now is re-evaluate your friendship with him and decide if he is worth keeping in your life, just as you did with your ex. Personally, I think neither is.
 
Yeah, you have no claim on your ex anymore. Who he sleeps with is not your business. Your friend - while if it was me I'd ask first out of POLITENESS, isn't required to get your permission for who he sleeps with either. Neither of them are under any obligation to get your permission, nor do you have a right of veto. Now one would hope that you choose your friends well enough that they'd take your feelings into consideration, there's no requirement to do so.

Why are you reacting this way? And just saying:

"...Because my friend slept with my ex..." isn't an answer, what is it that bothers you about it? You hate him and don't want anyone you associate with to associate with him - let alone sleep with him? You think that dating you in the past makes him some kind of personal property for life? What is it?

Then let's talk about your Ex's motives for telling you this. He didn't have to do that, so what did he get out of tossing it in your face like that? And if he's taking those kind of pot shots at you, why are you still in contact with him?

Which one is it that you think betrayed you? The ex, or the friend? That's a pretty strong word - betrayed.
 
I am glad I read this thread. I have found myself in the position of your friend and was tempted to do the same thing.

Basically, the two of them broke up. Both are my friends, but I've only really stayed close with one. The other one is a hot mess, but I knew I could get a FWB situation from him. Basically, my deteriorating friendship with the other guy made me see it as an opportunity to use him sexually. But I knew, to come between the two of them (both of them find me attractive) it would be a mess in the end.

I'm glad I chose to be celibate in this situation, rather than have a few hot times then have to deal with any future drama. It's clearly not worth it as it has hurt your friendship with your best friend and now your ex is using it as a weapon against you. I could see the other guy doing the same thing to my close friend. And even though he's moved on, it would still create feelings of resentment and I respect my friendship with him too much.

So I guess this means your best friend was more horny for the other guy than for your friendship. I understand it. I see where he's coming from. It was easy sex. But not every kind of sex is a good thing to have. He should have at least asked you first. Whether you want to forgive him or not is up to you. He may not be considerate of your feelings, but can he still be a friend worth having?
 
jetsonboy said:
There are no rules, just levels of friendship, scruples and consideration. Your "best gay friend" obviously decided to place all of the above aside to satisfy his desire for your ex. What you need to do now is re-evaluate your friendship with him and decide if he is worth keeping in your life, just as you did with your ex. Personally, I think neither is.
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^^^^
Very well said, but I will ad that he is a EX for a reason. And there is nothing stopping anyone from seeing someone else.

Shame on the Ex for rubbing it in. and shame on your friend for crossing the line. Aside from that there is nothing wrong here.

You are still recovering from the split so friend should have known and at the very least waited a bit longer before having sex with him.

So your best recourse is keep the ex as ex and find a new friend. I would not even waste your time in telling them off. JUst move on, dont have any contact with them and dont ruin your day for 2 low life's. Be better than them and hold your head high, you'd be a better person in the long run.....
 
shit happens man, but ex is ex. Move on. You have no claim on either your ex or your best friend. Live your life man, not theirs.
 
I think an ex is fair game for anybody once they become an ex. As unpalatable as that might sound nobody has any jurisdiction over an ex or who they might sleep with regardless of whether it be with one of your friends or complete strangers. It's none of your business anymore. Some people seem to lay claim to ex's rendering them out of bounds for any of their friends, well sorry, but that's not how it is and if friends do sleep with your ex's then you need to just deal with that rather than be a victim of it. After all, there's nothing stopping somebody sleeping with one of their ex's friends either.
 
TX-Beau said "Yeah, you have no claim on your ex anymore. Who he sleeps with is not your business. Your friend - while if it was me I'd ask first out of POLITENESS, isn't required to get your permission for who he sleeps with either. Neither of them are under any obligation to get your permission, nor do you have a right of veto. Now one would hope that you choose your friends well enough that they'd take your feelings into consideration, there's no requirement to do so."

Man, he hit it on the head. What did you expect, some kind of "time out", before it would be OK? Surely you don't expect your ex to limit who he sleeps with, do you? If so, you're not being realistic.

You'll get past this. Don't throw out a good friend over it.
 
FLGG2007 said:
TX-Beau said "Yeah, you have no claim on your ex anymore. Who he sleeps with is not your business. Your friend - while if it was me I'd ask first out of POLITENESS, isn't required to get your permission for who he sleeps with either. Neither of them are under any obligation to get your permission, nor do you have a right of veto. Now one would hope that you choose your friends well enough that they'd take your feelings into consideration, there's no requirement to do so."

Man, he hit it on the head. What did you expect, some kind of "time out", before it would be OK? Surely you don't expect your ex to limit who he sleeps with, do you? If so, you're not being realistic.

You'll get past this. Don't throw out a good friend over it.
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That's not a good friend...

Wow after reading all these comments I have to wonder what ever happened to loyalty, friendship and just plain consideration?....
 
Damn..I'm pissed at the thought of another guy touching my Ex and I havn't seen him in 6 months..let alone a so called friend touching him..the gay community isn't that small..your so called friend would get knocked the fuck out..Real Talk.
 
TX-Beau said:
Yeah, you have no claim on your ex anymore. Who he sleeps with is not your business. Your friend - while if it was me I'd ask first out of POLITENESS, isn't required to get your permission for who he sleeps with either. Neither of them are under any obligation to get your permission, nor do you have a right of veto. Now one would hope that you choose your friends well enough that they'd take your feelings into consideration, there's no requirement to do so.

Why are you reacting this way? And just saying:

"...Because my friend slept with my ex..." isn't an answer, what is it that bothers you about it? You hate him and don't want anyone you associate with to associate with him - let alone sleep with him? You think that dating you in the past makes him some kind of personal property for life? What is it?

Then let's talk about your Ex's motives for telling you this. He didn't have to do that, so what did he get out of tossing it in your face like that? And if he's taking those kind of pot shots at you, why are you still in contact with him?

Which one is it that you think betrayed you? The ex, or the friend? That's a pretty strong word - betrayed.
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Hear, hear. I agree.

To the OP: the only thing done wrong here was telling you. THAT was what hurt you. That's probably why your friend didn't tell you, and your ex did.
 
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