my sad situation

[slnattak]

Some terribad advice in this thread. Medication is rarely the answer for your problems. Things take time and effort. It also helps to get outside of yourself in some way everyday and just accept people for who they are, if you want to be accepted. If somebody has a problem with you, that is there problem not yours. Makes sense right?

I realize I am kind of wrapping things up too neatly here, but you are all right. You just need some encouragement and love. Not pills.

 

[KaraBulut]

I really have no idea who I am. Ive been obsessing all day about the way I speak, I had the old urge to be flamboyant/camp. Anyway, after Im done school in 9 months or so I dont care, im gonna speak the way I want.

Don't speak the way you want.
Speak the way you speak.

And speak to a therapist.

Seriously.

There's an obsessive, analysis-paralysis to the way that you approach this issue. It's not healthy and it's not doing much of anything to reach a resolution.

 

[markffd]

And speak to a therapist.

Seriously.

There's an obsessive, analysis-paralysis to the way that you approach this issue. It's not healthy and it's not doing much of anything to reach a resolution.

I will find a therapist once I have finish school and get some money.

I think part of my problem is that I feel an inferiority about being gay. You're the girls best friend, the comic relief, the fashion designer, etc. My life is brazilian jiu jitsu, sports.. not environments I can be open about my sexual attractions - Im really bitter about that. Im a gay man that hates himself. Its lousy...

In the end my attraction to men is far more intense than my attraction to women. Although for some reason I only seem to get erections when I talk to women. What does that mean?

 

[slnattak]

Trust the voice within.

By asking advice you are giving up your power. You are already becoming a victim.

We want to share with you. We want to view you as an equal, as an innate part of the gay family. We don't want to tell you what to do. Anytime you say 'I need help' that's what you're doing. So you don't really get help. You get pity and direction.

A therapist will only unlock what you already know deep down. So you can do it yourself. All you need is you. Everything can be stolen from you. Everything but yourself. It's a simple and profound truth. You are all you got buddy! So make the most of it. =) I am not advocating Narcissism. Just a profound sense that above all else, you have to take care of you. Only you can help you. So any advice that I would give you, would be patronizing. So I'm not going to do it. I'm going to see you as an equal. And I'm going to let you help yourself and suffer the consequence of your own choices.

You will not learn any other way.

 

[slnattak]

Come on man! Gay men are smarter than this. I understand we all struggle with our share of self-loathing issues but do you REALLY believe there is something wrong about being gay innately, or do you just want some social support and to live a little?

I am only saying this to you, because I myself can hear it.

Your self-hatred doesn't come across like real self-hatred to me but more like a sense of you are coming in terms with it, slowly- in your own way. You get erections when talking to women. Uh, well I fingered a girl and liked it! And yet I still feel a more deeper and romantic sense of attraction to men. You like what you like, putting a general bulky label on things will only make you more depressed.

I know you know better than this. I know you're just kind of being ..... well, silly, and you just need that 'push' out like all young gay men.

 

[rareboy]

^ Well slnattak...

Based on threads you've started recently, your observations on medication and therapy frankly don't carry much weight.

The only advice on this thread that is terribad is counselling someone who has ended up in the place they're in because they have felt isolated and confused not to speak to someone about the reasons for their underlying guilt and self-loathing.

Just because you reject speaking to a qualified therapist because you think getting raped repeatedly by your female babysitter made you gay, doesn't mean that you should be trying to dispense dime store psychiatric advice on line.

Sometimes people need the other person in the room to derive the greatest benefit. Sometimes it is about listening and being able to ask the underlying questions at the right moment. Sometimes there is a physiological condition that exacerbates anxiety and depression. Sometimes meds are necessary. So don;t denigrate this approach.

So. Glad to hear that once the OP has finished school, he is going to seek out some help.

 

[KaraBulut]

I will find a therapist once I have finish school and get some money.

I think part of my problem is that I feel an inferiority about being gay. You're the girls best friend, the comic relief, the fashion designer, etc. My life is brazilian jiu jitsu, sports.. not environments I can be open about my sexual attractions - Im really bitter about that. Im a gay man that hates himself. Its lousy...

In the end my attraction to men is far more intense than my attraction to women. Although for some reason I only seem to get erections when I talk to women. What does that mean?

Sometimes it is easier to find cheap (and sometimes free) counseling while you're in school. Many university health departments offer counseling services. Often the psychology department may have a program that is staffed by graduate students. And even in the community, there's usually a sliding scale fee available at Gay and Lesbian Community Centers.


This may not make sense now but you are really confusing being gay with living a gay lifestyle.

Being gay is about being comfortable with people of your own gender. For gay men, it's about wanting men sexually, liking other guy's cocks and it's about wanting other guys emotionally and sexually.

Not every gay man is the Tony Randall or Rupert Everett flaming-girl's-best-friend. You need to get out and meet other gay guys. And no- the bars are not the best place to meet other guys like you.

 

[fetaby]

KaraBulut says it best. After reading all the posts, I've come to the same conclusion. Not having any gay men in your life, it can be easy to assume that all gay men fit the stereotypes portrayed by the media. It seems your problems stem from image concerns. I imagine, correct me if I'm wrong, that you are applying so much pressure on your self to think and behave in a manner that you believe others expect of you. Parents wanting the grandchildren, friends wanting to be friends with the straight guy you pretend to be. You feel yourself breaking apart, stretching to fill the percieved needs of the people you know. It doesn't have to be that way, and changes don't have to occur overnight. Take some time and think about it. You admit to yourself and us that you are gay and everything you think that means is scaring the hell out of you.

Remember that you are the one in control of you. You make the decisions for yourself. You alone must live with the consequences of your decisions. My advice to you is stop placing such importance on the opinions of others, they will have their opinions and stereotypes already. I think it will be more of a shock to them knowing you aren't the stereotypical gay man. I hope you find what you are looking for.