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My mom told me that she cannot accept me

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lucasss

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My mom told me that she cannot accept me and that my boyfriend is just taking advantage of me. that i'm not gay. that it is morally wrong. and that our family won't accept it.

i couldnt handle it and i left. she hasn't called.

i'm not sure what to do.
 
I'm sorry to hear that, but you know it's not your fault.

Maybe in time she'll come round like in the documentary 'For the Bible Told Me So' (its on youtube).
Perhaps in a year her opinion will change, like many parents initially reject their child, but later warm to the idea in varying degrees.
You need to stay strong and try not to feel bad, ashamed, or like you've let her or anybody down, because you are not to blame for anything.
My concern for you right now though is well being, as in do you have somewhere you can stay?
 
i don't live with them. i've been living with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. its really shocking, out of all the people she was the one i felt would never hurt me.
 
lucasss said:
i don't live with them. i've been living with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. its really shocking, out of all the people she was the one i felt would never hurt me.
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Why did she change so suddenly/What caused her recent outburst?
 
they didn't know. i just came out to them this week. my dad left me a voicemail saying to return my keys to the house. i'm on my own.
 
im really, really sorry you have to go through this.
this must be very painful. and when the pain turns into anger and hate, make sure to place the blame where it belongs: squarely on the shoulders of your shithead parents.

i really hope that they will come around one day and ask for your forgiveness for treating you the way they are now. but until then, they will have to live without your presence in their lifes, knowing that it was their hate and their ignorance that drove their own son away.

you have to be strong now. i hope youre surrounded by friends who are supportive and genuine. i hope you can heal and go on to live a happy life. (*8*)

and yeah, it may taste more than a little bitter right now... but congrats on coming out!
 
I'm so sorry that your parents reacted as they did. Parents often have to go through stages of acceptance, so it's really too early to see how this will all turn out. Hopefully they come to their senses. Keep a positive attitude and know that the ball is in their court. Whatever you do, don't back down on being gay. If you do, you will regret it forever and they will never come close to accepting it. As far as the keys go, let them change the locks if they don't want you to have a key, unless you want to use it as an opportunity to talk. Good luck and count on your bf and friends for support.
 
Like everyone, I'm sorry, but I want to stress how important it is right now that you let that hate and anger express itself. Do not tolerate intolerance. If she cannot accept you, tell her you cannot accept her bigoted homophobic bullshit, and to fuck off, for life, if that's how it's going to be.
 
Can I ask how old are you and how old is your boyfriend? I know many people hear love to say age is nothing but a number but it's definitely NOT. If you bf is significantly older maybe your mom does have valid reasons for being concerned.

Obviously she has problems with your sexuality but that coupled with an age difference is a lot to handle. Parents who find out their child is gay have the right to throw a bit of tantrum and not be thrilled about it. But they should come around in a reasonable amount of time.
 
im 24 he is 25. she said originally that she "had an assumption" for a while now, so there reaction is really shocking me.
 
Hi lucass,

Very sorry to hear that, and it is a shame that your story is still a common one in this day and age.

It is possible your mother may come around. You may want to look into resources available locally to help her cope, in case she does contact you. It can't hurt to be prepared, and there's always hope.

If she does not contact you, though, well like others have said you may need to move on with your life without her. There is this myth that one "must" stick with family, "blood is thicker than water" etc., but in reality some family relationships are just harmful and sometimes it is best to just walk away. I had to do that myself (though ironically, my sexuality was the only thing about me my mother didn't object to!).

You must feel very hurt, angry, and lost - and those feelings are normal. Allow yourself to express them, but at some point let go of the anger. Anger festers, and staying angry will just end up harming you. Once you are ready, move on with your life emotionally as well as literally.

Best wishes, and let us know how you are doing.
 
wooffy said:
There is this myth that one "must" stick with family, "blood is thicker than water" etc., but in reality some family relationships are just harmful and sometimes it is best to just walk away.
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This is so very, very true.

My best friend's mother is so toxic for him and I've been telling him for over a decade now that it would be healthier for the both of them to just cut all ties. They make each other angry, depressed and miserable. Yet he feels that because he's her son that he's somehow obligated to have a relationship with her. She knows how to shred his self-esteem in one phone call and it's just painful to watch. I've said all I can say, now it's up to him.
 
That is her decision. Hopefully she will come along after awhile, but for now, you have your life to live.

You can be happy without her. *hug*
 
I told my mother that if she could not accept my partner as family that she wasn't part of MY family anymore then.

Harsh yes but she came around.
 
I think people are being way too hard on the parents. Most parents are not gonna be thrilled their child is gay. You have to be realistic. It is something they need to grow accustomed to with your help and guidance.

It is unrealistic to think parents should automatically be 100% supportive and happy b/c you are their child. It is hard for them.

People have children and have all these hopes and dreams for them. Being told a child is gay just rips all those dreams right from under them in an instant. It is traumatic for them.
 
Understand, also, that by the time they come around, you may not have much interest in having a relationship with them.

Parents who act this way are controlling and are unable to accept that their children are individuals with their own lives, dreams and aspirations that are different then their parents. Some parents shun their children who marry outside the faith or someone of a different race. It's all the same.

It is inconceivable to me that someone would end a relationship with their child because of who the child fell in love with. For people like that, love was not the primary reason they had children.
 
I told my mother that if she could not accept my partner as family that she wasn't part of MY family anymore then.
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I think this works for me.

Why is it that so many people allow their parents or siblings or other family members define their 'acceptibility'.

I say bravo to the brave homos who tell their family and friends that they are the ones who will be cut out of a family or social circle if they can place conditions on love and acceptance.

Certainly at the point that parents are asking for the keys to their house back, I would be telling them that their hateful and hurtful attempts at trying to manipulate a child out of fear and guilt isn't going to work and that they just gave up any right to be considered acceptable parents, let alone people.

I would also give them the info from PFLAG and tell them to get some professional counselling before they ever tried to speak to me again.
 
aijalon18: its one thing to say "im confused, and im hurt, and i need some time to deal with this." its another to ask for the housekeys back. thats just unaccpetable.
 
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