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My son is in Iraq

I am a pacifist. My son is a Marine and I am proud of him. All I asked was that he make his own decisions as to what in his conscience he could do, and he did so. So I am proud of him.

My bitter opposiiton to this war has never interferred with my love for those who serve, especially the Marines I have come to know and love. These guys joined for many reasons and do what they are told, that is what they are supposd to do. They don't make the policies, they don't make the decisions, it is not their choice to go to war. They joined for many reasons - to get money for college, or get some skills and training, or out of a conviction they should serve their country in this way - which up until September 11th had been in a peacekeeping role.

I spoke with a young Marine friend early this morning who has been in Iraq and is scheduled to return in the early spring. We as a nation put these young people in the most horrific of situations - and their anxiety level increases with what is expected to happen when the current Islamic holiday is passed, as the reaction to Saddam's execution is played out. These kids are in harm's way through no fault or action of their own, and live out hours of intnse boredom and then moments which may drift into hours of extreme fear and brutality. They see things no one should see, and are at risk for things not of their own making.

And we at home are so free of their difficult, dangerous existence let alone the lives of the native Iraqis in the midst of the civil war that we brought to their nation.

So much to feel, nothing to say exactly except now I have an extra reason to stop breathing every day when there is a new casualty report, knowing that if it passes my son, there is another family that suffers.

I am really broken in heart and spirit right now. So many things seem so meaningless now. It is the baby that I held and loved, that I taught to ride bike and throw a ball, that was my great companion - the child I always called "my future" - who is out there.

Shit.
 
oh,Jack--I feel for you. My nephew-in-law was there last year and it was a worry for the whole family. I can't imagine what it would be like if it were my son. I will pray that your son is safe, and that he will come back to you whole and sane. This war sucks on so many levels. It's hurting our families and our country. Somehow, we have to make it stop!:cry: (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*)
 
From one person serving in the forces (albeit, a different nation) to you and your family (and son's family) I wish him the best of luck, and I pray for his safe and timely return.
 
Jack
I was really moved by your post and just wanted to send some comfort your way mate. The tide is turning in this war, and many are working towards that end. I don't know you myself, but it's pretty clear from the above posts that you've got some friends here whenever you need...
cheers bud
Ray
 
I have one nephew in Iraq, and one if Afghanistan; they both are in the Army, and believe in what they are doing.

My prayers have included all the men and women of the Armed Forces these last few years, and your son will now be included among them.

May they all come home soon.
 
JackFTwist said:
I am really broken in heart and spirit right now. So many things seem so meaningless now. It is the baby that I held and loved, that I taught to ride bike and throw a ball, that was my great companion - the child I always called "my future" - who is out there.

Shit.
Click to expand...
You are not broken in heart and spirit and you mustn't let yourself live in those feelings. You need your strength and your hope; there is power in that and you and your family need all that power going in a positive direction.

Your son is, today, alive and all right. He may make it safely through this period of his life and live many years until you're an old man. Hold on to that and keep your heart whole and your spirit strong.

Expect miracles.

(*8*)
 
I hope for the best for your son - One of my best friends has his brother over there as well and he is in one of the bad areas - I wish for both of them to come home soon
 
NickCole said:
You are not broken in heart and spirit and you mustn't let yourself live in those feelings. You need your strength and your hope; there is power in that and you and your family need all that power going in a positive direction.
Click to expand...


Now for my deepest darkest secret on a gay board - my son has a son - which makes me a grandfather which makes me sound like some decrepit old guy to many here, some asexual ancient gnome - there goes my chance of ever meeting anyone here - although at 54 (and may you all know what I mean when you get to be 54) I have more life now than ever. And that is another issue - how do I tell my grandson that I'm gay? Although I think he has figured that out.

Anyway - my son enlisted as a Marine when he was at loose ends and had not much else to do. I am very proud of him. However, there was a very distinct moment when it hit me on September 11th that my son was a Marine...

he has been in and out of shit and he probably always will be. We've been through this before. The tough part has been - making sense of it to his son. And we spent New Years Eve talking about his father in the midst of a war zone. Not our first conversation on this subject but for the past few years his dad/my son has been safe on Okinawa. But that has changed, again.

You look into the eyes of a child you love and discuss that his father might be killed or maimed for ... what? Another year of flinching when the phone rings at odd times, another year of having my heart stop when on the media I hear the prerace "a Marine from Michigan..." And knowing that if bad news avoids my family, it hits another. As it hits daily for families in Iraq and in this country.

Before I was told my son was in Iraq again, I knew. I was leading the prayers at worship the day before Christmas and I never mention by son by name because I don't want anything special from the congregation in that regards and for other reasons I'll get to in a second but that Sunday I prayed for our troops and Jeremy's name just came out of my mouth and I almost lost it right there. Somehow I knew. That I got the official news a week later just confirmed what I knew in my soul.

I am fucking strong around the grandson, he knows how I feel about the war and he knows that I love his father and that I love all the kids serving. And the grandson has enough anxieties on his own without my adding to it. This may be the only place I don't have to be fucking strong.

My son and I are not close. I am super tight with my grandson, who I love more than anything in this world other than his father, because of the kindness of my son's ex girl friend. My ex wife made it, makes it, impossible for my son and I to be close - she forced him into choosing between her and his gay faggot father. Maybe that is one reason I am so close to my grandson's mother, because she has also been discarded by my ex wife. We understand, and we understand how weak my son can be when his mother applies the screws. Big tough Marine can't do anything that his mother does not approve of. My son has little to do with his son, contacts him twice a year maybe (which has not been a joy to live with in its own right). There is no probability I will ever meet my son's other son, or his wife.

So I know my son is in Iraq but I don't know much more. We now await on hearing news announced by the media or the chance that my ex wife will let our grandson know anything else. If anything happens to my son, I'll be the last to know.

There are no cliches needed. I long ago abandoned the hope that there would be some magic reconciliation. Fuck, the price I paid for my being gay has been very high. My worst fear is that something happens to my son and my next view of him will be in a closed casket while I am holding his son.

So these couple of days, since I heard officially where Jeremy was, I have been in a deep depression.

And so a lot of things mean little right now. There is so much fucking shit in life. The only thing that keeps me going is that fact that my grandson needs me and loves me - and his presence in my life has been such a blessing. And now we both can't relax until the son/father that connects is safe. There is not more that I can say now.

That I have a grandson has been the wondrous gift. I also is killer to being gay - worse than being over 50 - those who think it is tough being gay, you don't know shit. See how the magic mood gets broken when you have to really come out of the closet - that the person you love most is your grandson - everyone pictures some doddering old anti-sexual being that to have a relationship with is a repulsive idea. So I live alone and live for the times that I get to spend with my grandson. And now picturing my beautiful son farther away from me than ever.

You want fucking life? When my wife and I got married, our favorite song was "starting over" and my song for my son was "Beautiful Boy" which I used to sing to him all the time. John Lennon wrote that for his half Japanese/half English son named Sean. So all these years later my son who I lost because I am gay (or the price my wife made my son and I pay for that little tidbit, which I didn't realize until after I was married) marries a woman from Okinawa and has a son and names him Sean.

God damn sorry this is so long and I shouldn't post it because it is too personal but what the hell, this is the only place in the world right now that I can babble on.

For anyone who had read this far, thank you.
 
No need for apologies Jack. If anything it makes me want to take stock of my life and relationships. Seems we avoid bringing these things into finer focus until hard times hit. Sorting out what's important and what's not important - all that stuff. I love that you say you and your grandson are supertight - that's precious - and I'd imagine it's solid. This is the stuff that will matter in the years to come - what you have transmitted to him.
And, hey - if that's you in the photo in your gallery, then forget the anti-ageist stuff 'cause you're mighty fine whatever age!
Sorry this is such a hard time for you mate.

Best wishes Jack

Ray
 
Your story is heart wrenching to hear. The fact that you and your son have been taken away from eachother because the son has to choose one person over another is even sadder. But in a sense you are so lucky to have the oppurtunity to be close to your grandson. This all makes that relationship so much more special.

I wish your son the best in his duty in Iraq and wish him safety. I also hope while he is there, he learns a life lesson about how precious life is and that he has a son he never sees and a Father who loves him deeply...and nothing, not even his mother, should get in the way of a relationship with them both.

I always have you in my thoughts, ever since you told us about your son being in the Marines a long while ago. despite it all, despite the rift your ex has created between you and your son, your loove and pride in your son shines through here on the boards.

What is sad is, there are thousands of families across the United States who have the same story as you...unique in their own ways, yet all heart wrenching in their own ways. That is why I take exception to wise ass comments and flippant remarks about the war given by one or two people here...because they truly don't get it and may never get it.

Peace be with you.
 
Please know my prayers are for your sons safe return.
I'm sorry I just found this thread today thru the CE&P forum. I will need to come here to check out thins too.
Love to you and your family.
 
Wow That is sad life has been like that for you! If you ever need an ear I am here for you! My husband was in Iraq the 1st time with Bush Sr. So I kind of know how it feels.
As for your age who cares! It is only a number and I like older men!
Take care and remember I am here for you! (*8*)
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Hey Jack,

By now, you know that all of our prayers and thoughts are with you and your son, just as they are with all of the members of the military in theater and their families.

But, that's not really what this thread is about, is it?

I hope God gives you the strength to help raise your grandson to be a man who is strong and true to his values and is not afraid to sacrifice himself out of love for others. I hope God gives you and your son the opportunity to reconcile whatever differing beliefs the two of you have and come together in your common values.

You are a good man. Your son is a good man. Your grandson will become a good man with your help.

God bless.

A4A
 
Hi,Jack--
Just wanted to say that it's great that you have such a strong bond with your grandson. It sounds like the two of you get strength from each other.. You haven't really said if your grandson knows you're gay, but I don't think he would care. I think he loves you unconditionally,as you have always been there for him--unlike the boy's father apparently.
As for being over 50, It's not that terrible. There are plenty of guys out there, both older and younger than you, who would love to have you as a partner--because you are a kind and caring man. I know that the gay world can seem very youth obsessed, but that is really just on the surface. Gay men, even beautiful young ones, get old and grey if they are lucky. I'm 52, and though I thoroughly enjoyed my youth ( yes, I once was considered to be one of the pretty boys), I don't miss it. I find that life gets better as I get older. I feel more comfortable and in tune with myself. I hope that you can feel that way about yourself,too.
I send out a daily prayer for you, your son, grandson, and your whole family--even your ex-wife! I really hope our troops come home soon. Take care. bb
(*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*) (*8*)
 
Babble on, you're amongst friends!

Depression is a natural response to the helplessness you are feeling now, but it will pass, as will time, as will the war. Your are a strong, brave man Jack, or you would not have the lived the story you've just told. And obviously your son has inherited that bravery too, and no doubt your grandson as well. Perhaps your "lost" grandson will also find that bravery one day, and you will not always be strangers. Whatever comes your way, I'm sure you will call on that strength and bravery to see you through. And moments of weakness don't mean you are weak, they remind you where your strength comes from.

With all the other posters here Jack, please know you have friends and strangers all over the world who share your despair and wish you and your family the very best of fortunes. Be strong, and be proud of your son's bravery and honour, and of your own. You taught him to be the man he is - don't forget it. My prayers to you.
 
Its very touching how much you love your son and your grandson. Your grandson is very lucky to have you in his life, especially with the absence of his father.

I'm sorry to hear how vidictive your ex-wife has been and how its influenced your son. I think she chose your sexuality because it was such an easy target. Had you been straight, she surely would have found another reason to hurt you.

Jack, may I suggest that you come out of the closet more about your age? Hiding it just perpetuates the myths about it that you have in your head. Try telling people your age more often. You will have no worries then that your JUB friends will reject you when they discover the truth. I am 50, soon to be 51 so you see? You're not so alone.
 
JackFTwist,

Thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts and life with us. It takes a very strong person to be dealing with what has/is going on in your life and still know what is important in life. I had to read your posts a few time because I could not finish :cry:.

As far as your son is concerned, my thoughts are with him (as well as all our other soldiers), you and your family. Although I don't support the war, I am 100% behind our boys/girls in the military around the world. I am hoping that things will get better, since the three stooges (pres/vp/ex-secretary state) will now be reigned in with the dems in power (well, at least i'm hoping).

Now for my deepest darkest secret on a gay board - my son has a son - which makes me a grandfather which makes me sound like some decrepit old guy to many here, some asexual ancient gnome - there goes my chance of ever meeting anyone here - although at 54 (and may you all know what I mean when you get to be 54) I have more life now than ever.
Click to expand...

It should not be a "deepest darkest secret". It is part of who you are. Be proud like you are with everything else in your life. Be joyous that you have a grandson that you love and that he loves you back. No you are not "some asexual ancient gnome" and yes there is someone out there for you. The man in my life is 14 years older than me and i'm no spring chicken. And don't let any of the twinkies or this or any other board tell you otherwise (no offense to any nice twinky).

I am sorry to hear about your ex-wife and the influence that she has on your son. I wish that your son will see the love you have for him and your family and that in time he will return the love.

Again, thank you for the post. I wish I was half as strong as you. Please post any thoughts/updates and we'll be here for you.

(*8*) :kiss:
 
My cousin's son, who is only a few months younger than I am, is in Iraq right now. He's an Army medic. I feel for my cousin and his wife, but he was in the Navy forever, as were most of my male relatives on my mother's side, so they're very used to these situations. It doesn't make it any easier, though, especially given the current war we're involved in.

Interesting fact, another of my cousin's was on the U.S.S. Iowa when one of its turrets blew up. He had to scrape up a lot of his friends. It scarred him pretty badly. On top of that, this is the same cousin whose daughter died from cancer this year. It really makes you examine your own life and realize just how much you really have.
 
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