My plight with coming out.

[-Volta-]

Well, I guess that I should start off explaining my orientation. I thought that I was gay for the longest time, until I fell in love...or at least it was the closest that I came to love with a girl, who eventually broke my heart, but that’s not really relevant to the story lol. I feel that guys are a LOT more attractive that women, but I figure that if I have feelings for someone, their sexual reproductive organs will not be that important. And I have never been in a real relationship or have had sex, so I can’t really decide if I haven’t tried either. I just say that I love everyone, but that’s not an option on JUB for orientation, so I guess I identify with bisexuals the most.

I went to a Christian high school, where homophobia seemed like it was part of the curriculum, and most of the people in my class suspected that I was gay. I gave up Christianity the day after graduation. My family is also Christian; I seriously doubt that my mom will disown me or anything if I came out to her, she’s not super conservative or anything, but she has said bad things about gay people. I’d rather be safe that sorry, so I’ll probably wait until I’m financially independent before I tell her. My dad lives on the other side of the country, I usually see him once a year, and I know he would have problems if I came out to him because he is close to the church, but his reaction does not matter as much as my mom’s.

I am only out to four friends. A few years ago, I came out to a friend, it wasn't the reaction that I thought it would be, but it didn't affect our friendship. I came out to three other friends a few months ago at my friend's (who is gay) going away party. He told me that a mutual friend (who was in the next room) said that I wanted to talk to him about being gay (which I didn't, but I'm glad she told him, I have no idea how she knows) and I told him that I was bi and a few minutes later to his sister who was there. I've been friends with these for people for years, and they have no problems with it, even though they may have told other people, but I really don’t care because our other mutual friends don’t have any problems with gay people.

I thought that college would be the perfect opportunity to come out, since it's not a religious school and I thought that people would be more accepting, but I was sooo wrong. I took a summer class, and all the people that I befriended were homophobic, and I thought that I would be in the closet forever, until I came out to those three friends.

I don’t have many close friends because I don’t make the effort to call friends, not even the ones that I am out to and I also don’t talk to people that I don’t know, I don’t want to make any more friends and risk that they are homophonic and I will wither lose them or they will just drive me deeper in the closet. The fact that I am shy does not help either. The only two people that I hang out with in college are people who I went to high school with, and they are both homophobic. I don’t really hang out with people that I have met in college during the summer. . The other day I was eating lunch in the commons, alone as usual, just watching all of the people who were eating with all of their friends, wishing that I were eating with friends. My school has an LGBT center, but I’m kind of scared that someone will see me walking in.

I have low self-esteem, which I think is important to sort out before I come out because I will be an emotional wreck if I come out and I don’t even have any confidence in myself and all of my “friends” have rejected me.

I am so tied of being in the closet, I have reached the point where I can’t do this anymore because being in the closet is not helping me develop as a person: I have no close friends, no self esteem, I’m pretty much depressed. I would love to be in a relationship with someone (preferably a guy) and be proud of who I am, not worrying about what other people think about me. One problem is that I can’t even “come out” as an atheist to my Christian friends and family…so how do I expect to actually come out to them? Although I think that telling people that I am an atheist will be good practice with coming out and I will be damned anyways since I’m not a Christian anymore; I just don’t feel like being preached to and looked down on.

I don’t even know how I should come out: just put “bi” as my orientation on myspace and facebook, physically go up to people that I know and just blurt it out, or just say, “You know that I like guys, right?” when someone says something homophobic. These things sound so easy when typing them, but when I think of actually doing it seems impossible.


Thanks in advanced for the help.

 

[Xpione]

Well, you're like a friend i know, but just be open and try to seek friends. You have to be really comfortable with yourself first-->friendly. But you have to udnerstand, sometimes people will shun from u b/c u're not part of the norm, but what do they know, u dont need them. U want people who accept u, so look out for them.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I think that you are focusing far too much on coming out.

Why not get on with your life? Find a BF and date, have fun, go out and enjoy yourself. These are probably the best years of your life.

Once you have got all that up and running, you can go back to the 'coming out' issue.

Remember the saying: Poor is the man, whose pleasures depend on the permission of the others.

Whereas, coming out doubtlessly has a liberating effect on many people, it is wrong to overestimate its practical importance. It really changes very little. I cannot think of anyone, who is going to find you a man of your dreams and deliver him on a silver platter, straight to your bedroom, just because he now knows you are bi or gay.

SC

 

[Love_chair]

listen to (SilverRRCloud) he always gives grate advice and I hope everything works out for you (Volta) I know this seems like a dark time in your life and trust me I have had lots and you just have to stay strong and be true to yourself and love yourself and trust that everything will work out in the end because it will good luck and take care of yourself

 

[jaydizzo]

Oi'm gonna agree with SC he is def full of excellent thoughts and info on this subject

Right about now you are focusing alot of your attention to coming out, where as this is an important decision, you definitely need to put it on the backburner for a minute and just go out and enjoy yourself, and in the process if someone finds out you are bi then so be it (one step closer right).

Also dont continue to beat yourself have plenty of confidence in yourself its the core of YOU. The thing that worked for me was i (I was shy as hell before the army) went out and partied rediculous hard and people were like damn that cats off the chain and I was cool with that. You need to let yourself loose find out what you like and break out of your shell. It may take some time but you will get there.

Me personally im in the army full of homophobic people until they get drunk then you wont know if they are gay or straight (funny how that works) my point is army life is just like college life go out party and just be yourself trust me someone is going to notice and you will meet plenty of good people and with that make some good friends. And once you have had fun then come back to worry about coming out, but if you are truly yourself then trust me people wont need to ask questions and then poof coming out is that much easier. yes you may lose friends but in the end were they really friends in the first place.

I hope this has helped you in some way good luck and more importantly have fun

 

[landers]

He told me that a mutual friend (who was in the next room) said that I wanted to talk to him about being gay (which I didn't, but I'm glad she told him, I have no idea how she knows)

When I came out to my cousin I found out that her and two of her gay friends had known for the past 3-4 years and were just waiting on me.

As for coming out, it doesn't mean you have to start wearing a rainbow frock, get "bi" tattooed across your head and proclaim from a rooftop with a megaphone that you're bi. You can just correct people when they refer to you as straight (or anything similar).

 

[-Volta-]

Thanks for the advice, the consensus seems to be to just do it, and last week (at a Bjork concert lol) I made the decision that I will start coming out when school starts next quarter. I guess that will just play it by ear and be who I am instead of worrying about how people will react.

 

[seven_sins]

It sounds to me that this whole thing is making you miserable. It is not going to let up. Come out. Get it over with. You will be glad.