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My relationship just ended today...

Hang in there... it WILL get better. It takes time, and right now it feels like the pain will never end, but it will get better as the days/months go by.
 
Hey all, back with a small update.

This week has been a better one for me. Work took my mind off life I guess and I did/do have the support of a few close friends, and one online friend who I met 6 years ago online in a depressed chat room on AOL. We have been through a lot together, but we never have met, but we remain close friends...isnt that funny?

Well anyway, his mom contacted me on FB this week saying that he seems lost and is pretty sad over the situation. That he needs to grow and be on his own. She said thank you for taking care of him and being there for him. Shes glad we still talk. She worries about him too and prays for him too she said. She also said she was really glad that Stevin met met and has me in his life and that Im a real sweet man.

I replied back that it was an honor to meet her when I came down to see him in Texas and that I always pray for her and her mom and their side off the family(they have been through a lot). I also said that he knows that he can always lean on me, talk to me, come to me if hes in trouble or needs someone to vent to. She said she appreciates that very much and she asked for my cell number in case she has to get in touch with him and she cant...she thanked me again and that was that. Shes a real cool lady and I did like meeting her.

I just about about cleaned up my whole place, got a few more things to do...he DOES have some stuff left here but I told him when to pick it up and when would be good for me...but it's mostly gone.

I have a show box of little memories that I kept..movie ticket stubs, restaurant menus and receipts and variosu other stuff...part of me wants to toss it but a part of me wants to keep it. Not to be sad over itbut to say hey, these are memories, there is no need to trash these.

I also, in cleaning up the apt, kept some of his things. Like an old cell phone he used when we first met. Or a necklace he didnt use anymore. Cologne that reminds me of him. I know some will advise against this, but Im doin what feels right for me in the moment. What I need to do to get by.

I have more good days than bad now. Tonight while sitting here it did hit me and I cried. Hit me out of nowhere.

But time doesnt stop for little old sad, cryin Brian. The Sun comes up tomorrow, regardless...so I move on.

Hope all is well with you guys...if you have a good man in your life, hug him extra hard tonight...xoxoxoxo



"I Didnt Know My Own Strength" Whitney Houston

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take
 
Glad to hear you are doing better. Now that he has moved out, things will get better. You'll still have some bad days, but they will become less and less. This gives you a chance to mourn and heal. Once you are ready, you will be able to find someone who is as committed to you as you are to them.
 
Now that he has moved out,your healing period can truly begin.
There will be rough days...but as time goes on, you will get better.
And in time, you will find someone who is just as committed as you are.
 
Brian, I'm glad to hear things are getting better for you. I've been following the thread since you started, but this was the first time that I read something that I thought I should add my two cents to.

I was a little concerned with hearing about this conversation you had with his mom. It sounds like you might be promising to be too involved in his life.

I'm not a fan of no contact for exes, but for you to say that you'll be there and be a shoulder for him to lean on, could mean that you get taken advantage of again and keep yourself attached to him, which could prevent you from ultimately moving on.

Who knows if he'd try and sabatoge your future relationships?

I guess what I'm saying is, I hope you have clear boundaries on what support you'll be willing to give him and stay aware of not only his words, but also his actions.

Good luck with things and I'm glad to see your weathering this well.
 
Well. Back with an update.

It was my hope in starting this thread to accomplish two things. One was to share my experience and vent to what is going on with me. The other was that, in some small way, someone going through the same experience will read this and know that in the end, all will be ok.

I am surprisingly well. We do keep in contact via text. We sort of check in with each other and just give updates. We do see each other here and there. He did come over to pick up something he left here and we wound up talking. And joking. And it wasnt sad. I did ride him back to his new place. He cant be happy there. His roommates might be moving on so that means he will move in with someone else or with said roommates where they go. When I brought him over there we cried a little and hugged. It hit me on the way home that HE was the one that was worse off. And it didnt make me happy. It actually made me sad.

I realized that I have a stable job. Im ready to settle down. I can save money. I have certain blessed luxuries. He is still young(24) and lost and finding himself. And that is ok. I was once in his shoes. In fact, realizing this made me have more respect for him. He was brutally honest with me about our relationship and that must have been hard for him, considering he has no one else out here. It must be hard for him to be on his own and struggling for money and to find his way. But I do give him greatest respect because he is a strong young man. I love him. Always will.

Im finding moving on pretty ok so far. Im enjoying the freedom. Enjoying the alone time for now. Enjoying making decisions for me. Enjoying looking at men with the freedom to hit one up. Im enjoying and looking foward to the moving on process. I also like that we can still talk and we both love each other so much that the communication we have now is helping us both move on. I know others have told me that it might be easier if I hated him, because moving on would be much less painful. But I cant hate him and there is no room for anger here. Im so proud of myself for taking the high road.

I know if you are going through a break-up, whether it ended mutually or it was acrimonious, you are sitting there thinking the usual: This sucks...Im down...I wont meet someone else...It's time for revenge...how can I win him back? Fuck, he's sleeping with someone else...omg he settled down with a new man...etc, etc...

I CANNOT, nor can ANYONE sit here, close friend or anonymous advice giver or otherwise...and tell you that you have to keep busy, or you will find someone, or his loss...the typical cliche things. Now I knew rationally these things were true...I knew my life wasnt over, especially not over a man...but you WILL NOT TRULY HEAR ANY OF THIS ADVICE UNTIL YOU HEAR IT FOR YOURSELF.

I encourage you to sit in your depression...wallow in it...bask in the warmth of crawling up and hiding from the world for a bit. ITS OK TO BE DEPRESSED. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO.

What I did differently with my depression this time, as opposed to when I was severely depressed for a over a decade when I was younger...was that I didnt let the depression take me over. Dont get me wrong, I sat in it for weeks. But when it was time to slowly come out of it, I didnt fight it. I felt good. But guess what? The depression, lonliness and sadness can creep itself back in anytime. It is your job then to wallow in the momentary sadness, realize life is such a short, interesting ride...and come out of it.

I realize even reading my words right now wont truly help you. I understand that. I can imagine on some level how you are feeling. And Im sorry you are going through it. I know your heart is hurting right down to the core. It is up to you when you want to come out of this and start doing for you. There is no set time frame for this and dont allow anyone to tell you when or how to move on and what is right or wrong.

Im sorry if this post sounded rambled and all over the place.

My OTHER thread on here(Undying Love...) showed how I got over a severe crush on a straight friend and admitting it to him and moving on...this thread(the one you are currently in) allowed me to see myself through a breakup. Im so proud of myself, even at 35 that I am learning new things and growing up even still.

I am happy Im mature enough to be civil with my ex. Im happy that I allowed a few short weeks of sadness until I saw the proverbial light...Im happy Im beginning to move on.

I was sexually abused for a few years from 11 until high school. It spiraled me into a deep, suicidal depression. And along with that I was dealing with being gay, and when to come out and who to tell...It put me in a suicidal depression. Many days I didnt want to be on this planet. But I knew inside that wasnt my answer. Im so grateful, through my own strength and whoever might be up above, that I made it through. No meds. No therapy.(not knocking any of those BTW if they helped you).

When my ex told me what he told me, he was worried that I would go back to that dark place. So did my family. But Im soooo proud to say I didnt let myself go to that place of feeling bad for myself for too long.

I am an intelligent man. I have the HUGEST heart. I have SO much love to give. I teach kids to be better everyday with my stable job and gain a great connection with them. I am funny. I am witty. I am sarcastic. I am sad. I am happy. I am healthy. I have breath. I have health. I LOVE MYSELF today more than ever.

And one day...just one day, I know someone will love me with the same love that I now love myself with.

I wish everyone reading this, whether you are going through a breakup or not, the very same love.

HUGS for now...xoxoxoxo
 
Read through all of your posts and couldn't help but shed a tear. Sorry to hear about your situation but refreshing to see you handling it so well. Glad you're recovering well.
 
Thank you for sharing, i read through every post, and it was so honest, sounds like you went through every single emotion. I'm glad you're doing well now :)
 
Hey guys...just back with a small need to vent. As strong as I am lately, I have days like this where I feel week...I wouldnt be human and I would be lying if I said I didnt miss him...I miss him so much. I wish sometimes he was still sitting at the edge of my couch while I was talking about something. I miss his laugh...and the comfort.

hugs
 
Sadly a breakup always leads to mixed feeling and some rough days. I know you are strong and things will get better with time. Be sure to keep busy. Take care.
 
Ok, so found out last night...that almost a month and a half after he left me, he is in a relationship....must admit it did hurt for a moment there...but ultimately Im ok about it. Whether it was gunna happen now or ten years from now, it was gunna happen...Im just a little bothered that it happened so quick...but it is what it is...
 
^ not sure if that's ego or u still care for him or both or something else

invariably 1 of 2 finds someone quicker right? and it is a marathon not a sprint ;)

he's "in a relationship" can mean so many things - it's good, it's bad ........

focus on yourself and what YOU want

and go get it

good luck :)
 
Brian, watching an ex move on is always painful. Please keep in mind that for him it's not like it's just six weeks after the break up. As you have noted a few times in this thread, he was mentally checked out from your relationship for months. By the time you guys actually broke up, he probably felt like things had been over for a long time and he was ready to move on. I know it's not fair, but it's the way things often work. I think you have a good attitude toward it and there is a silver lining to it. Seeing him puts finality to your relationship which will help you move on.
 
Brian,

sorry for you, I just read your different posts.

Ultimately you did the right thing to separate him from you. He didn't love you anymore, he was using you because he knew you loved him so much.

Don't be surprised to be sad, even very sad some days. Nobody with a real heart quits a LTR without some bruises at least.

In my very limited experience, the most difficult is to part with the notion itself, of love, of partnership. It's not really him you miss (because you knew the situation a long time ago, isn't it, but didn't want to see it because it would have hurt so bad), it's your feeling of love for him, the feeling of having a commited relationship. These feelings that made you feel so good, and bring now pain.

Dissociate these feelings from him. See him for what he was really, and keep faith. The feelings were in your heart. It was you who were beautiful, and you still are.
So you will be eventually able to find true love with someone who deserve you and your kindness.

Take your time, don't rush to be happy too soon. Grieve as long as you need it. You're human, don't be a superman and don't be too hard on you.

Courage, and good luck for your future happiness !

(*8*)

for you :



translation :


 
Hey guys, thanks for the continued support..

I have admittedly been feeling a bit down the last few days...we have texted and spoken back and forth...he keeps reiterating that he had to force himself to be in the relationship the last few months(which hurts to hear)...I maintained that I wasn the priority in our relationship...him always going out late with his friends was...I was second fiddle. We both have our valid points, but it doesnt take the pain away.

I called him yesterday, I broke down crying a tad. Told him that I just need some space...and time.

A few hours later he took myself, my friends and my family off of his FB and blocked all of us.9I know its nothing big, just silly FB, but still, was disappointed). It seems he did it more out of reaction rather than a want or need to do it.

I texted him I needed time, that its not my intent to phase you out or get you out of my life. I want to be friends still at the end of this.

He called me saying well this is what you wanted, Im giving you space...he seemd a little bothered and purturbed...

We have a long overdue meeting tomorrow, to which I will finally give him the last remaining belongings...

Im packing it up now...and there are tears...I find myself insanely smelling his shirts and clothes...as this is finally a cleansing of him from the house...

It's an odd feeling, like a death...

I dont know what is going to be said tomorow...I do want to try hard to take the high road...no sarcasm, no blame...afterall my goal is for us to still be a part of each other's lives...this hurts so bad...
 
For this meeting tomorrow, be on guard. I agree with you totally, take the high road and try not to let your emotions get the best of you (get lots of sleep tonight if possible, that helps). I believe he is being very immature by his actions, removing/blocking you and all your friends from his facebook page. These are not signs of a mature adult. I know you want to maintain the friendship, and that is very admirable of you, but be prepared, because the way he's acting that might not be possible....

Hang in there and be strong!
 
Thanks Mav...I think he is not acting mature right now..and Im not one to throw stones, as I can be immature also. I think his reaction came from a place of insecurity, not knowing how to act and to be honest, he is afraid of losing me...he is often thinking what people think of him. He doesnt like to be the "bad guy" which is why its always important to him what people, and even his exes think of him...He feels tremendous guilt he told me over a lot of things he did and didn't do in our relationship and I think that is weighing on him a lot...

I am prepared to take the high road tomorrow, even though he may not...and I know his reaction is based on raw emotion right now. I think in time he will see the error of reacting like this...

I love him so much. Never knew I can love someone like this, even though he hurt me...I miss him too. Im not ashamed to admit it.
 
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