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my mind is blown

great posts everyone.

other than what happened yesterday, he is the most loyal and faithful boyfriend i know. seriously. his actions yesterday were fueled by his drunkenness, i'm sure, and the fact that he has wanted me for so long and up until yesterday had been keeping everything to himself. i know him very well.. in the setting apart from her also, and he really is a stand up guy.

That aside, what he did was pretty low, and i am just as bad for more or less being a willing participant.

I have got to keep my head above water until he breaks it to her. i get plenty of ass, so this shouldn't be hard for me... although it is going to be.

While I want so badly just to tell him that we can't see each other--or at least be alone--until he breaks it off with her, he definitely needs me as a friend to help coach him through coming out to her. I was in a serious relationship with a girl a few years ago and had to end it with her when I realized I wanted to be with guys. He knows that, and and expects me to be there for him as a friend. He came out to me for two reasons: half of him wants to "date me" (his words), and half of him needs me as a friend to help him through this really tough, messy time he is about to enter.

She is also going to come to me after the breakup, as I am a close friend and experienced with being a gay guy dating a girl. I KNOW shes gonna come to me for support and answers. If I am going to be a good friend, I am gonna have to wait until the dust settles before I can entertain the notion of being with him.

If he is serious about me, then he can wait too, right?
 
Waiting till he's available is the right thing to do but if you have a "one time thing " it may help him figure himself out. Friendships don't last forever and 10 years from now you will regret not having this moment to "do over".
 
I hate to be the person that guild someone comes out. At the end, I might get blamed for ruining his life or stuffs like that.

I guess hes now in a confusing state. Like a new born in the gay world, he will grow up very fast, and get hungry of exploration and experiments.

SO, IMHO, be a good friend to him now, dont go further than. If u expect a serious relationship with him, u ll need a lot of patience.

It reminds me a lot of the last scene between Boyd and Emmett in Queer as Folk when Boyd couldnt keep his eyes off boys in the bar, and Emmett told him that he needs to go explore the gay world, then come back to Emmett when hes ready.

<sorry for my English>
 
chobbs said:
While I want so badly just to tell him that we can't see each other--or at least be alone--until he breaks it off with her, he definitely needs me as a friend to help coach him through coming out to her. I was in a serious relationship with a girl a few years ago and had to end it with her when I realized I wanted to be with guys. He knows that, and and expects me to be there for him as a friend. He came out to me for two reasons: half of him wants to "date me" (his words), and half of him needs me as a friend to help him through this really tough, messy time he is about to enter.
Click to expand...

There's another thread in the forums about "rescue" behaviors and enabling behaviors.

It's a dangerous path- to be the "other guy" and the "supportive friend". You can't be both. Or more accurately you can be both but you'll end up getting hurt and losing it all if you're not very careful.
 
Please this dude just wants his cake and ice-cream. This guy was practically feeling you up with his girl sitting right next to him. I don't think he's looking for a relationship, I think he's just looking for some man sex. [-X
 
chobbs said:
If he is serious about me, then he can wait too, right?
Click to expand...


Chobbs, over the years I've watched your threads, seen you grow.

And not once did I ever think that you were the guy that would ever cheat or let someone else cheat for you... you're just not screwed together that way. And I know thats why this is killing you... you're that torn its doing your head in.

But this line ^ is spot on... and its your answer to a tee. Its whats in your heart and your head... its your beliefs and values coming through... its the real you finally getting clarity.

Dont let 15 minutes of lust ruin countless friendships, and your chances later on down the track when this guy finally gets the courage to sort his life out.

Because ultimately mate thats the issue here. Hes got some work to do... with or without your support.

Until then, if jump too soon, you'll just be collateral damage of the inevitable explosion of emotions and wreckage that will occur... and you deserve way better than that mate.
 
[-X

You said his girlfriend is your friend also? Don't fuck her over.

You said all of you have mutual friends? If you guys do it, it will split the group into 2 camps of war.

Your issue should be how bad you want this to happen vs. how big a fuck up it will end up. You alone control your actions. And he alone controls his. The facts are he is in a seemingly commited relationship (at least the girlfriend thinks), and you are friends to both. If you pursue him you will lose her as a friend and most if not all of your mutual friends.

But what is disturbing me, is that you have given all the power of the situation over to this dude who is obviously not up to any good, else he would break up with his girl in as civil a manner as possible before making any moves on you if that's what he wants to do. And taken a backseat in this fucked up joy ride of a scenario. If you want him and say to hell with the friends, flip the script back on him. Tell him that you want it too, but you won't go there with him while he is with her. And make sure that he understands that if he is serious about being with you, the exgirlfriend must know that yes he does indeed like the cock, and it is his decision to make the split and he is not being coerced by you or hearing voices or speaking to god through the pet dog. Hopefully you became friends with this guy because somewhere in him is a good guy that wants to do what is right. But know there is a chance he is an asshole, and only wants your booty hole.
 
jeez, isn't anyone with a girlfriend straight anymore?

golden rule my friend, golden rule.
 
update:

we've been hanging out a lot and talking about the whole situation (much better and easier sober than drunk).

he is going to end things with her, and his reason is because he is gay, not because of me, and not because of something made up. he is going to tell her that he is gay. this will most likely happen tonight or tomorrow.

he is very much interested in dating me, and says he has been for so long. i am falling for him pretty hard. it will end my friendship with her, but after a lot of thought i know it is what i want to do and is the best decision for me. i really wont lose any friends because of this, just maybe some of the girls she is friends with who i am not that close with anyways.

it is a horrible and an awesome situation all wrapped up together. i feel so bad for her, but at the same time i cannot help my feelings for him. i know i am infatuated, but i also know that there is much more beyond that in terms of my attraction to him.

anyways, there is going to be a lot of fallout; shes going to go crazy. tough times ahead, but it is definitely worth it.
 
There you go! A little patience can go a long way (specially if the goal is right around the bend lol). Let him sort this out himself, don't get involved so that they don't think this is something you brought upon him (after all this is his process and should ALWAYS remain so).

If she ends up breaking friendships with you give her space and respect her decision. It's not easy being in her shoes either. Best you can do is explain you did nothing to cause any of this. You haven't wronged her and have nothing to apologize for. If anything, he's the liar in the whole shebang. But honestly, who can blame him?

Good luck to you chobbs and I hope things go well between you two if its meant to be. :)
 
In all the years did you not notice or have an inkling for the curiosity or even him liking you?
 
update:

he told her and she's taking about as well as possible. not sure what is going to happen next, but she is being super understanding and kind to him.

gonna give it some time before i even express interest publicly in him. we are going to take it real easy for a while.

all is good in the world.
 
chobbs said:
update:

he told her and she's taking about as well as possible. not sure what is going to happen next, but she is being super understanding and kind to him.

gonna give it some time before i even express interest publicly in him. we are going to take it real easy for a while.

all is good in the world.
Click to expand...

I'm glad that things seem to be going well for you. Good luck my friend :)(*8*)
 
chobbs said:
update:

he told her and she's taking about as well as possible. not sure what is going to happen next, but she is being super understanding and kind to him.

gonna give it some time before i even express interest publicly in him. we are going to take it real easy for a while.

all is good in the world.
Click to expand...

What a nice way for this thread to progress!! Good luck and I hope you get your man!!!
 
I'm finding your story absolutely fascinating, and am wishing You, and "Him", the Very Best out of all of this! (group)

Yes. Do take it easy, for all concerned. And, please, also keep us posted. ..|

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
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