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My Gay Friend Is In Love With Me

S

sdmister4

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well, it sounds like you're a pretty good friend first off, and its just a bad situation because unfortunately he cant help being attracted to you. the only thing i could tell you is that for me personally, if i know theres no possibility of him liking me back, i will stop liking the guy. so make it clear, in a nice way, that nothing will happen between you. and yeah, its gonna hurt him, but that can't really be helped, also make it clear that you dont have a problem with him being gay/liking you, because thats probably one of his biggest fears right now. this is one of those issues that will just take some time and patience from both of you. but i have to say, i hope that i have a friend as good as you for the day that i tell everyone.

hope everything works out alright
 
I agree with SD. I've been through what you've been through, except the girl in question liked me (Still does to this day). You just have to be honest with him. If you can, word it nicely, but if he's the sorta guy to take compliments as "Omigosh, he DOES like me!", then you may need to be blunt.
All in all mate, I really admire you for doing this. Not many people are this good to their mates. You got my respect ;)
 
Hey there tom, I moved your thread here. This forum is more aimed towards the kind of advice thread that you just started.
Your friend was very brave to tell you his feelings for you, you can be sure that he was suffering for a long time - asking himself how you would react, looking for clues if you might be gay or not, fearing your friendship breaking up because of that and all that. Now he made the first step - he told you what this is about. And you didn't freak out - that's the most important thing right now, because that's taking a huge weight off his shoulders.
A question for you, because it wasn't really clear from your first post - did you know that he is gay right from the start, or did he just tell you that, too?
 
My opinion is love is to get and give, because you made it clear from the beginning that guy doesn’t turn you on,
I think there are 2 options
1- Let him crash on you he will feel definitely that you are not the one for him because you will be too cold for him then he will find the way to get out easer
2- Stay away from him as long as take him to get rid of this feeling but explain to him that you doing that because you are a real friend and you will be next to him at any time he need your help .
I’ve been fallen in love with my brother-in-law for over three year and I know how hard is having feeling for somebody which he straight, until he let me play with him one day! After that I found that jerk off more enjoyable then play with a straight guy not interested
 
Completely agree with SDmister4,

You got to let him know first and foremost that you are cool with having him as a friend and being there for him after he told you how he feels, tell him you know what it's like.. etc because yea, he's probably worried as to how your friendship will change because of the confession. LEt him know it won't change! and if he's good with that, which i'm sure thats what he wants if your not gonna recipricate back than you'll be fine again!
 
It's always interesting to hear the other side of the story... we get so many posts here along the lines of "I'm in love with my straight best friend and I have to tell him!"

What should you do?

Honestly, print out what you've written above or email your friend the link. I can't think of any more perfect thing to say than what you have already said in opening this thread.
 
Tell the guy straight up that you are straight and have no such sexual feelings for him, tell him you value his friendship.
 
Tell him that you really care about him and value his friendship. Thank him for being honest with you and that you must be honest with him. You are not attracted to guys but if you were, he'd be at the top of your list. Let him know that you are there for him and want him to be happy. That you will be a shoulder for him to lean on should he need someone to talk to. Tell him that there is a new word for close buddies and it's called "Bromance". It means you are very close friends but it will never be sexual. Hug the man and tell him that you'll help him find someone. Tell him that who ever he winds up with will be a lucky guy and that you will be there to kick the dudes ass if he gets out of line. Oh, and tell him about this message board. It's a great place to get advice and many of us are happy to listen.
 
Hello Tom, and welcome to JUB. I'm glad your Google search found us.

Firstly, I agree with SD that you're a good friend to care so much about his feelings and try to figure out what to do to salvage this good friendship. Not a lot of people would care as much as you obviously do, and for that, I applaud you.

Second, I also agree that what you told us could be told to him in an email--or by forwarding to him the link to this thread. I'm rarely an advocate for impersonal communications like texts and email for heady/emotional conversations, but this might be an exception. I think it conveys, very succinctly, your feelings about what's going on.

Third, you'd have no way of knowing this, but a common issue in this forum is gay men developing loving feelings for their best friend. Usually, it's the opposite side of the issue of this thread: The gay man has developed these feelings and wonders how to handle it. In many (most?) cases, it's advised to deal with them on their own and not bring the straight friend into it, because it gets confusing and puts the friendship in peril.

The problem is, you never know what the conscious, or unconscious, motives were in him getting into this friendship in the first place. Did he have neutral feelings for you in the beginning, but then grew to love you because of the loving man (and friend) that you are (he is gay, after all, and being attracted to men would be natural for him to fall in love with one). Or, was he attracted to you from the beginning and that attraction was the fuel he needed to develop the friendship deeper and deeper in his mind?

Only he would know the answer to that--if he's thought about it. The point relevant to you, though, is that, in this process, you have developed feelings for him too, albeit more of a brotherly-love type and totally platonic. But, nevertheless, the feelings are mis-matched.

In the end, he's going to have to deal with his feelings and move them to a plane that isn't driving him crazy, yet able to maintain a fruitful friendship. Sometimes this is possible (gay and straight men have fast and strong friendships all the time without conflicting emotional feelings in the way), but sometimes it isn't.

I hope that he can work this out. There's not much you can do except what you've already done--be kind, accepting, and honest. The rest is up to him.

Just curious--what motivated him to tell you this? Did he just need to get it off his chest? Did he want your help in getting over his feelings for you? It doesn't seem that he held out any hope that you secretly felt the same way, so there must have been some rational reason to tell you all this, and I'm curious if you knew what it was?

Good luck--I hope things work out for you guys.
 
](*,)](*,)

Tom,

i think that what SD and Eagle have written you plus your own original posting would be three things your friend should have a look at. they have given you and your friend some very good advice and insights to the issues you are both dealing with.

i think you have really shown what a fine friend you are and want to be to your roommate and i think he is most fortunate to have you as his friend. it sounds like the two of you are handling the issue(s) in a most mature manner which says a lot about the depth of your friendship already.

please try and keep us posted as to how things work out between you and your friend.

eM.;)
 
Welcome to JUB! :wave:

It may be easiest just to send him the link to this thread. Not only does it make your position totally clear, but he'll immediately see some responses from other gay guys, many who have "been there (not) done that". He may find some solace in that, and if JUB can help him move on from his crush on you, that's all to the better. :)

Lex
 
well that was a fast resolve. and made me suspicious.
so I guess this nice little story was someone trying to make a point?

Especially since it was posted by the same guy who made this post?
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=4766924#post4766924

Nice try, trying to teach a lesson about people being total asses, and at the very moment betraying the trust of the people trying to help here.
 
this guy is simply complicated, he has no idea what he want, his imagination take him everywhere!!!
Somebody should advice him to get psychologist
 
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