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My relationship just ended today...

Yeah, I've never found it useful to keep running into an Ex until a lot of time has passed.
 
Seasoned I agree. I go back to work on Monday. I told him I want it done before I go back. And Im a member of Chelsea Piers...a veeeeeeeeeeeeery nice gym that I will NEVER give that up because of some man lol...but I hear what you're saying...and his friends arent really his friends, even I see that. He will soon see that. Hes already not getting along with the guys hes moving in with...so yeah.
 
The main think you have to do it distract yourself so you aren't thinking about him all the damn time.

It's not easy, and you won't succeed all the time, but you have to try.

This is in fact, the reason for the rebound guy.
 
Ok I KNOW Im going to take a lot of heat for this but I naively made a "WHAT NOT TO DO IN A BREAKUP 101" mistake...before I posted to this thread last night I sent him a text saying "Hey whats doing?" followed by a text saying "I miss you a lot"...and he didnt respond.

On one hand I can see why he didnt respond, because we need to be done for a bit...on the other hand I had just helped him move and like WTF, can you just reach out to me? even a little???(His FB profile is full of status updates, even until 2am) I mean I bent over backwards in our relationship for him and even during the breakup Ive been still the same good guy to him even though he let me go...

I feel like shooting him an angry text and I typed it all out...and in typing it out I had second thoughts about sending it....on one hand I feel like a 12 year old girl even thinking about sending it and on the other hes been quite ambivalent to my feelings in the last week and I feel like telling him how it is...

For instance when I was helping him move to the other place, we are in the car and he just casually says, "Today is just a beautiful day..." And I know he meant because the weather was warmer for winter here, but seriously??? You had to say that???? He also has been casually joking/half serious about wanting to take stuff from this place for his new place...he asked for the PS3(a gift I got from my mom for Xmas) and a T.V....these are things I never told my friends because I think they would say WTF...of course he didnt get any of these things. In fact I told him no the the PS3 and yet two days later he had it at the other apt...I demanded it back. He also asked me last week, "So do I give the keys to the place back or what???" I was like ummmm shit yeah??? I feel like how can he even dare ask me about all this when he clearly sees me in pain...

A few of my friends say they could just tell from his FB profile that it seems he gets off on having heaps of attention on him, which is very true. My other friend says he might be like a sociopath and is cut off to feelings. A part of me thinks he does enjoy me pining away for him and being good to him during this breakup...and Im really starting to feel hes gettin off on it.

Im very angry right now and my finger is pushing to hit send on this phone...but I figure I would check myself here first before I might make matters potentially worse or myself look bad. The text is not immature, no name calling, no cursing, but just pointedly telling him how I feel and how I want the keys to the place and him out sooner than Monday.

Ive been nothing but gracious in this breakup with him...I might be in my anger phase right now...or Im just hating what he put me through...

Guys I am not a dumb person, but being in love made me do many mistakes...and this being my first LTR and breakup, I was naive and made a lot...so I know.

I just feel so angry right now....ugh
 
Cooler heads prevailed and I didnt send it..in fact the only communication I will have with him henceforth will be my text come Sunday saying...times up, whatever clothes and stuff you own that are here Im packing up and leaving in the hallway and you can pick it up...and to leave the keys...Im done

Im glad I vented here before, it helped...xoxoxo
 
If you dont get your keys back this weekend change your locks ! I would not trust him to be back and helping himself to some of your stufff ! Best of luck hope things settledown for you .
 
Change your locks anyway. Anyone can have a key made. About the anger thing... Try to figure out if you're blaming him for stuff rather than yourself. Figure that out or you're likely to repeat it in your next relationship. I hear what you're saying about you gym and I like the tone of defiance. He's not going to get the better of you there! Tap into that feeling regarding some of the other aspects.

Strong feelings of dislike can translate into behaviors which give the other person attention, albeit, negative attention, but attention nonetheless. Don't give away your power. If you're pissed, here's a technique. Find a place where you can make noise. Go to Goodwill and buy 20¢ plates. Grab a push broom and head to a basement or garage and go nuts. Clean up and you'll feel like a new man.

No more messages, good or bad. Let him go.
 
Yeah, change your locks and don't bother with the key - he'll either return it or he won't, but with new locks, it doesn't matter in the slightest.

I'm going to go one step further than Seasoned. You're letting him set the terms for your own emotional state.

Stop checking his facebook, stop texting or talking, don't put your emotional stability in his hands.

He's not your responsibility anymore. Pack up his shit and put in in the hall then tell him where it is if he wants it. Don't wait until Sunday. It's his shit, it doesn't belong in your place, if he wants it, he can damn well find a way to come get it.

Putting that off is just maintaining a tie to him.
 
Again, I cant thank you all for your advice and thoughts. They truly are priceless and much appreciated. ((((Hugs)))

My plan today is to hit the gym ina few hours and meet up with my friend Toya after that...I think she wants to get a tat, Im sure we will grab a quick bite and maybe walk around the city little...Im gunna go hard at the gym and get this energy towards somethin focused....

As far as he goes he has the Monday date...over the weekend I will pack his stuff up.

He keeps texting me but I ignored it and now he keeps asking if Im mad at him...it's hard to ignore but I am...

"I WAS NOT BUILT TO BREAK..." Whitney Houston, I Didnt Know My Own Strength...
 
I always found endorphins a good way of dealing with stress. Plus you look good for all those guys you couldn't sample before.
 
I agree with Mike, as much as you want to be civil and decent about the whole thing, it would be smart to change the locks. You have no way of knowing if he's made a copy, and you don't want him having access to your place, especially since he knows your routine. I'm not saying he'll be a jerk and come in and steal things, but you also don't want him coming in late at night after he gets into a spat with his new room mate. It sounds harsh, but I think it's the smart thing to do, and it might also give you some peace of mind as well (putting a period at the the breakup).
 
Brian, as you have found you are going to go through all types of emotions during the break up. The best advice I have is to enjoy the highs and find a way to get out your emotions in a productive way during the lows. You can write things out, but sending them to him is a bad idea. Keep in mind, he emotionally checked out months ago so don't expect him to take things the same way you do.

As hard as it's to do, I would be the bigger person and give him until Monday to get his stuff out. Since he has already taken your PS3 without your permission, I would require that you are there when he gets his stuff. Given that he sounds like the type who is going to avoid the work of packing, I would pack his stuff up for him. Once you have it all packed, don't put it out in the hall. Either put it all by the front door or offer to bring it over to him. Get your key back as it's symbolic to him that it's over, but also change the locks in case he has a copy.

As much as you want to remain friends with him, the best thing you can do is give it a few months without contact. You need time to heal and move on without having the wounds opened up over and over. As far as your gym goes, he probably won't be able to afford to keep the membership, so it probably won't be a problem.
 
As much as I can understand someone being in love and wanting to preserve that, I am totally shocked. What did you ever see in him? He sounds like an AWFUL person.

And yes, I will echo what the others said. He already STOLE your PS3 once. Don't trust him to do the right thing, he's obviously exploiting your feelings at this point, and trying to leech off as much as he can from you before he leaves for good.
 
Ok just getting home from the city...had a nice time, mey my friend for dinner, we drank, shared our miserable stories, she just got dumped by her boyfriend because he admittted hes gay!!! SShe then went to get a tattoo...over all a nice night...and I hot the gym earlier before I met her. Tired. My bed is calling. love you guys xoxoxoxo
 
Ok, so he came over today..when he walked in I asked if he wanted to take some more stuff today. He seemed down and mumbled a lot. I was in a good place today and he saw that. I wasnt sad or crying or pining. So he started packing some stuff. I reiterated I wanted most of his stuff gone by Monday. I also asked for the keys on Monday. It caught him off guard...he asked if Im askin because I dont trust him or feel uncomfortable...I said neither bubba, it's because you dont live here anymore. I think the asking ofthe keys caught him off guard and made things real for him. Like hes realizing now that he cant just come over here and crash/chill/whatever...It started to rain bad so I offered him a ride to his new place...I got home and cried for a little bit...I guess it hit me too. This is so hard.
 
It is very understandable to feel what you are feeling. When you love someone, you can't just turn it off when the relationship ends. Your mind will be in constant replay mode of all the good times, the laughs, the intimate moments, the little stuff. I found that was the hardest thing to deal with when I had my first break up.

Time is the ultimate healer. It hurts now, and will hurt for a while, but it will get better. I know you aren't interested in this now, but down the road, I can guarantee there will be guy that appreciates someone like you. A guy with a decent job, takes care of themselves, and is loving and faithful, patient and kind are so rare and any man would be lucky to have you. One day some man will.

I have been in your shoes and know how it hurts. Like a big ball of lead deep in your gut. I wish you the best
 
Thanks tatertot, much appreciated...needless to say I didnt have a great night last night...was down in the dumps.

I went to bed with the hope that the cloud would pass and I woke up this morning and it is worse. I am crying a lot today, on and off...he called earlier to say hes coming over to get laundry and some more stuff...I have not been this depressed since college when I was suicidal often...I am trying super hard guys to rise above and keep my head high. I dont want to show him Im in pain, but I just dont even care to fake it anymore. I just dont care
 
When he came over, he never told me what time really, he found me outside on my stoop, in my jammies with a winter jacket on...teary eyed. It was a cold, windy day...windy days are my favorite...so I sat outside to think...he saw me and asked what Im doin outside..he told me to come inside with him. Very small talk initially and I just busted out in tears...sobbing, and sobbing. I tried to be strong in front of him but couldnt handle it...

He put his down and grabbed my hands...I sobbed, and held my heart because it hurt and let out a wail that struck him and made him cry also...he was very alarmed at the "state" I was in and asked if I thought I needed to speak to someone or get help...I felt like shooting back, "not over some man"...but wasnt in the mood to belt that out.
,
He said he was sorry he did this to me and that he doesnt want to see me in this state...he said he just couldnt go on forcing it anymore...he said he always loves me and will be there for me and he'll never be out of my life...

I was numb, didn't have too many words....he hugged me tight, kissed me on the neck and forehead and led me to the couch and covered me with a blanket...

It hurt and still does...it made me feel better though to get it out TO HIM, and let it out, rather than pretend right now to be this strong strong person...I know in time I will be, it's just so very hard to hear and see and believe that now.

It is sort of like when you are on the top of the hill on the rollercoaster...you are afraid of dying or falling, yet you have your friend telling you there to shut up and everything will be ok, and in the end you know you are most likely not going to die on the coaster, but yet the fear takes over and is there...

Im finding it hard to move on, but time stops for no one, no matter what mood you're in...so Im trying...
 
I'm not ashamed to say that when he hugged me...I held tight. I wanted to remember how it felt, how he felt, how he smelled...and how it felt to feel safe and comforted...I will miss that so much
 
Spent the night last night hanging out with m friend Latoya...a gay friend of mine Sean hit me up and it was nice to hear from him...I have only a few gay friends...but I really want to start being more social and hanging out more, that way I can meet decent gay guys, with only friendship on the mind...

Hanging out last night helped...my friend Latoya has been through many relationships of different lengths that ended for different reasons...

I went to bed on a cleear head. I woke up on a clear head.

Im trying to enjoy the high...started cleaning up my apt...itss gunna take a while, I let it go this week to a depression...so Im just gunna focus omn the kitchen today...more than thst would be too much for me right now...

thanks for listening...

"YOU GAVE AWAY THE THINGS YOU LOVED....AND ONE OF THEM WAS ME..." Carly Simon, Clouds in my Coffee
 
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