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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

My long story. A divorced guy with a son struggling to come out to himself at midlife

Sorry for typos. I'm on my smartphone in my car at work, shaking and trying not to cry.

A guy responded to my insurance thread saying he used a program at work where insuranceb is not involved. I realized I have that here to. So I called.

The first filter.lady took my info and assured me of confidentiality and asked why I was calling. Silence. She said sue needed. To know to connect me to the.right provider. Was it stress. Yeah stress. Sure. She asked.what kind. I couldn't hang up she had callback mum.silence. Take your time. Some thing hard.to say. I said she had no idea. I whispered that o am quest my orientation. I almostnthrew up. Realy. She said she want. To trans me to a live therapist because I sounded upset. Okay. Put on hold. Realized my manger in office next door .might make out drug through wall.

Guy came on. Asked me tell um what's going. On. Asked him to call back on cell. Wanted to get our of .office.

He called back. Said the filter lady told him the general issue. But do details. What. Going on. Silence, trying not to cry.

Blurted out. Over past to weeks I realized .... silence. I mean. I'm gay. Then I blurted out the story I told here. Barely coming up for air. He told me the same things all you are. He was great like all you.

Now I have to call and get appt with .a counselor. No cost. No insurance. 8 visits paid for. Want get calmed down buy want to get. Over sayinflg it to another person on phone.

Brain says. I going to feep better. I hope so. Don't know how i can go bqck to office.

Thanks. This is so hard. It is so hard. I know its true this is.how I.am. why can't I accept and love myself this way. So dumb to do this to me . Keep repeating to.me that it will get better. But don't feel it.

Got to.go bak in. Workers will ask questions. Known them 14 years. Will see though lies. Damn. Damn. Did it here because upset at desk getting no programming done. Damn. Use these. Dumb icon.things.
:cry::cry::cry:](*,)](*,):help:
 
You did a really great thing by calling. Can you take the rest of the day off?
 
Back in my office. Calmer. Took 6 floors of.stairs.to.raise heart rate. Worked to calm emotions. Pecking out prior post helped.too.

I'm ok. Scared but ok. Telling myself "good.boy" for calling. Will make full appt later.
 
Cliffd is right. Taking sick day. Not lie to say I don't feel.well. going to go run on treadmill then train my dogs. Keep telling myself good job. This is so hard. Thanks for the support. This thread feels like my anchor right now. You guys who didn't suppress gay feelings for decades seem lucky from my point. So hard.
 
I suppressed my attraction to men for a long time (grew up in a religious background as well). I can relate to how scary it was coming out to myself a few years ago at 31. It took me about 7 months to comfortably accept myself. Life is so much better after that. Give yourself time.

This forum has contributed to my acceptance tremendously! From reading other people's stories and advice, being gay is just a part of who we are. Just like being a man is part of who we are. Personality, sense of humor, contributions to society, charity, taking care of family and friends make up the rest of who we are. We are funny. We are professionals. We are brothers. We are fathers. We are grandfathers. We are still good people.

Isolation is not healthy. It put me in a depression. My advice is not to stop coming to JUB. Start posting your comments in the hot topics and other sections as well. There are some really funny smart-ass comments. It would help lighten the mood. We are normal people.

This is a great community for support! We all have been there.

volumee said:
From the sounds of it, it seems like you need to be more in control of your life instead of seeking for approval.
Click to expand...
^ sound advice here.

Keep exercising to build up confidence. Congrats on losing 35 pounds, man!..|
Keep updating us as well.
 
OK - I called just now and am meeting a counselor tomorrow. She talked to me on the phone for about 15 minutes and I felt ok talking to her. I'm nervous as hell about the appointment.

Thank you Hunter. Seeing other people post "I had suppressed being gay, then faced it, and life got so much better" really helps.

I emailed my boss after my 11:40 post, ate a lettuce wrap for lunch and rode a stationary bike for 40 minutes, then did the treadmill for 30 minutes. Then came home and collapsed to sleep. Woke up at 4:30 and called the counselor.

Tomorrow at the appt will be the first time I've told another person my feelings in person.

I know this will help. I know you are all right about suppressing this isn't respecting myself. But it is hard. Which I know you all know.

Taking myself out to a favorite restaurant for dinner. Today has been beyond crazy, but my gut says it's a good thing.
 
"Sorry for typos. I'm on my smartphone in my car at work, shaking and trying not to cry."

Isn't that a bit dangerous for you and others on the road ?
 
Telstra said:
"Sorry for typos. I'm on my smartphone in my car at work, shaking and trying not to cry."

Isn't that a bit dangerous for you and others on the road ?
Click to expand...

I think he was just sitting in his car, not actually driving.
 
Telstra - yes. In the parking lot. Office walls aren't that thick.
But your post actually made me laugh.

I was upset enough earlier that my driving would have been dangerous enough without posting too! I don't text and drive. Not smart. And I don't drive when emotional. Had a close call during the dark days while the wife was ending the marriage and I now have a policy to pull over and stop to cry.
 
GREAT! You are doing exactly the right things. I'm glad you're getting so much help and support here--but I'm not surprised by it. It's exactly why we ALL come back here.

Things are getting better for you already, and they will continue to do so. Look forward and up and you won't notice all the shit you have to plow through.

Ned
 
Hey guys! I did it! I had my first counseling session. It was hard at first, but not nearly as bad as I feared. I clicked with the counselor and she wanted me to just tell my story. She kept asking questions and kept my session going for an hour and a half. At the end I surprised myself in that I could say "now that I realize I'm gay" without choking up.

I was nervous at first, and had a hard time talking. But I got more and more confident. And she clearly was hearing me because she would link different things I said together.

If you are reading this and going through a similar journey, and you are anxious and sad, but aren't yet seeing a therapist, just do it.

She is impressed with the advice I'm getting here and I'm supposed to keep in touch here. She would suggest something, and I'd say that's what I heard here. Or vice versa.

We have a lot to work on, but I think I found a really good one.

My homework was to join the area gay meetups. So I've put in my requests to join a gay guys meetup (bowling and the like) and an LGBT parents meetup. I don't know if I'm too newly outed to myself to join. Guess I'll find out.

What a week. But I feel like it is ending well.

Thanks guys! (*8*)
 
Good for you! Glad things are going well for you and it's really good to hear about the progress you've made. I'm sure the meetups will go great and you'll be learning new things and feeling better about the whole situation every day. Good luck!
 
:=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D::=D:

Thats a cheering section for when you might want one :D

Gay peer groups changed my life much for the better, and I'm sure they will yours as well.

Good luck(*8*)
 
I was accepted in the group and they are going to a movie tomorrow. I am too. This will be my first time talking to guys that I know are gay. I'm very nervous.

I feel nuts a lot of the time. Assuming I'm right about my orientation, I guess that is just me getting used to the new emotional landscape following the upheaval this past week.

For the first time in my life I'm having fun making smalltalk with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, coworkers, etc. It is very strange. But fun. Making people smile is empowering and makes me smile inside.

I have ups and downs. But I'm basically ok right now. As evidenced by a short post!
 
NCDogGuy said:
I was accepted in the group and they are going to a movie tomorrow. I am too. This will be my first time talking to guys that I know are gay. I'm very nervous.

I feel nuts a lot of the time. Assuming I'm right about my orientation, I guess that is just me getting used to the new emotional landscape following the upheaval this past week.

For the first time in my life I'm having fun making smalltalk with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, coworkers, etc. It is very strange. But fun. Making people smile is empowering and makes me smile inside.

I have ups and downs. But I'm basically ok right now. As evidenced by a short post!
Click to expand...

thats a good word. :)
Sounds like "moral landscape" by sam harris.
 
well i'am still married with two kids , my wife has told me many times i'am gay lol, I have to say yes i like men and i have a friend for the last 10 years have been with many times, he and i have great sex, but next week he is going down the same path i did and will be getting married!!!! he has told me he is doing it because of his family putting pressure on him to start a family. I regret not going along with my feelings years ago about liking guys. I think once my kids are out of school me and my wife will split, she keeps telling me that she is unhappy and i should leave! boy there is a lot to think about when you have kids and a wife!
 
Good. Welcome to freedom. It's a lot of hard work. But at least you're not working against yourself now.


:) :) :)
 
westly34 said:
well i'am still married with two kids , my wife has told me many times i'am gay lol, I have to say yes i like men and i have a friend for the last 10 years have been with many times, he and i have great sex, but next week he is going down the same path i did and will be getting married!!!! he has told me he is doing it because of his family putting pressure on him to start a family. I regret not going along with my feelings years ago about liking guys. I think once my kids are out of school me and my wife will split, she keeps telling me that she is unhappy and i should leave! boy there is a lot to think about when you have kids and a wife!
Click to expand...

So he don't think there would be even more pressure when having a family with kids.
He will regret this.
 
Congratulations on your progress. I wish you the best. I know they're geared for a different demographic, but you should take a look at the "It Gets Better" videos. Some of the stories are very moving and apply to your situation.

Regrading coming out, remember you don't have to do it all at once. Take small steps in your own time. Unless you're going to move in with a partner and start hosting dinner parties, most people don't need to know right away.

Life is about love: being around people you love and who love you. One could argue that Christianity, at its best, is about the same. There are many Episcopal, Congregational, Unitarian and other congregations that believe this as well. You don't need to be around people who hate.
 
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