My mother died

[chrisrobin]

 

[Kulindahr]

I never realized how expensive death is -- that's almost as big a shock as her dying. So far the price tag is about $4k.

 

[Nealm1]

Kulindahr, so sorry to hear and thinking about you. About this time last year Mum had a bleed on the brain, luckily she survived and is getting well now. I lost Dad ten years ago, unfortunately it doesn't get any easier having lost a parent. Please try to think of the good times you had together, your Mum would not want you to be sad all the time. Big hug to you.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I never realized how expensive death is -- that's almost as big a shock as her dying. So far the price tag is about $4k.

That's actually well below the national average. Everything adds up. And, many survivors overspend on funerals or monuments out of confused motives to show affection after the fact or to keep up with the Joneses.

I clearly remember Grandmother taking over a year to pay off Granddad's funeral expenses, and they actual had burial insurance policies.

 

[Kulindahr]

That's actually well below the national average. Everything adds up. And, many survivors overspend on funerals or monuments out of confused motives to show affection after the fact or to keep up with the Joneses.

I clearly remember Grandmother taking over a year to pay off Granddad's funeral expenses, and they actual had burial insurance policies.

I have to be glad that Oregon has a law requiring a plain wooden box be offered as an option, or it would be $1k higher, and that dad was a vet so she got free burial with him, or it would be another $500.

I've decided that with Social Security, there should be a $5k voucher at death for burial expenses.

 

[zoltanspawn]

It can definitely be cheaper, too. Not including an urn, I paid $1024.50 for pick up, direct cremation, permits and certificates. We were happy with that.

 

[Kulindahr]

It can definitely be cheaper, too. Not including an urn, I paid $1024.50 for pick up, direct cremation, permits and certificates. We were happy with that.

Wow -- just cremation would have been more than that.

 

[Kulindahr]

So today I get a call from a state agency acting on my request of Senator WYden's office for help with getting Medicaid care for my mom.

I called Wyden's office in May.

That could hardly have been designed better of someone wanted to torture me over my mom's death.

 

[Benvolio]

Some area have natural cemeteries: body is not embalmed, refrigerated until funeral, biodegradable container, no permanent marker. Cheaper and environmentally friendly. No fuel expended, no emissions.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

So today I get a call from a state agency acting on my request of Senator WYden's office for help with getting Medicaid care for my mom.

I called Wyden's office in May.

That could hardly have been designed better of someone wanted to torture me over my mom's death.

There are no words.

 

[frankfrank]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Kulindahr. I'm only seeing this now. May God provide healing journeys for all involved.

 

[eddielee]

I am genuine when I say that I am very sorry that you lost your Mother. I send love, peace, prayers, and positive energy to you dear friend.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I've decided that with Social Security, there should be a $5k voucher at death for burial expenses.

Knowing private predatory industries on the government dole (think local "convenience" stores and food stamps, federal defense contractors, construction companies, the medical industry, etc.), that idea would likely result in more bloat and abuse than any of us could possibly imagine. There are already too many in the funeral business who pump up prices, skirt laws intended to prevent cartel behavior, and keep funerals affordable to the poor.

Maybe what we need is a separate national funeral insurance service that allows any who opt in to do so, and it can be a payroll tax or maybe even an option on the state or federal income tax return. Basically, it would become a co-op and operate at cost. Many people want to spare their survivors the expense of a funeral, but few are willing to maintain the small, independent, life insurance policy that guarantees they leave enough to do so. Maybe with a once-a-year buy-in it would become easier to carve out a couple of hundred of the refund to ensure $5k to $10k is available at death. If it were presented as a general tax it would surely fail.

So today I get a call from a state agency acting on my request of Senator WYden's office for help with getting Medicaid care for my mom.

I called Wyden's office in May.

That could hardly have been designed better of someone wanted to torture me over my mom's death.

Kuli, that suggests your mother's death was somehow premature. From our conversations, I don't remember you mentioning that before. Did she not get proper care?

 

[NotHardUp1]

So, the moment after i posted I reread the thread and saw the part where you said she hadn't gotten adequate care in the months before. Sorry I have forgotten that. (Weirdly, I tried to come back to edit, but just then, at 3:30 in the morning, my entire neighborhood had a blackout. I thought it was my modem at first -- forgot my laptop had a battery.)

I think I had read that she had a stroke and made the assumption she was possibly spared a very long half-life post-stroke. My grandmother suffered a severe one after going into convalescent care for dementia, and she lived on another two years. I do not think of her in that last stage, but she was bedfast, recognized no one, was being fed "thickened water" through a straw, and eventually died of pneumonia that resulted when caregivers fed her improperly and it ended up in her lungs.

 

[nyctopgam]

I'm so sorry to hear. Give yourself time to grieve. Then do something in her memory every year. She will live on in you.

 

[littlejj]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[BelovedEnigma]

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother... awkward hug?

Take care!