My married psuedo boyfriend..

[Nomenclature]

I understand where everyone is coming. I just thought that saying this here, I would be free from judgment so I could get some true insight

We DID give you our true insight, and we DID allow you to see it from an angle other than your own.


You've continuously sexually assaulted this guy, until he said "Are you happy now?!"

The way you described this entire story (all of the posts), it seems like you had a massive hard-on the entire time you were typing it. Honestly, this would be more suited for the Story section of the forum, rather than the "give me your honest opinion" section.

 

[slyfer]

meh. After reading your story, I thought I was in the 'Gay Stories" section of JUB. It's entertaining, to say the least. I don't know man, you probably think you are respecting your friend and not crossing any boundaries...but I think you are. From reading your descriptive story, you are a very persuasive person and knows how to take his opportune moments. It's like water droplets and a rock, if the droplets drip long enough, it will make a dent in the rock. Same goes with you and you friend, you're the water droplets and he's the rock.

If you really think he has a thing for you, why don't you wait for him to make his moves? You have done enough with the touching, grabbing, teasing, groping...whatever you want to call it. I'm pretty sure you got your message across to your friend that "I'm gay, I'm free, I'm willing, and I want you to reciprocate".

To be honest, it seems to me that the reason he allows you to advance in a rather sexual manner is because he craves some affection and attention....which obviously missing from his deteriorating marriage. And you are the next best thing that he has to an emotional/mental relationship or an emotional/mental outlet.

This is insight without judgment and it's what I meant. And to the bold. I've tried that multiple times. A day or earlier after I won't send him a text or show my affection for him after a significant amount of time he doesn't something so minute on purpose to bring my attention on him back to the front. This has been going on for the last couple of weeks. Actually back when it wasn't so complicated he'd do this too. If I was talking to the girls in lab and didn't say anything to him for a while, he'd do something like stroke my arm and smile at me. That small of an action that he knew would snap me to him. I actually didn't even realize he was doing that until this semester. As soon as like like "whatever" about the situation he pretty much snatches me back and refuels my engine to go after him.

 

[slyfer]

We DID give you our true insight, and we DID allow you to see it from an angle other than your own.


You've continuously sexually assaulted this guy, until he said "Are you happy now?!"

The way you described this entire story (all of the posts), it seems like you had a massive hard-on the entire time you were typing it. Honestly, this would be more suited for the Story section of the forum, rather than the "give me your honest opinion" section.

First he didn't say that, nor did he say it like that. If he were upset by it he would...nevermind that he wouldn't even let me do it. He'd shield as he's done for the past couple years, just like everyone else does when I play with them.

And the second bold part is also what I meant by casting your judgments upon me.

 

[rotary]

He's married, making out with a woman in your backseat, and you're toying with the possibility of him leaving his marriage for you?

You don't even know if he's gay. He could be putting up with your advances because he considers you a good friend and doesn't want to risk offending you by ending your inappropriate behavior. Or he's simply curious, but any man who cheats on his wife by kissing another woman isn't gay. You can't "turn him" to homosexuality, and by the sounds of it, he isn't. The mere fact that he kissed another woman in your presence could be a hint from him, politely letting you know he likes women.

Like others have said, he sounds like a very confused young man and needs a friend who can give him advice instead of contributing to this train wreck.

 

[slyfer]

So you were hoping for validation and a 'Way to go boy!' but got common sense advice instead.

Which you perceive as judgement.

And maybe it is.

But the behaviour of all the characters in your little morality tale here is questionable at best and just plain shabby at the worst. It is always telling when a poster has to start filling out a backstory to justify the actions of the characters in the play. But what we get from the story is narcissism, borderline sociopathic behaviour, neurosis, immaturity and rampant hypocrisy and dishonesty.

Call me a narcissist all you want but it's never bad to love yourself, but I can't tell who you're calling it me or my friend. And to call any of us near sociopathic is telling me you're just slinging names around. So thanks for your input but since clearly you're here to be snooty, you can go elsewhere.





And by the way. You think that we've failed you because we weren't an audience who listened without 'looking down their nose'?

I don't think so. We've hopefully provided a reality check.

I provide reality checks all the time and it's never while i'm thinking i'm better than said person i'm giving my opinion to.

 

[slyfer]

He's married, making out with a woman in your backseat, and you're toying with the possibility of him leaving his marriage for you?

You don't even know if he's gay. He could be putting up with your advances because he considers you a good friend and doesn't want to risk offending you by ending your inappropriate behavior. Or he's simply curious, but any man who cheats on his wife by kissing another woman isn't gay. You can't "turn him" to homosexuality, and by the sounds of it, he isn't. The mere fact that he kissed another woman in your presence could be a hint from him, politely letting you know he likes women.

Like others have said, he sounds like a very confused young man and needs a friend who can give him advice instead of contributing to this train wreck.

It's quite obvious that you didn't read what I said clearly about that. Or once again people just love looking down at people. I already said I thought it was a stupid idea that my other friends who have been around while me and him are hanging out. I in no way suggested that he would. In fact i've been adamant about telling them that it's a stupid idea and to stop saying it because it sounds ridiculous. Taking into the account I already know he likes girls. It's apparent, which is while I saw them making out, I felt no cringe, I felt no surprise, I felt nothing but happiness because he might have been on his way out something he obviously wasn't prepared for. I've never anticipated or even hoped he'd leave his wife for me. Because it's a selfish way of thinking; it's presumptuous at best and cocky at worst.

 

[TX-Beau]

I understand where everyone is coming. I just thought that saying this here, I would be free from judgment so I could get some true insight but it's impossible with judgment raining down on my head. I mean I talk to people all the time about their problems and never judge them for their actions and in general try to be an ear to listen, and say what's on my mind free of looking at them down my nose. But I suppose everyone doesn't have that ability. But I would like to thank everyone for your responses, negative or not. It's never bad to see things from different angles.

Come on, you knew that part of this at least was going to generate negative comments; you knew there would be judgment, you tried to head it off at the pass:

And before the Marriage Guardians come in to tell me I'm intruding on their marriage, it's already a terrible marriage and he's already expressed his regrets in doing so. So regardless of my part in it all, I'm not the force that's gonna bring it down...i think anyway.

That crap justification about your own inappropriate choices demonstrates you weren’t clueless about the ethics of what you were doing. You knew it was wrong, or you wouldn’t have had a ready made excuse for it.


I’m not sure what you expected with the whole groping thing. It’s sexual battery, touching another person without consent in a sexual manner. That includes brushing up against them, holding their hand, pushing the envelope physically, and definitely groping someone’s cock after he’s told you not to – and that’s a crime. He could prosecute you for it. That’s not opinion, that’s not judgment, that’s fact.

You say it’s all a joke, you say he’s letting you, but at several points in your story he told you no, you explicitly said:

...So blah blah blah we're on our way back to his apt and i'm messing with him like I usually do and was groping at his nipples. He covered them up as he drove, then I told him if he doesn't let me at his nipples, i'm going for his dick. There was a quick silence as he didn't move a muscle away from his nipples and I just went for it. And i made sure to do it slow enough to where he knew what I was about to do and to where he had MORE than enough time to stop it if he so wished....then I grabbed it. I was pretty much in shock after I did because my hand landed precisely where his dick was and I had the whole thing in my hand. After a couple seconds of my hand right there he then moved and told me to take my hand off it. And then we laughed about it, then I did it again because I had reminded him i owed him two because of some earlier stunts of his. Now before you think anything, this is a guy who often drives with just his knees, so if he WANTED to stop me, he was more than capable of doing so while driving or not.

You didn’t listen, you continued, you pushed and you pushed, then you justified your behavior because you knew that here as well people would react badly. Would think you were inappropriate.

That is predatory, and people who take this much further, and to a much more serious place than you have so far also insist that the other person “wants it.”

I didn’t say this before, but I will say it now, the psychology of the above is no different from date rape.

Well, be warned, one day, you’re going to do this to the wrong guy, and he probably won’t prosecute – because ‘phobes are ‘phobes, he’ll bash you instead.

How funny will that be?

 

[slyfer]

Come on, you knew that part of this at least was going to generate negative comments; you knew there would be judgment, you tried to head it off at the pass:



That crap justification about your own inappropriate choices demonstrates you weren’t clueless about the ethics of what you were doing. You knew it was wrong, or you wouldn’t have had a ready made excuse for it.


I’m not sure what you expected with the whole groping thing. It’s sexual battery, touching another person without consent in a sexual manner. That includes brushing up against them, holding their hand, pushing the envelope physically, and definitely groping someone’s cock after he’s told you not to – and that’s a crime. He could prosecute you for it. That’s not opinion, that’s not judgment, that’s fact.

You say it’s all a joke, you say he’s letting you, but at several points in your story he told you no, you explicitly said:



You didn’t listen, you continued, you pushed and you pushed, then you justified your behavior because you knew that here as well people would react badly. Would think you were inappropriate.

That is predatory, and people who take this much further, and to a much more serious place than you have so far also insist that the other person “wants it.”

I didn’t say this before, but I will say it now, the psychology of the above is no different from date rape.

Well, be warned, one day, you’re going to do this to the wrong guy, and he probably won’t prosecute – because ‘phobes are ‘phobes, he’ll bash you instead.

How funny will that be?

I'll never do it with the wrong guy. Why? Because I assess any new guy I meet before I do shit like that. And I haven't even come close to something like that happening because I know how to read people. I'm not proud of many things about myself but being able to relatively get a person after meeting them face to face is one of my strongest attributes...if not my strongest.

And I'll say once again, I've stopped at multiple and numerous points in our friendship the playingfully poking at him and he starts it right back up all on his own. If he did not want anything of the sort to happen then he wouldn't have started back up and he CERTAINLY wouldn't have let me touch it at my leisure when he came over. So quit trying to paint me as some molester. This isn't some fucking 8 year old child. Dude is 22 and way bigger than myself. I'm one of the last people who could "molest" this dude.

 

[slyfer]

He's married, making out with a woman in your backseat, and you're toying with the possibility of him leaving his marriage for you?

You don't even know if he's gay. He could be putting up with your advances because he considers you a good friend and doesn't want to risk offending you by ending your inappropriate behavior. Or he's simply curious, but any man who cheats on his wife by kissing another woman isn't gay. You can't "turn him" to homosexuality, and by the sounds of it, he isn't. The mere fact that he kissed another woman in your presence could be a hint from him, politely letting you know he likes women.

Like others have said, he sounds like a very confused young man and needs a friend who can give him advice instead of contributing to this train wreck.

And one more thing, with all the women stuff going on with him. Some girl in my group of friends asked him if he could ever be bi and he actually gave it some thought and said "maybe." Food for thought.

 

[rotary]

It's quite obvious that you didn't read what I said clearly about that. Or once again people just love looking down at people.

I'm not looking down at anybody, rather just trying to understand where you're coming from. You say you never wanted to sabotage his marriage, but you convinced him to send pictures of his dick to your phone. What would you expect his wife's reaction to be? Smiles and laughter? You might look at it as playful flirting but you've been a negative force on the marriage.

You had your hopes up and repeatedly went for it, but in all honesty you really aren't to blame for any of this. Just don't try to come across looking like the good guy. Like you say, he's a grown man and can make his own decisions.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'll never do it with the wrong guy. Why? Because I assess any new guy I meet before I do shit like that. And I haven't even come close to something like that happening because I know how to read people. I'm not proud of many things about myself but being able to relatively get a person after meeting them face to face is one of my strongest attributes...if not my strongest.

And I'll say once again, I've stopped at multiple and numerous points in our friendship the playingfully poking at him and he starts it right back up all on his own. If he did not want anything of the sort to happen then he wouldn't have started back up and he CERTAINLY wouldn't have let me touch it at my leisure when he came over. So quit trying to paint me as some molester. This isn't some fucking 8 year old child. Dude is 22 and way bigger than myself. I'm one of the last people who could "molest" this dude.

We don’t know what his side of this is, we just have your version of it. We don’t know how much of this is accurate, and how much is your interpretation. We have no way of knowing why he does what he does, or even if you’re accurately relating events. He’s not in here to tell us.

You got the reaction in here you knew you were going to get, then started using back-story to justify what you originally said. As Rareboy pointed out, that’s always a bad sign.

What we do know is that you’ve provided us with a scenario that raises a lot of red flags concerning your behavior and his, and that actions you insist are just good fun, are pretty much unanimously being interpreted as otherwise.

Why is that?

 

[slyfer]

I'm not looking down at anybody, rather just trying to understand where you're coming from. You say you never wanted to sabotage his marriage, but you convinced him to send pictures of his dick to your phone. What would you expect his wife's reaction to be? Smiles and laughter? You might look at it as playful flirting but you've been a negative force on the marriage.

You had your hopes up and repeatedly went for it, but in all honesty you really aren't to blame for any of this. Just don't try to come across looking like the good guy. Like you say, he's a grown man and can make his own decisions.

I'll admit that after he let me fondle him I was a bit horned up and I wanted to see it. I was more or less in complete shock that he was letting me because at first I thought he didn't feel it, so I did it more clearly and figured out he was letting me do it and I sorta went into a "oh shit" whiteout.

I wouldn't say a negative force, a negative force would be me bashing the wife at every turn and every chance I got. But that's not the case as I usually just listen whenever he complains about her. I try my best not the be the absolute negative I could be. Mainly because I believe in a different form of karma. It's about the energy you put out, not the deeds you do because some "negative" deeds are subjective. Not everything fits into a box. I try to be the thing in his life to which he vent to because this dude keeps everything locked up inside and won't talk about it. I've actually made really good progress on getting him to open up. In fact, I OFTEN encourage him to TALK to his wife about their problems instead of him just sitting on it which he does. So I know i'm a friend and not out for myself just waiting to get his dick. Regardless of what everyone else here think of me.

 

[rotary]

So I know i'm a friend and not out for myself just waiting to get his dick. Regardless of what everyone else here think of me.

Some here were a bit hard on you. They need to keep in mind that your friend made the decision to marry and uphold all the responsibilities that come along with it. Just behave a bit more respectfully, that's all I was trying to say

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm way out of practice at making scones. I'm pretty sure I can still make cinnamon cookies, though. Will those be OK?

Lex

 

[hotb0d]

This is insight without judgment and it's what I meant. And to the bold. I've tried that multiple times. A day or earlier after I won't send him a text or show my affection for him after a significant amount of time he doesn't something so minute on purpose to bring my attention on him back to the front. This has been going on for the last couple of weeks. Actually back when it wasn't so complicated he'd do this too. If I was talking to the girls in lab and didn't say anything to him for a while, he'd do something like stroke my arm and smile at me. That small of an action that he knew would snap me to him. I actually didn't even realize he was doing that until this semester. As soon as like like "whatever" about the situation he pretty much snatches me back and refuels my engine to go after him.

now there's a difference. When you ignore him or not showing your usual charade, he probably thought you were mad at him or something like that. For him to smile or stroke your arm, that's not him putting a move on you...that's him trying to make sure that you and him are still on good terms as friends. And besides in a friendship where you guys are touchy and affectionate like that, going cold turkey on a guy is not a good idea in assessing whether he actually likes you or not. What I propose is this: you can continue to do what you usually do when you are around him (minus the whole dick grabbing part), just completely ignore whatever he has between his legs, AND don't insinuate anything. IF he has a thing for you, he will request something more than just stroking your arm or smiling at you. You would think if he has the hot for you, he would request to touch you sexually by now.

 

[modernaire]

Heard this the other day,

"there are 3 sides to every story...yours, mine, and the truth"

This entire story is screwed up beyond belief and no matter how you spin it, you come off as the bad, extraordinarily creepy, gay guy. If this guy was a woman and this behavior was persisting, you wouldn't have the luxury of posting about it online....you'd be in jail and labeled a sexual predator for life. No man (gay, straight, curious, whatever) is worth that. I don't understand why you even get involved with this guy sexually in ANY way...playful or not. He's in a bad marriage and obviously young and dumb and you seem to be taking advantage of this situation rather than being a real friend. I don't wanna be unneccessarily hard on you (that's not my goal) but everything you post paints you in a very negative light. The title of this post alone is delusional. There's no such thing as a "psuedo boyfriend", especially if he's married! This is all just wrong on so many levels.

 

[slyfer]

Heard this the other day,

"there are 3 sides to every story...yours, mine, and the truth"

This entire story is screwed up beyond belief and no matter how you spin it, you come off as the bad, extraordinarily creepy, gay guy. If this guy was a woman and this behavior was persisting, you wouldn't have the luxury of posting about it online....you'd be in jail and labeled a sexual predator for life. No man (gay, straight, curious, whatever) is worth that. I don't understand why you even get involved with this guy sexually in ANY way...playful or not. He's in a bad marriage and obviously young and dumb and you seem to be taking advantage of this situation rather than being a real friend. I don't wanna be unneccessarily hard on you (that's not my goal) but everything you post paints you in a very negative light. The title of this post alone is delusional. There's no such thing as a "psuedo boyfriend", especially if he's married! This is all just wrong on so many levels.

I say pseudo because it's basically what it is. He even jokingly calls me his bf. His wife even jokingly calls me his bf. So I basically refer to it as a faux boyfriend. And I've been saying I understand how it can come off as i'm a bad gay guy. But that's what happens when none of you can see the interactions between me and guys and that's noone's fault. I've been trying to explain it and I suppose I'll just give up the endeavor.

 

[slyfer]

now there's a difference. When you ignore him or not showing your usual charade, he probably thought you were mad at him or something like that. For him to smile or stroke your arm, that's not him putting a move on you...that's him trying to make sure that you and him are still on good terms as friends. And besides in a friendship where you guys are touchy and affectionate like that, going cold turkey on a guy is not a good idea in assessing whether he actually likes you or not. What I propose is this: you can continue to do what you usually do when you are around him (minus the whole dick grabbing part), just completely ignore whatever he has between his legs, AND don't insinuate anything. IF he has a thing for you, he will request something more than just stroking your arm or smiling at you. You would think if he has the hot for you, he would request to touch you sexually by now.

Now it sounds like we're getting somewhere in what I was looking for in responses. Frank responses without the judgmental tone behind the post. And that actually sounds like a good idea. But I won't even hear from him til Sunday so thanks for the input

 

[slyfer]

Some here were a bit hard on you. They need to keep in mind that your friend made the decision to marry and uphold all the responsibilities that come along with it. Just behave a bit more respectfully, that's all I was trying to say

Thanks and I'm thinking i'll do better from here on.

 

[aijalon18]

No one is looking down on you. You are being manipulative to us and to him. Instead going into all these details and hatching all these plans and schemes, why not just find an available gay guy? You clearly have tons of time and energy to burn. Why not use it for good instead of drama?