My next step?

[thaen243]

Okay just a couple nights ago I got drunk at a friend's house who i've had a crush on forever. I've always thought he was gay cause he's only had 2 girlfriends and the only thing they did was kiss, his last one only 8 times and they dated for 3 years. When he drinks he gets really handsy and we're always making sex jokes. So the other night somehow things led to me giving him a back massage because I'm a licensed masseur. Long story short I got him naked to massage his back, he got dressed and went to his room. I followed him and was drunkenly hanging on him and he started to play with my dick. My bare dick, trying to make me hard and commented on the precum coming out. I was so drunk though I couldnt really pay attention to much and just rubbed his crotch through his undies and talking about the jerk off buds I've had in the past.

Well I told him I was too drunk and if he wanted to do something ask me when I'm sober. I think it hit him I was drunk (he was sober) and he told me to go in the living room and go to sleep. I went outside to smoke and he came out apologizing for touching my dick that he's just really horny and sexually frustrated and that I make him horny. To complicate things we're christian, him much more puritanical than me. I told him I wanted to fool around with him but I was just too drunk and he responded we can't drink around each other anymore. I gave him one last rub down and went to sleep.

We hung out for 2 days after that without a word being said about what happened. I just really need some advice on what to do next, how to bring it up and whatnot. If theres any christian guys out there that can lend some advice that'd be great. I really like him, I dont just want sex but this whole thing has messed with my head like I've never experienced and I just dont know what to do. Any help would be awesome.

p.s. - if you're going to be sarcastic or say how many times you've heard this before don't bother posting I dont want to hear your shit.

 

[TX-Beau]

Hmmm, "things" rarely just end up like that.

So do you want him? Or were you just interested in his cock?

What do you mean by "Christian?" There are Christians who don't give a fuck, and Christians who will condemn you to hell.

I take it neither of you were out?

What you do next, depends on where you want to go.

 

[TX-Beau]

p.s. - if you're going to be sarcastic or say how many times you've heard this before don't bother posting I dont want to hear your shit.

The problem with posting in a public forum is that it's public, and people who've been through this before are the ones with the most useful things to say usually.

 

[thaen243]

I really like him, like I could see us being very happy together but our friend base, while loving and supportive, do think homosexuality is a mortal sin, for the most part. if I really just wanted a hook up I would have gone ahead and fooled around but I kinda let him lead things that night because I didn't want him to uncomfortable. I've just been thinking about it a lot and don't know how to approach him. if we just stay friends thats cool, if it turns into something more thats cool too I just don't want us to be alienated to each other.

 

[lonnie1]

A suggestion: Just treat him like a friend. Do not get involved with him in a sexual way unless he takes the initiative. Chances are he is gay at some level, but his parents and society in general are telling him it is not ok to be gay, so he is resisting. If you force him to face facts he is likely to blame you for telling him the truth. Keep a friend and forget the sex.

 

[KaraBulut]

p.s. - if you're going to be sarcastic or say how many times you've heard this before don't bother posting I dont want to hear your shit.

First of all- welcome to JUB forums.

The area you've posted in is the support forums- it's part of our "No Flame Zone". That means we're not going to condemn you or give you shit. We try to operate under the assumption that you're coming here with an honest and sincere issue and we'll give you honest and sincere advice.

Sometimes the advice can be frank and it may piss you off... but we only ask that you listen and accept it with the good intent that we try to offer it.

Now.. onto the advice.

There's an attraction between you and your friend. And it's mutual. However, you're further along in this process than your friend is- he's trying very hard to live up to the expectations of his church, his parents and his friends. He wants to be the "best little boy in the world" and his attraction to cock is getting in the way of that.

What happened between the two of you is actually a good thing. He respected your boundaries and he didn't try to take advantage of you when you were drunk. And the truth is out there for both of you- you're kind of in the same boat.

All you can do at this point is say, "Hey- I just want you to know that I'm glad we're friends and that you can talk to me about anything- I'll always be here for you".

And just leave it at that. There's not going to be an easy answer and at this time- your friend needs a friend more than he needs man-sex. He's got a lot of stuff to go through before he accepts that he's gay- if he ever accepts it, that is.

 

[texan_slant]

I'm Christian, and I'm gay.

I believe in God, and believe that He loves everyone, and helps those in need. I lead a good, responsible lifestyle. I help others, I give back to people, I pray to bless those I love, and pray for Him to help others. I respect others as well as respect myself.

I try to spread the Gospel, but not in the Bible-thumping way. I spread the Gospel through what and how I do things in life (like I mentioned above) - and how I lead it.

I accept religion for what it is, but for me, it is secondary to my belief in God, and how I choose to follow Him. Homosexuality is spoken of as something that the church doesn't support, though they do say that they 'respect and love' everyone, but that the lifestyle doesn't belong there.

For now, for other reasons, the church works for me. I go to church for Jesus, but not for the approval of congregation. The Bible is a guide for how one lives his life, but I don't take it literally. I know that there are people that are going to poo-poo what I say, but it is a VERY PERSONAL and internal belief that cuts to the very core for me.

So, all-in-all, you can be Christian and gay; it's just all about you and God, and nobody else - that is my personal feeling.

To get back on the subject though, you are blessed to have a friend like that and vice versa.

What happened - and didn't happen - between the both of you was a very good thing. You came out to each other. It also means that you respected on another's wishes. Let your friendship fall into place naturally and support each other as you continue to grow and be yourself.

Don't make too big a deal of what happened, but if anything, it could make your friendship stronger.

 

[thaen243]

We haven't talked about it but we've been talking like theres nothing awkward between us. I've decided to just treat him like a friend but I am going to distance myself from him for the time being. I can't stop thinking about him, it's really messing with my head so some time away from him will be good. I'm going to tell him that before I seemingly disappear from his life until I'm able to be around him again thinking of him as just a friend.

 

[backpacker]

Sounds like you have a plan, but I would consider a slight modification. Tell him your going to distant yourself unless he has the same feelings as you and wants to pursue them. This is fairly safe as you have already had sex and you are planning to distance yourself anyway.

 

[texan_slant]

...but it comes down to what God feels about it.

Agreed - and that is why I have faith in Him.