My married psuedo boyfriend..

[rareboy]

Honest to goodness, he doesn't sound like much of a catch from where I am sitting. A guy that parties without his wife, sexts with another woman all the while bitching about the woman he married.

I think half the problem is with this very immature and confused man.

 

[slyfer]

And just to be clear Ididnt make any major moves until he was over the first girl in our group. At least over for the most part. So there was no taking advantage of him in a weakened emotional state. That's underhanded evil. Along the lines of ruffies to be quite honest. I have a code of conduct when pursuing any guy. And I'd rather not cheat to get what I want. I earn my rewards through hard work.

 

[slyfer]

Honest to goodness, he doesn't sound like much of a catch from where I am sitting. A guy that parties without his wife, sexts with another woman all the while bitching about the woman he married.

I think half the problem is with this very immature and confused man.

He's literally gone out three time by himself and without her.

And another side note: I found out from a friend that he and her wet on a school trip and during it at one point told him that "whatever happens in dc stays in dc" so you'll forgive me if I don't totally feel bad about the situation.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

Why not just find a gay guy? Isn't it easier? Just seems really immature and out there, why play this weird game?

 

[TX-Beau]

I understand of course and I can understand the typical persons view because I've really only given you the major events that hve happened. I haven't told you all the minute details of the entire story. I understand that most take the obvious stance and beluve that if I'm playing or not I'm an evil gay hell bent on getting a guy I want regardless of anyone elses feelings. But luckily I'm a realist and I know that life is never black and white on any issue. And I know that humans aren't o e dimensional creatures.

I don't know if I've said it or not but my goal of all this is not to sabotage his marriage. I don't have a goal because I neve thought it would get as far as it has. The only thing I want him to do is what he thinks is going to make him the happiest he can be. All he does is talk about and bitch about her and I just dint like seeing a great guy be so unappreciated. That's all. Now concerning her...it's not my concern because my allegiance does not lie with her. It lies with him, while it sounds possibly cruel I know that out of two people a person will always have a higher allegiance towards one over the other and if you don't believe that then you need to adopt a more realistic point of view.

OK, so the world is shades of grey. Pointless homily, no amount of grey in the world excuses your responsibility for your own actions. Most of what you say rings a little hollow, it sounds that way because you were the active proponent in all of the inappropriate touching of some one else’s husband.

It doesn’t matter how far you thought you’d get, you pushed, and you pushed, and you pushed. Call it humor all you like (I don’t believe you, you wanted to get as far as you possibly could, that’s painfully apparent,) but that doesn’t change the fact that you were the instigator, not him, not his wife.

You ignored him being married, you ignored his circumstance, you ignored the feelings of his wife, you ignored the boundaries of friendship, the only thing you didn’t ignore was your own sexual agenda.

You can try to justify that til the stars fall with homilies about how grey the world is, and appeals to how insulting he is about his wife, but in the end, you pushed, and you pushed, and you pushed, to get as far as you possibly could.

In the end it was about you. You made those choices. You could have stopped yourself, hell you could at least have waited til he wasn’t so emotionally unstable – but you didn’t. You chose to push. You made that choice. You did. YOU.

Not because of friendship, not because of homophobia, not because you wanted him to be happy, not because his wife was a bitch, because you wanted his cock.

That’s as realistic as it gets.

You won’t admit that, you’ve dressed it up in all kinds of happy colors. But that’s what it comes down to.

You don’t get to mitigate your responsibility for yourself. This response is about the selfish choices you made, that’s why you’re getting the response you’re getting.




You have no idea what goes on in their marriage, you don’t know what he says to her.

In these situations I guarantee you that there are always two sides to everything, and frankly, truth is rarely on the side of the lying cheater.

 

[aijalon18]

Why engage in this soap opera? Whether or not his wife is a bitch is irrelavent. He married her. That was his choice. Just like you are choosing to immerse yourself in this gossip girl drama. This is only gonna get worse and more complicated. Unless that's what you want, which is seems like you do, get out now.

 

[ucfknight12]

Wow, all responses here are good, but I want to put in my own two sense, because that is what I do

1) He's married, whether he is happy with the situation or not, he is still married. Don't touch his dick... The only time you sleep with a married man is if its a fake marriage to a lesbian (sorry had to add this from experience lol)

2) I flirt with some of my straight friends too and a lot of them flirt back. Hell one of my straight friends made out with me to show he didn't care, but there was one major difference.... I don't flirt with them if I have crushes on them or are trying to get somewhere or even accidentally get some where. Its all innocent, mostly at work to make the time go by. Also none of them are married or in a serious relationship.
3) If you're looking for a lay, you should just go on a hookup site not mess with a "straight" guy who is married.
4) If you are concerned about his marriage, be a friend and not a mistress. You don't want to be the rebound, its not a fun thing... i've seen it

I hope you understand my point of view. I know you want to make him happy, but sexual relations isn't the answer. Get into a relationship that makes you happy to show him that he doesn't have to be in a bad marriage or just um BE HIS FRIEND

 

[TX-Beau]

If you just read the parts in bold like that, this has a really creepy kind of molester vibe. Kind of like a molester "grooming," his victims and desensitizing them. Pushing a little further each time while calling it a game.

Not what the OP intended I'm sure.

 

[slyfer]

Like I said. I get the judgement being cast upon me. I have my faults as a person but I acknowledge them. The only thing I don't like about the judgement is that y'all make it sound like I'm...taking advantage of him. In which case I clearly am not. I know where the boundaries are between us and I have never crossed it when he was uncomfortable doing so. I gave him the power in pretty much every situation that occured. If he didn't like the things that were happening he wouldn't have hung out with me pretty much every day that we were at school like the way we did. I'm not the only pushing the envelope in this situation. My best gf has been through it the whole time while this has been happening and she agrees he has a thing for me. I can't take advantage of him I'd he's reciprocating the feelings mutually. One day while I was on the computer he even wrote on my arm "I <3 u". So I'm not seeing where I'm the terible person for showing interest for a guy I like. Btw, nothing sexual has actually happened. Not even a kiss. Any touching has been on top of the clothes.

 

[slyfer]

If you just read the parts in bold like that, this has a really creepy kind of molester vibe. Kind of like a molester "grooming," his victims and desensitizing them. Pushing a little further each time while calling it a game.

Not what the OP intended I'm sure.

It's not. I literally joke around with all my friends pretending like i'm gonna grope them. If the situation was like people are exaggerating they wouldn't even wanna swim with me for fear of me actually molesting them.

 

[slyfer]

Wow, all responses here are good, but I want to put in my own two sense, because that is what I do

1) He's married, whether he is happy with the situation or not, he is still married. Don't touch his dick... The only time you sleep with a married man is if its a fake marriage to a lesbian (sorry had to add this from experience lol)

2) I flirt with some of my straight friends too and a lot of them flirt back. Hell one of my straight friends made out with me to show he didn't care, but there was one major difference.... I don't flirt with them if I have crushes on them or are trying to get somewhere or even accidentally get some where. Its all innocent, mostly at work to make the time go by. Also none of them are married or in a serious relationship.
3) If you're looking for a lay, you should just go on a hookup site not mess with a "straight" guy who is married.
4) If you are concerned about his marriage, be a friend and not a mistress. You don't want to be the rebound, its not a fun thing... i've seen it

I hope you understand my point of view. I know you want to make him happy, but sexual relations isn't the answer. Get into a relationship that makes you happy to show him that he doesn't have to be in a bad marriage or just um BE HIS FRIEND

Thanks for the response. But I literally have been doing the same things with this guy as all my other guy friends and this is the first time something has happened like this. This is why i'm so blown away by it. As I never expected anything to happen from me pushing the situation bit by bit. And i'm not just looking for a lay. I just don't know how to move forward in this situation now that all my friends are saying something is very possible to happen in the near future. And quite honestly I hate that they told me this. I never anticipated anything happening. Even if we make out I wouldn't feel bad bc i know the wife has went around at parties drunk making out with random people. But I don't expect him, not even a 1 percent chance, to leave his wife for me. Thus, i'm not taking this seriously and chalking it up to him just loving attention from me because he doesn't get it at home.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, it's all his wife's fault. Her choices absolve you of responsibility for yours. That is immature.

I suppose it's not surprising that you don't see how inappropriate the choices you're making have been.

I can't decide if that's deliberate, or you're really that clueless.

What are you expecting from this thread?

You will continue to choose to escalate the drama. Nothing we can say will change that. You won't take responsibility for your part in it. Nothing we can say will change that.

Were you expecting us to say:

"...damn that's hot, go for it..."

Why are we involved?

 

[Nomenclature]

So, you're a complete horndog. You're molesting this guy, and are getting off on having sexual control over him.


What exactly is loving or healthy about this?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>What exactly is loving or healthy about this?

Did you miss the part where he's gonna have sex with a straight guy?

Look, you're obviously not getting what you want here. Let's just pretend we all said "Wow, that's so cool that you'd do that for him. Go for it!" And then we can all go back to our lives again.

Lex

 

[slyfer]

I understand where everyone is coming. I just thought that saying this here, I would be free from judgment so I could get some true insight but it's impossible with judgment raining down on my head. I mean I talk to people all the time about their problems and never judge them for their actions and in general try to be an ear to listen, and say what's on my mind free of looking at them down my nose. But I suppose everyone doesn't have that ability. But I would like to thank everyone for your responses, negative or not. It's never bad to see things from different angles.

 

[ucfknight12]

I understand where everyone is coming. I just thought that saying this here, I would be free from judgment so I could get some true insight but it's impossible with judgment raining down on my head. I mean I talk to people all the time about their problems and never judge them for their actions and in general try to be an ear to listen, and say what's on my mind free of looking at them down my nose. But I suppose everyone doesn't have that ability. But I would like to thank everyone for your responses, negative or not. It's never bad to see things from different angles.

Don't think I'm judging you at all. I am not one to judge, I just wanted to give my advice. If you choose to take it or not thats up to you. I will give my insight and try to help cheer up if upset but thats it. It's not my job to judge. I've made my mistakes, trust me, I just don't want to see you get hurt and if you end up being a rebound, even by accident, there is a possibility that it'll happen. And I understand where you are coming from with hitting on your straight friends, I do it all the time. Hell there are times my ass gets grabbed by straight guys more than my boyfriend lol (and he is ok with this just to let you know). i've never had any straight guy actually get serious and besides making out with one because it was just a joke. The only difference is that we talked about it and established it just being a joke Just don't get hurt man

 

[mexidude85]

I was in a similar situation. I met a guy at my college by chance. I was sitting in the computer lab with my group working on a project for spanish linguistics when i see a hot guy sitting at another computer facing my way. So I look his way send a smirk half smile his way and he does the same. I then proceed to wink at him which he also likes. He then begins to leave the computer lab. H estarts walking down the stairs and at this moment im still sitting thinking what i should do. Would i loose the chance to say anything. Who knows when we would have free period at the saem time or when wed bump into each other again. So i ran down the stairs and just as he was about to leave out ther door to the parking lot i say "hey" Anyways we exchange numbers and we begin to text. He had to go to a wedding and was gonna be away. After like 3 days of texting i like the guy and i think we might have a chance of like dating or something. He ends up telling me he would rather not do anything with me. And i asked him why. He said it wasnt the right moment. and thats that. So the next day while we are texting i ask him oh so all the girls must be all over you. He said "just one" And i was like "tell her no" Because i was talking about the girls at school and thought that is what he was referring too. Apparently no he ends up texting me "no im sorta playing house" wtf? He said he was sorry for leading me on in anyway and that he wanted to go have coffe to talk it over. I said it was okay and we go talk. After that day we just begin to see eachother. Months of saeeing eachother me going to him and his girlfriends house. We messed around but didnt go all the way. I fell for him and him for me but in the end i got my heart broken i was disillusioned. I fell way hard i loved him and I knew he had strong feelings for me prob the same from what he told me. Well he ended up breaking it off cause he had to much guilt. So that was that but we still talked and soon after started it all over again but only for him to finally put a stop to it for good. We saw eachother at school id wanna hug him no bad i would juts use my eyes to convey just how much i needed him. I dont know if he really knows just how much love i had. Anytime after that in where we were able to hang out was weird cause all i could think about was trying to get him back with me cause i loved the guy what i could i do to change the situation back and have my pa back?? I missed him i thought of him only i stayed celibate saw no one for a while hoping that me being faithful to my feelings and to a guy that wasnt mine would bring him back. But he wouldnt try to do anything close to that he stayed firm and always reminded me of the fact that he was taken and i just gave up. Now im taken myself have the greatest boyfriend and could care less about being with that guy anymore. He is just another guy in my past. This current guy loves me deeply and i do for him as well. I've never been happier. But no one can tell the future but i hope that our future is bright as for that guy with the girl i hope he finds himself and lives a true life. If he stays with her that good too as long as he is happy thats all i really want for him.

 

[StlKj]

I understand where everyone is coming. I just thought that saying this here, I would be free from judgment so I could get some true insight but it's impossible with judgment raining down on my head. I mean I talk to people all the time about their problems and never judge them for their actions and in general try to be an ear to listen, and say what's on my mind free of looking at them down my nose. But I suppose everyone doesn't have that ability. But I would like to thank everyone for your responses, negative or not. It's never bad to see things from different angles.

Here's the thing--what you are calling judgment, we are calling "true insight." We are not the ones who provided the very detailed accounts here, you are. Your "friends" who are egging you on by telling you he's hot for you are basically tossing more gasoline on the fire because they enjoy watching it burn.

You don't like our responses because they don't support you continuing to act this way. Not a single person in this thread is encouraging you to continue this behavior. Why is that? It's because we see the train wreck that awaits you, and instead of wanting to see you race ahead until you derail and crash, we're trying to warn you that the tracks are out.

 

[hotb0d]

meh. After reading your story, I thought I was in the 'Gay Stories" section of JUB. It's entertaining, to say the least. I don't know man, you probably think you are respecting your friend and not crossing any boundaries...but I think you are. From reading your descriptive story, you are a very persuasive person and knows how to take his opportune moments. It's like water droplets and a rock, if the droplets drip long enough, it will make a dent in the rock. Same goes with you and you friend, you're the water droplets and he's the rock.

If you really think he has a thing for you, why don't you wait for him to make his moves? You have done enough with the touching, grabbing, teasing, groping...whatever you want to call it. I'm pretty sure you got your message across to your friend that "I'm gay, I'm free, I'm willing, and I want you to reciprocate".

To be honest, it seems to me that the reason he allows you to advance in a rather sexual manner is because he craves some affection and attention....which obviously missing from his deteriorating marriage. And you are the next best thing that he has to an emotional/mental relationship or an emotional/mental outlet.

 

[rareboy]

I understand where everyone is coming. I just thought that saying this here, I would be free from judgment so I could get some true insight but it's impossible with judgment raining down on my head. I mean I talk to people all the time about their problems and never judge them for their actions and in general try to be an ear to listen, and say what's on my mind free of looking at them down my nose. But I suppose everyone doesn't have that ability. But I would like to thank everyone for your responses, negative or not. It's never bad to see things from different angles.

So you were hoping for validation and a 'Way to go boy!' but got common sense advice instead.

Which you perceive as judgement.

And maybe it is.

But the behaviour of all the characters in your little morality tale here is questionable at best and just plain shabby at the worst. It is always telling when a poster has to start filling out a backstory to justify the actions of the characters in the play. But what we get from the story is narcissism, borderline sociopathic behaviour, neurosis, immaturity and rampant hypocrisy and dishonesty.

C'mon. You can all do better with your lives than this.

The way for you to start is to extricate yourself from this mess of a story and make friends with people who aren't as dysfunctional as the characters you've portrayed.

And by the way. You think that we've failed you because we weren't an audience who listened without 'looking down their nose'?

I don't think so. We've hopefully provided a reality check.