My manager called me a faggot today.

[lamb-on-easter]

I am very new at my job. I have only been employeed for two weeks and am still learning peoples names and what everyone is like. The job is at a KFC/A&W. Not the greatest place to work, but its just something to help me through college I suppose. Even though this job is not in a professional office, i still like to keep my personal life private from my work. so, before i tell what happened, it may be important for you to know that my boss does not know that i am gay.

Today during closing, I was cleaning the chicken case along side our assistant manager. He is probably in his mid-late twenties. He asked me if I go to minneapolis much. (about 20 minutes from the restaurant) I calmly answered that I go to Saint Paul more often but that ive gone to minneapolis for the Gay 90's (a popular gay club) he laughed at my answer and said, "You would go there you faggot." I was offended by this remark, but i also figured that he would not have said it if he knew i was gay. Im still not sure what i should think about this. He clearly does not know how to act professional...

I dont know if i should write a complaint, discuss my problems with him, talk to my other manager (his boss), or keep it to myself.

Please let me know what you would do in this situation...keeping in mind that i truly am offended my is comment.

thank you all!

-cody

 

[G-Lexington]

I guess it all depends. On what type of person (you think) he is, and what type of relationship (you think) you have. If you haven't thought of him as all that dick-ish before, then I'd just treat it like he called you "moron" or "asshole" or any other mild epithet. I generally respond in a humorous way if I can.

"Yeah, I sometimes go to there for the Gay 90s."
"Yeah, you would go there, you faggot."
"Well, that's what I was hoping, but it ended up being a bunch of gay guys IN their nineties. Kinda old for my taste."

To me, something like this accomplishes a couple things. One, it says "Yeah, I'm gay". Two, it says "You calling me a faggot doesn't phase me." Mind you, he might think "hey, this means I can call him faggot all the time." But very few people I've met have responded like that.

Lex

 

[jonboy1645]

Harassment in the workplace should not be tolerated. Generally, call the Human Resources Department first as they are usually the most trained and tuned in to be able to take action in your case. Some companies even have a HR hotline that gets you right through to the correct HR department. If you don't have that, call HR, tell them you have been harassed in your workplace and need to file a complaint. They will get you where you need to go quick

Here is some more information about workplace harassment

http://www.fcc.gov/owd/understanding-harassment.html

Very sorry you had to endure that comment. There is no place in any workplace for a harasser and you are doing yourself, other employees, and your company a favor by turning him in. Whether he knew your orientation or not is not at issue here. His actions are what's important and based on your story, those aren't actions that are smart for someone to exhibit in the workplace.

 

[seven2go]

He CAN do any or all of that........feel free to piss of his superior who WILL get him fired for one reason or another ANYWAY for which there will be no recourse. He can take it to corporate where his boss might get a talking to......but sooner or later Cody might NEED a recommendation. Good luck with that.
I don't think jobs are particularly plentiful so I wouldn't rock the boat a hell of a lot unless I had a real good life preserver.
Whether you are gay or NOT there some things you are just better off blowing off.

 

[Seasoned]

I'd journal this incident and any others that might follow. If something like it happens again I'd say something like: "Don't we need to be pc here? I remember reading in the emplyee handbook that, ... blah, blah, blah.

 

[trawler69]

maybe you could, with a smile to show you are not phased, call him a dirty breeder. You did basically come out to him as far as he is concerned when you said you bwent there to go to the Gay bar. Sure straight people goto Gay bars but as a mini moron he probably won't see it that way. As long as you don't react he will probably just forget it. Hardly worth stirring up shit over, especially not as a new employee.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt this time rather than get yourself a name as a shit stirrer.

Good luck

 

[GhostPhoenix]

Cody:

Hmm... What makes you think he's not assuming your gay since you said you've gone there for "Gay 90's"? And if he is assuming your gay then the use of the word faggot was intended to put you down in a discriminatory way. In this situation if you don't care about retaliation (potentially loosing your job), I would say talk to your boss. Only contact the HR hot line if your not comfortable talking to your boss. And yes, you could loose your job, but not for blowing the whistle. All store's have SOP's, and its easier then anyone thinks to fire someone. No one follows SOP perfectly 100% of the time, just gotta look for the places to write you up, and fire you. But if you have a good manager it wont be an issue.

I can tell you as being formerly employed as a retail manager (NYC) any type of harassment is met with seriousness, and an investigation. Everything will come into question. I had the wonderful experience of calling in the HR department after I had reports of sexual harassment of 3 female employees. Because of the scrutiny of the investigation 2 of them decided it wasn't worth it and dropped the case. He got a slap on the wrist, and warning. But he continued and the 3rd girl pushed on, making notes on date and time for the investigators to use the surveillance cameras. Needless to say every fucking 1 of us got interviewed about every fucking thing in the store that wasn't picture perfect SOP. But anyway needless to say that he was "relocated" which was HR speak for FIRED.

Now if I were in your shoes I would talk to him. Tell him I found it offensive and that I'd appreciate it if he wouldn't use that language. If I got no where just talking to him, then I would talk to the boss. Explaining to the boss that I tried to work it out like adults, but that hasn't worked. Keep in mind I would not attack him in anyway, like "You know that language is against the employee handbook". I doubt that would work, cause if he'd read the handbook he would know that, and wouldn't have done it out of concerned he could be immediately fired.

GP

 

[xrph1670]

GP is giving sound advice here. One incident does not constitute harassment. Legally, harassment is a pattern, and only occurs after the person doing the harassing has been informed that the conduct in question is perceived as offensive/harassing. In other words, until he knows it offends you, he's under no obligation to change his behavior. Why? Because a "reasonable man" could see where another person might not be offended by that type of comment--that it would be taken as joking around, instead.

You can inform the person directly, (professionally--tell him specifically what his comment was and that it offended you), or you may go to the manager and ask the manager to contact him for you if you feel too intimidated/nervous/upset to do it yourself. The point is to make the behavior stop, and to do that, you have to make sure the harasser knows how his behavior is being perceived. If you do tell him yourself, you'll still want to tell the manager about it (for reasons explained below).

Because a day or two have passed since the comment, I'd probably let it go. If he makes another one, I'd tell him that that sort of statement offends me and to please not say things like that anymore. Then go to the manager (his direct supervisor). Inform the manager of your conversation and whether or not you'd like the manager to follow up. This is an important step since the manager will need to know that the behavior occurred if they are to understand that there is a pattern to the behavior. The manager will likely be understanding and supportive--and will likely explain to you what to do should the behavior continue.

This should take care of it, but if not, contact the manager again. This is because harassment is a pattern. You have to give the manager a chance to work...and work after the pattern (a repeated event after informing the harasser of the problem behavior) has started. It may require a couple of conversations with the manager. If the manager is uncaring or if his steps are ineffective, then you might want to look to the HR department--and be sure to inform them of all the steps you've taken (or tried to take complete with dates/times of harassing comments and your conversations with the harasser and the manager--so write all of it down.)

Someone on the thread mentioned that you may want a recommendation someday. Giving the people in place a chance to fix things BEFORE you get HR involved and bring a raft of crap down on their heads is always appreciated.

Please don't take any of my comments as saying that you should tolerate this type of comment/behavior. You shouldn't. It's just that this is one of those things that takes time. I am the first to agree that no one should ever call anyone a "faggot" in the workplace--it's highly unprofessional. But for action to be taken, notice must be given and ignored. Everyone gets their one warning--a "Get out of Jail Free" card, if you will.

 

[Lefty]

Mr. Lamb,

The following is only my opinion and not an interpretation of the bill of rights or any amendments to any such thing.

From the little you told us, you and a co-worker were having a conversation while doing scut work. (he was not acting as management at the time) In the course of a 'get to know you' conversation you made a somewhat revealing personal remark. He responded with a flippant or smart ass quip and laughed.

Based on that information I would say you need to put that exposed nerve away
and accept his remark as a flip or smart ass remark. Quite likely he was a bit
flummoxed by your answer and not prepared for your semi-confessional coming out during an extremely casual start up relationship conversation.

Did/has he made any derogatory or disparaging, hateful remarks since then?
Has he treated you in a manner less respectful than as a co-worker/supervisor?
If you were in a gay group of workers and in the same scenario would you have
taken umbrage?

If he/she has actually been abusive since then, you may be correct and should seek
rectification of the situation. Until such time (if ever) this occurs I would take the remark
as if humour intended not homo contended. Intent is not always the content.
(benefit of the doubt)

Sorry I've gone on so long, part of my 20% gay is that I am a wordy son of a bitch that
does not believe in one word when two will fit. lol.

Anyway, my 2Cents and wishes for good luck in the real world.

Most Sincerely,


Lefty

 

[carlboyful]

Lefty is very sensible. Be proportionate.

 

[KaraBulut]

I dont know if i should write a complaint, discuss my problems with him, talk to my other manager (his boss), or keep it to myself.

Please let me know what you would do in this situation...keeping in mind that i truly am offended my is comment.

The answer depends largely on whether you need the job and whether you're planning to stay there for a while.

A large company like KFC will have HR policies to handle things like this.

However, you've been at this company for only 2 weeks and I'm guessing that you're working there temporarily for money while you're in school. Working at KFC is not a particularly healthy job and it probably doesn't offer benefits or great working conditions.

The simplest thing to do is find a job with better working conditions and then give your 2 week notice at KFC. After you quit, then contact KFC's human resources department to file a complaint about the manager's conduct. After 2 weeks of employment, you can quit and never list this job on your employment history.

If this were a job that had a future and good pay/benefits, it would make sense to deal with the issue. Unless there's a good reason why you want or need to work there, you'd be better off finding a better employment situation and better working conditions. If you're going to fight for something, it needs to be worth fighting for and this job doesn't sound like it is.

 

[tx_doc]

You should look through your introduction book and see if KFC includes sexual orientation in their non discrimination section.
Your manager's comments were very inappropriate, but it's hard to fight something like that if the company at large isn't willing to back you. Just make sure you document anything and everything that makes you feel uncomfortable and report (and keep reporting) to your HR department/hotline.

 

[Blueboy369]

He's an asshole for assuming he can speak to you in such a way but I think he was just being a dick and didn't realize you would be offended by his "little joke". Take this as an opportunity to have some phrases of your own, ready to launch at him, should he go there again. I think,as inappropriate as it was, he was kidding around.
These pricks don't understand that we are sensitive to these hurtful words. If you need the job,work it out the best way that you can. If not, throw a bucket of burning hot oil at his feet and watch that sucker slip and slide and come come crashing down to the floor! Just kidding. The next time he calls you a faggot tell him "You hurt my feelings when you call me that".

 

[unloadonme]

Some of the other posters are right. KFC is a multi-national organisation and is bound to have diversity policies to protect employees from discrimination.

It depends how you want to handle it. You could just try telling the guy that his comments are unacceptable and that you'll complain formally if he repeats them. He may not realise how offensive you found what he said.

You could, on the other hand, contact the KFC HR department and tell them about it now. I work in the UK Civil Service and if my manager called me a faggot (which I'm sure he wouldn't) he'd without the slightest doubt be looking at a full scale conduct and discipline charge.

 

[thisisinteresting]

Hooo hooooo, NOT acceptable. You could save yourself a lot of hoop jumping and just talk to him personally and tell him to never refer to you in such a way again. I personally would have punched him in the face but I can't condone that kind of behavior. Whatever you do, please don't let this fly. You don't have to get him fired but let him know it's inappropriate. If it continues, talk to HR/management.

You wouldn't have made a topic if it wasn't an issue, you know?

 

[Lube]

What did you expect him to say when you said you went to the Gay 90's? Especially if you're trying to be closeted.

Closet cases who complain about people's remarks just out themselves. Straight guys just aren't that sensitive about the issue.

Why are you being closeted in The Cities anyway? Talk about a liberal area.

 

[slnattak]

Hmm.

But you *are* a faggot. Maybe he was just trying to get you to lighten up about it by being politically incorrect.

If he's seriously hateful to you over time, I would try to get some help about it.

And yeah the problem here is your own closet-ness. You must still think it's shameful to be gay if you get all hurt when somebody points out to you how gay you are.

 

[texan_slant]

His response wasn't totally surprising, and also comes out of ignorance;

Even though you had said that you keep your personal life separated from work, telling him that went to a gay club, implies that you are gay;

This was not acceptable nor professional, and can be construed as sexual harrassment; it's all up to you with regards to what you expect out of this, and/or how far you take it.

In the process, think about whether or not you think he meant it maliciously and/or whether or not it comes out of ignorance; assess what you think your manager had intended, and the scope of the issue when you take it all into context...

vs.

the time energy that you'll want to spend on this.

If you take it to corporate, you have a valid HR infraction against him, but you also more than likely sacrifice your job and your privacy in the process;

Either that, or you can address it to him 1:1 and let him know that what he did was not acceptable; surely if he continues beyond your chat, he needs to be reprimanded;

I'm not advocating either way, however, you might want to strike a balance between the severity and tone of "how he sounded" at the time of your conversation, and how offended you were vs. your solution.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I'm with Lefty and Lube on this one.

No big deal.

Your assistant manager is possibly gay himself and you did after all out yourself to him, and we gays, in fun, call each other faggot all the time. He was laughing (and I'd guess smiling) as he said this to you, which makes the whole thing seem more like a friendly (possibly clumsy) come on.

 

[Deandbn]

I agree with Lefty here and think you should make light of it just as your manager has when you told him you were going to the gay club.

From the little you told us, you and a co-worker were having a conversation while doing scut work. (he was not acting as management at the time) In the course of a 'get to know you' conversation you made a somewhat revealing personal remark. He responded with a flippant or smart ass quip and laughed.

I would also be caught off guard and respond like that.

Based on that information I would say you need to put that exposed nerve away and accept his remark as a flip or smart ass remark. Quite likely he was a bit flummoxed by your answer and not prepared for your semi-confessional coming out during an extremely casual start up relationship conversation.

Until such time (if ever) this occurs I would take the remark as if humour intended not homo contended. Intent is not always the content. (benefit of the doubt)

Yeah I think you are reading too much into it and let it go. I was just a bit of humour to lighten the heavy confessions you were making.

Yeah again - A Bit of humour is required on your part!!! loosen up, chill, relax, the sun will rise tomorrow morning after all and you will still be friends.

He will still take the piss out of you, and maybe you should take the piss out of him too next time round.