My married psuedo boyfriend..

[slyfer]

No one is looking down on you. You are being manipulative to us and to him. Instead going into all these details and hatching all these plans and schemes, why not just find an available gay guy? You clearly have tons of time and energy to burn. Why not use it for good instead of drama?

There's no scheming going on. And there's no manipulating going on. Btw, how on earth am I manipulating yall? And I'm not even looking for a guy right now. This situation just happened because I was trying to spend as much time them(lab group friends) because I was about to graduate and wasn't gonna see them as often anymore next semester bc we'll be going to different schools.

As obvious as it may be via me typing all this stuff down. He's not very consistent with anything and with these situations, I view them as flare ups of...whatever. I don't really get him in the sense of what's going on inside his head. The moment I think I pegged him for something he does the opposite each and everytime and I just sorta needed a place to at least put all my thoughts out in writing. The reason I've needed to at least get this out into a place where I can see it is because I need to assess the situation because I have no clue what's going on in his head nor mine BECAUSE I dont know what he's wanting, if he wants anything...so i'm just trying to wrap my mind around it to be honest and figure out the course of action that'll leave me in a relatively stable situation from all ends. For the time being at least.

 

[rareboy]

I'll have scones.

 

[aijalon18]

You are being manipulative by turning people's assessment of your situation into everyone looking down on you and passing negative judgment. But you put yourself in a negative space through your own actions. You are sorta playing a victim.

Then you talk about karma when you come here calling your "psuedo boyfriend's" wife a bitch. Even if she's monster, how is it good karma for you to be lusting after that woman's husband?

And if you are not looking for a guy, why on earth are you analyzing every little thing this guy does? He's married that is his problem, that's it.

 

[rareboy]

Originally Posted by rareboy

So you were hoping for validation and a 'Way to go boy!' but got common sense advice instead.

Which you perceive as judgement.

And maybe it is.

But the behaviour of all the characters in your little morality tale here is questionable at best and just plain shabby at the worst. It is always telling when a poster has to start filling out a backstory to justify the actions of the characters in the play. But what we get from the story is narcissism, borderline sociopathic behaviour, neurosis, immaturity and rampant hypocrisy and dishonesty.

To which the OP replied:

Call me a narcissist all you want but it's never bad to love yourself, but I can't tell who you're calling it me or my friend. And to call any of us near sociopathic is telling me you're just slinging names around. So thanks for your input but since clearly you're here to be snooty, you can go elsewhere.

To which one might respond:

" You just don't get it yet. Which is pretty much to be expected from someone who is so intent on satisfying himself that he is desperately spinning his story to somehow make his actions and those of his characters justifiable. and as he gets negative feedback, his defense mechanisms are working in overdrive and finally his only response is 'go away'. Because he doesn't have a comeback for what he knows may be true.

It is particularly telling that you can't tell who is the narcissist, and who is borderline sociopathic in your theatrical production's cast of characters. And that you think judgement of your behaviour is 'snooty'. You only need to reread everything you posted to find everything that this reader found in your libretto."

(Look. I can do bold and colours too.)

 

[TX-Beau]

You’ve known this guy for years and you said:

…I know how to read people. I'm not proud of many things about myself but being able to relatively get a person after meeting them face to face is one of my strongest attributes...if not my strongest.

and then:

...I don't really get him in the sense of what's going on inside his head. The moment I think I pegged him for something he does the opposite each and everytime and I just sorta needed a place to at least put all my thoughts out in writing. The reason I've needed to at least get this out into a place where I can see it is because I need to assess the situation because I have no clue what's going on in his head nor mine BECAUSE I dont know what he's wanting, ...

So which is it, you’re able to read people, it’s your strongest ability, or you’re so confused about a guy you’ve known for years that you can’t understand what he’s thinking?

That’s a contradiction. Which is it?

 

[slyfer]

You’ve known this guy for years and you said:



and then:




So which is it, you’re able to read people, it’s your strongest ability, or you’re so confused about a guy you’ve known for years that you can’t understand what he’s thinking?

That’s a contradiction. Which is it?

It's sounds like I'm contradicting myself but I'm not. I'll explain. I can read people but because of all the forces involved and all the back and forth concerning him on a day to day basis, analyzing our text to text dialogue, my mind has become unclear. I have people putting into my head that he might wanna be with me, if I were to go by my texting analysis then some of it would conclude that no he doesn't want me in that way but because of him sending me that picture...there might be some error in my analysis, based on our physical hanging out with each other I could conclude that he does.... It's part of the reason I said I made this thread. There have been so many factors I've been looking at from so many different angles and I've analzyed everything so extensively and I can't conclude that I'm looking at it without complete bias...MY BRAIN IS IN OVERLOAD!

I'd say more but the thing I WANT to say would be taken overboard by the nazis in here who hang on my every sentence. Hell I'll probably be torn to shreds because of the above paragraph but it's what I've been saying all along so...meh.

 

[slyfer]

You are being manipulative by turning people's assessment of your situation into everyone looking down on you and passing negative judgment. But you put yourself in a negative space through your own actions. You are sorta playing a victim.
If I were really playing victim I would be like "WOE IS ME! YOU GUYS ARE MEANIES!" But no, almost every post I've made after someone's passed judgment upon me has been "I get that." I understand why you would think this." OVER AND OVER I have said things like this. That is not playing victim. That's called me being a rational person, not being delusional. I'm not askin for anyone to excuse my actions. Not once did I. What I AM asking is that take away off your top hat and stop looking down at me from the top of your reading glasses. Some have done this, alot of have not. And if you can't do this, my feelings won't be hurt if you stopped posting about it.

Then you talk about karma when you come here calling your "psuedo boyfriend's" wife a bitch. Even if she's monster, how is it good karma for you to be lusting after that woman's husband?
Please, if lusting after "another woman's husband" was a deep karma offense, then there's thousands of gay guys going through karmic hell because they want some Hugh Jackman. Karma's about the energy you put out there. I'm not putting negative energy out there and hanging out with him and trying to woo him because I hate her, out of spite, or anything of the sort. He's a guy that made a mistake by marrying too early and I've been trying to get him to end it or to talk to the damn girl about the problems he tells me. If I were truly the evil gay some of you judgmental people say I were then I would sit there and join in on the bashing game he sometimes does, NOT tell him to talk to her about at all and would probably be delusional enough to believe that one day he'll leave his wife for me after not even a kiss at this point.

And if you are not looking for a guy, why on earth are you analyzing every little thing this guy does? He's married that is his problem, that's it.

If that was it, this thread wouldn't have been created. It's far from it. I may be missing something but it's not that simple. It's a factor of course, but it may be 10 percent of the problem at best.

 

[StlKj]

So, here is my take on all of this now that you've "fleshed out" the situation.

You spin chaos in your life. Your flirtations with straight guys are, you believe, up front and therefore cool to them because they know where you're coming from. My belief is that you must be a somewhat likable person, and they merely tolerate these behaviors from you.

It's not a stretch at all to say that people who spin chaos often hang with others who spin chaos. For many people, that's what the twenties are for. So, you have people around you who not only pursue married men, but who also try to encourage their gay friend to pursue a married man. They love the drama of it all.

The man you are attracted to is a spinner of chaos as well. He gets to have his chubby, nagging wife at home, while getting the attention of other women and even a gay guy while he is away from home. He married before he was ready, and now his wife is paying for it. You believe he is the one paying for it, but really, do you think her nagging might have to do with the fact that she KNOWS he seeks out attention wherever he can find it?

This guy is not some sweet, abused spouse whose harpy shrew of a wife drives him to seek affection from others. That's not how it works. He loves having a piece at home, but he's annoyed that she turned out to be a nag. He has his home base he gets to operate from while cock teasing you and dabbling with the other women on the side that he can get to fall for his "woe is me and my pitiful marriage" act. Don't believe for a second that he's not getting something out of all of this. He thrives on the chaos of it all, and why shouldn't he--EVERYONE wants him. His wife wants him, his female friends want him, and even his gay friend wants him. And he gets to reap all of the benefits with minimal emotional risk to him, as well as minimal accountability to any of you who want him.

You needed to get all of this out because you like to pride yourself on being in control and up front about what you want, but once your chaos engine brushed up against his, you've started losing yourself and your focus. All of this drama is exciting and interesting, but it all signifies nothing when you come right down to it. We're not talking about people who truly fit together out of any sort of genuine feelings of love and friendship towards each other, because these relationships are all based upon manipulations, selfishness and a need for disorder. You're not fitting together--you're just crashing into each other.

If you're fine with all of this, then by all means, continue it on. If it's starting to wear on you some, then take a look at the immaturity and lack of accountability that is going on here, and decide for yourself that you want something better and more fulfilling for yourself than the scraps of flirtation and attention you're getting from someone who is clearly enjoying getting those things from you.

 

[slyfer]

So, here is my take on all of this now that you've "fleshed out" the situation.

You spin chaos in your life. Your flirtations with straight guys are, you believe, up front and therefore cool to them because they know where you're coming from. My belief is that you must be a somewhat likable person, and they merely tolerate these behaviors from you.

They don't tolerate them. They laugh at me and brush it off as nothing because it IS nothing. It's empty flirting because since I know they're straight there is no seriousness behind the flirting outside of doing it to make them laugh and make them feel nice. They often joke around that whenever they're down on themselves that they need to come to me so I can pump up their self esteem again. And please don't read too much into that statement, it's just a testament in which they understand that I'm just joking with them and I'm not seriously after them even though I may think they're attractive.

It's not a stretch at all to say that people who spin chaos often hang with others who spin chaos. For many people, that's what the twenties are for. So, you have people around you who not only pursue married men, but who also try to encourage their gay friend to pursue a married man. They love the drama of it all.

This guy is not some sweet, abused spouse whose harpy shrew of a wife drives him to seek affection from others. That's not how it works. He loves having a piece at home, but he's annoyed that she turned out to be a nag. He has his home base he gets to operate from while cock teasing you and dabbling with the other women on the side that he can get to fall for his "woe is me and my pitiful marriage" act. Don't believe for a second that he's not getting something out of all of this. He thrives on the chaos of it all, and why shouldn't he--EVERYONE wants him. His wife wants him, his female friends want him, and even his gay friend wants him. And he gets to reap all of the benefits with minimal emotional risk to him, as well as minimal accountability to any of you who want him.

Once again I'll reiterate that it was only the one girl. There's no other girls in the equation really because his wife takes care of all the would be girl poachers. Actually any other guy poachers too. She even got this one guy out of their afterschool activity after some drama went down. All I know is that they think the gay guy like him and maybe tried to get them in trouble bc he couldn't have him? I don't know the details really. But the point is she gets rid of all competition.

You needed to get all of this out because you like to pride yourself on being in control and up front about what you want, but once your chaos engine brushed up against his, you've started losing yourself and your focus. All of this drama is exciting and interesting, but it all signifies nothing when you come right down to it. We're not talking about people who truly fit together out of any sort of genuine feelings of love and friendship towards each other, because these relationships are all based upon manipulations, selfishness and a need for disorder. You're not fitting together--you're just crashing into each other.
You actually may be on to something. It sounds like a very plausible reasoning. It could help explain the fact I can't truly evaluate my feelings for the guy. But I've chalked that up to not knowing what he wants/what he will want because I'd rather not become hopeful and delusional. And that would happen if I assumed anything in this situation before knowing 100 percent.

If you're fine with all of this, then by all means, continue it on. If it's starting to wear on you some, then take a look at the immaturity and lack of accountability that is going on here, and decide for yourself that you want something better and more fulfilling for yourself than the scraps of flirtation and attention you're getting from someone who is clearly enjoying getting those things from you.

I want to thank you for this. Seriously, thank you. But there's one little kink in what you're saying. The only GIRL that anything ever happened with was the first girl in the group. Before the first night we hung out with him there was no acting on anything they felt for each other. The first night they did the sexting, the second they made out, and pretty much never went back to the friendship with each other bc the girl knew it was wrong and she backed WAY off. And that's the only other girl he's sorta been with besides his wife. He's only had sex with one girl, the wife. His parents didn't let him have girlfriends in high school and when they did they tried to do it the old fashioned way and hook him up with one of their choosing. He basically went out and found one on his own and out of being adamant to make it work he married the girl. And now he's in this predicament.

And it's not that i'm fine with the situation. It's just that I think i'm antsy for something to happen, monumental-like, so something can be forced to move along instead of these scraps of events the way they're happening. It's my own fault, and quite infuriating, for being drawn to that which I innately can't have which has been a problem of mine for some time.

Thanks again for this. This is the kind of reply I was looking for.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm way out of practice at making scones. I'm pretty sure I can still make cinnamon cookies, though. Will those be OK?

I'll have scones.

I've tried the lemon scones but they're just not as good as the cinammon scones.

The lemon ones go much better with rationalization and lack of insight, though.

 

[rareboy]

The problem though, is that unless conditions are just right, sometimes the lemon scones aren't light and piquant but can be tough and sour and you end up chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing while finding them really hard to swallow.

 

[slyfer]

The problem though, is that unless conditions are just right, sometimes the lemon scones aren't light and piquant but can be tough and sour and you end up chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing while finding them really hard to swallow.

Amazing how I was the one to be respectful at all times through this thread. Glad yall are finally showing off your proverbial peacock courting ritual.

 

[G-Lexington]

Does this mean nobody wants my cinnamon cookies? Because I'm on a diet, damnit, and I can't eat these all myself.

Lex

 

[slyfer]

Does this mean nobody wants my cinnamon cookies? Because I'm on a diet, damnit, and I can't eat these all myself.

Lex

Well now that you post that scrumptious delight. I believe I will go find some cookies! Possibly some milk to go with it

 

[Lefty]

I think this whole story

Just sounds a bit whorey

But will take another look

When they publish the book.

-------------------------

It's time to come clean

about the whole scene

Its the o/ps wet dream

Or so it would seem.

To be a true to life drama

It needs some more trauma

and of course

 

[Menagerie]

If you really think he has a thing for you, why don't you wait for him to make his moves? You have done enough with the touching, grabbing, teasing, groping...whatever you want to call it. I'm pretty sure you got your message across to your friend that "I'm gay, I'm free, I'm willing, and I want you to reciprocate".

This!

Also if you can ask for naked pictures, grope his dick, kiss him, and who knows what else then....

Why can't you just play your cards to him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel about him, what you want from him, and see what he says. You've done NONE of that but continue to stroke him up.

 

[aijalon18]

While the OP's behavior and responses have been ridiculous, NOBODY deserves to have their threads turned into comments about food and recipes. I hate when you guys do this. And mods should do their jobs and warn people who do this. Certain people like to make this go on and on, meanwhile the OP thinks people are actually replying to his thread. It's rude and mean. If you dont like what hes saying anymore just stop commenting. The recipe thing is just unnecessarily bitchy.

 

[Lefty]

aijalon...

lighten up. The posters were only implying that this was becoming story time

and they were offering refreshments. Fuck, if you are that mean to them.....

please, ignore my earlier post.

 

[ucfknight12]

Now now, this has just gotten bothersome. Slyfer, I think that you should just wait until you talk to him next and just tell him how you feel or you just give up on it and be his friend. But what I will definitely say is to just stop posting a "defense" to every one's statements. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions about the stuff you posted as that is what this is about. If it is bothering you this much, it may not be right. But you also have to understand that we aren't there with you when you do this so we don't have a full 100% understanding of the situation.

Just take a deep breathe and think about the situation and do what feels "right" to you. Then wait until you talk with him and then if you need more advice post an update. If you want opinions/advice from people that aren't "judgemental" to you, PM that person. Hope this helps

~ D

 

[slyfer]

aijalon...

lighten up. The posters were only implying that this was becoming story time

and they were offering refreshments. Fuck, if you are that mean to them.....

please, ignore my earlier post.

It's not me making up anything. All of this has/is happening. But like the last guy said. Defending myself anymore is a bit irrelevant at this point.