My relationship just ended today...

[rareboy]

Oh honey, cut your losses and ease off.

At this point, you are kind of worrying it to death.

It is clear from what I read that it is over and the best advice I can give to both of you is to withdraw gracefully and try to remain civil. Pray for indifference.

 

[BensonhurstBri]

Thanks Rare....

So went over there today. Couldnt wait until tomorrow. Wanted to get it over with.

It was surreal.We both cried a little. We made small talk. He said he doesnt want us ever to not be in each others lives...he says he wants to meet up with me soon. I doubt that will happen. He looked really good. I was a mess. I wanted him to see me a mess because the next time he seems me months from now I will be anything but. He seemed calm and cool and borderline just frigid toward the end of the talk. Not in a mean way, but in a hes moved on way. I have to now do the same. It became offical to me. It feels surreal to move forward and live in a world where hes not a part of it. When I think of him from now on Ill have to wonder...wonder how he is, if hes ok, what hes doing, did he find anyone?

I have booked several trips to this summer. Im in the process this week of cleaning the apt. Im starting to work on my heatlh this week. Im trying to expand my social cirlces. Im hoping against hope I can move on from my "bubba"...Im gunna fucking miss him.

 

[Seasoned]

It's not over until you accept it's over. You have the right to torture yourself, but why would you want to? I say stop getting together for hugs and tears. It is ok to never see an ex. If you need to reminisce do it alone with pictures. You can't get over something if you refuse to. Continued good luck.

 

[Eagle653]

Seeing this late, but thinking of you. How are you doing?

 

[BensonhurstBri]

Seeing this late, but thinking of you. How are you doing?

Thanks a lot man, much appreciated. I am doing very well. In fact so well I look back at the emotional mess I was just a short two months ago and dont even recognize that person...

We are both still friends and amicable with each other...we still talk via taxt and sometimes a call. I am in a period of still finding myself and exploring interests that I have put off for a while...such as improv and traveling.

I found out yesterday that he is very stressed. He texted me that hes finding that he has trust issues with people. He doesnt trust many of his friends that he has made here. He also said hes finding out just how many insecurities he has. It was a nice talk to be honest because he rarely opens up emotionally like that.

But yeah, thats pretty much it. I am open to dating guys and whatnot down the line. Right now Im not worried about another relationship...I am just focusing on me. Him leaving me was a blessing in disguise. I have looked at my faults and what I did wrong. I am learning and growing from them and figuring out how I can be better for myself as well as my next relationship.

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the "YOU" you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

 

[palbert]

This breakup started about February 11, 2012. For your own mental and emotional health you need to end it. Now. It's become a pity party, and it's not healthy.

 

[BensonhurstBri]

This breakup started about February 11, 2012. For your own mental and emotional health you need to end it. Now. It's become a pity party, and it's not healthy.

I without a doubt value your opinion and advice, but I must in all earnest respectfully disagree with you. I was not pitying myself at all in the above update...in fact mentally I am more clear than I have been in a while. It is over. I know this. There is no ifs ands or buts about it. Im fully aware...please trust.

If you are of the mind that I need to completely shun him or ignore him to move on I can agree/disagree on that...there was a few weeks where there was no contact. I honestly thought it would be much longer. But Im in a healthy place and I am not of the mindset that I have to walk around on this earth pretending that this person I lived/shared a life with is out of my life cold turkey. I just cant/dont operate like that.

I am workin on myself. Ive taken from the breakup lots of things that I now realize I did wrong. The first one was making him the reason for my happiness...and once I realized these things my eyes opened wide. There is no going backward for me.

Again, I appreciate the advice and concern.Turst me, I cant even look back at the posts I made without cringing as I feel Im in a much different/better place now. The only reason I even came back to update here was because a member had asked around for an update. HUGS

 

[palbert]

Thanks for your response. We all see these things differently. You feel yourself on the right course, so good luck ahead. I just have a difficulty tolerating what I perceive as languishing.

 

[Just_Believe18]

I am glad to hear you are doing better and moving on. This time apart is helping you to self-reflect on yourself and what you want in life. I wish you the best in your future.

 

[Kyanimal]

Bri

I'm VERY Late discovering that this is YOUR thread! I'm claiming "Oldtimer's" as an excuse!

In a way, though, I'm also glad that I've been able to read the whole thing, and have been impressed with your progressive handling, and further self discovery, through THIS recent chapter in your life. You're growing, and becoming a better You!

Please say, "Hi!" to Latoya, and Dante, for me! I'm thrilled they're still Pillars helping you through!

And, yeah! ... most importantly ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[BensonhurstBri]

KYanimal...I must say a long overdue thank you for reading what I always had to write. You gave me great advice over the years, even some I didnt want to hear...or couldnt hear at the time. Thank you for taking this "journey" with me in a way...It is always good to see you respond now and then in one of my threads...I hope all is well on your end...Bri.

 

[Kyanimal]

Hey, Buddy!

As LIFE presents us with many twists and turns, the same has been true for me, too.

Granted, I'm much further down that road than You are, butt it still hasn't seemed to stabilize.

My job recently took an unexpected bend toward the Better!

However, my domestic situation, my relationship with "My" Kev, has not been doing so well.

Most of that is my own damned fault! Like lots of Guys, I've seen the writing on the wall, for some time now, butt figured if I ignored it, it might "go away"/"get better". As expected, that hasn't worked!

YOU, on the other hand, have, even if reluctantly, faced up to, and have coped with, that which you have been presented with.

What you have been dealing with, over these years, has also helped Me, in more ways than you can know, take a good look at my own situation(s), and have given Me a "point of view" to positively (I hope) deal with my own shortcomings, and possible ways to rectify them!

JUB gives us a way to compare/reflect/commiserate with our shared, even if different, experiences. And, I have to THANK YOU!, for sharing, so much, of what You have been going through! Our "give and take" has had quite a bit of Positive input for Me, too!

All the more reasons to ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[bankside]

I without a doubt value your opinion and advice, but I must in all earnest respectfully disagree with you. I was not pitying myself at all in the above update...in fact mentally I am more clear than I have been in a while. It is over. I know this. There is no ifs ands or buts about it. Im fully aware...please trust.

If you are of the mind that I need to completely shun him or ignore him to move on I can agree/disagree on that...there was a few weeks where there was no contact. I honestly thought it would be much longer. But Im in a healthy place and I am not of the mindset that I have to walk around on this earth pretending that this person I lived/shared a life with is out of my life cold turkey. I just cant/dont operate like that.

I am workin on myself. Ive taken from the breakup lots of things that I now realize I did wrong. The first one was making him the reason for my happiness...and once I realized these things my eyes opened wide. There is no going backward for me.

Again, I appreciate the advice and concern.Turst me, I cant even look back at the posts I made without cringing as I feel Im in a much different/better place now. The only reason I even came back to update here was because a member had asked around for an update. HUGS

I must respectfully disagree with him too. I would think it is unhealthy if you had already stopped reflecting on the relationship after only a couple of months. If it were so trivial to you that after just a week or two it was all water under the bridge, I'd wonder how anyone could learn anything from a relationship with a seemingly short attention span.

I don't understand keeping in touch however. I think if people part, they should part definitively. Anyway I'm glad you're seeing this as an occasion to reflect and grow, as we all should do either in a relationship or out.

 

[cumluv]

Hey haven't been on this site in a while I thought I would check on ya and see how you are doing? I hope everything is going okay now.