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My FWB is dying…

J

JBtonBi

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Greetings…

For more than 20 years I’ve played with another guy. He’s older than me (daddy type) and we have had some great times having sex. He’s married (wife knows he’s bi, but doesn’t know me).

He is now dying from pancreatic cancer. His death is not imminent, but there will be no more treatments.

I’m trying to think how I feel. We are casual acquaintances in public, but not friends. We aren’t in the same social circles. We just get together every so often and have fun.

I think of my feelings, but I also think of other stuff… of dirty messages we have sent each other. Has he erased those on his phone? I don’t know. Of emails we’ve exchanged. Can someone access them?

I feel for what he’s going through, and we have texted a bit. I’m just trying to process it all and throwing this out to the world for thoughts…
 
Sorry to hear that you'll have to remember all the good times and stuff you did together
 
JBtonBi said:
...I feel for what he’s going through, and we have texted a bit. I’m just trying to process it all and throwing this out to the world for thoughts…
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There's common themes that many dying people say they want from people around them:
  1. Normalcy.
  2. When (and if) they want to talk, shut up and listen. Don't try to fix it. It can't be fixed. When they don't want to talk, allow the silence.
  3. Offer assistance. Offer company. Respect when they don't want either.
  4. Affection. For some reason, people are afraid to touch dying people.

If you're going to bring up the issue of emails, texts, etc, do it in person and only indirectly... as in, "Is there anything that you don't want your family to see or find out about?". That could be porn that he has hidden. That could be correspondence. That could be other things that he wants to get rid of. You can offer to help with any of those things since you know about that part of his life.
 
Yea see if you can able to talk to him and tell him things it's too late to know let him know your both OK
 
JBtonBi said:
Oh, we have spoken. It’s not that.

It’s just… not a spouse, not a boyfriend, more a friend, but not in the traditional sense. It’s an odd situation to be in.
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As long as he knows you know, and as long as what had to be said is said (although I doubt that last part was as important as listening to him). If he wants you, come. Otherwise leave it be.
 
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